Still Being Random

Yodie is the most amazing, annoying, entertaining and mind-boggling feline I have ever seen in my entire life! And, believe you me, I've seen some!

I've volunteered to clean the zoo during Autumn while in the US and I've seen Timber Wolves and Ilamas and Camels and many strange behaving creatures. I had 2 cats while I was in the US as well. None of them, feline or otherwise, are as fascinating as Yodie.

But the best part is, I've got to know her very well the past three days and we've reached an understanding; me and that competition for Shook's affections.

Last week, I was angry at her. I was so pissed that I wanted to shake her and throw her out of my sight. The thing is Shook adores that feline and I knew doing what I wanted to do would only get him angry at me. So I showed Yodie who was boss. Small things, like closing the door and refusing to share my food with her until she got off the table and ignoring her when she tried to get all cuddly with me. And she knew I was angry. She was torn between playing with me and doing me real harm. Our final showdown was a staring match while Shook was busy surfing the Net. And I won!

Since Friday, Shook's parents have not been around. So that left Shook taking care of Yodie and responsible for buying her food. That also left Shook being Yodie's playmate and the one worrying whether Yodie was alone at home or not. So my own social life went zilch. {I can go out without Shook but then would a good girlfriend be that selfish? I have to be supportive, if nothing else. And goodness knows what he or anyone else might think if I left him at home and went out with other guys at night, even if they are our mutual friends!!}

So, we've been spending the whole weekend only out of the house for two hours at most and then the rest of the night keeping Yodie company. After our little spat last week, Yodie has became as close to being my faithful pup as she is to Shook. Granted she only obeys his commands and hand signals but some of that respect from her has extended itself to me. She shows extraordinary intelligence enough to understand when I tell her she won't get any food from me if she's on the table or when I tell her, I'm not in the kitchen to feed her. Now, she keeps as close an eye on me as she does Shook.

It may not seem like a big deal but she understands and listens when I tell her some things. Between us, we've established that the slot for Shook's love has been narrowed to only me and her and nobody else. And if another female comes on to Shook, Yodie has my blessings to tear her to shreds! Or fungi-fy her!

Yodie allows me to groom her with her comb but she shows an unusual fear for her comb. Tonight, I was waving the comb at the TV and when I turned back to Yodie with it, she flinched. She even almost bit me until I had to croon to her and gently comb her with it.

If there ever is a machine which lets me read that feline's mind, I will get it, I tell you!

Oh, she did the most incredible thing yesterday. She stood on hindlegs on the dining chair while staring into the kitchen. Then she ran into the kitchen and looked at the ceiling. While Shook and I were trying to figure out what she was looking at, she ran back to the chair and stood on hindlegs and stared into the kitchen again. What we later figured out is that, she had seen something from the dining room but lost sight of it when in the kitchen. So she went back to the dining room to double check where she last saw it. 'It' also turned out to be a dragonfly.

So, now Yodie's other nickname is 'Yodie, Dragon Hunter', in addition to 'Catface', 'Fluffy Lunatic', 'Yodiemus'.

I call her Fluffy Puppy. Tonight, I sang the words 'Yodie baby,' to her and her ears twitched at me! Tonight, too, she grabbed my wrist and for some unknown reason, pulled my hand down so that it covered her face. Then she baby-bit the palm of my hand.

That feline, who thinks she's a dog who thinks she's a cat, is a puzzle. But, at least, she stays when I tell her to stay and comes to me when I pat my thigh.

The sense of achievement? Very sinfully there in buckets and spades!

[I love that feline, but she is helping reinforce my idea that any children Shook and I will have will spend a lot of time in military school! I don't want him to lose sleep worrying whether his son or daughter is safe!]

I was just surfing around the Internet, following links to links to more links, and look what I came across! Very Malaysia Boleh! The costs are phenomenal and almost scary! But this article is dated 1999, if I'm not mistaken.

Because of that article, I decided to check on why the costs are so great. That's when I came across this interesting bit of news and now I'm wondering what went wrong. If steps are taken to cut down costs, why then do we still have the problem of piracy? Then I came across this article on the costs that go into an audio CD and the numbers are scary too.

While I was in the US, my American friends told me that when audio CDs first came out, they costs about USD45 per CD as well, very similar to our MYR45 per CD. But somehow, the Americans managed to cut their costs down to USD14 per CD. I'm not quite sure how they did it, but I think it had to do with the technology and the manufacturing costs of the CDs themselves. They actually came to an agreement which the singers, producers, manufacturers and the consumers could be happy with.

When I came home, I brought this matter up to my father. After years of fighting for it, he managed to get our government to agree that our local CDs should cost less than the imported CDs. The price of the local CDs came down to MYR22 per CD. Most producers got around this by introducing the 2-in-1 concept, leaving the CDs at the original price of MYR45 thereabouts.

So, regardless of what went wrong or who is to blame, my answer to this is simple. I'm human. That's my reason and that's my excuse. If you give me options, I'm not ashamed to admit that I will pick the cheaper one, leaving me with more money to buy other things. I will not think twice to pay for an orginal CD or DVD if it is something I really want. My Angel collection is all original. I just bought the original Moulin Rouge DVD. 99% of my music collection are original CDs. The 1% are copies I got off my friends.

What I won't do is justify my actions by saying I'm trying to fight the system. The system does not even know I exist! For that matter, what system?! How do we fight what we cannot even begin to comprehend?

So let's be honest. It's all a matter of finance. Give anyone the cheaper opinion and an idiot will go for it. We're all idiots if seen on the scale of things. Why deny it? I'm a sucker for a good bargain so I won't lie to you.

Besides, think about this: Where did the Malaysian pirates get the materials in the first place? Where did they copy the movies from? Where did those copies come from? It's all business, the effects of capitalism. Just because it bites you back in the butt is no excuse to blame one country.

With that in mind, I like this article.

I was talking to my father tonight about the issues in Parliament. I read the newspapers and I listen to the news and I also read the news online. Yet, when I see something written, I usually take it with a pinch of salt if I cannot clarify it. If I can clarify it, I will try to do so. What I don't do is take it as a fact just because it's in the news. Now why shouldn't we trust the news totally, you may wonder?

For one, I lived in the US for 3 years. I have attended some Mass Communication classes and my roommate was taking Journalism. Between the two of us, we know not to fully trust the news. A lot of the news we hear are hyped up to create a frenzy of thoughts and opinions. Besides, TV stations want the ratings. Newspapers want to be sold. Would they be able to achieve this if they merely told the boring truth? Look at what happened after the 9/11 incident.

With this cynicism, I began to ask my father about all the bits of news that make Parliamentarians look like fools who only know how to play around and debate on trivial matters. My father had two things to say about it. One, was that, for everyday Parliamentary news report, most newspapers or TV stations would send the junior journalists. The senior journalists are sent only when they media expects something big to happen. Now, these junior journalists don't always understand what's going on. So, what they don't understand, they don't write it down. And since they understand the jokes and trivial arguments (and it is an excitement compared to the general slowness of the law-making process), those are the parts that reach our attention.

Two, the law-making process is very slow and very dull. It takes a lot to sit there in the Hall everyday listening to some people ramble on and on and on. Members of Parliament are also human beings. They can get bored listening to their own voices too. So sometimes, as my father puts it, they will ramble on for an hour or two and then, just to break the monotony, they crack a joke. Unfortunately for them, it's the joke that made the news and not the serious debate that went on just a few minutes before.

