Still Being Random

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I have seen many kinds of people. Some I interacted with, even liked, while some I just knew from a distance. I have seen them make mistakes and I have seen some of  them learn from their mistakes. The humbler ones even admitted to committing those mistakes and were big enough to apologise for them. The not-so-humble ones either never admitted upon knowing or just went their merry way feeling holier-than-thou.

Some of the most pleasant feelings I have ever had has been from knowing that I know people who have admitted they have made mistakes and are willing to change. Even as they have decided to age gracefully and be a better person, they are also aware that others can and have made the same mistakes they did. They accept people as they are without judging them based on anything at all. For that reason I am proud to call them my friends even as I sometimes wonder how they regard me.

But it doesn't matter. They know I accept them just as they are and I hope they return the favour. I may have had a momentary lapse in judgement about them or I might have even made the mistake of being too full of myself and judged them. But I see how they are now and I realise I have always enjoyed their company. And I hope they enjoy mine.

Now if friends or even acquaintances can do this for one another, it is indeed a sad, sad day when parents and family cannot, isn't it? But that is another story for another day.

For now, remember that "To err is human, to forgive Divine". We may be only human but we could try our hardest to be a better man (or woman).

I've been considering moving to my LiveJournal. I really do like how the LiveJournal is set up. Okay, I'm being a girl when I say that I really like how I can make my blog look pretty at the drop of a pin (or in this case, with a quick CSS tweak).

And I can lock it up when I want to while leaving it wide open if I choose to.

But....(yes, always a 'but')

To get the full feeling of LJ, I might need to pay for it. Ok, fine! To make it prettier, I'll have to pay for it!

What to do, what to do...

I believe that there more there is at stake, the more effort you should put into it.

What am I talking about?

When I first started dating Shook, I wasn't hoping to get married. I was just trying out this dating thing. But the one thing I never forgot was to treat his mother well and with respect. So, although in my mind I was not thinking of marrying him, I still behaved like a good maybe-daughter-in-law would.

I greeted her and, although it scared the bejeepers out of me, I sat and talked to her nicely. Shook even left me alone with her a few times and I didn't run screaming in horror although I was nervous like hell. In my mind, I saw myself as the girl who is taking her son away from her and I felt I needed to make up for that 'sin' alone.

As a result, when the time was right, it wasn't us to ask for the marriage, it was his parents. They got the ball rolling. Left to us, we'd still be dragging our feet and there'd be no Athena yet.

So. My point is this - If you want to take a son away from his mother by marrying him, spend time with the mother. Be nice to her. Don't take him away from her than he already has to.

Besides, when you marry the son, he'll sleep with you anyway. For now, let him spend some time with his mother. By doing this, you get kudos points and it'll smoothen the way for better relationships.

There are many people out there who don't realise this and it brings about many mother-in-law horror stories. Just as there is a saying about needing two hands to clap, a lot of times, it's not just the mother-in-law who is bad. You've taking her child away from her. Can you really expect her to feel good about you?

So, the way of it is to show her that she's not losing a son but she's gaining a daughter.

Do we understand my point now?

But! So little time, so many thoughts to share.

I think I'll share next week. When I have holidays and I cannot eat so I have more, more time to do many, many other things.

Like blog. And buy books. And organise my music files. And play The Sims 3!!

I haven't been here for awhile.Nothing different is going on with me. It's just that by the time I get back from work, I'm not thinking of the computer or the internet. My priority then is Athena. Since I spend all day away from her, I like to use the evenings to catch up on anything I'd missed out. Sometimes, I wish some people would remember that instead of assuming I am always available to run around like I used to.

It doesn't help that I have a baby who doesn't seem to believe in first words. She's tumbling headlong into first sentences and phrases. Her current favourite is 'I go.' Can you tell she loves going out?

I was telling some of my colleagues about her a few days ago and I happened to mention that she already has 8 books. Some of those books are classic like Peter Pan, We're Going On A Bear Hunt and Where The Wild Things Are. One colleague actually took a critical tone with me saying, "She's only a baby!!"

My reply was simple. "If you don't get her to like reading at an early age, when are you expecting to start?"

I didn't even want to share with this colleague that I used to talk to Athena when she was in my womb. Due to that practice, Athena now sleeps at 9.30 p.m. and wakes up at 6.30 p.m. Exactly the times I taught her to do so while I was pregnant. And since the day she was born, Athena always seemed to understand everything we said to her. So if talking to her while I was pregnant with her is stupid, then guess whose baby appears more intelligent compared to others her age?

