Still Being Random

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I have seen many kinds of people. Some I interacted with, even liked, while some I just knew from a distance. I have seen them make mistakes and I have seen some of  them learn from their mistakes. The humbler ones even admitted to committing those mistakes and were big enough to apologise for them. The not-so-humble ones either never admitted upon knowing or just went their merry way feeling holier-than-thou.

Some of the most pleasant feelings I have ever had has been from knowing that I know people who have admitted they have made mistakes and are willing to change. Even as they have decided to age gracefully and be a better person, they are also aware that others can and have made the same mistakes they did. They accept people as they are without judging them based on anything at all. For that reason I am proud to call them my friends even as I sometimes wonder how they regard me.

But it doesn't matter. They know I accept them just as they are and I hope they return the favour. I may have had a momentary lapse in judgement about them or I might have even made the mistake of being too full of myself and judged them. But I see how they are now and I realise I have always enjoyed their company. And I hope they enjoy mine.

Now if friends or even acquaintances can do this for one another, it is indeed a sad, sad day when parents and family cannot, isn't it? But that is another story for another day.

For now, remember that "To err is human, to forgive Divine". We may be only human but we could try our hardest to be a better man (or woman).

When Times at Parkson shut down, I still kept my membership because I knew I would go to KL often enough to make it worth it.

However, I was a wee bit miffed when the birthday card came from them after I got back from KL and it was valid only within the month of my birthday.

Much to my utter joy, the Times at the Hills opened and I had another bookstore to haunt. So I went there a few days before my birthday. I wasn't sure if they had any book I'd want but I looked anyway.

I nearly went mad with happiness when I saw the three Gregory Maguire books with the exact covers I have been wanting. Since I already had book 2 with the cover I really liked, I decided to buy books 1 & 3 despite already owning book 1. So if anyone wants a copy of book 1, I'm willing to give it away for free. However, I might have already packed it in a box somewhere.

Anyway, my Wicked collection is now complete and I am happy.

Until next pay day when I shall go on another book hunt. I really would rather spend my money on books than other useless things.

I've been considering moving to my LiveJournal. I really do like how the LiveJournal is set up. Okay, I'm being a girl when I say that I really like how I can make my blog look pretty at the drop of a pin (or in this case, with a quick CSS tweak).

And I can lock it up when I want to while leaving it wide open if I choose to.

But....(yes, always a 'but')

To get the full feeling of LJ, I might need to pay for it. Ok, fine! To make it prettier, I'll have to pay for it!

What to do, what to do...

I believe that there more there is at stake, the more effort you should put into it.

What am I talking about?

When I first started dating Shook, I wasn't hoping to get married. I was just trying out this dating thing. But the one thing I never forgot was to treat his mother well and with respect. So, although in my mind I was not thinking of marrying him, I still behaved like a good maybe-daughter-in-law would.

I greeted her and, although it scared the bejeepers out of me, I sat and talked to her nicely. Shook even left me alone with her a few times and I didn't run screaming in horror although I was nervous like hell. In my mind, I saw myself as the girl who is taking her son away from her and I felt I needed to make up for that 'sin' alone.

As a result, when the time was right, it wasn't us to ask for the marriage, it was his parents. They got the ball rolling. Left to us, we'd still be dragging our feet and there'd be no Athena yet.

So. My point is this - If you want to take a son away from his mother by marrying him, spend time with the mother. Be nice to her. Don't take him away from her than he already has to.

Besides, when you marry the son, he'll sleep with you anyway. For now, let him spend some time with his mother. By doing this, you get kudos points and it'll smoothen the way for better relationships.

There are many people out there who don't realise this and it brings about many mother-in-law horror stories. Just as there is a saying about needing two hands to clap, a lot of times, it's not just the mother-in-law who is bad. You've taking her child away from her. Can you really expect her to feel good about you?

So, the way of it is to show her that she's not losing a son but she's gaining a daughter.

Do we understand my point now?

I don't think I need to say more.

I loved the movie. It was part of a ritual my housemates and I had in the US. We'd watch Dirty Dancing about once a month. It was usually the time that all of us were at the house at the same. It was our quality time together. And we all looked forward to it. Always. Well, I did.

I'm sad he's gone. While he never made it into the big league of Hollywood, he was still someone in the land of many someones.

I think I'll go watch Dirty Dancing tonight and get all soft inside when he says "Nobody puts Baby in the corner!"

A knight in tainted armour - just how I like them.