Generally, politicians do their jobs the best way they can. They are a few who are there just for the glory and the fortune of being there. There are others who bend over backwards to help their constituents and others. And there are some who boast about doing a lot but they don't actually do much more than sit in the Hall and watch.

As my father always says, if you want to know how much actually goes on in Parliament, read the Hansard, not the news.

I want this!

I've been eyeing this since last year but this year, I might actually order it.

I was driving home from Shook's place at 1.00 o'clock this morning and I decided to try something along the strip of road just near my house. With all the street lightings and the added inconvenience of the rain, I switched off my car lights.

Now, with all the street lights every few meters of each other, I realised that a person, even with crappy vision like mine, can see while driving with no headlights and in the rain. I emphasise the rain factor here because the rain can do hell to your vision when the light reflects off those tiny droplets of water on your windscreen! Sometimes, at just the right angle, the light plus rain plus physics can blind you momentarily.

So, with all these factors taken into consideration, why then on God's green Earth would our local car manufacturers need to put those horrendously bright lights on those terribly light vehicles we call the Proton Saga, Wira, Perdana, Kancil, Kenari and Kelisa?! It was not enough that they use the high watt bulbs on the small lights, they added similar wattage bulbs on the regular lights. Therefore, when the users switch them on, they blind you! And this is even before they get to the high beam! What were they thinking?!! Did these engineers or whoever they were not test these lights properly? Do they not drive themselves? Do they think everyone suffers from night blindness? What?!

And not to be outdone, in our usual low self-esteem way, some of the drivers who have regular lights, decide to change their light from the soft yellow bulbs to the bright, white fluorescent bulbs! They light up the road all by themselves! Who needs street lighting anymore when they're around?! And then...then you have the odd moron who decides to put fog lights on their 4-wheel drives! Where's the fog? You want fog? Go to England! Or Michigan in December! Go there! Kill them with your fog lights! I have rarely, if ever, heard of Kuching being shrouded in FOG!

Heck, even my puny Honda Prelude had fog lights when I got them. What did I do? I killed the fog lights! I live in the city. I would never bring my car back to my father's kampung because the journey there would kill my car! The bumps there and the uneven road would destroy my car to shreds. My car would no longer have a bottom because it would be broken beyond repair. Getting to the kampung will stop my heart beat because my heart will sink to my feet everytime the bottom hits and scraps the road or bump. In the city, nobody needs bring lights. We have more than enough. In certain kampungs, where you can't see 5 meters in front of you due to the lack of light, by all means, get a fog light if you need to.

But how many of those beautiful 4-wheel drives actually go off-road as they were meant to go anyway?

Think about it!

I want this particulate FlapArt. Anyone serious enough to consider joining me while I add this to my credit card? It might also cut down the costs of shipping and handling.

Yesterday, I was so frustrated and annoyed and generally easily irritated that I just felt like biting my arm off just to find something to do!

So today, to prevent the same feelings from arising, I decided to go watch Zathura. I also knew my youngest sister wanted to go watch it so I brought her along.

The movie just reinforces my opinion that one should NEVER read the book before going to watch the movie. Not only did I know what was going to happen before it did, I also got bored watching it!

The storyline is very similar to Jumanji except it's in space. {Duh! We all knew that}

The movie soundtrack was a bit off because it sounded like a tape that had been played way too many times. The introduction to the movie brought back memories of Lost In Space of the 1970s. I liked that bit. I also liked how the game was played. In Jumanji {and it is difficult not to compare the two movies} the instructions came from the reflecting glass in the middle of the game. In Zathura, it's the old-style card-popping-out-of-the-machine. Very, very old-style.

Overall, I preferred Jumanji because the story is better written. All the possible questions are answered. As an audience, you never quite know what was going to happen next. You're not even sure when the next threat will come along. You know it's there but what it was, was always a mystery.

In Zathura, the threats were apparent all the time. It's always the Zorgons. The two boys who played Danny and Walter (What an old name!) were superb as brothers who were too close in age and too caught up in their own pain to notice what was going on around them. I also felt the role of Lisa was not fully developed,as if she merely provided the female role bits.

There were a lot of questions left unanswered by the movie. Then again, I figured this was only a children's drama, anyway, so I shouldn't expect too much out of it. But I have to add that Tim Robbins was great as the father, although the only credit he got was as 'Dad' and Tim Robbins is just a great actor no matter where you put him anyway.

Some reviews said Zathura was better than Jumanji. I think otherwise.

But don't take my word for it. Go watch it yourself.

I took a nap this afternoon and because my mind is so relaxed, I did what was normal for me. I had a dream.

The dream started simple enough. The father was a doctor at the hospital, the mother was a housewife and there were 3 children; the oldest boy, the second girl and the youngest boy.

Daily life was normal until one day, the father brought a young male intern home to stay with them during his internship. He was good-looking (at least that's what the daughter of the family claimed) with hazel eyes and wind-blown brown hair. The daughter, being the typical teenager, watched him often and tried to act more matured to attract his attention. The intern (I think his name was Scott Hadely) was hardly ever home due to his schedule but when he was, he always helped around the house and watched football with the 2 boys.

Then, Aunt Letitia and Aunt Abby came to visit. For some reason, the murders started then. The nearby townspeople were murdered one by one. The children began suspecting their Aunt Abby. Despite her peititeness and her only concern seems to be her long blonde hair and her pretty looks, she did have the tendency to go out to town alone at night. Aunt Letitia was tall, black-haired and very New Age.

{The phone in my house rang once and dragged me awake, but when I lay back, the dream started again. The scene had changed}

There was panic in the household. The children had seen the murderer in the midst of a murder and had managed to convince their mother that Aunt Abby was the murderer. The bloody dress of the latest murder victim was found in the bathtub in Aunt Abby's bathroom.

The mother bundled everyone into Scott's 4-wheel drive and drove to town to tell the sheriff. The youngest boy looked into the back and saw a box. He yelled out, making everyone scream. He pointed to the box, which contained the oilskin and boots. THe oldest boy flipped the oilskin aside and there lay a bloody machete. The girl stated the obvious, "Scott's the murderer!"

They raced to the hospital, knowing their father was there with Scott. When they got there, they found out their father was in the middle of a surgery. They turned to go and came face to face with Scott. He smiled and the girl said,"Your hair's wet."

"I just had a shower," he replied.

"Your shoes are wet," the youngest boy said, looking down. They all looked at Scott's feet. Before Scott could get an answer out, they walked away.

{The blasted phone rang again. When I sank back to sleep, the scene had changed.}

The sheriff was grateful to the children for helping him catch Scott. Apparently, Scott had a multiple personality disorder and didn't know he was killing people. HIs other personality was responsible.

A car came up the driveway and it was Aunt Letitia. She was glad they had caught Scott and she came by to report that Aunt Abby got on her cruise safe and sound.

{Then I woke up fully and found out that I had been asleep for 2 hours!}

Narnia! Narnia! Narnia!

'Nuff said!

We shall go watch this show on the night of 8 December 2005. Who wants to join us?

The next day, I shall fly off to KL to shop and relax. I'd like to meet up with friends but there's never a guarantee they have time.

Maybe I'll see if Daphne can accompany me to One Utama. Hee! Hee!

