Still Being Random

I had a rather morbid lunch. It's a good thing that I can be rather non-squeamish at times.

Last night, my sister bought me some fried rice with salted fish, which I brought to work for lunch today. While I was eating, I came upon a piece of salted fish. The logical part of recognised the sliced salted fish for what it was despite the fact that it was little on the pale side. The morbid part of me wondered if it was a gecko.

That's right. It looked a lot like a gecko had fallen into the pan while the fried rice was being fried. It looked all mashed up and soft with a white underside and a speckled topside. The only thing missing was a tail and the rounded head. I even took a closer look and it looked a bit like part of the gecko's head. I was looking for eyes and feet just to see if it might have really been a gecko.

But there were none and the piece was obviously a sliced off part of a fried fish. So I was fine. All I did to stop myself from throwing up was throw the piece away. It didn't stop me from eating the rice, though.

But, typical of a Malay eating place, the portions are illogically huge. It makes me wonder how people can eat so much. Even when I've not eaten all day, I still only eat a small portion once I do eat. And everyone knows it's a weight watchers nightmare to justify eating more by saying that it's to make up for a meal missed. There's no such logic to it. I read this somewhere but I can't remember which site I read it at. It was either diets.com or the online Glee magazine subscription I get.

Sometimes, I find it easy to believe that Shook does love me more than he reveals. Yesterday, something happened that got me all worked up. This usually happens when I'm extremely disappointed in a friend. Even disappointment in my family doesn't affect me like this.

But I was very upset. I was ready to send out a nasty sms to sever all ties with a particular person. It didn't help that when I mentioned it to Wil and told him how I hated such a behaviour, he agreed with me and said he hates people who do that too.

Then we decided not to talk about this person. I had already decided to myself that I'm going to ignore this person. He seems to ignore us easily enough so we don't care about him anymore. I had calmed down enough to tell myself that, if by today, I was still angry, I was going to send him an sms, then ignore his replies and calls and ban him from my messenger list. If I can cut a friend of 15 years out of my life, I can do more than that to a friend of 7 years. So I was set.

Then, out of the blue, Wil brought this person's name up again and wondered how he was doing. I think Shook heard my sharp intake of breath as I was about to say something very caustic because he quickly said "Why should we bother? After all, it's his life. We have our own."

And he said it so quietly that even Wil knew to back down. It definitely saved me from another outburst. And it definitely gave me a way to not care about this person anymore.

But the fact remains that Shook knows how friends' actions can hurt me even when I don't say much about it. He knows it has a worst effect when I don't say much. When I rant, at least, he knows I'm getting it out in the open. It's when I keep it inside that he realises I'm hurting badly. Where this person was concerned, I said only he didn't want to meet us and left it at that. So Shook knew I was upset and angry. When people have hurt me badly, he knows I tend to have as little to do with them as possible. I can look past members of my family as if they're not there when I'm angry at them. Friends? Even easier to do.

So, you see, it's little things like this that makes me know he cares. He teases me, he bullies me, he makes fun of me. But at the end of the day, he takes the time to do the little things that make me feel better. He buys me things that keep me safe and organised, not because they look pretty. All this, even if I am only catching up with his trains of thought a few years too late.

Against my better judgement, I went to watch Zombi Kampung Pisang yesterday with Shook, Wil and Tremas. I really was rather iffy about it. Even when Shook showed me the trailer on YouTube, I was reconsidering going a few times. But Shook was enthusiastic about it so I went along.

I am happy to say that this was definitely one of the better Malay movies I've ever watched. The key to it was that they were not planning to be serious. It was Grade-B all the way from the beginning to the end.

It was only at one point almost to the end that I found it boring enough that I almost fell asleep. Other than that, the movie is a good laugh. Especially if you're really into Grade-B horror flicks and zombie movies.

I finally did it!

I finally went and got that blasted monodrama out of the way! After sitting on for a little more than two months.

Even last night, I was tempted to chicken out. The feeling became worst after I found out that I was going to be evaluated by the most veteran of Toastmasters in our Club. He is revered even by other clubs and everyone knows him to be a good speaker. He's won awards upon awards for speaking. And I know he's done this manual before. So, to say I was freaking out is an understatement.

At the same time, I realised that if I didn't do it during this meeting, then I'd most likely will never get it done. So I grabbed the bull by the horns and went up there and did the presentation.

