When I first met Shook, the last thing I expected from him was to be a romantic. I mean, this was the guy who dissed weddings saying that everytime he gets invited to one, he'd either skip it or buy the newly-wed couple a guide book to divorce. And when I mention anything that is romantic, he'd say phht and change the subject. He also once told me he got freaked out when one of his ex-girlfriends asked who their children would look when they have any. He didn't strike me as a very romantic person or if there was even a speck of romance in him.
But the rest of him was intriguing so I stayed to find out more. But I gave him as good as he gave out. Because not once did I mention us getting married, not once did I mention I wanted to meet the rest of his family, I never mentioned having children (in fact, he mentioned it first!) and most of all, I was the most non-cuddly, non-gooey girlfriend SEEN.
However, since we've been married, it seems as if he's allowed himself to be more open. A friend said he's more secure and relaxed. Oh, we still fight but it's very rare nowadays. And we know when to take time out from each other when it does happen. Even if he is here and we get into an argument, if we have to meet up with friends, either one of us will make a mundane comment to ease the tension between us. I always make a point of never, ever showing his friends I am angry with him. Neither do I criticise him in front of them. It's just not done. I don't want his friends going away thinking he's now pussy-whipped. Neither do I allow my friends to think he's being harsh or mean to me. I tell them good things. As part of a couple, we have to maintain good images of each other. It gets more once we were married. That's how relationships and marriages work. Nobody knows if and when we fight. My parents don't even know and we live with them. My sisters don't know and they are my confidantes. The moment I walk out of our room, I act as if all is right with the world, even if I had been crying before this.
But to be fair to Shook, I haven't cried sad tears for awhile. I tend to cry happy tears because of things he's said and done. Once, he suddenly messaged me saying he loved me. This from a guy who doesn't know how to say it out. Another time, he suddenly messaged saying he missed me when I was expecting a smartass remark from him. His surprises keep me on my toes yet I never take him for granted.
Just last week, he did something totally unexpected again. He told me that he would only be coming home on the 30th, maybe earliest 28th if he can finagle it out of his academy. So on Tuesday, I told him I might not be able to meet him online for our usual chats because I had to send my mother and sisters to the airport. And then I was going to the supermarket to buy food for us for the week my family was not around. I messaged him early in the morning to remind him and he replied as usual.
Then before I went to the airport, I messaged him again. But he didn't reply. So I got a little worried. I knew he wasn't flying or in briefing so I wondered at the silence. My mom got worried too and told me to call Sonnie or Alam. I told her I'd wait until their lunch break then call. Then I messaged Shook at around 1 p.m. to ask what bread he preferred. He replied so I figured he was all right. And when I got online I saw Alam but no Shook. Again, I figured he had something to do or was not near his laptop.
In the afternoon, my mom asked about him again and I said I had heard from him. So she was appeased. Then I went out to buy bread. Something instinctive told me to go home despite the fact that I still wanted to go looking for russet potatoes. I'm a person who trusts her instincts a lot so I headed home. Just as I parked my car and closed the gate, who rolls up the driveway if not my beloved husband.
I was too happy to see him that I couldn't scold him for driving back alone. When I told my parents that he had come home early to surprise me, even they could not do more than a token mention about him driving home alone. But I was ecstatic to see him.
What he did was something I would never have expected. I know my dad did it once to my mom so she had her suspicions. But I thought I knew Shook well enough that I wasn't prepared for such a surprise. My sisters thought it was sweet. Even my voice instructor was gleeful. When I told my Toastmasters that night that I wanted to leave the AGM sooner than usual, they understood after hearing my story.
Like I told Shook, he is the only guy who makes me feel loved. Every guy I was ever interested in all assumed I was strong enough that I didn't need any reassurance or pretty gestures. But I think well-deserved gestures are good. It's what keeps a relationship going. Relationships aren't based on who is stronger or who wins. I believe it is based on how the couple work together, how they understand each other, how they communicate and relate. Best of all, I believe it is based on how much love and consideration the couples show for each other.