Just last night I was telling Shook, Rin, Cass, Wee Na, Mac and Jerome about the road users in the Petra Jaya area and just this morning I was telling my parents of the same thing.

Today, a mere half an hour ago, while I was driving to Shook's house, what do I see on the Satok bridge? An accident. Who were involved? Two motorcycles. Unfortunately, there was no bloodshed. Also, unfortunately, I can bet my bottom ringgit that every motorcyclist riding by was saying to himself 'Yalah nya! Sik pandei ngembak moto!' - roughly translated means 'Serves him right! Does not know how to ride a bike properly'

It's a classic case of 'It only happens to someone else'. I seriously doubt if they ever stopped to think that , if they were not careful, it just might happen to them too.

Besides enjoying driving fast, I have some slightly more practical reasons for driving at an average of 120 km per hour when driving home from Shook's house at night. For one, there is always the danger of a girl driving alone on a strip of road at the wee hours of the morning/night. You hear many horror stories on the news on how women driving alone at night get stopped and then either robbed or raped or murdered or all three.

My other reason is that I just want to get away from the stupid drivers who haunt the Petra Jaya roads at night. I've seen motorcyclists do a U-turn in the middle of the road and then come straight at me without thought for their own lives or mine. Once, a guy in a Kancil apparently got a bruised ego when I overtook him on my way home, because he spent the next few stop lights jumping the light just to get ahead of me. Unfortunately for him, I caught up with him before every next light!

Although my sister vehemently denies the easily bruised egos belong to Malay guys in general, I can only say that from my experience, they generally are Malay guys. Petra Jaya is not exactly heavily populated by Chinese or any other race. I don't see any other people feeling slighted when a girl shows them that she can do better. When I'm driving around the Petra Jaya area, I see the Malay young guys pretending to be Ah Bengs, modifying their cars despite not being to afford it hence they can only buy a Kancil, playing loud music enough to turn a bat batty and even pushing their car seats so low that they look like they're about to sleep instead of drive.

Worst of all, it is generally the Malay young boys who think they're smarter and more hip yet make fools of themselves. They do think very elaborately but, unfortunately, not in a very smart way. They prefer to blame others for their own shortcomings. Generally, I find this annoying, which is why I can't be with a Malay guy.

Point of information: Shook is Melanau. Despite what people may say about Melanaus being money-faced, at least they are prepared to work for a living. And generally, they're willing to start at the bottom.

The only Malay guy I can admire is my father, but he's not pure Malay. And he has his share of stupid relatives which sort of justifies why I cannot be with a Malay kampung guy. Am I being a racist? How can I be so when I am a Malay as well? Am I being a snob? If I was a snob, I'd be clan-ish like some of my relatives and only insist on going out with guys who are Syeds or Wans who can buy me branded things from Europe and the US.

Besides, I doubt if I can spend my whole life with a guy who is all lovey-dovey all the time and keeps asking me whether I've eaten or if I'm okay or wants to call me everyday and all day or calls me just to talk about nothing at all. Yeeuch!! I'm a romantic but I'm not clingy. Puh-leaze!!

In addition, I'm a huge tease. And I push whatever buttons I can until I find one that almost makes the guy explode. If I don't like how easily he gets upset, I say goodbye. Show me what Malay guy can take this. I know one guy who was at University with me in the US who gets easily angry with me when I tease him! So it's not the education.

Finally, I have to add that I do use the word 'generally' because that's what it is. A general opinion, not a specific opinion. There are some Malay guys who are matured enough to admit they don't know everything and have a sense of humour and are moderate enough for me to tolerate. I like guys who are not loud but not soft either. But those are far and few.

Although I don't generally like Malay guys, I don't write them off immediately as well. I don't say one race is better than another unlike some females I know who do! I give everyone a chance. When they screw up, I chalk it down to another experience.

I know when to be serious and when to have fun. And I like people who know the same, too.

So there ends my rant for today.

For the past week, I've been receiving text messages on my phone that are slowly starting to annoy me. Worst part is, it's someone I know but I can't tell her off because she's a senior to me in the organisation. She writes her messages with a fullstop after each word. It was cute at first but now I just want her to 'Stop.doing.it.because.it's.annoying.me!'

The PC fair is coming back to town. Usual place at Taman Kereta. It'll be on from 25th to 27th November. I'm looking forward to it because I need some stuff. I also just need to claim some money from my father. He does owe me some money.

I want to watch Superman Returns. I don't memorise his life story but I like him. He's a nice escape from reality, not angsty, not broody.

If tall, dark,alien guys are not your type, there's always BloodRayne. Vampire not with a soul but with a vengeance. I'll get round to actually playing the game that's installed in my laptop but until then, I'm going to wait with bated breath.

I am in the midst of a very nasty move against someone. She has caused us pain, grief, humiliation and anger and I just want to get back at her by putting her exactly where she wants to be. But I'm also putting some people she does not like there with her. If this works, I shall go out with some friends I know and we shall celebrate until the cows come home! I will reveal my plans when I have the pieces exactly where I want them. Me? A back-stabbing bitch? You ain't seen nothing yet!

Sometimes, life can be so much fun when you have nothing to lose. And if you do have something to lose, make sure that the people that matter are in your corner.

On a last note, I feel like such the Angel fan. Almost fandom level except that I don't obsess or write fanfic or try to be like anyone from Angel. But what I did do is get members of my family to help me get the complete collection of the show's seasons and bought the soundtrack online. I have not gotten round to buying Angel merchandise online yet. Does not mean I haven't tried. At least, I'm prepared to admit some traits I picked up are from Angel, and not pretend they've always been my own.

That's all from my Saturday morning. I'm itching for a fight and I think I might just get it this afternoon. And if I don't, I shall plot a certain person's downfall, or at least, kill her with kindness so that whatever she does or says about me from that point on will only reflect on her.

Tonight, a whole lot of us will be going to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The show will be at 9.45 p.m. Kuching time.

So, Azreen and I were thinking of going to Denis's Place for dinner before that. Maybe at 7.30ish?

Anyone interested? You can meet us there.

Oh, this only goes out to those who are currently living in Kuching, thank you very much. So, very sorry, cousin Headliner dear. I love you but I can't do very much else unless you're home. ;)

I was clearing out my old documents from the computer when I found this! I can't even remember when I wrote it! Probably while thinking in the shower..haha!!

Anyone interested in watching Harry Potter this Thursday?

Yes, we've decided to be daring and actually watch it on a *gasp* weekday and *gasp again* as soon as it opens here!

So, if any of you would like to join us, let either Jerome or me know before Wednesday. So far that I know, Azreen, Jerome, Shook and I will be there.

As usual, terms and requirements apply.

My family is finally home from the US. And they bought me tons of stuff, as usual. And my dad bought a Donald Trump shirt and the awesome Donald Trump pink tie from Macy's!!

And...AND...much to my delight and squeeness, they even bought me Season 4 and 5 of Angel!!! Everything else got me happy but those two box sets got me hopping in circles like a bunny rabbit. Anyone who has ever wanted to see me really, really squee in fandom delight should have been there. I didn't expect them to really get it for me but they did and now I have the full collection of Angel Seasons 1 to 5!!! Yay!!!

Good things do come to those who wait and behave nicely for them. See? Karma does not always work in regard to comeuppance!