But! So little time, so many thoughts to share.

I think I'll share next week. When I have holidays and I cannot eat so I have more, more time to do many, many other things.

Like blog. And buy books. And organise my music files. And play The Sims 3!!

I haven't been here for awhile.Nothing different is going on with me. It's just that by the time I get back from work, I'm not thinking of the computer or the internet. My priority then is Athena. Since I spend all day away from her, I like to use the evenings to catch up on anything I'd missed out. Sometimes, I wish some people would remember that instead of assuming I am always available to run around like I used to.

It doesn't help that I have a baby who doesn't seem to believe in first words. She's tumbling headlong into first sentences and phrases. Her current favourite is 'I go.' Can you tell she loves going out?

I was telling some of my colleagues about her a few days ago and I happened to mention that she already has 8 books. Some of those books are classic like Peter Pan, We're Going On A Bear Hunt and Where The Wild Things Are. One colleague actually took a critical tone with me saying, "She's only a baby!!"

My reply was simple. "If you don't get her to like reading at an early age, when are you expecting to start?"

I didn't even want to share with this colleague that I used to talk to Athena when she was in my womb. Due to that practice, Athena now sleeps at 9.30 p.m. and wakes up at 6.30 p.m. Exactly the times I taught her to do so while I was pregnant. And since the day she was born, Athena always seemed to understand everything we said to her. So if talking to her while I was pregnant with her is stupid, then guess whose baby appears more intelligent compared to others her age?

Gette calls her an over-achiever. Trust me, neither Shook nor I pushed Athena to be so. So far, she has a penchant for music and she always looks like she's trying to figure out how things work. If this turns her into a singing mechanical engineer, so be it. But she loves flying, so aeronautical engineer? Who knows? As far as I am concerned, she can be whatever she wants to be, wherever she wants to be. However, right now, people find it hard to believe she's talking, crawling at super speed, walking while aided and growing her sixth tooth all at the same time.

I am spending the weekend with her in KL this week. We're hoping to meet up with some of her aunts and uncles, if we can. But I'm going to watch Merchants of Bollywood as well as attend a function so I'm not sure how much time I have to spare to meet up or go shopping. In addition, my parents are flying off to Perth on Sunday because my grandmother just passed away in Perth. But I'll be back on Sunday evening.

Other than that, I'm looking forward to the weekend and taking Athena to a whole new environment. I'm not worried since she's a good traveller.

So I went out and bought myself a new graphics card. Nothing too flashy. Just the NVidia 9800 GT. Pretty inexpensive at about RM569, I think. Only thing is it requires a bigger power supply as my current one is only running at 350 watts. The card needs at least a 550watts power supply. So I'll do that tomorrow.

I also got a 2Gb RAM so my pc is currently running on 3 Gigs of RAM and a 4Gb Kingston thumbdrive. It was pretty and I do need one to replace my old yellow mini fun thumbdrive which died on me last week. It was also on sale at RM69. The original price was RM119, if I'm not mistaken.

I did manage to test the new graphics card but didn't dare try it out for too long. I was worried about the power supply. But the weird psychedelic colours and strange Sims in black and white are not due to the card. I do believe now it's because of the missing data from the installation process. So I'll wait until my original copy arrives tomorrow and try it again.

Oh, I met Alvin and Jerome at Saberkas and when I told them about the Sims 3 I'm getting, Vinnie asked what language it was in. I told him that since it's an original, I could most likely find the language pack somewhere if it turns out to be in a Middle Eastern language and not English.

As of today, I have officially become a supporter of and contributor to Electronic Arts.

After much texting to my youngest sister in Dubai, she finally messaged me and said my mom bought me an original copy of The Sims 3. Even after I told her that I had bought a dubious copy already to test my system with. But since they've already got it for me, I guess I can now sign up at the website and download stuff. Yay! A perk!

As for my system, it works on my pc. However, I had an error message while installing it. One of the date files won't install so it crapped up my game. The game loads fast, plays well EXCEPT that I can't see the colours to some objects and my Sims are all either black and hite only. So I presume that's part of the data that went haywire.

However, just to be safe (and to stick to my tradition) I'm going to get a new graphics card tomorrow and then install the game on Tuesday when my parents get back from Dubai.

And then we'll see.

And, as a testament to her parents' obsession with games, Athena loves the Sims and keeps chuckling at the characters in the opening sequence.

