Still Being Random

I just had a thought about something.

As much as our mothers tend to irk us....do you realise that we girls tend to be more like our moms than we thought? Or even more than we want to admit?

Think about it...

My Norwegian cousins will be in Kuching at the end of this month! Yay!

One of them, Mari, was here a few years back and Mac met her. This time round, I think I'll take her out to dinner with Shook and Jerome. After all, Jerome is closer in relation to them than I am and it's time he got to meet all his cousins as well.

I'm excited!!

Also, I have been in a superbly good mood despite it being 2 months to the end of the semester and I have exams coming down on me starting next week. Not to mention my report writing and my Toastmasters and alumni and dancing. But nothing will get me down (so far!) unless you make me deal with rude, self-centred, dumbass morons, who choose to see only one side of the story and still think they know all! Then I'll get pissed.....but not for long. Haha!

See? I've had my PMS and now going through the M bit of it and I still don't chew people's head off. I guess it's a matter of how you want to control your life.

Anyway, good days are coming and I am looking forward to them!

Yay!!

While taking a leisurely stroll around the Internet after work, I came across a few interesting links.

One of them was about a teenage slug club. When you're dealing with teenagers as regularly as I do, you might tend to find this idea amusing, fitting or scary or all at the same time. My father has often mentioned of how road bullies or just juvenile delinquents, in general, should be allowed to slug it out until they collapse to die just to keep the 'bad' populace down.

The other interesting thing I found was this site that tells of Vampire Wine. Having been a huge fan of vampires since primary school, I found the idea rather awesome. Not only do we like them, now we can pretend to be like them! Speaking of vampires, if you're a fan, here's a book list of vampire books you can start looking into. I'm not sure I'm willing to go through the entire collection just yet at this point in my life.

Did you know that Paris and Nicky Hilton want to make a cartoon version of themselves? I'm not sure how I feel about this but don't you think our TV shows are 'polluted' enough? Okay, so maybe I don't have much respect for them but they do make me feel very glad I'm not a spoilt rich brat. Won't want to end up as stupid and aimless as they are.

I don't know about you but my desk is a real mess. I call it an organised mess but Shook would never agree. Well, I make myself feel good about it by saying that a cluttered desk shows a creative mind. Some writers agree and some don't. Want to see what bestselling writers' desks look like? Personally I like this and this.

Finally, have you ever wanted to write a lipogram? I found one titled Gadsby. Without the letter 'e'. Sheesh! I can't imagine doing this because I really don't think I have the time and I can't say I'm inspired enough to even begin.

I just got back from watching V for Vendetta.

The movie is spectacular. I love it! I'll most probably buy the DVD when it comes out. My students will most probably hate it because there's lots of talk and not much action.

The dialogue was very good especially the monologue in the beginning. Herbert's Alison loved it because there were quotes from Shakespeare every now and again. I'm not sure how Nick's Dulcy felt about it because my focus at the end was to get home. But I get the impression that Dulcy is into horror and comedy flicks. She agreed with me on how Final Destination 3 was by far the goriest of the trilogy and she probably thought I was such a kid to be afraid of horror movies. But I explained to her that it's my imagination taking over where the movie left off that gets to me and not the movie itself. She looked like she wanted to laugh at me but didn't dare. Heck, I'd laugh at myself for being that silly.

The best part of the evening was when Shook greeted Herbert in their usual style and Alison actually looked scared. I think she did expect Shook to kiss Herb and she looked at me since she knew I had walked in with Shook. But I laughed it off and told her I've known it for a while and it's an ongoing joke among us now.

I told them to expect The Omen on June 6th and can you believe the girls didn't know what it was about?! Then again, even Nick looked perplexed. So maybe it's a you-had-to-be-born-at-that-time thing or you have to be a big movie nut. So I had to explain that to them too.

But V for Vendetta is a must-see. Despite the long narrative and constant talking, it was a great movie. It's a good movie for anyone who has ever joked that everything happens in the US to the US. This time, it's London, baby, and it's Big Ben!

I'd like to read the comic books so if anyone has it, please let me know. I don't mind if it's in soft copy or hard copy. I just want to read the whole series. And to see how far the movie differs from the comic books.

Sometimes I think pride is a terrible thing.

It figures that it's one of the seven sins but personally I think it's one of the worst ones to have. I only think this becase I have long realised that, while I am not perfect, I do try my best to be good. But the one thing I cannot bring myself to doing is to admitting I need help. I will do whatever is possible myself first before I seek others' help. Like money, for one. I'd rather not go out or not buy anything at all and above all else, I'd rather not borrow or be indebted to anyone if I could help it. Heck, I don't even ask my parents for money. Even when they offer it to me, I drag my feet in accepting it. They've offered to pay off my loans, my education fees. The've even offered to pay for my Masters but I'm dragging my feet because I haven't paid off my loans yet. And when they do pay for me, I feel so ashamed that I refuse to look them in the eye for a while. It really is horrible to be too proud. When I have a problem, I don't ask anyone for help. I actually psych myself up to overcome the problem before anyone even knows I have it. The times that I've been depressed and taken a knife to my wrist (the right way!) nobody knew because I didn't ask for help. Why? Because it felt like such an attention whore thing. And I don't like being the center of attention. So I talked and deluded myself out of the depression. I did all that positve thinking thing everyone talks about. My hormones still go haywire and I still get depressed but I walk away from it. I know my depression is still bad because every month I think about breaking up with Shook and running away from everyone because I think everyone hates me. (Well, they would have to hate you when they start asking why you would want to hang out wth them, wouldn't they?)

The other thing I am which I have slowly overcomed is my possessiveness. When I was in college, I hated anyone who tried to be friends with my friends. In fact, I detested it when other people tried to join my group of friends. I would ignore them or pout or even be mean to the new people. The thing is I knew I was doing it. But at that time, I didn't stop myself. I hated mysef for it but I did it anyway. Then I would try to get attention by making a big deal out of not joining them or making huge excuses why I don't like doing what they are doing. Looking back at it now, it seemed so juvenile.

They all come together, you know. My possessiveness led to me thinking people hate me. Which led me to being depressed. Which made me hate them and myself. Which brought to thoughts of suicide.

I was too proud to admit I was the one at fault.

Well, eventually I admitted it to myself first and foremost. Then I decided to be nice to other people. Unconditionally nice. If they didn't return the feeling or sentiment, then I figured it was their problem, not mine. But I tried and I still try. It hurts when people don't act as nice to you as you do to them. Sometimes it's their fault. Sometimes it's yours. Once we figure out which is which, then maybe we can start loving ourselves more.

I do the best that I can. I juggle my career, my family, my love, my friends and my interests to the best of my ability.

If people don't like me for who I am, it doesn't matter sometimes. I love who I am. I could be better and so I try to be better. But if people want to avoid me or say bad things about me or have bad thoughts about me when I've done nothing to them, then maybe they should start to think more rationally. After all, we only reflect our mental age through our behaviour not through our birth dates.

I had dinner at Room 205 on Sunday night with my girl friends. I have long realised that I need female friends to talk certain matters to which I just cannot do with guy friends. As understanding as the guy can be, he will never be fully able to understand the difficulties of being a girl or of being a daughter. If a guy gets angry with his parents, he has the option of yelling at them, holding a grudge until he dies or they die, he can hate them, he can ignore them, he can even move out! But girls have more difficulty doing these things. At the end of the day, a girl still needs her mother or her father for help and support.

So while I was out with the girls, we just laughed and poked fun at each other. Two of us there have boyfriends so we used the two singles as an excuse to go look at guys. Heck, we figured even if we can't touch, we can still look and maybe scout for guys for our single friends. I noticed that one of them has no flirting abilities at all and the other one claims she can't get drunk. So that's what brought up the idea of going to VA this Friday.

