Still Being Random

My cousin is currently in England. I'm not sure for business or for pleasure. But, knowing him, it'll be very much a mixture of both.

However, he updated his blog with cool pictures and a little explanation about Lord Montagu of Beaulieu and The Abbey of The Kings.

I think Mac might find this interesting. The write-up is not in my cousin's own words but the pictures are his! It's cool! I would love to go there and see if my perceptiveness is still awake.

I used to be very, very sensitive to the supernatural. A visit to Stonehenge,before the government closed it to public in 1985, freaked me out so bad once because I know I saw a person in a white robe walking around, before he disappeared behind one of the rocks. I still have a picture of me holding a Coke (or was it Pepsi?) can just after I went chasing after him! I had asked my mom if she saw the person but she denied seeing him. I know we went on the summer solstice but surely there would have been more than one person dressed in a robe there. The only other people there were the tourists. Besides we went in the middle of the day!

Anyway, I'm always prone to deja vu and precognition somehow, and I'm very sensitive to bad vibes. I think I got that from my mom.

I would love to go back to England. Maybe we should get the University of Buckingham Alumni to organise a trip! Then the children like Shook, Rin, me and my sisters could tag along.

Anyway, check out my cousin's blog. It's interesting!

I meant to rant today about people who stab others in the back and people who are ungrateful after you've helped them. But then, I decided that it'd get too boring so I decided to talk about something else.

A few months ago, one of my students asked me if I would ever agree to have an open relationship. When I said no, she said she was all for it. That was when the mental tyres came to a screeching halt. I decided to see what was in this teenage girl's mind so I lowered my mentality and asked her for her definition of an open relationship.

She said, to her, an open relationship is when two people are together but they can still go around doing their own things; like the girl goes out with her friends and the guy goes out with his once in a while. I almost laughed and I told her that, to me, that's not an open relationship. That's keeping the relationship alive.

Then I explained to her that my idea of an open relationship is that two people are together, for all intents and purposes, but they will still have affairs or relationships with other people.

So my point here is that, when we talk to others, we need to be sure that their perception of what we say is the same as our perception of what we say. If not, we'll be talking at cross purposes. It's even worst when you try to explain and the other person absolutely refuse to listen to your explanation because they're always right and you're always wrong! So I figured that all the time I'm trying to help other people by being nice, some other people might perceive it as me being a busybody or not minding my own business or just plain sucking up to people at the top. And this truly sucks big time!! It's especially terrible when it happens at work where people are supposed to be professional.

Professional, my big fat ass! Some people at work are only nice to those who frigging sucks up to them or if they're white or rich! Frigging double standards!!

This was not supposed to be a rant, right? Bah!

In other news, my cousin has joined the blogsphere. He's the best cousin ever, despite the fact that I know he's not the most perfect person alive. But he's my big brother and that's all there is to it! And if I'm nice enough, cuz, do you think you could consider helping me find Angel Season 4 or 5 or even anything from Harley-Davidson for Christmas? Even this would be cool! Haha!

But I still ranted anyway, didn't I? Hee! Can't help it. Need to cleanse self of all negativity! What better place than the limbo of the blogsphere?

I just finished downloading the original the War of The Worlds by Orson Welles. This is the version that, when it was aired on the radio, sent people in parts of the United States into panic because they thought Martians had really invaded the Earth.

I've got the MP3 version but it sounds really cool. It's no wonder the people thought it was real. You have to listen to it at least once in your life.

I just received news that a friend of mine (who turned out to be my uncle by marriage) just had a baby girl. I'm posting the picture here. She's only two days old here. Her name is Arwen Zahra Raees Fulton.

Hmmm..kinda of wonder now if either one of the parents might have liked Lord Of The Rings more than I thought. Haha! But my heartiest congratulations to the parents.

Love you guys! Take care and hope to see you soon.

PS: Rather good news after that entry yesterday. And for those who were concerned enough to ask, actually, I'm fine. Not suicidal or anything. Not even depressed or upset. I just needed to unload. It's the time of the year when everything, no matter how insignificant, feels like a major burden. And it's not even directed at any one person in particular. Mac is right. Blogging is a good way to vent. So I did.

Have you ever done anything even knowing beforehand that it's probably the most incorrect thing you've done all day and you just know that you're going to get hurt by it but you do it anyway?

Well, I do that. A lot. Some people know me to be an optimist. Others think I'm a pessimist. A very good friend of mine knows me to be an idealist yet at the same time, he knows I can be a realist as well.

