I first heard of the Twilight series from Gette but I couldn't remember her take on it. Then I heard of it again from my students. Usually when it comes to my students, I'm just so happy they know what a book is for that I'm glad they're reading.

Then one of them decided to impress me with the storyline. All I could think of is 'You are trying to impress the one person who has been obsessed with vampires since she was younger than you are now and who even went to the extend of scheduling her classes at one point so that she could live like a vampire?!'

To be fair (which I always try to be), I picked up the first book and read it. Then, to be extra fair, I read the sequels.

What have I decided? It is pure and utter rubbish. First I felt like picking up the hardcover version and slamming it into the author's head. Then I felt like burning the books just so I could get rid of that spineless whim called the vampire hero. Then I wanted to just keep rotten tomatoes so I could throw it at the movie.

It would make a good young adult vampire romance if the author did not try to change the vampire mythology entirely. It is bad enough that we humans take much liberty with the myth as it is. Then some shmuck comes along and decides to change it to suit her own preference as well as try to influence poor stupid hormonal young adults into believeing her.

So maybe I'm a bit harsh. But even I draw the line at sparkling vampires. What the bloody hell?! It should be clear cut. Vampire = evil = darkness = hates light. What other defences would we have against the powers of evil if even the heavenly sunlight only makes them sparkle?! Fine, I'll forego the diamond ring my husband gave me and go hunt me down a vampire instead. Keep him in the front yard so all my neighbours can see my bling-bling vampire. Who needs precious stones anymore to impress the neighbours?

Due to my morbid curiosity and the need for endings and closure, I am now reading the fourth (and by no means the last (oh god, help us!) book in the series. Can the author be more graphic about the pain involved in being pregnant?! I already have my students half-afraid of being pregnant because they're afraid of the pain involved. I spent one hour last week telling them that if you love someone enough, you want to have their child and so the pain is worth it. And the way our bodies are built, we forget such pains very quickly. Humans heal and adapt.

But the last book has gone on about the pain of bearing a vampire child from page 145to 305 and still counting. Then the book says human childbearing is painful enough but a vampire child (which is mythologically even impossible due to the fact that vampires are dead!! So where is the sperm coming from?) causes even more pain. Apparently, the heroine is in agony even when the fetus stretches but the heroine morbidly insists on keeping the child. And what does the hero/father do? Stand around looking pale (paler than he already is being a vampire and dead?) and helpless. What happened to all the knowledge and wisdom he should have gained living an extra few hundred years? What was he doing? He claimed to be a paragon so womanising is out. He didn't do drugs, doesn't even smoke, doesn't even murder. He was waiting for the woman to come by and make him complete?! What a sap! And in one of the other books, he actually agreed not to go fight with his family to defend his family because the heroine begged him not to. Dude, where is your sense of honour? What honour is there in being pussy-whipped?

For a vampire, the hero is a spineless twerp who is pussy-whipped and has lost all sense of individuality and backbone. I think if he met Angel/Angelus, Angel would laugh at him so hard it would have bee embarrassing. Heck, this hero is an embarrassment to the male of his species.

So why am I reading the book if I hate it so much? It's the morbidness in me. I want to know how it ends. I want to know how more ridiculous it gets.

This is so that if I ever write a list of books never to read or books to recommend for comedy, I know which books to point out.

And the irony of it is that the fact that I'm ranting about it so much might make some people go out and look for the book. My recommendation is don't buy. Borrow instead. Quit giving the author money to finance more crappy stories.