Anyway, one of them Stephanie has an awesome boyfriend who she'll most likely end up marrying. I've always enjoyed spending time with her because she's one of those truly beautiful women who is totally unaware of her own beauty. She's intelligent, witty, beautiful and very-down-to-earth. She's a pharmacist by qualification and she has problems just like the rest of us. Why did I add that bit in? This is because some people seem to be under the misguided impression that beauty is protection from problems. If you're pretty, you must be without problems. What a crock of shit! Talk about the Hollywood dream! The worst part about Stephanie is that she and her boyfriend look so perfect together. He is so clean cut and intelligent and understanding that he seems so perfect. But I do know that they argue and agree to disagree.

The funny thing is that all of us and every girl we know all agree that the best guy to have is the one who has nice short hair and a sense of humour. That night, out of the blue, Stephanie suddenly turned to me and said that I was lucky to find a nice Malay guy. My reply was 'Thank you, And he's only nice because he's not Malay. He's Melanau!'. I have yet to meet a 'nice Malay' guy. Am I being racist against my own race? Is that possible?

You see, I have some requirements in the guys I like. And Shook covers them all hence the reason why our relationship has lasted this long. I like guys who have a sense of humour, nice clean look (I'll never date a guy who has long hair because I don't like sharing my shampoo or spend time talking about split ends! So metrosexual!), intelligent, will not kow-tow to my famiy's status in society, know what they want in life and is prepared to go after it, will recognise a good opportunity when they see it, and most of all, will understand that a perfect relationship means an argument now and again. A boring relationship is one with no arguments at all and either one is too agreeable. And a boring guy is one who thinks only he is right and will not accept criticism or advice and does not know how to laugh at himself.

Most Malay guys I've met are either too serious, too tense, too low in self-esteem or they have an inferiority complex that they're trying to hide by being too full of themselves. Most of all, they lack the ability to laugh at themselves and refuse to admit they've made a mistake. I was once interested in Malay guys. But one kept telling me he thought I was too intelligent for him and the other lost his sense of humour after graduation. Imagine if I had married either one of them? It'd be a life full of either no arguments because I'm smarter or full of talk of work and no laughter. I'd be divorced within two years! Tenacious as I am, I'd be too bored to keep trying!!

The other thing I don't like is guys who act nice at first and then turn out to be assholes. You see, despite what some people think, we girls aren't stupid. We might fall for the nice veneer at first but even we eventually realise when a guy is a jerk. We each may have our reasons for staying with a jerk but we don't start out being happy to be with one. Besides, if you think about it, in the long run, these jerks don't stay happy for long and the girls who get them for a long time probably did something bad before in their lives. So they deserved each other. The good ones figure it out soon enough to cut their losses and run.

But I know of people who think that bad guys always get the girl. So they try to be bad. Sometimes I wonder if they realise that some bad guys only act bad but are actually very nice (like Shook and Will) and the real bad boys don't have very good lives for long. See? Karma does work! And I know of some guys who start out good but end up acting like assholes and jerks and pricks because they think it'll help them get laid! My wish to them? Good luck! And when you marry that girl you met at the bar or pub or club or rave party, don't wonder later why she won't stay at home or cook for you or care about what you think or feel or why she can't seem to string together one intelligent thought.

And to be fair, since this is not meant to be a guy-bashing post, I know of some girls who are assholes too. They are getting their just desserts even as we speak. And people wonder why I believe so strongly in karma. Because it's happened to me again and again.

And of all the guys I want to see end up with someone really nice, I am rooting for Jerome above all others. That is only because he deserves it. He's a very nice guy who has a beautiful sense of humour, who is comfortable with who he is and takes steps to better himself. He takes advice very willingly and remembers every advice anyone has ever given him. He's always first to admit he's been wrong and he learns from his own mistakes as well as his friends' mistakes. I know who would be great for him and he knows it too. I just need to keep asking if she's available now ;)

Despite my many misgivings about the place, apparently I'm going back to VA for Ladies Night this Friday with some girl friends.

Anyone else want to join us for a night away from the guys?

We can bitch all we want and let our hair down.

Thanks to Shook, I have discovered Dofus. It's a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game or better known as MMORPG.

Now, for someone who has always been a casual gamer and not a hardcore-I-won't-sleep-until-I-finish-this-last-mission-and-maybe-not-even-then gamer, I have always resisted online games. I don't even participate in the Yahoo games. However, this one got me interested because it has the cutest animals ever. There is one that looks incredibly like Yodie but we can't seem to figure out what its name is.

My favourite beast due to its name in this game are the Wabbits. And the line that goes with them - Kwoque Ma Kawotte.

Anyway, I'm going to try it out now. I know it's cute because I saw Shook playing it when I left his house. And I think, by now, Azreen is most probably playing it too because she squeed when he showed it to her.

Well, excuse me while I try to reach Wabbit Island...or Pandala Island because the Pandalas are cute too.

After many years of avoiding the clubbing night life, I was finally talked (coerced?) into going clubbing on Friday night.

So, with a few colleagues - the only few I trust enough to call friends - I went to Victoria Arms at Merdeka Palace. The reason for the outing was to celebrate the birthday of one of those colleagues.

Despite being given the afternoon off, I still had to spend Friday afternoon running around helping a colleague to get things for the school library. I got home only at 5.45 p.m. which gave me just enough time to shower, wash my hair and dry my hair before I had to run out again to go get my colleague from a dinner function. As luck would have it, my parents asked me to send them to their dinner function first and I had to do it because my sister has got this problem with keeping time properly. But that's for another rant altogether.

Anyway, my colleague and I got to VA at about 8 p.m. which gave us just one hour to fill ourselves with free flow cocktails. After finding the others, we sat down and started drinking. I met so many ladies from all walks of life. That night, I was surrounded by women who definitely knew how to have fun without being loud or sleazy. We drank and talked and laughed and since there were only ladies there, everyone let their hair down and just enjoyed themselves.

By 9 p.m. I had already downed close to 10 drinks in quick succession and I had a little buzz going. As far as buzzes go, this one was like being bothered by a bee in springtime and not at all like the swarm during Gawai.

We were sitting in the area just next to the bar counter so I was able to watch the people who were staying close to the bar. There were these two men who look to be in their late 40s, who were definitely there in the hopes of getting lucky. Well, they got what they wanted because they were just buying drinks for every girl who went near them. At one point, one of them had his hands all over a young girl who look to be in her mid-twenties. And she kept looking at us as if to stake her claim on him. I felt like going up to her and say that I'm not so desperate that I have to go after a man at least twice my age but I wasn't drunk enough to be nasty. I felt almost sick to my stomach to see the man groping her and trying to get her drunk. Then she brought her friend over for the man's friend to start groping. I saw all this only because they were standing right in front of us!

The band played some very good dancing music so we went out to the dance floor and danced our hearts out. Some colleagues who didn't think I was the sort who can dance got a bit of a shock when they saw me dancing that night! One of them even said I'd catch the dancing bug once I started going out with them. Unlike them, I was never deprived because I once spent 3 whole months clubbing non-stop when I was in the US and 1 month getting drunk every night. So when I'm in Kuching, I stay away from clubs by choice because the clubs here don't play good music.

Anyway, the band played some really good songs so we had a blast. I'd go again but only with the right group of girls. Since I've been home, I don't go because the girls I knew went to places like that to either look for guys to screw or to make caustic comments of other people. That, or they go there only to sit and talk and if you drag them to dance, they'll make fun of your dancing or tell you that you're embarrassing them. So, I didn't go dancing with them.

Or maybe it's because they're annoyed that I tend to sashay a lot when I dance. You know the dance they called 'dirty dancing' in the 80s? That's how I dance. I learnt this from my clubbing days in the US. It was the dance you did with the guy you want to have sex with...except I didn't have sex. I just danced it then I walked away.

So I had fun. The smell of smoke went clear through to the roots of my hair but I had fun. I'd go again but only with selected company and not every week. And since I get bored very quickly, I know not to go too often.