I have been waiting for The Sims 3 since last year. Despite knowing how Americans write their dates, I was excited enough that I once got fooled by someone into thinking it was coming out in February instead of June.

I am serious enough about Sims that I am prepared to buy the original game. Not pirated, not copied. I figured since I love it so much, I should at least get one original version before I or it died. So I'm going to do just that.

And true to my tradition, I am going to upgrade my graphics card just for The Sims 3. Tomorrow.

I also (why, oh why?) downloaded a PDF of The Sims 3 Prima Guide. Why am I moaning? I am suddenly being reminded why I really, really want this version. Since I've completed by evil empire on Evil Genius, I can now make my own evil genius on Sims.

Either that or create a blonde, blue-eyed vegetarian cutie with a mean streak of evil in him/her.

How morbid is that!

ETA: I just saw this!!:It might be a bit small but you get the idea. I can create a kleptomaniac! Wow! I'd love to see that one at work.

When Shook came home for a break this last week, he showed me an episode from the show Deadliest Warrior. It was the Green Beret vs Spetsnaz episode. I found it very interesting. I'm not sure if they've ever had a face-off in real life but on the show, they did. This was episode 6. There has been about 9 or ten episodes so far. I've only watched the Green Berets episode and the Yakuza vs Mafia episode.

I don't know much about the Green Beret or the Spetsnaz but I do know about the Prohibition-era Mafia and the Japanese Yakuza. As far as I am concerned, this match-up makes more sense than a few of the others in the show. Mafia and Yakuza are very close in terms of purpose, methods and armament. They might differ in terms of refinement and profile but that's about it. So, for them to go head to head is acceptable even if I did find it very testosterone overloaded. I'm not sure if it was for dramatics or real but at one point in the show, the two younger members from both sides looked like they were about to go into an impromptu brawl right on the set. The older guys, being veterans of the 'game', held back. And I was impressed that both the older guys were real soldiers of their organisations. The mafia guy was the cousin to Joe Bonanno. All Mafia fans know Joe Bonanno - head of a Mafia family in the 1950s/60s, I think he was shot while at the barber's. The Yakuza guy was also a real member. They listed him as a Yakuza descendant who openly said it was a way of life for him and his family. His brother's in it, his son's in it. Notice how he used his brother's and not his brother was or is.

The only problem I had was the situations for some of the tests. One example was where they tested the Yakuza ceramic grenade against the Mafia Molotov cocktail. The ceramic grenade was tested in an open area with 3 dummies situated at varying distances form the grenade which is tied to a string. It is then triggered and the computer calculates the distances, affect and power. The grenade does what the Yakuza wants it to - basically injure, disorientate or confuse the people it is aimed at. Then, tested against this is the Mafia Molotov cocktail. However, the situation given is that it is thrown into a car with two dummies in it and then the effects are measured. Do you see my problem with this? One is in an open space while the other is in an enclosed space. The premises/aims of the two are not taken into account. Is it to cause fatal injuries, is it to just scare or is it merely to distract?

Then later, they test the short range weapons; the Mafia sawed-off shotgun against the Yakuza Walther P53, I think. I can't get my head around it. How do you test a shotgun against a handgun?! Granted I was very impressed with the Walther. The Yakuza guy (who was pretty hot, by the way!) let off one shot through the test skull's eye socket and the bullet blew the back of the skull off. The Mafia guy went in pointing his shotgun and blew half the test dummy's body off! Again, what was the point? As far as I am concerned, you want to get the job done but don't have any skilled shooters, yes, the shotgun works. You only need to aim at the body and the pellets do the rest. It's also noisy. You want low profile and finesse and skill, you go for the Walther.

Then they tested the Yakuza nunchakus against the Mafia baseball bat and the Yakuza Sai against the Mafia ice-pick.

After each test, the simulator expert will key the results into his computer and then run a simulator programme at the end of the show. The programme will show the events and the results of a face-off between the two sides.

I enjoy the show because I love to see how each weapon fare against each other. Then the simulation at the end is like watching a little fight which might/might not have happened. I'm just wondering what premises they use when they decide which warriors fight against each other. Is it like economics where all other matters remain constant or do environments and situations play a part? Some of it don't seem very fair or logical.

So far they've done Apache vs Gladiator, viking vs samurai, spartan vs ninja, pirate vs knight, maori warrior vs shaolin monk, William Wallace vs Shaka Zulu and IRA vs Taliban.