I'm no expert but I've seen enough selfish relationships that I can tell either one half of the couple is too weak to let go or the relationship will not last long. It doesn't mean I am luckier or better. It just means that I know a good thing when I see it and I know how to appreciate it.
But the rest of him was intriguing so I stayed to find out more. But I gave him as good as he gave out. Because not once did I mention us getting married, not once did I mention I wanted to meet the rest of his family, I never mentioned having children (in fact, he mentioned it first!) and most of all, I was the most non-cuddly, non-gooey girlfriend SEEN.
However, since we've been married, it seems as if he's allowed himself to be more open. A friend said he's more secure and relaxed. Oh, we still fight but it's very rare nowadays. And we know when to take time out from each other when it does happen. Even if he is here and we get into an argument, if we have to meet up with friends, either one of us will make a mundane comment to ease the tension between us. I always make a point of never, ever showing his friends I am angry with him. Neither do I criticise him in front of them. It's just not done. I don't want his friends going away thinking he's now pussy-whipped. Neither do I allow my friends to think he's being harsh or mean to me. I tell them good things. As part of a couple, we have to maintain good images of each other. It gets more once we were married. That's how relationships and marriages work. Nobody knows if and when we fight. My parents don't even know and we live with them. My sisters don't know and they are my confidantes. The moment I walk out of our room, I act as if all is right with the world, even if I had been crying before this.
But to be fair to Shook, I haven't cried sad tears for awhile. I tend to cry happy tears because of things he's said and done. Once, he suddenly messaged me saying he loved me. This from a guy who doesn't know how to say it out. Another time, he suddenly messaged saying he missed me when I was expecting a smartass remark from him. His surprises keep me on my toes yet I never take him for granted.
Just last week, he did something totally unexpected again. He told me that he would only be coming home on the 30th, maybe earliest 28th if he can finagle it out of his academy. So on Tuesday, I told him I might not be able to meet him online for our usual chats because I had to send my mother and sisters to the airport. And then I was going to the supermarket to buy food for us for the week my family was not around. I messaged him early in the morning to remind him and he replied as usual.
Then before I went to the airport, I messaged him again. But he didn't reply. So I got a little worried. I knew he wasn't flying or in briefing so I wondered at the silence. My mom got worried too and told me to call Sonnie or Alam. I told her I'd wait until their lunch break then call. Then I messaged Shook at around 1 p.m. to ask what bread he preferred. He replied so I figured he was all right. And when I got online I saw Alam but no Shook. Again, I figured he had something to do or was not near his laptop.
In the afternoon, my mom asked about him again and I said I had heard from him. So she was appeased. Then I went out to buy bread. Something instinctive told me to go home despite the fact that I still wanted to go looking for russet potatoes. I'm a person who trusts her instincts a lot so I headed home. Just as I parked my car and closed the gate, who rolls up the driveway if not my beloved husband.
I was too happy to see him that I couldn't scold him for driving back alone. When I told my parents that he had come home early to surprise me, even they could not do more than a token mention about him driving home alone. But I was ecstatic to see him.
What he did was something I would never have expected. I know my dad did it once to my mom so she had her suspicions. But I thought I knew Shook well enough that I wasn't prepared for such a surprise. My sisters thought it was sweet. Even my voice instructor was gleeful. When I told my Toastmasters that night that I wanted to leave the AGM sooner than usual, they understood after hearing my story.
Like I told Shook, he is the only guy who makes me feel loved. Every guy I was ever interested in all assumed I was strong enough that I didn't need any reassurance or pretty gestures. But I think well-deserved gestures are good. It's what keeps a relationship going. Relationships aren't based on who is stronger or who wins. I believe it is based on how the couple work together, how they understand each other, how they communicate and relate. Best of all, I believe it is based on how much love and consideration the couples show for each other.
I'm no expert but I've seen enough selfish relationships that I can tell either one half of the couple is too weak to let go or the relationship will not last long. It doesn't mean I am luckier or better. It just means that I know a good thing when I see it and I know how to appreciate it.
Listening to: Les Cloches - Bruno Pelletier, Daniel Lavoie Et Garou (Gringoire, Frollo Et Quasimodo) - Notre-Dame de Paris