It didn't turn out as well as I wanted it to but it didn't turn out too badly either. Apparently, I played it well enough to entertain everyone.

Dunstan said it's the hardest project in the manual, which is one of the hardest manuals among the advanced manuals. It was the Interpretive Reading manual. And Victor was impressed because I wrote it myself. He says others have just pulled a monologue off the Net and read that.

So, yes, I finally got it out of the way. And now I can progress to the next projects. I can either do a Roast or a Play. The Roast is only about 5 minutes and the Play is between 10 to 15 mminutes. Roasting's easier.

After feeling very down about a lot of things, I was almost desperate to get out of Kuching. The only way that has been possible for me has been to go with Shook to our friend's kampung. So, last Saturday, thanks to the Powers That Be!, we went off to our friend's place. We had a barbeque and generally sat around talking and laughing about the fish, the burgers and everything else. It felt good to realise that I do have a life outside of work and the associations.

For dinner, we later went to GK, which has been renamed Nice Cafe. When we asked why, the answer was funny. Apparently, everyone still refers to it as 'Nice Cafe' so the management decided to revert back to 'Nice Cafe'.

But it was while sitting there and laughing and trying to get Simon drunk that we started telling him stories about how things were before we all got shoved our separate ways. Shook and Wil kept telling Simon that they are kinder than Leon when it comes to drinking. Even then, Wil kept running after Simon with a glass of beer trying to make sure he drank it all. I tell you, anyone with a lesser sense of humour would get angry at being forced to drink when they had clearly said 'No more' already.

Then, out of the blue, Wil suddenly said he missed going out drinking with us and Mac. I found it funny considering that Mac prefers to hang out with the younger set of people nowadays. Then Wil mentioned that maybe we're too old for him. It was a remark that made me look at them all and think "Like anyone would believe we are older!"

Then we talked about drinking games. I told of the time I played an UNO drinking game and immediately Wil jumped on the idea. I thought of suggesting Munchkin but it's too serious a game for drinking sessions. But I did remind Wil of the last time we played UNO and he had to draw 12. So, if we did a shot for every Draw card we pulled, Wil would be looking at 12 shots! I think he got a bit cross-eyed just thinking about it.

Of course, we talked of all the things they did during the 'Cyberdyne days', as they called it. And Wil and Shook talked of the girls they knew. I know of these already but apparently Wil's wife did not and she kept grilling him and making jealousy-laced remarks. I wanted to ask her what she was worried about since they're already married. I was more secure in my knowledge than she was. Geez! The guy has a past. Don't hassle him about it or else the past might become the present!

And Wil, bless his soul, did what I consider the best act of friendship! He offered to go with me to Bintulu, if I ever get an attack of insecurity, just to check up on Shook. I mean, I trust Shook but there is only so much trust can do when there are bitchy snakes around. And both Wil and Simon sat there and discussed the distance and cost and length of time needed to get to Bintulu by air and by car. It was so sweet! I felt almost cherished but definitely accepted. And when I told Wil's wife that I won't be going on picnics with them without Shook around, she actually said they would come pick me up if I wanted them to. How much better can friends get, I ask you? In a world where everyone generally only thinks of themselves, there are these 4 people who are willing to go all out to make me feel better about this whole thing! I realised then why Shook enjoys spending time with this group. He caught on earlier than I did (then again, he's known Wil longer) that these are friends worth hanging onto.

Come to think of it, Wil has always helped me a lot before and I have helped him a lot too. He appreciates my honesty and doesn't hate me for it. He seems to know that I get mad at him for stupid things he did and not just for the sake of it.

But the weekend was good. It helped me reaffirm my believe in myself. I may have made some dumb choices but I made some pretty good ones too. I do have friends who care and who are secure enough to be themselves. We have too much fun to want the constant attention or the limelight. And we're too old to require that much attention.

I guess there is much to be said about hanging out with people closer to your own age. I've been spending too much time with young people or with people my own age who still haven't decided what they want and chooses to moan and groan about it. And they all want to be members of an association or all eager to get married.

Sheesh! It is enough to make people drink until they're drunk! And pass out!

I've been tagged! By my 'big brother' of all people. At first, I was taken aback a bit. Then I read the rules of the tagging and discovered it's not so bad to be tagged. This time.

