Still Being Random

I've been so busy that I'm surprised I haven't broken down yet.

Yesterday alone, I had two Toastmastrs reports to collate, two sets of exam papers to prepare and, to top it all, I didn't feel like doing any of that. I wanted to play games. But since all of the work I had to do was due today, I had to force myself to do it.

Once today is done, I have to mark those exam papers, prepare two more for tomorrow and brief my students on what they have to do for Assembly on Friday. I don't run Assembly, they do. I just oversee that nobody disturbs them while they work and that they do everything properly.

Then on Friday, I'm flying off to Pontianak. What better place to visit for someone who loves vampire lore? Well, other than Romania and the Carpathian mountains, of course. Then I'll be back on Sunday. School holidays start on Saturday but I still have to go in to work on Tuesday and Thursday next week to invigilate Cambridge exams.

I did so much walking around the school yesterday that my ankles hurt by evening. And when I'm invigilating exams, I don't sit down. I walk around even while I'm marking papers. Then I went with Shook to Saberkas, walked around with him at his speed. He, of course, criticised me for being slow but I was too tired to explain why I was walking slowly. I've tried it before but he doesn't quite understand. So I don't bother. Not many people will understand anyway.

Last night, I slept at 2 a.m., woke up at 4.30 a.m., did more work then came in to work. Tonight, I have a Toastmasters AGM which might last until 11ish. On Thursday, I have my usual voice lessons at 6, then run off to a staff dinner at 7.

All I can say is I am so looking forward to the holidays even if I do have to mark papers and write reports. But at least I can do it from home where I can play my Sims 2 and Neverwinter Nights 2.

And the real purpose of this entry is to ask if anyone wants to go watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3 and Shrek 3 next week? I'm free during the day except for Tuesday and Thursday so I can even go in the afternoon. Let's go! Let's go! SMS me if you're interested.

I always watch my students whenever they are being themselves and not trying to conform to the rules and regulations of the school.

When they're not annoying the bejeepers out of me, I usually find them rather amusing.

I also find it rather alarming that the boys take more care with how they look compared to the girls. The most some of the girls do is comb their hair or run their fingers through their hair and they're ready. But the boys take ages in the washroom because they want to make sure every hair is in place. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating but it's close to the truth.

At first, I wondered whether doomsday is almost upon us because there's such a role reversal going on. Then I realised it's not going to happen.

There are still girls who are very superficial. They are so influenced by TV and movies that they take it as the norm. They think being popular is so ultra important. One student even said that she doesn't want anyone to talk bad about her because she'll become less popular then. What she does not realise is that nobody cares here. The students here talk to other students because they're nice and friendly, not because they're trying too hard to look good or they have a 'cool' MySpace or friendster site.

The first thing I learnt from my American friends in the US was that 'Don't believe everything you see in TV or the movies. They're lying so that more people will watch them.'

Unfortunately, life imitates art creating an impression that art imitates life. Or creating the cycle where life then imitates art. Or something like that.

And another thing. What's so great about having a boyfriend/girlfriend?! I never cared one way or another. If I hadn't met Shook or hooked up with him or ended up where I am with him, my Plan B is to move to Bali/Australia/the Caribbean/the Mediterranean and lived on a ranch or something, get lots and lots of cats and flirt with cute/gorgeous young studs on the weekends. Sounds like paradies on earth to me. So why not have a Plan B?

It's easier for guys to have a Plan B. They're more independent and stronger. And it's easier for them to enjoy an uncaring lifestyle than for us ;) (So politically incorrect but kinda true because if we did it, we'd be called sluts. If they did it, they'll be studs. How unfair is that?!)

Another thing. It's not who we hang out with that determines whether we're cool or not, it's what we are that determines. We cannot go through life blaming other people for who or what we are. It'll make us look so weak if we argue everything that happens to us as being someone else's fault. I don't know about you but I really don't like thinking of myself as weak. I may give in during an argument but that's only so I can let the person find out for themselves what a mistake they've made. And let them feel dumb in private.