I don't understand half of the pairings. Like spartan vs ninja. It makes no sense. Ninjas are stealth while vikings depend on brute force and scare tactics. I would have paired the Vikings with the Pirates as they both depend on their vicious reputations to precede them as well as their seafaring skills. I would also have pitted the Apache against the ninja as they both use stealth, gladiator against the spartan and samurai against the knight.

But that's just me. However, I do enjoy the show. If you can, try to catch the show. But only if you're a history nut or a weapon freak or both.

I went to watch Terminator Salvation yesterday with Shook. I've been planning to watch it this holiday anyway so yesterday we took time out from Athena and went.

All I can say is that the fourth movie in any series tend to get to me. I used to watch movies a lot with my father so movies like Terminator, Predator and Rambo were the norm.

When I watched Rambo 4, I cried at the end. It is sad when you think about it. Worst if you watch them all continuously. John Rambo's only thought in the first Rambo was to go home. And he only reached home in the fourth movie which took place almost twenty years later.

Then you watch Terminator Salvation and you think about the first Terminator movie. Especially when Kyle Reese meets Sarah Connor for the first time and tells her what she is meant to do and the son they both create. Then you watch Salvation and there is the adult John Connor whose one thought is to save his father who is a teenaged Kyle Reese at that time. It kinda boggles the mind. Even without watching the Sarah Connor Chronicles on TV.

So following these movies like I do, it's no wonder I can get emotionally involved. Some people may not understand as they most likely don't think this genre of movies can evoke any real emotions. But if you pay attention and you give them a chance, these movies make more sense and have a better storyline than a lot of dramas out there.

One thing has been bothering me the past few days. Well, I read about it last week and have not seen anything else about it. I hope this means that someone has been shown the error of his statement and has been asked to be realistic about it.

For years now, we have nicely called the Mat Rempits as Mat Rempits. Basically, they are motorcyclists who race illegally on the streets usually at night. At first, I admit, they were impressive and fun to watch. Then, like all youths or very immatured people, they got big-headed and started showing off. They also got dangerous.

Generally, if they are only dangerous to themselves and killing each other, I won't give a rat's ass what happens to them. Less stupid people on the road, as far as I am concern. But, what they did was get dangerous for all road users.

Imagine this scenario: You are driving at night, maybe to get home from work, maybe to meet up with friends, maybe even just out for a drive with your family. Then you hear loud vrooming noises. Suddenly, some youths on motorcycles, a few with pillion riders, come zooming by. They're not moving in order. In fact, they are zigzagging in front of you, behind you while yelling out, probably making obscene gestures. Some of them are not even sitting in their seats; some are lying on them! You dare not swerve out of their way because they are everywhere. You evade one and you might run into another. You might consider honking them to warn them or remind them you are there, but they might take it the wrong way and gang up on you. Even worst, if you're a girl driving alone or even a few girls in the car, you definitely don't want to attract their attention. You'll be lucky if all they do is smash up your car and beat you up. Imagine being terrified for your safety, for your family's lives. Imagine having grown up watching about Hell's Angels in an American movie and this looks like one of the scenes. Imagine realising how this seems like a nightmare you cannot wake up from.

Then imagine people telling you that Mat Rempits are the good guys. That they should not be called street gangsters. That they should be renamed Mat Cemerlangs. That funds should be allocated to their well-being and enjoyment; funds which could be used in education, rural development and social welfare. Imagine how such acts of terror should be condoned and applauded and immortalised in movies. Imagine all the accolades for the illegal street racers, who are a menace and a danger to society, coming from people who are surrounded by bodyguards, who never drive on the roads themselves, who never look up to see the dangers their drivers need to drive through for them, who never experienced being on the road at night and in danger of meeting these gangs of motorcyclists.

Imagine all that and see how you feel about these people. See whether you sympathise with the police who have to tolerate the people who make the accolades as well as face the terrors on the streets. See whether you don't feel that something is wrong here and that something realistic has to be done.

See if, just this once, the police might actually be right and the lawmakers might just actually be wrong.

P.S: One rumour I've heard is that these Mat Rempits usually bet on their pillion riders, who tend to be female. In the 1950s ( and maybe even now), street racers in America used to race for pink slips (ownership of the cars). But in Malaysia, Mat Rempits race for the right to have sex with the female pillion riders. Rather hypocritical to think of them as the good guys then, isn't it? Yes, very Cemerlang they are.

The holidays have officially started for me, my husband is home and I have time to do everything I've been wanting to do.