Gette calls her an over-achiever. Trust me, neither Shook nor I pushed Athena to be so. So far, she has a penchant for music and she always looks like she's trying to figure out how things work. If this turns her into a singing mechanical engineer, so be it. But she loves flying, so aeronautical engineer? Who knows? As far as I am concerned, she can be whatever she wants to be, wherever she wants to be. However, right now, people find it hard to believe she's talking, crawling at super speed, walking while aided and growing her sixth tooth all at the same time.

I am spending the weekend with her in KL this week. We're hoping to meet up with some of her aunts and uncles, if we can. But I'm going to watch Merchants of Bollywood as well as attend a function so I'm not sure how much time I have to spare to meet up or go shopping. In addition, my parents are flying off to Perth on Sunday because my grandmother just passed away in Perth. But I'll be back on Sunday evening.

Other than that, I'm looking forward to the weekend and taking Athena to a whole new environment. I'm not worried since she's a good traveller.

One thing has been bothering me the past few days. Well, I read about it last week and have not seen anything else about it. I hope this means that someone has been shown the error of his statement and has been asked to be realistic about it.

For years now, we have nicely called the Mat Rempits as Mat Rempits. Basically, they are motorcyclists who race illegally on the streets usually at night. At first, I admit, they were impressive and fun to watch. Then, like all youths or very immatured people, they got big-headed and started showing off. They also got dangerous.

Generally, if they are only dangerous to themselves and killing each other, I won't give a rat's ass what happens to them. Less stupid people on the road, as far as I am concern. But, what they did was get dangerous for all road users.

Imagine this scenario: You are driving at night, maybe to get home from work, maybe to meet up with friends, maybe even just out for a drive with your family. Then you hear loud vrooming noises. Suddenly, some youths on motorcycles, a few with pillion riders, come zooming by. They're not moving in order. In fact, they are zigzagging in front of you, behind you while yelling out, probably making obscene gestures. Some of them are not even sitting in their seats; some are lying on them! You dare not swerve out of their way because they are everywhere. You evade one and you might run into another. You might consider honking them to warn them or remind them you are there, but they might take it the wrong way and gang up on you. Even worst, if you're a girl driving alone or even a few girls in the car, you definitely don't want to attract their attention. You'll be lucky if all they do is smash up your car and beat you up. Imagine being terrified for your safety, for your family's lives. Imagine having grown up watching about Hell's Angels in an American movie and this looks like one of the scenes. Imagine realising how this seems like a nightmare you cannot wake up from.

Then imagine people telling you that Mat Rempits are the good guys. That they should not be called street gangsters. That they should be renamed Mat Cemerlangs. That funds should be allocated to their well-being and enjoyment; funds which could be used in education, rural development and social welfare. Imagine how such acts of terror should be condoned and applauded and immortalised in movies. Imagine all the accolades for the illegal street racers, who are a menace and a danger to society, coming from people who are surrounded by bodyguards, who never drive on the roads themselves, who never look up to see the dangers their drivers need to drive through for them, who never experienced being on the road at night and in danger of meeting these gangs of motorcyclists.

Imagine all that and see how you feel about these people. See whether you sympathise with the police who have to tolerate the people who make the accolades as well as face the terrors on the streets. See whether you don't feel that something is wrong here and that something realistic has to be done.

See if, just this once, the police might actually be right and the lawmakers might just actually be wrong.

P.S: One rumour I've heard is that these Mat Rempits usually bet on their pillion riders, who tend to be female. In the 1950s ( and maybe even now), street racers in America used to race for pink slips (ownership of the cars). But in Malaysia, Mat Rempits race for the right to have sex with the female pillion riders. Rather hypocritical to think of them as the good guys then, isn't it? Yes, very Cemerlang they are.

The holidays have officially started for me, my husband is home and I have time to do everything I've been wanting to do.

Life looks good for now.

I finally got round to watching Twilight. Actually, I just started but I've been distracted so far by 1) a tummy ache, 2) Athena and 3) Athena's bath time. I will finish watching it eventually.

I uploaded all 2300+ photos from my camera into my computer which I will then back-up to the external hard disc. And then I will make copies on DVD. Of course I have to be careful because about 2000 photos are those of Athena. Is anyone surprised she reacts to a camera with a smile nowadays?

I'll be going to Bintulu this Monday and I'll be back on Tuesday. Can't stay long because I don't get leave from work unless for a good reason, Athena is coming with me and I think Shook has exams or is flying the rest of the week. And yes, I do so want to distract Shook further so he has to stay longer in that idiotically-run place. (And if you were not sure, that last sentence was dripping in acid)

I am seriously considering a slight change in my career options. I think I'll go for it, just to see if I can. If it works out, it's a new challenge to keep me occupied for another decade. If it doesn't, well I always have other plans in place.