The '5 Blogs That Make Me Think' are:

1. Where's the Undo Button? - by Yati

2. Monster in the Spotlight - by Chipperazzi

3. Standard Issue III - by Gette

4. Kenny Sia - by Kenny Sia

5. Riding The Mellow - by Mac

Congratulations! You won a

The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,

3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

I am at work but I feel so demotivated that it's not even funny. I don't feel like doing anything. Actually, I do feel like quitting my job but I don't have the luxury. Not only will my parents not go for it, they won't help me pick up the pieces of my debts or my spending just because I got too lazy or too tired to work.

I do feel the strong need to get away from needy people though. Probably because I'm in a needy mood myself. I've always had to be the strong, stable one that once in a while, I need to lean on someone. At this point right now, everyone seems to be depending on me!

Most of all that useless piece of organisation I call an Alumni! They act as if they'd all perish if I was not there! Nobody is that indispensable! They're all eager for a boyfriend and marriage and all that crap but ask them to chair a miserable meeting or make some minor decisions, they go stupid. Truly unreliable! And what's the point in having a committe if the President does all the work? It's not as if I was born with all this knowledge in my head. I learnt it all. Like everyone else has to! Jeez!!

At least, my Toastmasters is easing off me. I guess, since he got a love life, the president has discovered that there is more to life than meetings and social networking. But they still want me to take over as President. And because of that, I'm almost harrassing Shook to take a job somewhere outside Kuching! Like really, really far outside Kuching.

I really would like to be the needy one once in a while. The one who pouts and slams doors and acts childishly. The one who bitches and moans and groans over small matters. Just once in awhile.

Being the strong, stable one really can make things tiring.

I was watching episode 18 of Supernatural Season 2 the other day. It's the episode that involved Sam and Dean investigating women being murdered by a werewolf. Well, it turned out that the werewolf was a she and Sam had fallen for her. In one scene, he was arguing that he would try and save her somehow. And I think Dean or the girl asked him if he knew of a place where they could lock her up for a few nights in the month to keep her safe while she is in werewolf form.

At that moment, two things struck me. 1) If they went to Angel Investigations, they'd find a room just right for her. After all, Angel has used it before in the episode Unleashed. And 2) why hasn't anyone written an Angel/Supernatural crossover? Then again, if they did, Angel and Sam and Dean would be on opposite sides. I can see Sam believing that Angel has a soul and is good but I highly doubt if Dean would believe. Sam and Dean would more likely work together with Buffy than Angel. But then I can see Illyria impressing Dean.

Last night, I was also watching Supernatural on TV and it was the episode where they meet a family of cannibals. Reminds me of that episode of X-Files.

Which brings me to one question. Why is it guys who enjoy X-Files, Buffy and even Angel, refuse to watch Supernatural? (Well, except for Wilfred and Shook). Of course, the answer is pretty clear. There are no 'hot chicks' in Supernatural. As normal as the story is, as realistic as it can get, it still does not measure up to guys who refuse to see guys acting as heroes. They only want to see girls. Even if the girls who guest star in Supernatural used to act in Angel and Buffy. Girls like Amy Acker and Julie Benz.

The whole idea really is enough to make me consider writing fan fiction on Supernatural. But I'll be very tempted to crossover with Angel since I know Angel better than I know Buffy. Or maybe have Dean meet Faith. Can you imagine the fireworks? They're so alike it could only end up in sparks. Hee! Hee!

My only gripe with fan fiction is that there's always incest or homosexuality. Why can't people keep their minds out of the gutter for a while?! Why did they have to tarnish the Winchester brothers and create the term 'Wincest'?! Stupid idiots call themselves fans and they do this?! More like morons whose parents are brother and sister, if you ask me.

Okay...rant over. Indignation still very much in place though. But I might seriously consider the fan fiction. I know enough urban legends and folklore and the unexplained to write a rather passable fan fiction. I can write about sexual tension, just not sexual encounters. I suck at writing romance despite reading a lot of it. A little too cynical, I guess.

But I'll consider the crossover...when I have the time and mental capacity to string words together without sounding gibberish.

One last note - can you imagine a Supernatural/Firefly crossover? Summer will make the Winchester brothers nuts. And Inara will have them drooling. Fun!!

Oh well, just a thought. All I want to do right now is watch Prison Break season 2. I'll wait for my PC to come back from Jerome so I could download Season 2.