But for only RM5 and free flow of your choice of cocktails, it was rather worth it. So yeah, I'd go. But only if the band plays songs like 'Sweet Child of Mine' and 'YMCA' as they did on Friday night. Haha!!

Quietly panicking...

Give me time to calm down and I'll love you forever...

Is there a bug going around? Other than the ones attacking kindergartens and birds, of course.

I think I've caught it. I've been feverish and my voice is a raspy one, almost sexy if it wasn't so painful and sometimes, my whole body just aches.

But stubborn as I am, I've gone back to work in those conditions, taught my classes, gone for dancing class and will be going for a teachers' jam session tonight. And I'm only going to the doctor in a few minutes.

Actually, I don't like going to the doctor. He gets me so drugged that I annoy myself. I hate being drugged so I do all I can to not get drugs. It's more hassle than it's worth. Bah!!

Dang bug!! Either I drug ya or I convulse, which I hate just as much if not more.

I had another post planned...about cool guys I know but I'll do this later, after I go sing.

I have been receiving emails from a 'takezo jika' sending a link to farzlife dot blogspot dot com. The thing is he's doing it through our Kuching Blogger mailing list.

I've listed him as spam because he's seriously starting to piss me off. If he is for real, can someone warn him about spamming before I report him to Yahoo or something? Someone with that much time on his hands really should go get himself a real job!

Mawi won?! Most popular male artiste?!

Oh well, such is the way when you allow the masses too much power.

While typing this and taking part in an online course for my Business Studies professional development, I can hear my aunties Mimi and Shirl downstairs talking to my dad about Mawi winning and they don't sound too happy. Apparently, my aunts had been invited to dinner without my knowledge and I would have expected it if I had remembered that my aunty Shirl is in town. I'm not close to any of my aunts other than Aunty Mimi, who is like a second mother to me. Like tonight. I was making some cream cheese dip and I asked everyone to try. My mom's first reaction was "Don't know whether it tastes good or not." My aunty Mimi's response was an immediate "Of course, it'll taste good! See who made it!"

My family is not perfect but they balance each other well.

Talking about family, Shook's parents were so cute tonight. Shook's mom was spraying bug spray on a stinky bug Yodie was trying to munch on. While she sprayed and sprayed and sprayed, Shook's dad got up from the couch, got a tissue paper and scooped up the bug and threw it out. He did it quietly and so matter-of-factly that I almost laughed. It looked so much like something my own parents would do that I found it so endearing. When I told Shook, he just smiled. Then, Shook's mom tried to feed some sausages she got from upstairs to Yodie, who refused them after a little nibble. Again, I tried not to laugh when Shook's mom went off at Yodie. That's the second time in 3 days Yodie has been scolded: from Shook on Friday about not getting chicken and from the Mom tonight for not wanting sausages. Well, the good outcome is that Yodie is well-disciplined...somewhat.

Anyway, I went book shopping again. I usually do this only once a year but I wanted to get some books for my school library so I indulged. I bought a few books yesterday while shopping for Jerome's birthday present and I went again today to get more. The holidays are coming up so I know I need to stay occupied somehow.

Oh, and it's official!! Well, if teachers who work 7 timetable hours a day are actually putting in 13 hours a day, it's no wonder not many people want to be teachers or many people get the wrong idea about teachers. We do work even during our holidays, weekends and off-days. Why do I do it? Because I love it. I love the work. My complaints are few compared to the the satisfaction of a job well done. And the fact that my students are thankful.

This is my DNA report.

Graphics-wise, the colourful 'pill' below is it.



You can hover over each coloured segment to see what they stand for

I got this from Daggerlynx

I got paid today and first thing I did when I got home was check my bank account online. Then I called Shook and dragged him to Saberkas where I bought movies, an ink cartridge and a Flexible mini keyboard.

I've been curious about the flexible keyboard since I first saw it at the PC Fair last year. Today, I figured I'd bite the bullet and get one. So far, I think it's okay but it does need some getting used to. I keep wondering if what I'm typing actually gets through even as I see it being typed. I'm using it to type now and I've made more mistakes than ever. Like I said, it needs some getting used to.

However, to get a clearer picture, go here and read the review the website did. It's quite accurate except that mine is white :)

The next time Shel comments about Azreen not being able to shut up, maybe she can use this fact on him - "Studies show that women use 8,000 to 9,000 words a day. Men use 2,000 to 4,000 words a day on average," explains communication expert Allan Pease. "By the time they come home from work, they've used up their words. And women have 5,000 left to go."

I got this from an article I was reading online here.

And if you come across a guy who can match a girl word for word, you might want to be wary of his preferences :)

When I first met Mac and Jerome, this was one of the few things they first got me into - name generators.

The site they sent me to was Metal Gear Solid Name Generator. Depending on which name I used, I had a choice of Ferocious Porcupine, Informer Asp, Giant Camel and Bayonet Nightingale! That's the good thing about having so many names to pick from.

I rather like the Ferocious Porcupine (kinda reminds me of Yodie who hates me right now because I didn't buy her chicken for 2 days!) and Informer Asp (because I like snakes a lot) but Giant Camel and Bayonet Nightingale?! I know I'm big-sized but Ginat Camel?! Are we back to that 2 rump thing again? And what on this good green earth is a Bayonet Nightingale? I thought they were friendly little things. Not Bayonet-ty.

But I can never beat Shook's Archer Owl and I really am glad I don't have Art's Crossbow Brine-Shrimp. Haha!

Just for fun...go try it out here. And out of curiosity, let me know what you got.

Is it just because I had only just noticed it or has the vocabulary of all those porn spammers really become that bad?

I just got one in my gmail account that went "Are you bigger your short and thick dick?"

Say what?!

Hi everyone!!

No, I'm not whacked yet nor have I reached the deep end. But I was reading this blog that came recommended through the Blogger email list and I think it's totally...weird. It is so crazy that I can only call it funny! The guy just goes on and on and on and on. He reminds me of one of my hyper students at school. I'm not even going to comment on the grammar. But he's a big fan of Need For Speed Most Wanted so some people might think he's not so bad. Oh well, to each his own.

And, I have solved the problem of my wacky blog template. But I'm still too lazy to upload the new codes for it. I just had a tiring weekend, that's all.

Also, I've been reading some articles which I think some people might find rather interesting.

1) Calorie burning drinks
2) Healthy food that make you fat
3) (My favourite line so far) - "casual sex with friends is the doughnut of romance. You may think its tasty now, but youll pay for it later." Hilarious. Article's interesting too.

Remember that I once mentioned wanting to steal some links from Shook's computer?

Well, I got one and today I saw a very interesting link on the website it led to. Go check it out. I like what I saw even if I could not understand a word that was written. I think it's Cyrillic?

On the homefront, I believe now more than ever that some people just should not even consider getting a mate or even entertain the idea of procreating because I'd really hate to see the stupid disease spread. And I mean that literally, too. And what's with the juvenile need for sympathy and pity? And jeez, grow up and smell the reality already!! I personally take a while to trust people either for the first time or after they've done me wrong. So I really can't see how mature it could possibly be to consider a guy your future husband after knowing him for only a few months!! Get your head out of the fairy tales and romance books and join the real world, dumbass!!

And on hindsight, I'd rather be fat and happy than thin and suicidal. So there! Hah!

Bugger this!

If answering a few questions does lead me to my inner soul, then let's do more. Oh, by the way, he writes rather well. Do go read.

Tomorrow (today) marks what I have always considered a Hallmark holiday. I mean, really! Think about it! Who makes the most money if not one of the biggest card manufacturers in the world? Who stands to benefit the most on this day? Who made it such an 'in' thing to celebrate? Who makes such a big deal out of it that it pressures girls/women to pressure their boys/men?

To be fair, I would like to wish everyone:

Personally, I prefer to celebrate Sweetest Day since Valentine's has been turned into a family thing. How wrong is that?! Besides, I learned this from Michigan. What can I say?