I really need to get round to finish typing out my story. Seems like such a waste to plan something so well then drop it into oblivion. I always say I don't have time but the truth is, I spend so much time playing with Athena and catching up on things I've missed out with her while at work that I don't feel like doing much else.

I went and had my hair cut. It was a decision forced upon me by the combination of heat, the frustration of looking around for my hairband in the middle of the night and feeling bored of either tying my hair or clipping it up.

I accompanied my students to Swinburne for a debate recently. It was rather interesting. I'm not saying that just to be polite. Although I complained a lot about their time management earlier in the event, the experience it gave my students and the wonderful time they had as well as the new friends they made sort of made me forgive the organisers. They were also very helpful to my students. So despite everything, I don't mind bringing them back there next year.

And to finish off this post, my daughter is 7 months today and my best friend has been married a week today. Ain't life grand?

After years of looking at the same blog layout, today I decided to change it. I'm not sure what brought along the need for change but once I got started on it, I couldn't stop until I was done.

Yet, even now, I'm not completely satisfied with it. More changes to come, I suppose.

I have a few stories to tell. But the one that sticks most in my mind is of a girl. Technically, she is old enough to be called a woman but she seriously lacks the maturity usually associated with women. In fact, if I wanted to be more accurate, I would call her a spoilt brat. I just can't believe someone like her exists. But then, it takes many types to make this world go round and she is just another one of them.

This girl is in her mid-twenties. From what I know of her, she is an attention whore. Which explains the occupation she eventually picked for herself. Along that same vein, maybe she'll eventually get rid of the attention part and be more whore than anything else.

Anyway, before I get reduced to name-calling, the short version of the story is this. Her sister gave birth to a baby girl at about the same time I gave birth to Athena. So the baby is about 4 or 5 months right now. This girl who is in her mid-twenties (!!!) actually had a hissy fit at home because everyone was paying attention to the baby and not to her. She actually started behaving like a childish prat when her father came home and greeted the baby first because greeting her. After that, she refused to have anything to do with the baby because of all the attention everyone was giving the baby.

What kind of person gets jealous of a BABY?! Maybe she should have her head checked. And she's in her mid-twenties! A bit too old to be having a childish fit like that, don't you think? I can understand if a one year old child or even if a five year old got jealous of a baby sibling. But when a twenty-something year old aunt does it, I seriously need to wonder where her brain went to.

Anyway, last I heard of her, this girl became a stewardess. And you remember what people used to call stewardesses? Yep, high-flying whores. I won't even call them high-class because classy they are not. I used to room with an ex-stewardess. Believe me, she'd spread her legs for anyone who can afford to pay for her living style. And she used to get upset when a guy (any guy) shows no interest in having sex with her. Very egotistic them stewardesses.

But yeah, that girl boggles my mind. So her mother keeps asking my mom if my 15 year-old sister is jealous of Athena. I thought it was a very stupid question until I heard the story of that girl. She better practise safe sex because I would really hate to see how her kids turn out. Probably mentally unstable because she seems very mentally wrong.

I suddenly feel like starting a photo blog. I was thinking of using WordPress.

Something to ponder on today.

I have been too tired or busy to produce a single coherent sentence that does not have to do with work. Hence my inability to blog. It's not as if I have created a quota for myself or anything. It's just that I look at my blog and I WANT to blog. I just don't know what to say.

Everything is a jumble in my mind. It's as if there is a traffic jam in my brain somewhere and everything wants to come out but the coherence highway narrows into a bottleneck just before it reaches my fingers. So I know I'll be babbling like a raving lunatic if I tried to force it.

Today, I decided that I am going to attempt something before I burst from all the words dying to get out of my brain. Oh, I just read about the Sarawak Cancer Society campaign. The Go Bald one. I wish there was some way I could help. Maybe I'll just give some money. I could shave but it actually is against my religion to do so and besides, my parents will have a fit. So, for the sake of peace, I'll abstain. Ten years ago, I would have done it. I almost did while in the US. But Michigan is cold. Can you imagine being bald in Michigan in winter?!

Anyway, if anyone who wanders this way would like to contribute some money, send it to Gette. Or if you'd rather send it to me, let me know and I'll pass it along to her. Hey, I'm all for a good cause. I was in a service fraternity once so the feeling has to come from somewhere.

Well, that's my bit for today. Really! Do donate some money. I can't shave so I'll share my wealth. Don't just try to look good. It's better to BE good.

Please correct me if I am wrong in my perception.

Also, please don't think I am not sympathetic. I am always saddened by the loss of lives and even more saddened by the fact that greed overcame caution.