My dad even got Shook two T-shirts but I might not give both to him. I like the UNICEF shirt! Shook can have the Washington shirt with the emblem on it. Haha!

Now I have to go scan some Emma Watson pictures for him from a magazine Nuril bought. While I watch Angel Season 4. Squeee!!!! Hippity-hop!! Wheee!!!

When I wrote the previous entry, I was annoyed so I reacted without thinking too much about it.

For one, none of this is Gette's fault. If she hadn't brought in that certain friend, I would have mentioned his name eventually.

To be fair, if you've never met the guy who was told without our notification, you might be in awe of him. But those of us who do know him well, know not to think too highly of him because he's just annoying that way. He was the one who annoyed me by saying we should not talk about singing if we're not prepared to train well. And he wanted to hop on to our idea and our group because he wants to perform on stage with this acapella group whose name I can't remember right now. Something like Macapagal or something like that!! I was too annoyed to listen too much to him.

As for the friend, I'm in a committe with him and I've noticed some childish tendencies. I think his lack of social interactions have led him to be what he is today. The more I see how he behaves, the less I respect him. But he has made that choice.

I would like to sit with Gette and Rin about this and see what we want to do. I like the singing idea and I know Rin does too. Gette started it so it's her baby, really. We're just here to help her make it happen.

All I know now is that if Gette and Rin don't feel they want to confront this friend about this, I will stick to their decision. I will, however, want to know what to say when I get nagged by those guys about it. I see them rather often and I know they will ask. So reaction-wise, I have a choice of diplomatic passiveness or brutal honesty. But I am more than prepared to burn my bridges with them. Like I said, July.

And to be fair again, I would like to know why this friend blabbed to the other guy. What is he trying to prove? Does he need an endorsement, a pat on the back, congratulations, what?! I just want to know. Some people call it closure. Me, I just want to know what pushed a guy into inadvertently making me want to detest him.

I am not the most secure person I know. I have a rather low self-esteem and I still have to work on my ability to say 'No'. I also get plagued by feelings of insecurity on a rather regular basis. I admit that it's not as bad as I used to be but I still get the odd feeling of being stupider than stupid or lower than low. I still regularly classify myself as fat, stupid and ugly, though.

With that in mind, I seldom venture into new territory unless I know what I'm getting myself into or I'm doing it for fun and adventure.

For some time now, Gette has been throwing out ideas of a singing group. It sounded fascinating and fun so I emailed her to say that I'm willing to help. At this point, I was not set on singing because I have had no formal music lessons of any kind except for a few years on the organ, teaching myself piano and toying with the idea of teaching myself the guitar. I was very prepared, however, to assist them in their music selection and to listen to pitch and rhythm and all that jazz.

So, one night, we got together at my place and sat down to see what everyone had. Earlier, I had adviced Gette that we could start very small first and see if we want or can take it to the next level. The biggest ambition we had was to sing at friends' gatherings or at parties. We were thinking small first and figured if we're good enough, then we will think big as in professionally.

Then, Gette contacted a certain friend we all know. He came in with what I can only consider an attitude. Now, this is the same person who accused me of not having a life because I told him I spent my spare time playing computer games and blogging. Even when I explained that my spare time consisted of any time when I did not bring work home or am not involved in some meeting or organisation work. He still declared I have no life because I'm not in a thousand and one committees.

This person came in and said if we did not decide to bring this singing thing to a whole new level as in performing on stage professionally, he was not interested. In other words, he was not in it for the fun. Right at that moment, the fun walked out the door and the screwed-up feeling walked in. As far as I know, even professionals have to enjoy what they're doing. We, however it seemed, were not allowed that same luxury. Little did he consider that, we might not be able to coordinate our schedules and come together to sing very often.

Don't get me wrong! I would love it if this whole shebang became a huge sensation and we become household names. But at this point and where we are at, why plan so big when we don't even know how to answer the small questions? Why bring up such sensational possibilities when we don't even have a bloody starting point?! And why, above all that is holy, blab the idea to the whole frigging world when 1) it's not yours to blab and 2) we were not consulted on the blabbing and 3) it made us seem like the freaking-useless-blonde-bitches-who-didn't-contribute-their-best in case this whole thing falls apart? and also 4) why tell the one person who I care for the least yet he was still able to make me cry in public?

He went and told the one guy who managed to lose my respect by being the entire opposite of everything he ever told us to be!! And this guy is so cocky and all-knowing and self-righteous that he makes everyone feel small because he needs to feel big!! I don't care enough to hate him but I have never forgiven him.

So how do you think I feel when I'm interrogated duirng my Hari Raya open house when this person walks in and immediately asks me what my involvement in this whole thing is? It is not my place to answer those questions but did he understand this? No! He made me feel like an idiot! Did anyone stop to consider that we'd like to keep this to ourselves until we're more confident of ourselves? No! Did anyone even think that we girls don't need an ego boost which is why we've kept quiet about it? No!!

So, overall, yeah, I'm not pleased. In fact, I'm very upset. Enough to walk away? Hell yeah!! It's enough for me to seriously think about being a bloody frigging hypocrite until next July and then I'm quitting every gathering where I have to see those guys! I'm sick and tired of people blabbing away like women and then making me feel small. I'm sick and tired of being questioned for having some fun. And I'm sick and tired of not being able to enjoy my life without having to prove something to holier-than-thou beings that we share this planet with!

I am out of this singing thing! I don't bloody care if the group becomes the next Corrs or Boys 2 Men or 3 Tenors! I don't care if they sing for the King of Malaysia and Queen of England. I don't care if the Pope wants to listen to them. I am out!! If I'm not allowed to enjoy myself, bloody hell, I'll stick to my 'lifeless' life and become a nerd bum! Throw away my life on what I consider my priorities. And what's bloody, frigging ironic is that both the guys have preached on setting priorities straight if we want to achieve something.

Well, this is my priority so bugger off!!

Through reading friends' blogs, I have realised that the year-end chaos is not just limited to me or teachers like me but also applies to people from all walks of life.

I have been to gatherings before where either one of two things or even both happens. When someone makes a comment about how busy I am and I reply to the comment, the other comments we get from other people who are listening would be something along the lines of "At least you get holidays. I don't." or "At least you only work 8 hours in a day. I work (insert number of hours which are more than 8) in a day" or "I don't see sunlight/night" or "You have no idea how busy I am too" or "I have to wake up at 4.30 a.m. and I don't get home until 1 a.m. or 2 a.m."

Sometimes I want to smack them and say "Get a life!". How many hours you work is entirely up to the life you choose to have. Just because you work so-and-so hours more than the person next to you does not mean they're inferior or stupider or less hardworking. It just means their job description requires such number of hours from them! Above all, it's not a competition! It never was! If you regard it as a competition, what does that say about your self-esteem?

Just because my job description requires me on site at work for 8 hours does not mean I can go home and relax and play games or watch movies or relax and be lazy the rest of the time. How do you know I don't sit at my computer for the next 6 hours slaving away preparing for the next day's 8 hours? How do you know I have a life and meet friends to relax and remind myself I'm human and not a slave to my job? How do you know I have other commitments that keep me just as busy as if I'm working 14-hour days?

I'm tired of people comparing their jobs to mine. I'm tired of people using their jobs as a way to escape other commitments. Above all, I'm tired of people using their jobs as a way to seek pity or, as the Malays put it, minta kesian.

