Have you ever done anything even knowing beforehand that it's probably the most incorrect thing you've done all day and you just know that you're going to get hurt by it but you do it anyway?

Well, I do that. A lot. Some people know me to be an optimist. Others think I'm a pessimist. A very good friend of mine knows me to be an idealist yet at the same time, he knows I can be a realist as well.

What do I think? I think I can be a bit of a fatalist. I do things which I know will get me hurt. I think it's like hoping for the best yet expecting the worst. I never believe that good things can happen to me. I never hope to be treated well. I never expect anyone to do anything selfless for me. I try to do unto others as I would like them to do unto me yet I never expect any thanks for it.

But sometimes, it's nice to be thanked. It's nice to have someone be nice to you. It's nice to have someone say 'I owe you dinner for your great help and advice'. It's nice to be cared for and thought of. I never ask for presents but it's great when I get them. It's wonderful when someone says 'You've helped me in more ways than you'll ever know'. Maybe that's why I love my job. I love doing things for others.

I'm not asking you to worship me. I'm not asking you to love me unconditionally. I'm not asking you to bow down and kiss my feet. I'm not asking you to be less than what you are. I'm not even asking you to be more than what you are. I'm not asking to be your first priority. I'm not asking for a slave or a master or a hanger-on or a sap or a puppy dog. In fact, I don't ever remember asking for very much.

All I want is some respect because I am a fellow human being. I can feel sadness and pain. I can feel loneliness. I can feel and I do!

I believe in karma - what goes around comes around. I live my life with this in mind. I show gratitude when I can. I show respect when I can. I even show deference at the expense of being right because I'm trying to save the pride of the ones I love. All these I do because I want to be a better person. I want to be someone who can wake up in the mornings and look at herself in the mirror and say 'I like you!'.

I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be. I just do the best I can in a world already starving for some good. Must I be punished for being who I am, what I am, how I am? If you feel so, then I can only say I'm sorry. I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you're not happy. I'm sorry you're hurt and have been hurt. I'm sorry I can't do more for you. I'm sorry you think you're alone.

I can't do any more. Sometimes, I need to think of me, too.