However, I cannot understand why a massive fundraising was carried out to assist those who lost their homes in the Bukit Antarabangsa incident. I mean, even the spokesperson admitted that these were the elite living in an elite area. Why then are we, the common people, being asked to donate money to them? Am I supposed to believe that the loss of their homes means the loss of everything they have? That they don't have high-paying jobs and maybe offshore accounts or even another house somewhere?

It also rather annoys me that these fundraisers went to Parliament and managed to get thousands of ringgit from the MPs there. And yet, I still hear stories about how some MPs pretend not to be at home when their own constituents come calling for assistance. So, they only help their own kind then?

It just bugs me how those truly in need have to go begging for assistance while the elite only had to lose one home and maybe (heaven forbid!) one car or two and tens of thousands of ringgit come rolling in?

I understand that we want to help our fellow Man but why are we helping the rich while the poor suffer? And why such a massive fundraising for them yet nothing for those two children who earlier died in a similar landslide? Probably because they were not of the elite group? I really would like some help in understanding this.

I thought about joining NaNoWriMo. I've been contemplating it for years but the event happens during the busiest time of the year for me. And I didn't need a month long event to add to the already existing stress of my work.

However, this year, I find myself having little to occupy my time during this month. I do still go into work at times to pick up some exam papers to mark or to key in reports or just catch up on work decisions. But most of the time, I'm at home taking care of Athena. During the day, however, the maid is on hand to keep an eye on her, leaving me pretty much to my own devices. I spend most of that available time catching up on sleep though. So I have too little time to run around town but too much time to sit doing nothing.

So what I thought of doing was to join NaNoWriMo. But the more I thought about it, the more I got bored with the idea. I like the concept but I'm not too keen to joining something which I know I won't be able to commit fully to later.

So what I've decided to do is this. I will still write my story since I have most of the story all worked out already. I just don't have an ending but I'm sure that will come to me later. I will write it out throughout the month almost as if I was part of the crazy event. Then at the end of the month, I will see how much I am able to do within that time period. Then I can gauge how commited I can be to doing some serious writing.

And just to show how bored I am at home, I have been buying things on eBay. Mostly bags. I've been having this odd obsession for bags. So far, I've won 3 bids for sling bags. And each one costs me less than RM50.

I really need to start doing something useful again before I run out of money which I don't have.

When Athena was born, Shook went to National Registration Department to get her registered. However, when he got home, we both noticed that she is listed as a Malay in her birth certificate. So, figuring that we will need Shook around to prove that he is Melanau so that she could be listed as a Melanau, we waited until yesterday to get the paperwork done.

All this time, we figured it was just NRD's incompetence that got her listed as a Malay. As it turned out, the problem went much further than that. When the NRD checked Shook's IC, it was discovered that his IC has him listed as a Malay. So, until he changes his IC, we cannot change Athena's birth certificate. And to change Shook's IC, we have to ask his dad to check his race as the children's race follow their father's.

The funny thing is you could write your race as 'Alien' in the form and the NRD will still use whatever is in their database under your name. It was rather amusing yet annoying at the same time.

But the whole fiasco just proves that no matter how government departments want to seem competent, someone somewhere always manages to screw it up.

I urged Shook to write about this in the Melanau Pride group forum in Facebook because I suspect all the Melanaus now should check exactly what they are listed as under NRD or in their IC. And, if you do have Facebook, this is what he meant by being wiped out.

I actually saw one that caught my interest. It was featured in the Star newspaper last week but I never got the time to check it out.

I really would like to play this but, like all card games, I'll need someone to play with. And considering that the card gamers I know would not have either the patience or the interest for this particular genre, I'm not sure who will play with me.

I would really like to give it a try though. Maybe I'll just buy the two decks and try it out in my classroom next year. That's a thought.

I really don't mind waking up every 3 hours at night. In fact, I rather enjoy it. It's the 'us' time Athena and I have. I don't mind the changing and the feeding. I do rather mind the crying because it sometimes scares me. I don't mind having to adjust the air-con temperature a lot because she gets cranky if it's too hot or too cold.

But I do really mind when people expect me to be awake in the day as if I had nothing better to do. I do mind that I am expected to go through my ife right now as if my maternity leave is a holiday during which time I can do whatever I want or go wherever I can. I do mind that nobody tries to understand that I need the day to catch up on the sleep I lose during the night. I do mind that, even while I am sick (which I am right now), I am expected to go through the motions as if it's just another day in which I get to waste doing nothing.

And what worries me is that I nearly fell in the bathroom today because I suddenly got dizzy.

I hate being weak. And being sick is being weak. Being pathetic and whiney is being weak. When I think I'm being weak, I always try to yank myself out of it.

Like what I should be doing now. But I'm too sleepy and drugged and sick to be strong.

But I still have so much to do.

*sigh*