I think sometimes people have this inability to say 'thank you' or to even think beyond themselves alone. I understand when people can't say 'please' or ask for help. I've had my proud moments when I've refused to ask for help even when I'm struggling. Come to think of it, if I get insulted everytime I ask for help, I suppose it explains why I don't ask for help.

Anyway, getting back to the original topic. I don't understand what's so difficult about saying 'thank you' or thinking about what someone else wants rather than what only you want. It's like buying someone a present. You'd like to buy them something they might want rather than just for the sake of it. I enjoy buying my friends little things. Usually, when I see those things and I think of them, I buy them the things. But if they're going to complain about being bought things they don't want or things that mean nothing to them, I suppose it's logical for me to be very reluctant to buy them anything anymore. It's especially worst when I ask them whether they'll like it and the reply I get is 'It's just a thing. Who cares what it looks like.'

Well, the thing is I care. I like buying things for people I care for. But if they don't care enough then it makes me wonder 'Why bother?'

I'm one of those people who was brought up to be optimistic. To do good things so that good things will come to me. I still practise this. So far, nothing very bad has happened to me. I believe this is because I don't wish ill on anyone. Even when people eat my food despite me telling them it's my only meal of the day and they finish the food, I keep quiet. If they want to be thoughtless, it's their problem. I'll just go find more food. I can afford it.

The thing is when Eric used to talk about karma, I was the only one who agreed with him. I can because it's happened to me and to my family so many times. We never want for anything in my house because my father believes in sharing. Even when I got fired from my last school I was happy because I've been trying to figure out how to tell my last school's principal I was leaving because I got a better job offer. Besides, she was a terrible boss and I was happy to leave anyway. I just needed a way to leave while still being able to keep my three months' pay. But, I got fired so I managed to keep the money and still got a job the following month.

And people are forever sending us food because my father is forever giving other people food. He helps them sometimes too much.

The thing is I don't like being made to feel like a fool or a dumbass when I know I'm not. I like being nice and I like being kind. But not when I'm taken advantage of. I will share the food if they will share the cost. If you ask me for something, I'd not likely say no. But please, return the favour or try to consider my feelings for it. Don't make me feel bad for being nice.

I also know that I am fairly intelligent. I just don't like to brag because I know people who brag or show-off will one day find themselves with their feet in their mouths. I listen because I like to learn. I ask when I don't know. If I know I wouldn't ask. I say something when I have something to say. I try not to repeat myself because I don't want to bore myself by hearing my own voice all the time. I enjoy laughing with friends who don't take themselves too seriously or think only they are right.

I have a job I enjoy. (I know someone who changed jobs so many times that I'm not sure if any company wants to employ her anymore. Sad end for a lawyer.)

I love my family. (Some of them annoy me but I can't pick my relatives. I can hate them but I can't disown them.)

I love spending time with my parents. Unlike a lot of people I know, I actually love being with my parents. They support me and they are the stability I need in my life. They taught me how to make right decisions and to stand by my decisions and to learn from my mistakes.

I love who I am. I have a job. I have two arms, two legs, two eyes, a nose, a mouth, two ears, a brain and I'm better off than others who don't have those same things. My car really is mine. It has my name on it. I have debts I'm slowly paying off. I don't give crappy advice. I listen and analyse before I do give advice. I feel bad for my friends who have made the wrong decisions but I respect their need to stand by their decisions. I wish I could help them but I understand their need to not want help.

Despite all this, I don't understand why people are so mean to me and so thoughtless. I hope they know that they've hurt me yet I wonder why they do it anyway.

A careless word leaves a scar that is eternal. It makes people wary and shy. To some, this wariness shows stupidity. To me, it just holds true that once bitten does indeed make you twice shy.