Life looks good for now.

For as long as I can remember, there is one thing I have ever wanted to do, and do well. And that is to write.

Someone simple-minded might say - "You can write." To which I will only reply - "If that is what you believe, then you have never read."

At one point in my life, I contemplated writing for a living. And I'm sure many friends in my circle of friends have thought the same at one point in their lives as well. However, my father being the practical man that he is questioned my dream then because no money would come out of it. How would I be able to maintain my life? He had a point. If I had stood my ground, I might have ended up in a job I might have begun to hate while earning pittance. That might not be so bad if I had never wanted anything in my life. But looking at my current lifestyle, I'm glad I never took up writing as a livelihood.

Having said all that, I still would like to write. I did once dream of writing a novel but my attention problem would never have let me finish the novel. I once started something in longhand (is there such a word?) but after I reached the end of the second exam pad, my attention waned and I moved on.

I've written many short stories and planned (and outlined) even more. Yet, they all remain in the library of my mind, doomed to collect dust there until such a time that I might pull them out again.

The problem I have is that, when I was a child, I read adult books. I finished the entire Hardy Boys collection (at that time) by the time I was 11. Then I jumped to books like Jane Eyre, Gone With The Wind, Wuthering Heights, anything by Edgar Allen Poe and such books. Of course, I also discovered Mills & Boons, from which I learnt many odd phrases and many weird things people do when they're in love and denying it. I also discovered Barbara Cartland and wanted to be like the ladies in her books. They were not as helpless as Nancy Drew, really.

The other part of the problem was that when I got to young adulthood, I began to read teen fiction. So I was doing things in reverse. People have wondered how I could read so fast. When you've gone from Gone With The WInd to some teen fiction, the reading gets way easier. That, and this speed reading session I took once. Also, the only thing that could hold my attention long enough was a book.

I read so much and so fast that it felt really wasteful to buy a book. Anything thin would be devoured within half a day and anything thick was completed within a few days. So, it was with great relief (on my parents' part) that I got a membership card to the British Council library. I borrowed three books each time and returned them well before the due date of two weeks.

I guess all this influenced my writing style. When I started to write short stories later, I got a lot of help from my English lecturer in college. She guided me through a lot of bumpiness. She was the first person to tell me about choppy storylines and cliche plots. She taught me to write draft after draft after draft after draft. She was also the one who told me to write a story then leave it until I'd almost forgotten then go back and read it like it was for the first time. And if I didn't understand or couldn't picture what I wrote then I had to rewrite or edit it. I once wrote a 2000-word paper for her without research and with only a few editing. The facts were already in my head and I had started writing the story in my head from the moment she gave us the assignment. It took me three days to write it. I'm not sure if it was good or bad that she never returned it to me. She gave me an A and tried to get me to go one level higher - script-writing. I did it for one term, wrote a script, took part in Drama classes and then discovered I'd rather direct and produce than act. That script was also submitted to her and never returned. That's when I also read Death of a Salesman inside and out, cover to cover. That book is a wonderful example of script writing.

But my love is still in story writing. I don't write like it's a movie or a TV show. If I wanted that, I'd write scripts. I write a little like Leslie Charteris - lots of descriptions, explanations and just some dialogue. Teen fiction and romance require lots of dialogue. Adult fiction have just enough to enhance the story. I would love to write like Leslie Charteris. His Simon Templar is so witty, charming and absolutely divine.

So I'm not saying my writing style is bad. I'm saying it's my style and influenced by what I read at an early age. Despite my love for romance books, I can't write romance. It's too tedious. I show romance by behaving it, not just writing it. It rather explains why I don't write love letters. My romance sound whiny to me. Imagine how it sounds to others.

While I can sometimes come up with the most appealing phrases, I get a little shaky at world-building. I can picture but I cannot seem to describe it. Yet, while I know I'm not the worst, I also know I have got a lot to learn. Some people get deflated when their stories require too much editing. I'm not that arrogant. However, too much editing allows my mind to wander. Before you know it, what started out as a murder mystery ends up being a fantasy with a pinch of romance and just a teeny dash of horror.

Maybe I should just stick to short stories. And I get a lot of my inspirations - amazingly - form my students. They say the oddest things which make the oddest connections in my mind. So if I get bizarre suddenly, you know why.

But I love reading Leslie Charteris books. Books by British authors surpasses those by American authors in leaps and bounds and vocabulary and wit.

I sigh and I wish and wish...