I like my job. I like what I do. I may tell tons and tons of stories about my students and my colleagues. Some stories are good, some are bad. But I refuse to use it as an excuse to whine and moan and groan. You don't want to meet us, you don't want to attend the meeting, you don't want to go for dinner with us - that's your problem! Say so! Don't say things like "At least you work only 8 hours. I work irregular hours, sometimes 10 hours, sometimes 12, sometimes even 14!"

Have you ever tried to get only 3 hours sleep then go a building where each and every noise is either of a child yelling or a student asking questions constantly? Where you stand up from 8.15 a.m. to 4 p.m. answering questions, explaining historical events and business analysis? Where sometimes you need to explain something 4 or 5 times at once? Where your lunch break is only 40 minutes if you're lucky? Where you have to sit for an extra hour at the end of the day in a meeting with people who are equally tired and there in body but not in spirit? Or have you ever been given a holiday or a weekend knowing you'll spend it working anyway - marking papers, doing research, preparing lessons? Or spent 8 hours exhausting yourself body, mind and soul? I have and I do. But you don't hear me complaining that I'm tired when someone calls me out for a drink or dinner or even make a project speech or even attend a meeting, do you?

You hate your job that much that it gives you reason to complain, bloody hell, freaking quit and put us out of your misery!!

PS: This did not start out as a rant but since it ended that way, I'm leaving it at that!

A few years ago, my Norwegian cousin (who is really my niece but they seem to use the word 'cousin' a lot) came to Kuching. She was really fun to be with but I couldn't spend much time with her as I was working.

But I did manage to take her out for drinks once and Mac joined us.

Anyway, I kept promising him pictures but never got round to them until now. Why now? Well, I just got an email saying that she's coming to Kuching again next April and this time, with more cousins and aunts and uncles.

To help you out, my cousin, Mari, is the blonde girl standing behind the small boy.

The picture is not very clear because I had to scan it. My parents went to Oslo some years back and managed to catch up with them while they were there.

These are my other cousins. I think my dark-haired cousin, Ina, is really pretty. I used to keep in touch with my other cousin, Irene, (the blonde girl on Ina's right) but we lost touch when we both went off to college.

Before any of you get cynical and claim that we're related by marriage, I'll have to explain that our Great (don't know how many times) Grandfather sailed to Norway with his Norwegian wife and stayed there for good. So we're related by blood. So, before you look down at me because I have no white skin or blonde hair or blue eyes, take a look in the mirror first. Also, I probably have more orang putih blood than some people we all know. And we thought Hitler was dead!!

Oh, this is the ship he sailed to Norway in. She was pregnant when they on board and the child walked off the ship by himself (or was it herself?) by the time they reached Norway. I'll be more certain of the history when school holidays get here because I'm using my holidays to complete my research on my ancestors.

Part of the research is to find out about my ancestor who was the Treasurer or Secretary to one of the Rajah Brookes. This is all on my mother's side. What's funny is that if my parents had been alive then, they would have been like Romeo and Juliet because at the same time, my father's ancestors were leading the revolution against the Brookes. Remember Sharif Masahor? Well, my relative. Which also connected us to the Kings of Pontianak. My granduncle living in Matang now is the direct descendant of the Pontianak rulers. When my father went to Pontianak the last time, the Pehin there offered him the throne too. Haha! Taking into consideration my fascination with vampires, I am not surprised!

My mom's side has the British, Norwegians, South Africans, Chinese, Portuguese and Melanaus. My dad's side has the Arabs, Moroccans, a few Bedouins here and there, Malay and a few Melanaus here and there too. The Melanau bits on my mom's side is nearer than on my dad's. I really should ask Shook's parents one day if they know of a lady called Nek Kandang or, her Muslim name, Hajah Fatimah. My relatives have hilarious names.

Anyway, yeah, my relatives on my mother's side will be invading Kuching April next year. We call it the Inaugural Mowe Convention. The Norwegians pronounce it Mo-vay and not Mao like we do.

This is what Shook would call a 'chick flick'.

It looks interesting. Whether it will show here is another matter entirely. But it looks like a nice no-brainer movie.

Sometimes, I wonder if people bother to check what their blog looks like after they've posted entries in it.

I have some anal tendencies like I always check to see what this blog looks like after I've posted each entry. It's just to make sure that everything is in alignment and nothing is screwed up or anything.

I'm the kind who likes things to turn out nice looking and just right especially if it's to do with my creative side. Which also explains why I'm still hanging on to the last few pages of the school yearbook. Hey! When you're the only one working on it, it's your baby, you know!!

But, sidetrack aside, I really recommend that some people check their blogs carefully. It loses some aesthetic value if it's all screwy.

Has anyone ever tried the Hotspot facility at Coffee Bean?

I was curious about it since I was thinking of going there to get updates for my laptop.

Does that seem extreme?

Well, no. Especially since my laptop doesn't seem to be able to go through my modem at home and Shook always blames me for his connection fizzling.

I'd use the one at the Sarawak Club but it's currently out of service. So I'm left with Coffee Bean and Holiday Inn.

After the disappointment that was the Sound of Thunder, I am more, more, more than ready to go watch Transporter 2. It'll probably turn out to be better because it has a winning combination - the good-looking (to me!) anti-hero, cars and lots of action! So anyone up for it...maybe this Friday or Saturday evening?

On another note, I am feeling less stressed because my work is almost done. A few pages for the school yearbook, finish marking my History and Business Studies papers, key in the marks and grades, plan the year-end picnic for the students and I AM DONE!!! Wohoo! I'm so ahead that I've already put into motion my students' plans for next year's prom in October!

With that, I'm asking for suggestions on what to do for the holidays. I'm looking for things within reason, mind you! If some smartass starts telling me to go to Singapore and KL to do shopping, I'll tell you to pay for my expenses and if you can't, you can go piss off!

Also, I was reading a blog entry by Azreen and I oh so agree with her 150%! It is retarded to go after someone else's boyfriend. Almost like saying you're either desperate or too lazy to go look for your own! Getting a life would be the first step to getting a partner. Some people do see the laid-back attitude as attractive. So if you have a stick up your ass, of course you'll never get a partner! {Although I do know someone who is dating another girl's boyfriend and stayed because the guy managed to convince her he'd break up with Girl #1 if he could but couldn't because Girl#1 knows some of his darkest secrets and threatens to go to his father with it if he breaks up with her - sounds so cliche, huh? I figured there and then that if I'm ever in that situation, someone please shoot me because it's so demeaning and stupid! Which is also why I had to do research on Shook to make sure he's not the type to string girls along}

Somewhere along the same line, I'd like to share two quotes I saw at my doctor's clinic.


I only brought it up because it does tie-in with the stick-up-the-ass thing.

Today has just been one very depressing day.

I love the rain but today was just so bad that the rain didn't cheer me up one bit.

For one, today was graduation day for my students. So there was the usual tears being shed and touching speeches made. This is the group that was with me from the first day I came in to teach the secondary. So I was already sad to begin with.

Then I had to send my family to the airport. They left for KL at 2.45 and will be leaving for New York at 6 a.m. tomorrow. They won't be back until November 7th. I don't have a problem being alone at home, but I have a huge problem saying goodbye to my parents especially my father. He asked for a hug at the airport and I almost couldn't let him go...again. The last time this happened, I was the one leaving to study in the US. I hung on to him and said I didn't want to go. He had to ask my friend to pull me to the boarding gate. Silly huh?