What do I think? I think I can be a bit of a fatalist. I do things which I know will get me hurt. I think it's like hoping for the best yet expecting the worst. I never believe that good things can happen to me. I never hope to be treated well. I never expect anyone to do anything selfless for me. I try to do unto others as I would like them to do unto me yet I never expect any thanks for it.

But sometimes, it's nice to be thanked. It's nice to have someone be nice to you. It's nice to have someone say 'I owe you dinner for your great help and advice'. It's nice to be cared for and thought of. I never ask for presents but it's great when I get them. It's wonderful when someone says 'You've helped me in more ways than you'll ever know'. Maybe that's why I love my job. I love doing things for others.

I'm not asking you to worship me. I'm not asking you to love me unconditionally. I'm not asking you to bow down and kiss my feet. I'm not asking you to be less than what you are. I'm not even asking you to be more than what you are. I'm not asking to be your first priority. I'm not asking for a slave or a master or a hanger-on or a sap or a puppy dog. In fact, I don't ever remember asking for very much.

All I want is some respect because I am a fellow human being. I can feel sadness and pain. I can feel loneliness. I can feel and I do!

I believe in karma - what goes around comes around. I live my life with this in mind. I show gratitude when I can. I show respect when I can. I even show deference at the expense of being right because I'm trying to save the pride of the ones I love. All these I do because I want to be a better person. I want to be someone who can wake up in the mornings and look at herself in the mirror and say 'I like you!'.

I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be. I just do the best I can in a world already starving for some good. Must I be punished for being who I am, what I am, how I am? If you feel so, then I can only say I'm sorry. I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you're not happy. I'm sorry you're hurt and have been hurt. I'm sorry I can't do more for you. I'm sorry you think you're alone.

I can't do any more. Sometimes, I need to think of me, too.

Over the weekend, I've been downloading soundtracks from various torrent sites. Believe me, if they had those soundtracks on sale here, I would have bought the originals in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, soundtracks are the one thing in short demand here in good ole' Kuching.

The ones I managed to get so far are

1) Angel (the series)

2) Mr and Mrs Smith
3) Twin Peaks

I have the original Twin Peaks soundtrack but it's on audio cassette and not in very good condition anymore. As for the other two, I always loved Angel anyway so why not? And the track 'Making Love Out Of Nothing At All' on the Mr and Mrs Smith soundtrack is too difficult to pass up :)

Imagine this scene:

The city is in chaos. A chemical has been released into the environment and people were panicking. Their eyes were clouded by the gas and they were feeling more than a little sick. The hero was on the way but nobody was aware of this. The heroine had grabbed a lost child and was sheltering him with her body from the panicking masses.

She was attacked by a villain on horseback. There was silence. She looked into his eyes and knew she was facing a mad man. In the background, the opening chords of the soundtrack plays. Then, the scene changes. The hero swoops in and saves the heroine from further harm just as Westlife begins to sing "Queen of My Heart". After a few exchange of words, the hero jumps off to save the city from the Big Boss. As he does so, Westlife sings 'I'll always look back; As I walk away; This memory;Will last for eternity'

The hero then confronts the Big Boss all to the song of 'Queen of My Heart'. Through it all, the audience went from shocked silence to surprised laughter to indignant jeers and yells.

Sounds like a bad B-Grade movie? Well, that was what happened to us last night at Batman Begins. Looking back at it, we all later agreed that, for that short scene with Batman and Rachel, the song was almost appropriate. The original audio came back on seconds after but the damage was done. One good thing that might come out of it though is that I believe most of us that night will go make a few pirates extra happy now. We're going to buy the DVD, at least, just to get the unremixed version of the movie.

However, I think Westlife should get a slot in the Batman Begins soundtrack. And we should have gotten at least a Batman Begins movie poster to help us forget the trauma.

As for the movie, I believe Christian Bale has come a long way from Empire of The Sun. He was Batman in the way that most fans would approve of. He took on the character the way Micheal Keaton was known to do it. Instead of just one, he was two people; Bruce Wayne and Batman. Two different entities living in one body. And Christian Bale pulled it off admirably. Looking at Batman, I found it difficult to find Bruce Wayne and looking at Bruce Wayne, I would have laughed in your face if you had told me he was Batman (providing that I didn't already know it, of course). Christian Bale acted as he did in Equilibrium. Anyone who has not seen that movie yet, go watch it. Since I watched Equilibrium as the first of Christian Bale's action movies, I found it very impressive. Considering that the last time I saw him, he was only a child surviving in World War 2 and a Swing Kid during Nazi Germany and an American Psycho, Equilibrium blew my mind away. Christian Bale became more than just a good-looking face, more than a lovely pair of arms, more than a child actor who tried to play grown-up in a childish world. He became a hot action star, who almost put Keanu Reeves' Neo to shame.