Anyway, for those of you who are jaded, maybe you'd like to read this article.

I personally so believe in the 5th point.

Shook and I were watching the repeat of TV3's Sure Heboh concert held in Selangor.

Only tonight did I notice a few things. One was that Amy Search is short, Ella (our Queen of Rock) is still damn hot especially dressed the way she was in the show, Hans Isaac has nice hair suddenly and he sings (kinda!) and despite our doubts about Anuar Zain's preferences, he still has some nice songs. Tiara Jacquelina was there only to promote herself (again!) and her musical. But she did introduce someone impressive : Stephen Rahman-Hughes. Someone should write in to IMDB and tell them that he's in Puteri Gunung Ledang the Musical. But he's cute. At least better looking than M. Nasir. And he's been on Andrew Lloyd Webber's Bombay Dreams. So heck yeah!

Then Raihan came on. And oh how I so don't like them! I used to love them. I thought they were doing something really great. And the songs are educational, spiritual and very nice. Then I met them in person and oh....the disappointment! They were snobbish, very unlike everything they preached and generally very uppity. I don't like uppity. I have never condoned uppity despite my own social standing. If I'm ever uppity, it's because I either really dislike you or I think you deserve to be taught a lesson in manners. They were uppity so I gave up.

Like I told Shook, Normadiah and Jins Shamsuddin were nicer people and goodness knows they are the real royalty in our music and movie industry. But I did have the biggest thing for Rahim Maarof only because he impressed me by signing his name in Jawi (Arabic).

See? How easy it is to impress me. I don't need money or a big house or a big car. I am impressed by people who are honest with themselves and with me. If I was after money, I'd be with someone else right now.

Although I have the funny feeling that if Shook reads this, he'll say two words: "Washing machine". Haha! Private joke. I'm not going to apologise. Lots of people are airing the fact they have a private joke. I don't ask them to explain so they shouldn't ask me to either. And they shouldn't ask unless they're prepared to tell.

Hey, I said I was easy to impress. I didn't say I'm easy to be contradictory with.

I just thought of something.

Biasness aside, I find Shook one of the most fascinating men ever. My father and my 'big brother' do not count because they've been in my life my entire life. They seem to have this inherent need to protect me form what they are or what they can be.

But Shook, being what he is to me, is slowly allowing me to see a wider aspect of his life. He used to be one of the most secretive people I know. Until I accused him of being unfaithful, that is. You see, generally, girls can very good at being doubting Thomases. So the moment a guy acts secretive, they think the worst. And I am the best at being a doubting Thomas. To be fair, the same would probably apply to guys as well where girls are concerned. I've seen girls be very secretive but expect the guys to be totally open with them. Most guys I know get very frustrated with this and that's why some relationships break apart.

Anyway, I digressed. Why did I bring Shook up suddenly? Well, DUH!!! You expect me to think about some other guy?! How unfaithful is that?!

Haha! I only thought of Shook because he has the most fascinating list of Favourites in his computer. If I could steal half those links, I'll be happy. So far, I've only stolen about 3 or 4. But then, if I did steal them, he won't much left to be one-up on me. Hmmm.....

Oh, on that note, I once read an article in the newspaper about being the perfect girlfriend. One of it was to help your boyfriend to save face. Personally, I find that a rather apt concept since guys always seem very concerned about how other guys see them. And I read the article to the end only to see how I stacked up against other people's concept of the perfect girlfriend, and found that I have it all covered. Most girls would get all giggly and happy about it. I just went 'oh shit! That's a lot to hang onto! Talk about pressure on myself!'

And with that, I shall now go and do what I've been promising for ages to do - clean up my room!

Today, one of my students said, "Miss, we need to improve our social skills."

After being with them for 3 years, I knew this was a hint that they wanted some free time or they wanted to sit and chat with me about something. Actually, she meant more along the lines of communication skills.

So I asked her why she thought we should improve our social skills. This was just to see what the answer would be.

Her answer? "So that we would know what to say to who and when. If we don't have any social skills, we might offend other people with what we say while not knowing that we said it."

To be honest, this statement made me proud. I have always believed that, as far as my students as concerned, "Hope springs eternal." and today, they came through.

If a 15-year old can know this, you sometimes wonder why adults can't. Or is it that they choose not to?

The greatest weakness of all is the great fear of appearing weak - Jacques Bénigne Bossuet

For the past few months, I have been feeling a little stressed for a good number of reasons. Unfortunately, those reasons all have one thing in common.

Sometime in the middle of last year, my boss actually said to me that if my boyfriend doesn't seem to want to marry me, then I should just drop him and move on. Now, don't get me wrong. This woman is actually like a mentor to me at school. She always makes sure I'm okay and when I feel sick, I go to her and she cures me or feeds me or whatever it is that should come up.

Well then , I ignored her and laughed it off. Then, everyone around me seemed to be asking me when I will be getting married. I hate the fact that a person is not considered whole until they're married. I took this in small doses for years and only these few months have these 'arrows' actually begun to hurt me. And some 'arrows' have actually made me doubt.

Then I tried to talk it over with some friends. But they never seemed to understand what I'm trying to say. I'm not the kind to say 'Hey, fucker! Listen to me! I'm going to kill myself and I want you to stop me!'. I think so far, only Art and Jerome have ever listened. Art's married now and Jerome's...I don't know. Actually, with Art married, there truly is no one left. He's the only one who has ever stopped me from killing myself. I used to be able to talk this over with Mac since he has been in the picture since oh, so long ago. But Mac is usually busy or working. And after years of not talking to Mac about this, it has grown very difficult to do so.

So, you see, I have nobody to talk to. The ones I used to have are gone. The ones I thought I could have are not willing to listen. The ones I thought I could rely on would never take my side. Sometimes, my feelings are shattered by more than just the people. Sometimes, it's just me. Just being myself by myself, not wanting to go but forcing myself to because I know if I don't, I never will.

Want to know what true loneliness is? It's when you can't go out with your friends, you can't befriend your colleagues, you can't talk to anyone because you can't trust them to be a friend and you won't let go because the love is too strong.

Now I understand why most people associate abandonment and isolation with loneliness.

So does this need to connect make me weak? I hope not. Because I believe it will end up being what I am: Caught in the middle between the need and the reality.

And if I appear bitter to some of you, or even jealous or even just plain bitchy, it's because I've tried and I've failed. And failure is not something I like experiencing.

I went Chinese New Year visiting on the first and second day. On the first day, I only got as far as Arthur, Ben and Rozanna's houses. Yesterday, I went to my Toastmasters friends' houses. In the evening, Azreen and I went to Henrick's place at Kesuma Resorts. Oy! That place is so beautiful that I could hardly believe my school is going to move there!

Anyway, other than to wish everyone I know a Happy Chinese New Year, I also want to announce to the world:

I wanted to make a little e-card thing to post here but I got distracted by too many going-ons. But I'll probably get round to it eventually and I'll email it to Art.

Also, I met Alex at the Hilton today. That guitarist Alex who went to KL to find himself or something like that. Macmillan's Alex. Anyway, he suddenly said that he had heard that I was married. That was funny. So I told him Art got married, not me. But he was shocked to hear Art was married. So I had a rather good laugh.

Your in-depth results are:
Gryffindor - 12
Ravenclaw - 12
Hufflepuff - 11
Slytherin - 8

I am interested in theology but I understand that Shook is better at it since he seems to have this age-old interest in it.

But I was reading this a moment ago and it's fascinating. Maybe I should dig up a Bible somewhere and read it. I'm sure my aunt has one. I'll wait for my cousin to get home before I go raiding his house.

He'll be home tonight at 7.40p.m. for the Chinese New Year festival. Yay!! My big brither's home!!!!

If you have been watching NTV7, did you ever notice that in the trailer/advert for Killer Instinct, the network actually spells it Killer Insticnt?

And did you also notice that TV3's grammar and subtitles are just shot to hell nowadays?

