I believe that there more there is at stake, the more effort you should put into it.
What am I talking about?
When I first started dating Shook, I wasn't hoping to get married. I was just trying out this dating thing. But the one thing I never forgot was to treat his mother well and with respect. So, although in my mind I was not thinking of marrying him, I still behaved like a good maybe-daughter-in-law would.
I greeted her and, although it scared the bejeepers out of me, I sat and talked to her nicely. Shook even left me alone with her a few times and I didn't run screaming in horror although I was nervous like hell. In my mind, I saw myself as the girl who is taking her son away from her and I felt I needed to make up for that 'sin' alone.
As a result, when the time was right, it wasn't us to ask for the marriage, it was his parents. They got the ball rolling. Left to us, we'd still be dragging our feet and there'd be no Athena yet.
So. My point is this - If you want to take a son away from his mother by marrying him, spend time with the mother. Be nice to her. Don't take him away from her than he already has to.
Besides, when you marry the son, he'll sleep with you anyway. For now, let him spend some time with his mother. By doing this, you get kudos points and it'll smoothen the way for better relationships.
There are many people out there who don't realise this and it brings about many mother-in-law horror stories. Just as there is a saying about needing two hands to clap, a lot of times, it's not just the mother-in-law who is bad. You've taking her child away from her. Can you really expect her to feel good about you?
So, the way of it is to show her that she's not losing a son but she's gaining a daughter.
Do we understand my point now?
What am I talking about?
When I first started dating Shook, I wasn't hoping to get married. I was just trying out this dating thing. But the one thing I never forgot was to treat his mother well and with respect. So, although in my mind I was not thinking of marrying him, I still behaved like a good maybe-daughter-in-law would.
I greeted her and, although it scared the bejeepers out of me, I sat and talked to her nicely. Shook even left me alone with her a few times and I didn't run screaming in horror although I was nervous like hell. In my mind, I saw myself as the girl who is taking her son away from her and I felt I needed to make up for that 'sin' alone.
As a result, when the time was right, it wasn't us to ask for the marriage, it was his parents. They got the ball rolling. Left to us, we'd still be dragging our feet and there'd be no Athena yet.
So. My point is this - If you want to take a son away from his mother by marrying him, spend time with the mother. Be nice to her. Don't take him away from her than he already has to.
Besides, when you marry the son, he'll sleep with you anyway. For now, let him spend some time with his mother. By doing this, you get kudos points and it'll smoothen the way for better relationships.
There are many people out there who don't realise this and it brings about many mother-in-law horror stories. Just as there is a saying about needing two hands to clap, a lot of times, it's not just the mother-in-law who is bad. You've taking her child away from her. Can you really expect her to feel good about you?
So, the way of it is to show her that she's not losing a son but she's gaining a daughter.
Do we understand my point now?
Comments (3)
I do agree with you in general. However, there are many mothers out there who are more than defensive about your swooping in and taking their sons away from them, even if you are nice and polite and only wish to be a part of his life rather than rob them of a son. You did a commendable job there, and it seems the mother involved is a very good, understanding person. Bravo.
a son will always remain a son to his mother. NOTHING, not even a marriage, can change that.
and a mother should know that she will/can never lose a son to anything. esp when she has brought up a fine son/man. no one can take away a son from his mother, no one.
owh, btw.. what happens to those who don't even get the chance to be nice to the MIL-to-be? fair, u reckon?
Pilgrimchick, I know some mothers like that. But I've also seen their animosity overcome. It takes lots of selflessness and hard work though.
Angelita, how many times are we talking about here? Once? Twice? Has there even been an attempt? And how would that mother know she's not going to lose a son when all actions show to the contrary? If even young people can merajuk and cry over small things, how do you think older people who have been left alone most of the time would feel?