I could have done without Rachel! Talk about token female lead role! Blasted Katie Holmes already got the guy she has been dreaming of marrying since she was small, what else does she want?! Isn't grave-robbing enough for her? Maybe they should have stuck with Sarah Michelle Gellar instead!

As for the Batman movies, I think they've gone back to basics, back to the comic books (as I was told by some fans of Batman!) Overall, even with Westlife crashing the party, I though the movie was pretty good. I even had a teary-eyed moment when Alfred was telling young Bruce about how his parents' death was not his fault. I think we all have an Alfred in our lives; someone who cares enough to try and help us find ourselves or to be better people. It's just a matter of whether we can lower our pride enough to accept what they are saying. As Alfred said, "Why do we fall, sir? So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up"

What I want personally is a Lucius Fox and his lovely toys, especially the 'Batmobile'.

Next up - War of The Worlds!!

I got a little tired of trying to prepare myself to go back to work tomorrow. So I sat down and decided to create a template for my blog. The result is what you see before you. It looked okay while I was working on it but I have a funny feeling it might get a little overwhelming before long. It's no masterpiece. After all, I only worked on it for two days.

However, I think I'll stick with it for now. I'd probably do some more work on it. But for now, it stays....until I get bored of it again or until I suddenly think of different theme.

I went to watch Mr and Mrs Smith last night with Shook, Mac, Jerome and Jerome's two cousins.

The movie was good. It was good, honest fun. I wouldn't call it mindless really because most people would need to concentrate on the conversation to get the jokes. There were times when we were laughing at the rather subtle looks or words spoken but the rest of the audience didn't seem to share the fun.

After the movie, we all stood at the balcony of Star Cineplex to decide where to go and have dinner. While out there, I took one look at the Mr and Mrs Smith movie poster and told Shook that I wanted it. Well, it was partly my fault that I didn't specify what it was I wanted because he actually began to describe the guns that were on the poster and then proceeded to give me the price range of those guns. This is so typical of fun that I just had to laugh. His sense of humour can be so appealing at times. I say 'at times' because I know of a few flighty people who don't understand and can't take Shook's sense of humour.

We ended up at Great Kitchen for dinner and spent the rest of the night reminiscing about old times. Now we're not all that old really but we've been through so much that when we do talk about those times, we could only call them the good old times. With us, age was never an issue. Jerome was the youngest of the guys sitting there last night but even he had his fair share of great times to talk about. As usual, they talked about the fun they had playing various multi-player shooting games. I've heard the stories before but like all good stories, they get better the more times I listen to them and still as much fun to laugh about.

Last night was one of the most relaxing nights I've had in a long while. Whenever the guys start to talk about their game experiences (like Art getting airsick being Shook's door gunner or Herbert doing his room clearing), they always have so much fun that it seems so real. The first time I heard them talk about the times, I actually almost believed they were in the situations they talked of in real life and not just in a game.

Last night was a very good night. We should do that more often. No kids, no bashing, no laughing at other people, no criticisms, no pouting, no scowling. Just plain great fun.

And why did I bring age into the whole introspective thing? It's because I always believe that biological age never matters. What matters more is mental age, maturity and our own abilities to deal with real life. Along that vein, I'm 32, Shook's 31, Mac's 32 (a few months younger than I am) and Jerome's 20 something but sometimes I do believe Jerome has adequately caught up with us in terms of maturity and being rational. We know of some 30 plus year olds who still use past pains as an excuse for behaving childishly. What's up with that?! I used to do that when I was in my 20s and craved attention. Then I got sick of myself and bored with my own behaviour especially after I realised how I ruined a lot of friendships that way. So I stopped and decided to take control of my own life. So maturity does come with age but only if we're willing to do it. After all, words are just words until we back them up with appropriate action.

After the fourth throw-up, which happened just minutes ago, my world has actually stopped spinning!

Which is an achievement since I got really paranoid and thought I might just die today.

To Leon, thank you so much. To Jerome, your hand helped put my world back on its axis although temporarily. To Mac, I can't remember if I owe you any thanks.

And to Shook, the next time you say 'Oh damn!' at the traffic light, I'll just take that as a cue to fall asleep. And also, thank you for driving me home. I parked the car properly after you left. I'll find out in a minute if I ran into anything. And I meant everything I said last night. Really. Real honesty tends to come out of me when I'm in a happy stupor.

Now, I need to go catch a flight. The air sickness bag might just be my best friend. And if my mom asks, I'll tell her I've not been feeling too well since yesterday (which is not exactly a lie).

But no more of this binge drinking for a while, okay? Let my system forget what happened first :)