How can they be so careless? It only makes them look like fools. And we're the ones laughing! Haha!

Last night, while I was at Shook's house, Yodie got all attention-seeking and decided to tease me.

I chased her around the house for awhile then I went and hid from her. As she ran by, I jumped out and frightened her fur into puffing and she ran into Shook's room to hide under the bed. Later, she ran out and disappeared from sight. Now, I don't live in that house and, despite being there very often, I don't know Yodie's hiding places and ambush points.

So what happened when I walked out to find her? This huge puffball comes hopping out of the laundry room/wet kitchen right next to Shook's room and runs straight into my foot, scaring the bejeebers out of me!! I shrieked, she ran and Shook laughed his eyes out! So, I sent out an sms to Azreen reporting about her ambushing cat.

Then, while I was watching American Idol, I realised that the metal flowers on the railing of the stairs near the TV could actually be spun. So I was doing that when Yodie came to me. I showed it to her and it kept her occupied for all of ten minutes, during which time she was doing some stretching and precarious standings to reach the flowers to spin them.

Oh, did I also mention she finished off an entire fried chicken breast? Yodie's a great dinner companion. She finishes off the larger portion of my food, therefore helping me to cut down on eating. Considering that I eat mainly to stop myself from bloating up with air (I was told it's a gastric thing but I'm too stubborn to get it cured) I'm rather glad Yodie's around to help me finish off pieces of chicken that I'm usually not in the mood to eat. But hey, chicken is healthier than rice and instant noodles, huh? Because instant noodles would be my other alternative.

So anyway, when Azreen came home just before midnight to change, I was too tired to move and Yodie was merely waiting for me to leave so that she could try and sneak out.

Heights and me don't go too well together.

I won't go up this even if you pointed a gun to my head! Call me whatever you want! No way in hell!!

I really meant to work on repairing my blog this weekend.

But I got caught up with breakfast, a meeting and dinner on Saturday that I had to time no work on anything. I didn't even make spare keys for my students' lockers!

And today, my dad drove us to Pasir Pandak just to buy durians then we had lunch at Santubong Resort. Halfway home, Shook called and I didn't hear the phone. So I called him back when we got home and he came and got me half an hour later.

It's now 11.17 p.m. and I'm too tired to work on it.

So I apologise. I will try this coming weekend, which is a 6 day break for me.

Tomorrow, I might put up a picture of the stuff I got for my birthday :)

I would like to publicly thank Jerome for putting together my bash last night. That was the first time I actually ate at a Pizza Junction establishment despite having contributed to its success since the day it opened its first establishment at Jalan Kulas.

Thank you also to Jerome, Nick and Ben for the presents although Ben's little marriage figurines were like a huge neon sign telling Shook and me to get our butts into gear and get married already!! Haha!

Ben, if you're reading this, one event at a time, dear, one event at a time. But I was serious about the open invitation to you and Yi Fang to my Toastmasters Club. Looks like I might be stuck there for a while since I got promoted. Yi Fang, I enjoy having you around because you really light up the event with your silent smiles and quiet shakes of your head and the way you enjoy how we make fools of ourselves in public. You're great for Ben and I can see that. You two take care, okay?

And Nick, almost cheesy how you give me a Honda key chain just because I drive a Honda! Very funny, dude! But I'll use it.

Jerome, until this moment in time and after 2 dreams, I still have no idea what exactly your gift did in a previous life and I still am not sure what to do with it. Despite all the demonstrations of what it could be used for, I'm not sure they were applicable to me! :) But it's unique and I love it.

Azreen and Mac, thank you for being there. Your presence were fun, as always, and entertaining. Yes, Chili Mac? I know lah. You prefer Adonis Mac. Haha! Yes, it's going to haunt you for a while yet.

Gette, you'll never know how I feel that you showed up despite being so sick. I am eternally grateful. You're going into my books as a great friend. I hope you feel better soon.

Shook, you try my patience sometime and I know I try yours. But I am still in love with you and I love you a lot. Thank you.

And oh, I got purple Post-Its last night! So cute! So Rube! Haha!

Someone in Hollywood finally found an excellent brain and put it to awesome use!!

They are making the movie! They are making the movie!! I have said it before and I'll say it again. "They should make the movie!"

And now they will!!!!! Yay!! Okay...a loud, high-pitched, ear-piercing squee or two is in here somewhere!! And a bounce or two..maybe three. Hee! Hee!

It better be good or I'll actually send a nasty email out!

I believe the reason that my parents are not reluctant to buy me relatively expensive things for my birthday is that I don't screw up my car and I take care of my things so that they last a long time.

Hmmm....maybe some people should consider this more seriously.

I may not be smart but I do have some common sense, which is more than I can say for some.

I actually downloaded Firefox just so I could see what the problem was.

I'm not sure what's wrong with it right now, but what I do know is that the way it looks on Internet Explorer is exactly how I want it to look. For some reason, Firefox makes the boxes in the side bigger. Even the words per line is skewed.

Anyway, I'll work on it this weekend.

Right now, I have some minutes to type out and email out and then I have to prepare for tomorrow's classes.

As it is, I've procrastinated enough for one evening :)

I got two (or was it more?) complaints about some people not being able to see my blog very well.

So I'm trying to figure out the problem here. If you can help, please, by all means, tell me. I'm curious, to say the least.

I use the 1024x768 resolution. Also, I use Maxthon, which as the website describes, is "based on the Internet Explorer browser engine (your most likely current web browser) which means that what works in the IE browser will work the same in Maxthon tabbed browser..."

So if anyone has any idea what is going on, please let me know. So far, it's been Marita and Headliner who seem to be having the problems.

I read this the last time Gette wrote about it but it didn't hit me then.

This morning it did. Some of them might be that group of people Shook, Jerome, Azreen and I overhead at Orange that one night. They were talking about how good blogging was and the two girls sounded like salesgirls for Wikipedia!

Now that I think about it, I'm chuckling like a mad witch because I just can't seem to stop!

Kids, I tell ya! This is what happenes when you give some measure of power to kids!!

PS: Maybe we should try and drop in just to check out who the 'new' bloggers are ;)

I was watching another Malay drama series tonight while waiting for Shook to get off his computer so that we could go buy dinner.

For a series that's geared to promote peace and discourage terrorism, it's poorly scripted and the plot is so full of holes that a B-57 could most probably fly through it!

It reminded me of those annoying moments when people pretend to be interested in what you're saying but they never look at you while you speak so you end up feeling irritated anyway? Then you don't bother looking at them when they talk just to give them a taste of their own medicine and you can feel the annoyance flowing from them coming at you? Yep...that moment.

I still can't get over how the husband can drive around town with his ex-girlfriend just because she is interested in converting to Islam and he sees it as innocent but when his wife is seen with a guy friend to accept a wedding present from said guy friend, it's okay for the husband to think she's cheating on him and he does not speak to her about it but tortures her with his silence. Also, if he is as pious as he claims to be, how did he conveniently forget that 1) as a husband, he is supposed to teach his wife the right way of doing things and 2) it's a sin not to talk to a fellow Muslim for more than 3 days?!

It's a very contradictory show written by what I can only classify as a third-rate writer.

Also, I think Shook was enjoying the fact that I was ranting at the show, probably because he thought it was dumb as well. But it's a perverse sense of fun to watch a show you just hate and be able to rant about it, knowing that you're justified in doing so.

On another note, renovations for my room might begin in March. And while planning where everything goes, I have to admit to being weak enough to include Shook's presence in the whole plan of things. Also, I am getting the phone I want for my birthday. But it may not be what everyone's been expecting me to ask for.

My mom is in one of her moods. This usually happens when she has been travelling extensively or when she's been busy running around. And, as usual, who gets the blame for everything? We do. Well, my second sister does not because she does what she does best - hide in her room. Same sister who enjoys complaining that she is never told anything at any time. So, tell me again, how I am supposed to tell anything when she either does not listen or refuses to join the family get-togethers?