And to add to it all, I found out that a woman I'm in a committe with has been bitching that I will not make a good president because I put a higher priority on my family. Apparently, she said this at a meeting which I didn't attend last night because I said I wanted to have dinner with my family since they're leaving today. The thing is I know her family. Her own daughter-in-law tells people her husband rapes her to get sex from her. So it sort of explains the family she has. I told Arthur about this and he thinks this woman is just jealous. Never thought of it that way.

So, add all this up with my work-related stress and you have before you, me who is doing a very good impression of a leaking bucket. I cried in the car on the way back to school and I cried again in the bathroom after work. I just couldn't seem to stop. Am I in trouble or what?

Transporter 2 and Sound of Thunder is out this week. On the same day. Thursday!

I want to go watch! Both. Although not at the same time...

If nobody is interested, I'll even go by myself. Goodness knows there's nothing else to do. Can't exactly go for lunch or anything beofre the sun goes down, now can I?

I have two cousins who I have spent quite a lot of time growing up with. One of them was living here but now works in KL and I regard him as my oldest brother. Some of you met him the last time he was in town.

The other cousin is Singaporean. 'Nuff said. But he is like an older brother to me too.

I had a lot of guys babysitting me when I was very young, I tell you! Is it any wonder I relate more to guys than to girls? What's best is some of them actually became famous and some of them were thought of as gorgeous by some girls. I just go, "Eh?!"

Anyway, I love both my older 'brothers'...errr...maybe one more than the other but that's a different story.

My point is one of them writes like this while the other writes like this. So different....

Guess which one I insisted Shook meet? ;)

I am a firm believer in karma. I have always believed that whatever good or bad I've done to others will come back to me one day.

I was reminded of this today when I was stuck at school because of the torrential rain. Karma came to my mind because my senior students were busy getting things to the venue for their prom. While watching them, it suddenly hit me that they've not been the most respectful or obedient students. So maybe this was Someone's way of showing them the error of their ways.

Then when I drove home, I found out that the T-junction that came from Nanas Road leading to Middle Road was totally submerged. I could only see the drain parapets and water. So I had to turn back and use the longer way to get home.

Which again brought me back to my thoughts on karma. Upon reflection, I realised that I've had lots of pretty good luck the past few years. I mean, I'm not without sin or anything but nothing very bad has been happening to me. Things that I want to happen usually end up happening when I want them to. I've had my share of fights with Shook and things have turned out rather well. I've inadvertently made some enemies and friends have become acquaintances but nothing which I can't justify.

So...as far as karma goes...I could almost safely say I'm on the right track. So far. Which is why I will continue to try and treat others as I would like them to treat me. And if they cannot do that, I'll just shrug and go my merry way. Karma will do the rest.

When I happen to have a problem, I have the worst habit of not telling anyone about it.

I actually keep it to myself and try to solve it myself. Sometimes, the people I try to tell it to don't understand why I'm telling them my problems so I usually give up trying after the second or third time.

The other thing I tend to do also is avoid going out. I become almost the recluse. I guess, I figured that I don't want to be the party pooper or something so I might as well not do any socialising. I won't want people getting angry with me for all the wrong reasons.

So that sort of explains why I'm home tonight. I'm just feeling tired too. Driving in town on a weekday is always stressful to me. I'm used to being stuck at work all day, within the building, that I get a bit of a shock when I'm out in town during the day. And I was in the middle of town for most of the morning today too until about 2 p.m.

So the tired plus the problem plus the thought of all the work I need to do equals me wanting to hide under my blanket and not come out to make any kind of decisions or do any activity which requires concentration.

This post alone has taken me close to 15 minutes to compose. So why did I do it? Just to explain to some people, I guess, why I'm doing a temporary disappearing act.

One of my many vices is my inability to resist temptation.

Remember my plan to run some errands today and then go shoe shopping?

Well, I only managed to achieve the errands bit. I went to the Registrar of Society, got the information I needed on what to do to get my club constitution changed and then headed out to the Maybank near Sarawak Plaza to add my signature on the club account's signatories.

That was my primary reason for going out and I completed it.

Then I made the mistake of walking into the bookshop. I saw a book I wanted but I changed my mind and bought a book for my youngest sister instead. She had been asking for the Chronicles of Narnia so I got it for her.

Then I decided to walk to Times bookstore and Popular bookstore. At Popular I again saw the book I wanted but in a hardcover edition. I figured if it was going to pop out at me that way, I might as well get it. So I walked to Times across the road hoping they would have the softcover. Turns out they didn't, but they had a whole lot of books I found interesting.

So I then did the most confusing thing ever. I walked back to Sarawak Plaza, bought the book I first saw there, then walked to Times to buy the other books I was eyeing. And along the way, I stopped at McDonald's to get the oh-so-lovely-my-favourite veggie burger, which just arrived in Kuching after I have been craving it for years since leaving the US!!

Anyway, by the time I got to my car, which was parked behind Parkson, I was carrying three plastic bags. Did I mention that I also made a pit stop at Watsons too?

So, well, yeah, the books. My vice. One of many that I have. Hence the temptation I could not resist. But I usually buy books like this on an annual basis anyway. Just that, it's been awhile since I've done this in Kuching. But since I'm probably not going to KL this year, I figured I'm doing OK on the annual thing.

Anyway, the books I got today are:

1) The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
2) Atlantis by David Gibbins
3) Serenity by Keith R.A. DeCandido
4) After Midnight by Teresa Medeiros
5) Vampirates: Demons of the Ocean by Justin Somper

They should keep me occupied effectively throughout the upcoming holidays.

I wanted to get the Amateur Naturalist for Shook because he did express an interest a few times, but with Shook, it's always wiser to drag him along to buy just to make sure he still wants it.

This is my 12 year old sister's blog.

She tends to rant but you can definitely see the emotions behind them. She can be quite the drama queen but she's also very expressive.

And I'm trying to get her to read materials which are more substantial than Gempak and Galaxie. So I'm supplying her with Dan Brown and Dean Koontz books.

She also needs to get her eyes checked because we suspect she's been secretly reading when she's supposed to be sleeping.

She's got brains when she decides to use them. Usually, she likes to act like a blonde. She's also good in Maths and she wants to be a computer programmer. She's going through them like wildfire because she even gets bored of staring at the TV and computer all day.

She loves CSI: New York but still watches CSI and CSI:Miami with me anyway.

She's quick to answer and she's rather witty.

She reminds me of Shook in so many ways.

Oh, but she does tend to swear and I'm not sure why she thought she could. I've always thought there was an age limit to swearing: only 18 and above! But I guess some people don't think so and they've sworn in front of her. Either that, or the TV should be more boring so she'll watch less of it. CSI never swore.

For the past 5 years, I have discovered a pattern within myself.

I get cranky and extremely short-tempered during the months of May-June and September-November. It's not a moon cycle or anything. Those are just the months when I have to deal with exam papers to prepare and mark and grade and student reports. During the end of the year, that load is added by a yearbook to complete, various paperwork to close, students to keep an eye on to make sure they maintain discipline and field trips to organise.