There has to come a time when we have control of our lives. There's no point yelling our independence of thought and body to the world if we still blame our mother/ father/ brother/ sister/ cousin/ aunty/ uncle/ friend/ ex-boyfriend/ ex-girlfriend/ colleague/ ex-colleague for our own pitfalls and weaknesses. True independence means I am responsible for myself. My wrongs are my fault, my rights are of my own doing. If you decide to go through life making sure that you never regret whatever you've done, it could end up two ways. One, you live a very sedate and sedentary life or two, you could be happier knowing that everything you've done is right for you. Option one kind of makes you dull and emotionless. But option two could mean that you can move on. You've made a mistake, learn from it and move on. Nothing can go wrong. You don't have to be overly optimistic for this to happen. You just have to be honest and realistic.

And I wish I could tell all these to my students. But sometimes, the most loving, caring thing you can do for someone is to let them learn from their own mistakes. Some people won't listen to advice no matter how well-intended it is. So you let them be. You guide them, you advise them,you help them and then you let them be. And hope and pray that they learn.

I'm happy yet pissed at the same time. How is this possible?

I'm gloriously happy, happy, joy, joy because Shook isn't leaving just yet. Apparently, his classes commence only on the 5th June. So, I get two extra weeks with him! And my mom just told me that my parents will be going to Bintulu on the 30th, so I'm the only one so far allowed to go. Ah! The privileges I get because of Shook. So, even though he goes, I can still get to see him less than a month later. I also have a sneaky feeling my parents are curious about where he will be studying. Not to mention my father's own fascination with flying.

I'm pissed because work is piling up on me. This week alone I have exam papers to set and mark and reports to write meaning I'm bringing work home meaning I'm working almost 24 hours a day. I also have two huge reports to write for my Toastmasters for the AGM next Tuesday. I have a possible meeting with my ex-boss on Friday and voice lessons tonight. It doesn't sound like much but believe me, it's a pile-up!

And, to top it all, my mother insists I go with them to Pontianak next weekend because she wants me to look for wedding stuff. Problem is, flight is on Friday at 10 a.m. and I don't get out of school until 12.00. And that Friday there's a huge Assembly in school in which I'm the only person in charge of the sound and stage crew.

oh joy...

I was at the computer game shop last night to buy The Sims 2. I had two dvds of this game before. One seems to have gone missing while the other one doesn't install. So I bought another. While there, I saw that the shop had installed Command and Conquer: Tiberium Wars in their pc. I've been fascinated since Jerome showed me the game trailer over the weekend. So I played around with the game for a while and now I'm interested. Only problem is I still have Evil Genius and Neverwinter Nights 2 in my pc. And I just bought Splinter Cell:Double Agent.

But I really, really would like to try Command and Conquer. Anyone else ever played it before? I don't remember hearing any of the guys ever playing it.

Now I'm afraid my Evil Genius cd might go missing. Games have a tendency of going missing among our friends. I know I bought one copy for Shook once and that's gone missing. Rin had one once and that's gone missing too. So my copy is the one we have now. Shook borrowed that and now Rin has it. If it stays with Rin, at least I know where to find it. But if it leaves that house, that might be the last I see of it. Maybe I'll get it back and make a copy and let that one run around among our friends.

I'm hoping very hard Evil Genius 2 will come out. That game gets more fun the more it's played. I played it the first time about 3 years ago. And, for once, I was the one who introduced it to all the guys. But they were not interested until I got Shook to play it. Let's just say we spent that entire Hari Raya stuck to our computers. And now, somehow, we're playing it again. Shook started it by mentioning it to Wil, who then put it into his pc. Then Rin got interested again and now she has it in her pc. I've always had it in mine so I was fine. But it is one very cool game. Where else can you get to play an evil genius?

I remember there was this PS2 game where you can play the devil and get as many souls as possible or try to conquer the world or something like that. Anyone remember that game? I want it now. I'm trying to take the PS2 back from Shook. Instead of it just sitting there, I might as well take it back to my place. And play God of War 2. Haha!

With Jerome's help, I not only finally have internet connection up again, I also have Neverwinter Nights 2 working on my pc!!

My pc finally is able to do what it was designed to do! Seriously, I did buy all the parts just so that I could play NWN 2 and Splinter Cell.

I am now satisfied. And after I get episode 21 of Supernatural tonight, I'll be even better!