As for my mom, it's time to do what I always do. I either do my work in my room, go out or tell her that she is the reason we're not talking to her. There's no win situation right now because it's a true case of damned-if-I-do-and-damned-if-I-don't. So I behave as my father does. We just take it in and let them spew and hurt everyone without thought. Then we quietly move on. Does it make us stronger? Maybe. But it's times like this that I know I don't want to fall pray to the rule of: Want to know what the girl will be like when she's older? Look at her mother!

So when my mom is in her unreasonable mood, I walk away. Let her simmer down then come back and pretend nothing happened. The way I adjust to it is that she's old and the old do have certain perks and luxuries we are not allowed until we are that old.

So think you have issues? You're not the only one.

I met a guy tonight. He's very nice and he works/studies (?) in Australia. He's also Chinese with an uncharacteristically great sense of humour. He's got a nice body (Okay, so I was looking! So sue me!). It was one of those look-great-in-blue-jeans-and-white-shirt nice bodies.

Anyway, after he sat through some speeches and had to sit through my workshop speech, he came up to me and said he loved my speech. Then he asked me if I ever considered going into stand-up comedy. He even suggested I should participate in the Fringe Festival.

I can give speeches, I can talk, I can criticise, I can be caustic. But the last thing I ever saw myself as was a stand-up comedian. Then this guy I have never met before tells me I should join a worldwide festival that he describes as 'rolling on the floor, tears from your eyes style comedy'.

Even throughout talking to me, he said I was funny. When I claimed I was not funny, he said the good ones never do claim to be funny. They just are.

I was torn between WTF and 'Wow! I'm good!'

It didn't help that everyone told me my speech is the best they've ever heard despite it being the same notes and materials used by many before me.

It's a good end to a depressing day.

Have you ever woken up in the morning (or whenever some of you wake up) and had a sudden feeling of doom?

Have you ever suddenly realised that all that you've done might come crashing down on you?

Have you ever suddenly realised that the more you try to get closer to someone the more they pull away, not because of something you've done but because of something you are not?

Have you ever felt that you're losing the person you felt was worth taking a risk for because you're not as exciting as some other people he knows?

Have you ever been told that you're trying to change him when he is the one trying to change you or when he is the one who has changed?

Have you ever felt so helpless in the realisation that you're losing him and there's nothing you can do about it?

Have you ever felt that nothing you've done is ever right?

If you have, then you know how I feel right now.

It is only the second week of school and already I'm tired. Ironically, the fatigue is not from work but from my extra-curricular activities.

I am the vice-presidenf of my secondary school alumni. At the same time, I'm also the secreatry of my toastmasters club.

Both tire me out because both either have a self-righteous committee member or people who seem to believe they work more than I do because I am only a lowly teacher. I am lowly paid but it's not an easy job. There's a difference.

One association has members who can't and won't move unless I push them constantly. And their excuses usually run along the lines of either 'You young people got more energy and time' or 'Your work hours are not as long as mine. Besides, you get holidays.'

Then the other association is full of self-righteous people who don't do their part yet criticises other people for not doing much. Then some of them decide to prove how self-sacrificing they are by joining 101 associations and then saying they can do it so why can't we? Hello! I have a life! Unlike you, you loser!

And I've told both sets of people that when school starts, I am more likely to be mentally and physically drained. So don't expect me to be in top form when I spend the night before already planning the next day!

But do they listen? No! The self-righteous go deaf and more self-righteous while the other continues to criticise.

This is the disease of Malaysia right now. People have been conditioned to expect things to be done for them. When they try to do something on their own, they get shot down. On the other hand, those who find that they can't get things done unless they do it themselves, end up doing everything while someone else gets credit.

Either way, nobody but the leeches win. And people wonder why depression and obesity are becoming major problems here.

On a final note, I am quitting both associations this year because I can't stand it anymore. I'm walking away while I'm still sane and Shook has not dumped me for complaining so much!

While waiting for Reign of Fire on TV3, I was stuck watching a local soap opera called Sembilu Kasih. This show is made by the same guy who did all the Sembilu series and movies.

As luck would have it, this episode happened to deal with a newly married woman's jealousy. As always there were two sides to the story. On one hand, the husband is a music composer who is on a touring promotion with the singer he writes music for. I fail to see why a composer has to join the tour but, let's just say the scriptwriter has taken some poetic license on this. Now, the composer husband happens to be rather good-looking (if you like men like that!) and the singer happens to have the hots for him. How hot? She gets jealous when he's on the phone with his new wife!

Now, on the other hand, the wife is the daughter of this multi-millionaire developer. I think he's a developer because he was taking about a construction plan with his son at breakfast. Now, the wife once tried to call the husband who is in Johor. She tried all day but he didn't answer. When he did finally call her, he explained that his phone had broken after he dropped it earlier. Somehow, the wife found out that he was using the singer's phone, which the singer had loaned to him since she has two phones.

To clarify, I have been in situations where I have tried to call Shook all day. Sometimes, he doesn't answer or reply my calls or sms. When I do get a hold of him finally, rationale dictates that I be calm and maybe not even bother asking why he didn't reply or answer. In fact, I'm usually relieved he even picks up the phone. So nobody can say I don't understand. Rationale also dictates that if I happen to hear a female voice or he calls using a number I do not recognise, I should ask first. See what he has to say.

The wife in the show went berserk. She started yelling at her husband, accusing him of infidelity and not once did she allow him the chance to explain. She even ignores his calls that night and the next day. In fact, she walked around with a sulky look and everyone knew she was in a bad mood, even at work. Then she told her secretary she was not receiving any calls all day, which is not very professional if you're running a business.

I know anger. If there is one thing I know well, it is anger and betrayal. I have a temper to match anybody's I know. I can give yell for yell, scream for scream, slam for slam if I have to. I will stand and fight and get physical if I'm angry enough. I've been betrayed enough to know it when it hits me in the face or when it's coming at me. Because of these, I know that I never, ever want to say or do anything I might regret later. I will fight but I'm calm enough to know that I can never take back whatever I've said in anger. And the one thing I have always, always tried to do is never, ever regret anything I have ever done or any choices I have ever made. Which is why I'm careful with my choices.

And also, the wife hung onto her anger for at least 24 hours. If you love someone enough, you can be unselfish enough to see what they have to say. I cried when I was betrayed but I didn't get angry. I avoided the one who betrayed me but I never penalised his friends or made them choose since they were also my friends.

In addition, I can almost envision dozens of young, impressionable, silly girls who now think that it is perfectly fine to be irrational and overreact when dealing with life. That it's all right to scream and yell and accuse and feel wronged without finding out the truth.

Ever wondered why some girls act the way they do? It's because they believe they have a right to do so. They follow fashion and hype so much they forget to be logical. Worst of all, they believe everything they watch on TV to be true. This is why guys don't understand us. This is why we seldom seem to talk the same language.

And we think guys are confusing? At least, their lack of logic has a perverse rationale to it. Ours are too emotional and defies all laws of logic. But that woman in Sembilu? Really annoys me. Gives all females a bad name.

My jaw hit the floor and I almost fell off my chair, laughing.

Tom Jones got himself knighted!

Before people get too huffy about it, no, I don't think he does not deserve it. What I do think is what took them so long and I wonder what song he'll belt out in celebration?

It is funny what strikes you when you least expect it.

Despite spending a whole weekend with Shook, I miss him now that we're back in our own homes.

Throughout my college/university years, I was never happy with who I am or what I am. But, instead of choosing to wallow in it, I've chosen to overcome it. I may not still like how I am or what I am, but I am going to keep trying to be someone who can look at herself in the mirror every day and know that she's trying her best.

Nobody's perfect. If we are, we won't be on this Earth. But this still does not stop us from having high expectations of others. The only problem here is that when we do expect a lot from others and they do not come through, who else can we blame when we're disappointed?