After years of moaning and groaning about my computer, I finally put my foot down and bought computer parts. And, as luck would have it, I missed the PC fair in Kuching. Instead, where was I? Drooling over computer parts in Low Yatt Plaza in KL.

Honestly, when Jerome and Art told me that it's cheaper in KL, I was still a bit skeptical. I don't trust based only on someone's word. I prefer to see for myself. (Let's not even go into the paranormal)

Anyway, I did a quick survey here before I went to KL just so that I can get a rough idea of the price range. When I did get to Low Yatt, I was floored. The first shop I went to had almost the same prices as we get here; just slightly cheaper. Then I remembered one particular shop mentioned at hardwarezone. So I went there and grabbed their price list. Their prices are unbelievable! I even went to the shop itself and grilled the guy about his prices. And I did what Jerome advised me to do. I asked the guy questions about all the parts I needed. From the motherboard to the RAM to the graphics card and the hard disk. We were fine until we got to the graphics card. He asked if I was gaming or desktop publishing. I told him I could desktop publish from my laptop so he grabbed the gaming card for me. At first, I didn't even want to consider buying a hard disk. Then he calculated what I did pick out and I discovered that I had more than enough for a new hard disk. Then he made it worst. He said if I added the RAM, he could pass it off as buying a whole computer and get me a bargain on the RAM and the rest of the components.

So I said okay. I was already satisfied with what I had. All I asked was if I can play Neverwinter Nights 2 and Splinter Cell and he replied I could play WoW if I wanted to. Haha! All in all, I paid RM1670 for a Western Digital 320 Gb hard disk (he said he won't use Maxtor and besides, they might be shutting down? I'm not so sure now), a AMD Athlon 64 X2 dual-core processor, nVidia's GeForce 7600 GT graphics card, Corsair 1 Gb RAM and abit KN9 SLI. It's probably not the best by some standards but I'm quite satisfied with it all. It should last me quite a while and, as long as I can play my Sims2, Splinter Cell and Neverwinter Nights 2, I'm happy.

I asked the guy if they would all fit together and he gave everything a sweeping glance. He said they definitely will unless the person putting them together gets it wrong. Then he asked if I chose all the parts on my own. I said I had some help (thanks Jerome, Nick and Art! Although I couldn't afford the 8800. Haha!) but only for the graphics card. The rest are my own error.

So that was my weekend. After that, I barely had enough money to buy books but I managed to go manga mad in Kinokuniya. My sole purpose to go to KL was to buy computer parts and I did. And, along the tech track, I met up with my friends. One of them works in NTV/8TV/TV9 and the other writes tech reviews for the New Straits Times. The wife writes the reviews and she laughed at me for going tech mad. We talked about how cheap Vista is and she said she'll wait a year or two. She reviewed it and was not too impressed just yet. Same thing the guy at Low Yatt told me. If only I can convey all this to my mom...

I had so many things I wanted to say...that I wanted to blog about. Some I wanted to get gleeful over - like having appeared in the papers twice over a space of two weeks for reasons I wish I knew. SOme things I wanted to rant about. Others I just wanted to impart. But all of it was forgotten in favour of one particular event.

Prison Break

I set out not going all out to watch it. I've heard about it and I was considering it but I was not making a point to sit in front of the tv to watch it.

But my big brother insisted I watch it. He emphasised that it was one of the best shows he's ever seen. He said that he once stayed up all night j7ust to watch the rest of the season on dvd.

So, when he managed to pass the season 1 dvd set to my mom, I did what any human, curious, real cat lover would do. I popped it into the dvd player and watched it.

And I must say, he's right. After the 5th episode, I was tempted to fast forward everything just to see how it goes but I knew I'd miss something if I did that. On the other hand, I could not wait for each episode to go on so that I'd know what happened next. At the same time, I was also afraid to see what would happen next.

A real quandary, I tell you.

Yet right now, I am watching episode 6 of the first Season and I'm hooked. I've already booked the Season 2 dvds from a student so she'll pass them to me as soon as she can.

Overall, I enjoy the show. It's not action packed, it's not babe packed. It's a thriller that's almost thought provoking. But one thing for sure is that it's heart stopping. The thing I hate is that I know who the bad guys are, I know who the good guys are and I know who the victims and manipulators are. I just need to know how they all end up. It's like a romance story. You know how they'll all end up. You just need to know how they got there!

It's a show I enjoy yet I hate the fact that I'm watching it. Go figure!