In the past 5 years, I have discovered that the only true holiday I have is the year-end holiday. Any other holiday is just a token break with only the perks of waking up only when I want to and being able to work while watching TV or listening to music. Everything else is still very much the same. I work during my holidays, my breaks and my weekends. I work in school for 8 hours straight (try standing up all day teaching inquisitive and (sometimes) arrogant teenagers). Then I go home, take a short rest, eat dinner and do work again until 1 a.m. If I go out with Shook, I sometimes take my work with me and do it at his house.

I have given up the luxury of playing any PC games or watching late-night TV during school days. Even my brand new laptop is there for me to carry my work around with me. And most of all, I've given up even complaining about my voluntary, unpaid overtime work because I will always meet someone who claims they work harder than I do!

But..BUT...despite all this, despite my exhaustion of mind and body, the one thing I always, always make time for is the chance to hang out with my friends. I've told Shook that he relaxes me. He helps me think of things other than myself and my job.

My friends, like Rin, Jerome, Nick and guys at the Crib, remind me that there is more to my life than just working and earning money. I may start out cranky and sarcastic with them or even yawning my head off, but I know I can always depend on them to help me either unload or start laughing and forgetting how tired I really am.

So I did what I had to do. Despite my immense bills, I set my priorities straight and always try to go out and have fun with my friends.

The family is there with their unconditional love and support. True friends are there when the world walks out on you.

Besides, as my students always say, we all need to improve on our social skills so that we know how to be a friend. I do have some wise students in my class...

Last night, a few of us were at the Crib to say goodbye to the place.


Two days ago, we got word that Raymond, who looked like he had been running the place solely on his own, was closing the Crib down and having a final night for it on 30th September.

So, last night, I left everything I had to do or attend to and headed out to the Crib. And for the first time, we had what can only be considered a huge party until 4 a.m. During which time, the place was so packed that I didn't have a place to sit. I sat with Kenny in the VIP area to counsel him on his problems then when we were done, I went to the kitchen to help wash dishes. Considering that I always enjoy washing dishes and usually do it to calm myself and to ponder on some issues, I felt this time was no exception.

Throughout the night, while washing dishes, I got to know a lot of people, and watched while Aaron and Raymond were overcome by their emotions. Aaron could not get over the fact that I was helping out and still be the paying customer. And since Raymond said he could never repay me for helping them out last night (considering the fact that they have been understaffed for quite a while), Aaron decided payment would come in the form of very brotherly pecks on the cheeks and a huge hug. I've know Aaron for close to 15 years. In fact, I've known Aaron longer than I've known all the guys I hang around with! I also told them, that if they stayed open, I was planning on volunteering there during the school holidays. Better than doing nothing, it would be like working and hanging out with friends at the same time!


By the time 4 a.m. rolled by, I was feeling sorry for Raymond and Jamie (his soon-to-be wife,we all hope). Jamie was yawning away from sheer exhaustion and Raymond had blood-shot eyes. He was just plain sad in addition to being tired. When I spoke to him, I knew he was a great businessman in the making. He told me that when they first started the business, he knew he would have to forego any and all possible vacations and holidays for the next 2 - 5 years. And I agree with him. In a typical textbook situation, no business can make a profit within the first 5- 8 years of operation. The only business that can do that is the education business. So if you want quick and easy money, open a good tuition center and you'll be rich fairly quickly - within 8 months. But don't do this if you're egoistic, refuse to take advice and would make a crap teacher.

Business has never been about self-centredness or ego or arrogance. You lose customers that way. Business has always been about passion and teamwork. Watch the Apprentice if you don't believe me.


But Raymond has all the good qualities of a businessman. Not only for his passion but also for his professionalism. The fact that he makes a good friend is a bonus for the lot of us who really, honestly care for the Crib.


Like these insane people who should not be doing this but they are. Rin calls them the "Muslims Behaving Badly/Muslims Gone Wild". Nick there is the exception, of course.

I have a three-day weekend starting now!!!

I will make full use of it to finish my yearbook, run errands especially for my Toastmasters and shop around for shoes. I'm going shoe shopping while I still have money!

With Raya round the corner, I will probably go do my hair next Saturday to coincide with my students' prom night. Speaking of which, I'm already planning for my students' prom night next year. So if anyone has any idea, feel free to share with me. They need as much help as they can get. And if I get them organised early, they won't experience the angst the past-years' students did.

No parents, no screaming sisters who slam doors, no early wake-ups.

Ah...life is good, even in its chaos.

You know how young people tend to complain that they're not been given responsibilities or they're not allowed to make choices or they're not taken seriously?

Sometimes I want to tell them to sit down and think first about what you're doing. How have you shown yourself to be responsible? How have you returned the trust and love your parents have given you? How have you proven that you're old and matured enough to be allowed some degree of freedom?

My students complain all the time about not getting what they want. Yet, they have rarely given anything in return. They expect their teachers to be like robots; emotionless and only giving in to their demands. They never think that the teachers might just be hurt or disappointed in what they do too.

And when they ask me why the voting age in Malaysia is not 17 years of age, my only reply is 'You can't even organise yourselves properly. You want to organise the government?' It usually shuts them up.

But really! Think about it. How can you expect anyone to take you seriously when you act flighty or thoughtless?

I used to spend a lot of time outside. There was a time when I was hardly ever home. When I was home, I hid in my room. I emerged either to eat or to go out. So when my parents decided to do something, I got angry a lot because they didn't ask me. To which my reaction is, to stay out more.

See how vicious a cycle that is? How did I expect my parents to ask for my opinions when I was hardly ever around to be asked? They brought me up better than that. After 2 years of doing that, I realised where I had gone wrong. By then I had met Shook and I figured out staying at home was more fun than hanging out all the time. My mother, of course, agree. Even if I do end up hanging out at Shook's house, as far as my mom is concerned, it's still safer than some kaki limak somewhere where anything bad can happen.

Parents...they always presume the worst. I don't need to be a parent to figure that out. I'm responsible for both my sisters. Nobody needs to be a parent to know what it feels like if you have siblings to give you that feeling.

Remember I mentioned something about my family going to New York?

Well, I just found out that they won't be back until after Hari Raya!

So, unless Raya falls on the 4th or 5th, I'll be all alone here in Kuching for Hari Raya. But I'll still have my usual 2nd day open house because I've already promised my students. My mom suggested I spend first day at Shook's house. Not sure how he'll react to that idea.

This is quite the reversal to when I was in Michigan. I remember calling home on the 2nd day of Raya and crying my eyes out because I could hear all the noise in the background and I was feeling miserable and alone in my dorm room. And begging my mom not to hang up the phone because I was so homesick!

On the plus side, I'm not important enough (because I'm not filthy rich!) to merit a visit from my father's side of the family. So...yeah...good things happen in small doses all right!

We Malaysians are so well known for our tolerance that we seem like weaklings to a certain point.

I must say that I myself would much, much rather give in than pursue a fight unless the fight is about something which just insults my integrity or my principles. Then I see red and retaliate on instinct. But a lot of times, I still think of the person I'm angry with and then I choose whether to give in and walk away from the argument or tough it out and risk breaking their noses. Well, I did once lift up my housemate with one hand and throw him down the stairs because my principles didn't allow me to call him a bastard (in deference to his lovely mother) and calling him a jerk or an asshole was too mild for him.

Anyway, my point is, while some of us may be very considerate to other people's feelings and comfort, others, unfortunately, are not as kind.

Especially when it comes to religious matters.