I trust people easily. Especially those people I know. Then when they pretend with me and I believe them, I get hurt when it turns out they were pulling a prank on me. But if I did the same to them, I will be faced with sour looks and snide comments. So how do I win in such a situation?

We know what the problem is. We know the solution. Yet why do we still not make the move to make the problem go away by implementing the solution? Are we all suckers for torture or does misery give us more reason to be heard or to be the centre of attention?

I believe in karma and I don't disbelieve the Rule of Three. Wonder what the world would be like if more people did the same?

When we say something, we may not realise how contradictory we sound. Why do we get angry at people who do notice and try to help us not make a fool of ourselves?

Don't you sometime get tired of being right all the time or being stubborn all the time or just being the centre of attention all the time? I would. Takes too much work to keep up appearances. We should enjoy life more and be ourselves.

True friends will not want to see who we want to be. They would be happy to see us as we truly are.

If you're a friend only to those who keep you entertained, who can you go to when you're in trouble?

Having a boyfriend / girlfriend usually means being ready to be married. If there's any other reason, who are you trying to kid?

Why do we sometimes declare ourselves unreliable just to avoid responsibility?

If you're ever truly depressed, try doing something good for someone else. The satisfaction in knowing you've helped someone often makes you feel that life is worth living anyway.

Dogs may be Man's best friend but cats will let you know you're making a fool of yourself.

The way we act gives people an idea of how we don't mind being treated. Yet, we get angry when people get the wrong idea. Why, I wonder?

Some people really can't handle the truth. It's easier to be deluded.

Friday is the Twelfth Night. It's the twelfth day of Christmas.

I want to die in my sleep on my birthday. But before that, I'd like to be married to Shook and be mother of his children.

Watching medical shows make me worry about how I will be when I'm old, considering the fact that I used to drink a lot of alcohol and now inhale secondary smoke. I'm not a big fan of pain.

Society tires me with all its pretenses and hypocrisy. Yet, as long as 'no man is an island', I find it necessary to conform to society's rules.

I may not like my parents sometimes. But they're the only ones I'll ever have. The least I could do is assure them I'll survive when they are no longer around to protect me.

Love is a double-edged sword.

Movies and fiction novels are escape mechanisms. We should not believe everything we see and read.

Perfect relationships can only be found in fairy tales. In real life, we have to work at it constantly.

Why did I do this? It seemed like a good idea at the time. Feel free to love me or hate me. You have a right to your own opinions, just as I do.

I will not be around for the weekend which is why I had my New Year greeting out early.

Hope you have a great time wherever you are.

I'm off as soon as I've showered and lugged my stuff to the car.

Take care and be safe!

Out with the old, in with the new!!

Hope you all have a good and safe New Year's celebration and a great new year ahead.

Me? I'm starting my New Year at Permai!

I am back at work!! Yay!!

I'm actually plesantly surprised that I'm excited about being back to work. I think it's great to get going again. I was starting to get sluggish and lazy over the holiday. I was feeling heavy and very reluctant to do very much. I'd stay in my room all day and take naps for no reason other than I'm bored or lazy. Granted, I'd sleep at 5 or 6 a.m. but I'd wake up at an indecent hour of 10 a.m.!! The only reason I even got out of bed was to avoid getting scolded by my mother!

But, now that I'm back at work, no matter what time I go to sleep, I'll be up by 6.30 a.m. and on my feet all day until 4 p.m. Then most likely, I'd be at Shook's until midnight. Then the cycle goes on again.

When I'm working, my energy level is sky high. No matter how tired I am, I never need a nap and I can go on and on and on. Provided, of course, I have something to do. The moment I stop, I'll start to wind down and I'll fall asleep where I sit or lay. It is this moment in time that Shook chastises me for either yawning or falling asleep on his bed!

There was once, on a Saturday, I went to work at 8 a.m. to help the students, left at 1 p.m. to go to Shook's, went with him to an airshow at 2, then went to a school event at 4 until 7.30 p.m. We were supposed to go to dinner with my parents after that but he was too tired so we went back to Shook's house, during which time I wandered restlessly around his room until I got tired enough to lie down at about 9. All this after only 2 hours sleep the night before. See? Once I start, I can definitely go on, especially if I'm kept interested. The moment I get bored, I cover it by falling asleep or being sluggish.

All things considered, I am back at work and I love it!!! It's not the old grindstone if you enjoy it.

I was rather gleeful when I saw that Jerome had found Ramzi's website. For those of you who is yet unaware, Ramzi is the Middle Eastern hacker guy featured on Kevin Rose's Systm.

Shook was the one who introduced me to Systm but I have been crazy about Kevin Rose since I started watching TechTV years ago. It got to a point that when I found out Kevin was with Sarah Lane, I felt rather disappointed. It's so much easier going ga-ga over a single guy who does not know you exist than going ga-ga over a married guy who does not know you exist. So I transferred my focus to Leo, who is just as cool but minus the dark tips.

Anyway, before I digress too far, I was reading the fine print on Ramzi's blog and found that it was a tribute blog. Not really his. The one thing that did strike me though was the spelling for biatches. I know the African Americans usually say 'biatches'. Sometimes I do too when I'm around people who don't know what it means. But in typical Ramzi style, it's also spelled as 'beotches'. Thing is, in American pronounciation, both spellings are pronounced the same way. Here, we follow the British pronounciation which means the 'o' gets an 'o' pronounciation while the Amricans pronounce 'o' with an 'a' pronounciation. It's hilarious! And the blog can't seem to decide which spelling to stick to. But Systm was the first and probably only show I've seen spell it as 'beotches'.

But, overall, this whole event explains why Kevin Rose is hardly ever on G4TechTv while Kevin Pereira annoys me so much until I'm tempted not to watch it anymore. But fortunately, Brendan Moran can be the saving grace when Kevin Rose is 'missing', although Brendan gets a bit iffy sometimes.

Ah...life is good. Who says good-looking guys are only confined to the movie world of Hollywood?

Oh, while I'm at it, I found these again: Morgan Webb's blog and Cat Schwartz. And in case you're interested, here's Yoshi's forum. However, I've yet to find Adam Sessler's blog. How unfortunate. He would be hilarious to read.

Because it's Christmas, what better pictures to post than those of Christmas trees and ornaments?


Merry Christmas, everyone!

May today be a joyous day for everyone, regardless of race and religion!

Today, we should all be grateful for what we have and to treasure the ones we love. Sometimes, we forget what we do have because we're get too caught up in what we want or would like to have. Maybe I'm being carried away by the sappy Christmas movies showing right now, but today is a day to be nice and kind to everyone.

To the people I know, I love you all and I try to spend everyday treasuring who you are and what you do for me. To the people I don't know, may we meet one day and be the good friends that we are meant to be.

Sometimes I think we're too busy lamenting what we don't have to fully appreciate what we do have.

It's not just the season that making me think this. It has to do with the people I see around me; friends and strangers alike.

Sometimes, we're so busy waiting for the presents that we forget to appreciate the presence. Or we're just so busy telling people what we want that we forget to ask them what they want.

The true spirit of the festivals have been buried under centuries of materialism.

So, who else have we to blame when our society no longer cares about what happens to their neighbours or their family or their friends? Who else can we blame if people chose to take and take and take and not give anything in return?

All these thoughts came to me while I was watching Angel Season 2, when one of the bad guys told Angel : "If there weren't Evil in every single one of them, they won't be people. They'll be Angels."

It was so true that it almost made me give up on the giving and the caring. As it is, I'm still thinking about it.

I've not being updating, not due to laziness or being busy, but due to the fact that my desktop pc is being reformatted and totally cleaned out. I figured it was due for its annual reformatting and decided that I wanted to have everything I had in it burnt onto DVD-Rs so that I can add more stuff into the pc.

Other than that, I've been watching movies. Just went to the Malay movie 'Rock' yesterday with Shook, Mac, Rin, Sheldon and Shah. I will also be going to watch King Kong tonight with aholw lot of people,

I counted that I've been to at least one movie a week this entire one and a half months school holiday.

