I'm back in Kuching. It was a good weekend. Time alone with Shook always does wonders for my state of mind. With him away, I sometimes question his feelings for me. I even used to question it when he was here all the time.

I began asking myself exactly where I stand in his rank of priorities. Shook is not one for endearments and show of affection. He sometimes even allows me to believe he won't be faithful. He lets me believe he puts Yodie, Rin and Emma Watson above me. Oh, and not to forget his friends.

So it doesn't do a lot of good to a person's self-esteem when the person she loves does that.

But, since he's been away, he's been nicer and more...loving, for want of a better word.

I know now, he loves me although he has yet to say it. It's the little things he does. It's also the way he values my opinions and tolerates my fears. It's difficult to explain.

All I know for sure is that I do need reassurances and he does it well, in his own way.

So now, I'm reassured again. Enough to tell him he could go to dangdut bars if he wants to and go out on 'datesto help his friends if he needs to. Also, enough to not threaten to delete the Emma Watson wallpaper he has on his laptop or in his phone.

But give me a few weeks and I'll slide downhill again. Then again, in a few months, we'll be married.