Oh, Wil suggested I organise a gathering to say farewell to Shook before he leaves this coming weekend. Anyone have any ideas for a good place to go?

I've not remembered a dream in a long time. And, despite being unable to fall asleep, I had what felt like a long dream last night and I woke up actually remembering it.

In my dream, I think I was a member of a street gang. And I was a petite girl who, I realised later, had once fallen in love with a member of a rival gang, who later became the leader of that gang. Yeah, very Romeo and Juliet.

The gang concept was a modern-day Oliver Twist plus a bit of The Fast and Furious. I only knew this because I was the street person while some of my other gang members were carjackers. And I think the leader 'I' was in love with was also a carjacker. It was really weird.

There was one scene in the dream when I was at the Headquarters and I got confused because I saw one gang member twice in two different parts of the building within seconds of each sighting. I ran out to see if his car was parked outside. It was. At that exact moment, I saw him driving by in his car. That's when I realised one was a fake. I checked the car, ran into the building and told someone that the guy in the building was the fake one. Then I ran out and drove his car away.

The car was pretty slick too. It was a 'sleeper' car. It had all the power for racing but you'd never know it from the outside. I had to drive the car really fast because I think the rival gang was on to me and they kept chasing me all around town.

It was this moment when I realised that 'I' was once the lover of the leader of the rival gang because I had memory flashes of what 'we' used to do together. It'd be a montage except there was no song and the scenes were definitely rated R.

I then decided to confront the leader there and then. I had turned right into rival territory when my alarm clock woke me up.

Now that I think about it, I really should start writing all these down and publish it as series of short stories.

I went for my first ever voice tryout last night. I've always wanted to take voice lessons. It's fascinating to be able to belt out a song. Not just any song but songs from musicals.

And Gette had to go and find us someone who absolutely lives and breathes musicals. To be fair, I got excited when I saw the music sheets for 'Les Miserables' so the teacher (Misato) also got excited.

The excitement was such that she then proceeded to pass me the music sheet for 'I Dreamt A Dream' and Gette 'On My Own' from 'Les Miserables.

Oh, and despite my convinctions that I cannot sing to save my life, I've discovered that I can go between an alto and a soprano. Maybe that's why she passed me the sheet for 'I Dreamt A Dream'.

Although it is cheaper if there were more than the two of us, I like it just being Gette and me there. We like the same songs, there's less waiting time and we're both apprehensive yet almost excited that we might end up singing with Misato one day. Oh god! Help!

I'm excited now. I can't wait for next week.

I'm back on the difficult cycle again. It's one of those things that make things very difficult for me. With my work schedule, I need to eat at a specific time or else I'd risk being hungry when I can't go get or eat food. So I buy food and eat when I can spare the time. This doesn't help me at all because I'm going through some very erratic hunger moods. I'm hardly ever hungry so I don't eat. And when I do get hungry, it's at a time when it's not practical to eat, like 1.00 a.m. If I do give in and eat at 1.00 a.m. it would mean that I'm up until 2.00 a.m. and then I need to jump out of bed at 6.30 a.m. and be at work from 7.30 a.m. to 4.00 p.m.

So, in the whole scheme of things, my body is giving me so much trouble. And this always happens when the weather changes. This has been going on since I was in the U.S. I'd eat all winter and then my food intake dwindles down to almost nothing during the summer. I know there's no winter and summer here but there is hot and rainy which amounts to almost the same thing. So now, I'm down to not wanting to eat at all or being extremely fussy about what to eat. In short, I'm doing a 'Yodie'!

And when I get fussy, Shook gets cranky. Yet, last night, he was incredibly patient when I demanded McDonald's despite him wanting to eat at home and then I could not decide what to eat when we did get to McDonald's. And when we did get home, I pouted and insisted I didn't want to share my chicken with Yodie, who is spoilt enough anyway. Then, moments later, I turned around and said I couldn't finish my chicken and went hunting for Yodie to help me with leftovers. Which got Shook all sighing again.

All in all, I know I'm going to be a difficult person to handle for the next few days. Something will snap me out of it eventually. But, until then, I'm hoping this is just PMS and I'll not have to handle all these mood swings and fickle-mindedness for very long.