I, for one, love the sound of bells ringing from the St. Thomas's Cathedral. I am calmed by the sound of the azan (the Muslim call for prayers). I am even fascinated by the sound of prayer bells being touched at an Indian temple and those tok-tok sounds from a Buddhist temple.

What I cannot understand, much to my dismay, is my slow simmer of anger at the temple behind my house karaoke-ing until wee hours of the night under the guise of religious occassions. If their purpose is to chase away the ghosts, then I think they have more than achieved their aims by way of their tuneless yowlings and drunken cheering.

I am most tolerant of religious sounds but tuneless singing is enough to test my patience.

Why do things go even more haywire on the very day your brain is unable to comprehend anything more than the most basic of information?

It's like trying to understand quantum physics at the moment when you've just finished absorbing the entire encyclopedia!

Aaarggh!!!

And on top of that, I was asked to write a speech for a school yearbook. I declined because at this point, I can only string two simple sentences together while barely making sense.

Ever had one of those days when you are so mentally and physically tired that you just want to lay down and sleep for an hour, at least, yet at the same time realise you still have lots more to do?

If you've read Shook's blog entry about how tiring it is to be a pilot, I guess I can only say, I can sympathise.

I'm having one of those days when things come at you from every direction and some even manage to blindside you.

Hey, don't knock it till you've been caught in it..

What do you do when the one you rely on to keep you sane and happy ends up hurting you?

Do you resolve there and then never to let them near you emotionally?

Or do you pretend they never hurt you because your pride is at stake?

Or do you pretend that you cannot be hurt? That you're resilient? That 'sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me'?

Or do you blame yourself for being open to being hurt?

What do you do?

No, this is not an angst-filled entry and neither is it a bitch and moan entry.

Quite on the contrary, really.

I just found out that my parents are taking my two sisters to New York next month. My father was asked by our Prime Minister to speak at the United Nations, making this his 3rd time being asked to be there to speak.

So guess who gets the holidays?

My mom and sisters.

But guess who gets the vacation?

ME!!!

And when my mom told me they were all going, my first instinct was to yell out 'Yay! Party!'

And my mother didn't even blink.

So is that a yes or a no?

Yesterday was Sarawak's independence day from colonial rule.

Many people have blogged about it and many more have bitched about it.

Yet, how many have done anything about it?

I know many Sarawakians who are in position to make changes. Some, like my father, actually fought battles to keep that independence, so now he is making changes from the inside. Because of him, many rural areas now have better facilities than even the people in town. He is, even now, fighting to maintain his voice in Parliament and around the world. He speaks endlessly of improving things in Sarawak and righting the wrong that's be done to us.

But there are many more Sarawakians who boast and talk big but do very little. If we believe so much about what we say, why don't we do something about it? It does not have to be a big thing. We can start small. I usually insert a little of Sarawak's history whenever I'm teaching my students. They're all international students but they've learnt a lot about Sarawak through my classes. They've also learnt to be open-minded and not be scared to tell their side of the story. They're Indonesians and they used to be so scared to talk about the Konfrantasi. But now, we discuss it openly. I talk to the foreign teachers in my school about our history. My Australian colleague has a lot of admiration for our history and our Sarawakian warriors.

Where are the Sarawakians who can make the changes from where they are at? Why are they just talking and not doing? If we're scared of Goverment retaliation, who says what we do must be harsh or like a revolution? After all, Sarawak contributes millions, if not billions, to Malaysia's GDP and exports. Why don't we see that money? Maybe we should ask our Sarawak Ministers that question. But asking them will most definitely get us into trouble under ISA and all that.

Anyway, if we want people to know what Sarawak has contributed, maybe we should change our education system. We have many Sarawakians in power in the education sector. Why have they done nothing? Why do they keep quiet? They don't have to yell out their allegiance. They just have to say something and not just be the yes-men. We can stay polite and cultured but we can do that even while standing our ground.

Not all battles need to be won on the battlefield. Some just need to be won in our hearts and minds. And people wonder why History is so important.

This arrived in the mail for me yesterday. I'm excited but I still need to go to work before I can tinker with it.

Oh well, at least, something to look forward to when I get home...

I know some of us have this very difficult task of letting go of someone we love. This is especially true if it is the one we felt was our 'true love' or 'the One'.

Thing is the one we never believed to be our true love might just turn out to be 'the One'. Besides, the road to true love is paved with sharp stones, tsunamis and landslides. We just have to be flexible and go with the flow of things. We have to stop being so uptight and schedule our lives. Nothing ever works out the way we'd like it to at the pace and speed we'd like it to. So deal with it and move on! If you can't, then shove off! You just might end up boring the living daylights out of the rest of us!

For those of you, my dear friends, who can't seem able to take that little step to letting go of your past, read this. I've tried everything it's recommending. Which explains my one-month non-stop drinking binge. Which in turns explains why I don't need alcohol to have fun nowadays. Yodie is entertainment enough.

Besides, getting drunk to relax only means you're not quite ready to face reality yet.

I'm not being judgemental. I'm just stating reality the way I have gone through it....

I was watching an episode of Monk today at Shook's house. It was the episode where Monk's brother shows up for the first time and Monk reluctantly assists his brother with a problem. Well, there was one bit where Sharona was looking at a family picture and Monk, his brother and his parents were standing at least three feet apart from each other. Apparently, this was an unusual picture because normally, according to Monk, they would never come that close to each other.

Sometimes, it's scenes like these in shows that make you think. I realise that some shows you need to watch without thinking too much. Other shows, you need to watch with a little more thought because it's obvious they're trying to say something.

It took my mind back to incidents when I try to give advice to my friends or even my students. I've always been involved in counselling people although I never received training in any way. When i first began working in a school, I decided to take some courses in counselling. It was a relief to realise that I'd been doing the right thing all along. However, the one thing I always had to remember was never to impose my principles on the people I was helping out. What works for me might not work for them.

So as much as I wanted to help them with a working formula, I realise part of giving advice was to help them realise the potential within themselves to solve their own problems. I know that some people seem to consider a certain course of action to be very effective. My only problem with this is that it might work for you. But if you don't take time out to understand my situation, how would you know that the same method would be effective for me?

That's like telling me that, since ignoring your parents worked for you, it has to work for me with my parents as well.

Oh, and the other thing also is that, if you want me to show concern for you, then you had better start showing some degree of concern for me too. Don't be so selfish. Or as Will says it, "I'm selfish. Not prawn, not octopus, not fish but shellfish." Will was kinda 'happy' at that time.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want my boyfriend to fawn over me or anything. In fact, Shook is doing a very good job at being a great boyfriend. I consider him the awesomest of awesome boyfriends. He knows when to give and when to take. Above all, he knows when to show concern and when not to. He's a teenager's nightmare as a boyfriend, but for me, he's perfect; tainted armour and all. I love him more for his tainted armour.

Jerome led me to this website. I didn't think too much about it but for the sake of retro, I went to have a look.

As of the time of typing this, I have downloaded the intro videos for 21 Jump Street, Jem & the Holograms, Defenders of the Earth and Silverhawks!!!

Will I download more? Heck yeah!!!

I couldn't sleep and there's nothing on TV worth watching. So I did this test/quiz thingy. When I saw the results, I could safely say that it's nothing I'm too surprised about. I know myself well enough. And through it all, I know people well enough to not be surprised at most of the things they do.