I have nothing much to say, really. The holiday feel finally caught up with me and I've been lazy and sluggish. Been sleeping very late and waking up only in time for lunch. Last night, I couldn't sleep at all and I almost threw up my lunch.

However, in about 2 weeks time, it's back to work for me. Yay! I'm excited! I love working. I love decorating a classroom. I enjoy preparing the first weeks of classes. Over the holiday, I've been working on printing out a wall world map.

Hey, working beats sitting at home all day doing nothing. Doing nothign does weird things to some people. Me, I get more critical and edgy. Then again, I only have high expectations of myself and the people I care for. Others can go hang for all I care.

I'm also watching Angel from Season 1 to Season 5 again! See what doing nothing does to me? So now I either sound depressed like Angel or flighty like Cordelia. I'm trying to come up with an evaluation of Angel but we'll see how that goes.

Blogging this from the Golden Lounge at KLIA.

Incredibly, I am very, very glad to be heading back home. Not quite sure why but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm scarily close to being broke. Luckily for me, my father paid back the RM500 he owed me so I still have some to get me by until next pay day.

On another note, I bought more stuff for Yodie than anyone else this time round. Haha!!

Also, I managed to get hold of a copy of the PC version of Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory! So, I am really looking forward to installing it as soon as I can. The guy assured me that it does not need Alcohol 120% or Daemon Tools to install. I hope he knew what he was talking about because I am really sick and tired of depending on Daemon Tools for any game.

For some silly reason, I'm wondering why we can't get broadband access while in the aeroplane.

And, despite being away only for a weekend, I really can't wait to get home!! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Shook's there so where else would I rather be and all that jazz....

There will be 17 of us going to watch Narnia this Thursday night at 9.15 p.m.

This is a huge number. Therefore, due to the numbers involved and the fact that some might be financially challenged, Jerome and I thought it would be nice to go have dinner someplace other than Dennis's place or Great Kitchen. (See? I'm being nice and considerate again!!)

Let's try MyKampung dot com, which is on the ground floor of Medan Pelita. (Let's be adventurous and not boring old hussies!)

I heard the food is good and the cook is very flexible to difficult orders.

At the very least, if we get there at 7 or 7.30, we have time to sit around and chat and have a jolly good mind-numbing time before going upstairs to watch the movie.

Everyone is welcome to be there. Even if you're not watching the movie, you can be there. Emotions and frustrations aside, you may be there. Even if you only have 50 sens to rub together, you may be there. There should be a sucker in there somewhere who can pick up your tab.

I am trying to forget Karma came back to bite me in the butt for things done during university years here!

I had a whole post ready about being extremely frustrated the past few days.

Then I read it again and thought about how it would affect some people. So I deleted it.

I'm suppose I can't help how I am. I used to read the Bible like it was a novel when I was young. Then I read the Quran and its translation when I was learning to read it. It took me 3 years to master everything from the very basics to the last page; holy book and translations. And I had 2 superb religious teachers; the Ustazah I had in Secondary school who I still hold in the highest esteem and my uncle, my father's older brother.

On the way to Shook's house tonight, after watching Aeon Flux, in a moment of sheer chattiness, I came up with some geography-related names for Yodie.

a) Yodimah Abdullah - Malaysian Malay
b) Yodimuri - Japan (This one from Shook since the only Japanese version I had was 'Yodeska'
c) Yodiski - Russia

After that, I couldn't think of anymore. Any ideas, anyone?

I was in the shower today when I got to thinking about a lot of things. My brain works a little like the Internet with all the links that you can click on that I suddenly thought of my childhood.

My childhood was generally a lonely one but I never felt it as such. In fact, I loved it. My house was always quiet; no loud voices (my parents and I generally never talked very loud), music was always played softly, the television was hardly ever switched on, my paternal grandmother was my best friend and I had nothing but books to keep me company.

My father was a very strict disciplinarian, being a police officer and all. He was one of those honest cops we all hear about. He actually turned down a promotion in KL because on the first day in his office, he received an envelope full of money and a note to keep quite about some truck drivers. That same week, he refused the promotion and flew home. It only took him a week because he had to talk to my mom first to see what they should do next. It was a toss-up between being able to get a new Mercedes within one month and going the honest way and probably never, ever getting a big car to drive. Honesty won. (But he didn't do too badly in the long run, right?)

While I was growing up, I was the perfect child. I was quiet, never swore, never even wrote on the walls or anywhere else, never showed my temper and I did everything as I was told. Heck, I was even nice to people who bullied me and verbally abused me.

And those people were my father's relatives. He never knew this and if he did, he didn't want to acknowledge it. He treated them the exact same way he treated me but with less discipline. I would get scolded for pulling a prank on them but behind his back, they called me names and hurled abuse at me. They did more too but I'm not going to dwell on that.

I grew up being called many names. Because I had a pink shirt, I spent the next 6 years being called 'Pink Panther'. Because I was taller than they were, I was called 'Giraffe'. When I resisted all the name calling and let myself get fat, I earned the name 'Elephant' or 'Gajah'. Because I liked the ocean, I got 'Dolphin'. On their own, the names were not bad. But they were always accompanied by a sneer or while something was taken away from me. So the psychological effects on a 5 year-old were never good.

Because of them, I learnt to drown out insults and ignore people who call me names. Because of them, sex scared me. Above all, because of them, I learnt to walk away from anything that annoyed me or that I hated or that I generally felt distasteful about. I also learnt how to hate. But because of my father, I learnt to control my hatred and my anger.

But when one uncle got married and had a child whose left arm was dead, I sat in a corner and, like an evil child, cherished the pain they were going through. Another uncle got a shotgun wedding, later got a divorce and then just disappeared from our lives. Another moment of triumph! All the relatives who called me short, fat, thin, tall, ugly, stupid, all are worst than I am now. They are shorter, fatter, more miserable, uglier than I am. None are taller than I am, none are thinner. All are more disgruntled and some are even a little bit crazy. All depend on my father for money and none realise I now talk to my father about things that make me unhappy. I'm no longer as silent as I used to be. I've learnt to fight back and I do.

I feel nothing for them. I'm not the one depending on them for anything. I owe them nothing. So why should I have any kind of compassion for them? I've tried being nice. I've tried being religious about it. But the pain is just not worth it. God may dish out His own justice to them but on this Earth, I'm the one suffering. So I'll deal with it my way.

Because of them, I'll only react to positive comments. You want me to be nice, you tell me how nice I am. You want me to lose weight, you comment how good I look after trying. You want me to eat less, tell me you'll share my food with me. If anyone criticises me or finds fault with what I do, I'll react the way I do with my relatives. I'll ignore you or walk away. Worst yet, I could shutdown and pretend I didn't hear a word you said. Frustrating? Imagine how I feel.

It's today.

So, just click on the button and go to the link. There, you'll find the codes for the virtual red ribbon. Do grab that and put it on your own website, if you have one.

It's for a good cause.

I found something about Chocky!! See the writing?

And now I remember Star Fleet! So red...

Oh, and do read this. It does mention what happens when you play your twanger in public.

And is this what Rin was talking about? The space guy who looks like Jesus but with really, really long Jem-like-but-straighter-hair?

And I found Sapphire and Steel! We were almost right in our recollection of the show. But what an unusual place to find the information! But there is another site here.

I was going through this website on 80's shows when I came across The Gangster Chronicles. Please tell me we never had it here or I'll be upset for being too young to be interested. And it would be rather funny knowing that Joe Penny played Benjamin Siegel who was Jewish while he himself was born in England to an American father and an Italian mother. And it's so weird that Ben is on IMDB.

This whole thing and the dinner conversation tonight was just too good at bringing back memories. Kinda weird what we remember when we start talking about it. Would have been more fun if Boy Scout was there, huh? He's help fill in all the gaps, I believe.