Still Being Random

It's that time of year again.

And again, I am reminded of why I can barely tolerate it. But my father enjoys the life so who am I to expect any less?

But when I hardly see my parents and I don't know whether they're coming and going AND I have to take responsibility of my sisters, I find it very difficult to not get angry with the area my father is in.

But he loves what he's doing and he's good at it, so I guess I can take a back seat for awhile. After all, it'll only be two weeks. After that, we can go on holiday as we wish.

Not many people can conpletely understand this or can even claim they understand. They don't have my parents and the high expectations. They don't have the commitment involved and they don't have to make the sacrifice we inevitably have to make.

If we were spoilt brats, my sisters and I could easily throw a temper tantrum and have a childish fit. But we've been in this game for too long. And as much as they don't like it, my sisters have learnt to be tolerant because I refuse to allow them any less.

After all our parents have done for us, what's two weeks to ask in return?

I've been watching a chinese series on ntv7 the past few weeks. I'm not watching it seriously but I just let it play in the background. The thing is the series is in Teochew and I'm purposely only listening so I could see just how my Teochew is going. So far, the challenge is to remember that the Teochew spoken in the show is pure Teochew and not the mixed up version we have here in Kuching. But even then, I'm gleeful to discover that I do understand quite a bit of it.

The one today has the main female character being confronted by her boyfriend's parents who don't approve of them. She spoke reasonably to his father who was the one adamantly against them. The thing that she found to be a difficult situation is that her boyfriend depends on his father for livelihood. They're both doctors and the father owns the clinic. So the girl was wiling to sacrifice the relationship for the guy's happiness.

But just before she wanted to walk out, the boyfriend came home with his mother and he got angry with his father for asking the girl to leave. The girl confronted him for fighting with his parents over her and she declared he was being treacherous to them. Then the guy gave his spiel about how his life would be worthless without her. And he said that if his parents cannot accept her then he was going to walk out.

It took me by surprise when he dragged her out despite the fact that his father threatened to take everything away the moment he does. In the next scene, the couple were in her house confessing to her teacher and father that he was now homeless, penniless and jobless.

And, of course, he gets the talk about threachery to the parents again. These people and their filial duty thing.

And I understood all this through listening! I was so gleeful with myself. My Teochew is still going strong and I'm of no shame to my ancestry. Haha!

But the story was so predictable. I figured the guy would either be a real loser and dump the girl for his parents or he'd be self-sacrificing and dump them for her. Either way is not practical, in my opinion. We humans have to survive. So, in reality, he could have either continued leeching off his parents yet still went out with her while they both conveniently forget that his money still comes from working at his father's clinic or dump both of them (parents and girl) and went some place where neither one of them can cause him any grief and confusion.

If I was annoyed enough, I would have done the latter. Who knows. There might be someone less of a problem out there. And besides, Yati and I could have moved to Bali, opened a ranch and enjoyed toyboys for the weekends. Haha! What a life! Oh, and don't forget the dozens of cats we'd keep as pets.

Oh, the other female character in the show told a guy they were lovers because they hugged. I was 'WTF?'. Is that all it takes for some girls? Dang cheap, if you ask me.

Supernatural is up to its old bag of tricks again.

In season 1, there were two guest stars who were well-known to all Buffy and Angel fans - Julie Benz and Amy Acker.

I just watched an episode in season 3 and they brought in Mercedes McNab. The funny thing is she played a vampire who didn't know she had been turned.

I find it amusing.

Now, if only David Boreanaz or Sarah Michelle Gellar would show up. Or even any of the others.

But I'm almost sure they won't. Most people take Supernatural for granted.

The granduncle I mentioned earlier passed away two days ago. He was suffering from lung cancer.

I went to the house after work. Luckily, it was after the funeral was over. It's not I didn't want to go. The part of me that was brought up properly was willing to go. I'm just not very good with seeing people in despair. It affects me. I might not feel the pain in my heart but I will start crying. I am good at mimicking, after all.

So I cry when people cry. Any other emotions don't bother me much but sadness will.

Everyone was normal by the time Nuril and I went over. We sat for a few minutes before going off.

So, the part of me that has difficulty in forgiving has discovered that she can once they are dead.

My aunt passed away two days ago. She was an aunt I was not very close to. I suppose because she was rather emotionally distant from us. Even while I was growing up and went to live with her and her sister when my parents were away, I felt more loved by her sister than by her.

My only reaction to the news of her death was 'How am I going to tell Mummy?'. I've been through too much with my mom to ever bear being the bearer of bad news. But luckily, my Aunty Mimi did the job for me. I knew I loved Aunty Mimi for a good reason.

Then on the day of the funeral, what does my idiot sister go and do? She messages me saying that the other sister (the aunt I love and loves me) passed away. My mom was so mad when I told her. My heart even fell for the split second it took my brain to kick in and say 'Being the idiot that she is, she must have gotten it wrong.'

On the other side of the family, my father's uncle is at the last leg of his life as well. He's constantly gasping for breath and doesn't look like he'll last the month. He went to the hospital the same time my aunt was admitted. I suppose the there might be something to the belief that the more bad you do in your lifetime, the more you suffer before the pain ends.

Do I sound heartless? Well, you have to be in my shoes and have gone through what that family has put me through to understand why I cannot care. I've tried. I just cannot find it in my heart to forgive them. I've kept many secrets from my parents about what they did to me. If I tell them, I am afraid of what my father might do. I'm even more scared of what he might not do. So I'd rather not know.

Anyway, that's what's been in my mind the past few days. I'm not whining about it. I'm not complaining. It's just there. And there it will stay.

Would you be in a good mood if someone you don't trust is in your house? And invited there by your sibling?

So I am not in a good mood. Want me to act all snobbish? After this, I'm going to check if anything is stolen.

Why do I not trust? Let's see.

Fucknut has no job, refuses to go find a job because he's too lazy to get off his big fucking ass. Oh, and he's scared of people bullying him at his workplace. But outside, he's a big bad gangster. My ass! His mother goes around bragging her son is dating so-and-so's daughter so when they get married, so-and-so will pay for everything. In other words, her son doesn't need to get a job. Rumour around town is that the guy has made a girl pregnant. And not only that, fuckhead was too lazy to finish school. And he gets angry when people talk English because he's too much of a dumbo to understand!

He is one hell of a son of a bitch!

I seldom call any guy that when I respect the parents but his bitch mother is as big a fuckhead as he is. I curse them! And if my sibling is stupid enough to want him, if they ever need help, don't fucking look my way because as soon as they marry, she is dead to me!

Right now everyone knows he is a deadbeat, useless motherfucker except her. So whatever she gets coming, she deserves!