You know how you don't start out feeling down or melancholy but it jumps on you anyway?

I have it now. I don't even know why. Part of my mood swing thing, I guess.

I talked to Shook last night. He tried to make me forget a lot of things. I guess the female in me refuses to forget. Yet, the aggressive bit of me wants to pulverise and destroy.

I hate losing friends or even potential friends. But this is me. I'm the person who now refuses to even hear about a certain 'friend' I once knew. She made one mistake. She put an expiry date on our friendship. More like a timeline, probably. How would you feel if someone told you "You're my past friend. They are my present friends."?

So I did what I always wondered I could do. I walked away and never looked back. Want to know a persona non grata in my life? She is it. Another friend keeps trying to talk to me about her but I usually pretend I don't hear. And you know what's worst? I'm not even tempted to find out. No curiosity, no cares, no feelings at all for her. I was told she had a baby. I felt nothing so I didn't ask if she was okay or if the baby was a boy or a girl. There was no longer a need for social niceties and courtesy.

So when I say I can cut someone out of my life, I know I can because I've done it before. And what I've done once, I can do again. And this person was my best friend. It's been more than 7 years since I cared about her. Anyone else would be no problem for me.

I never say I hate someone unless I mean it. I might not be loud but I can be mean and cold. I admire the Mafia for this reason. A bit of me follows what they are like. And when I feel someone is not worth the courtesy or my time, I stop caring. Being emotionless is easy for me. But then again, so is being impartial and fair.

Racism I can take. I don't like it but I can take it. Although I always say that a person cannot be blamed for the sins of their fathers, I also keep in mind that an apple never falls far from the tree. I don't judge people immediately but I will give them enough rope to hang themselves. And if they're found wanting, I stop wasting my time on them. I will make allowances for the people I love. But it doesn't mean I turn a blind eye.

The purpose of this post? A warning, I guess. I can and will turn away from those I find of no consequence. The only people who can change my mind are Shook, my mother and my father. But even then, I reserve my opinions and my judgements. When I am eventually proven right, which I always am, I don't gloat. But I will make sure my original displeasure is made known. There are some people in my family who my parents are trying to get me to accept again. I am stubborn, if nothing else. I don't show these people any courtesy until they show the same to my parents. I refuse to greet them until their children greet my parents. Most of all, they know I'm judging them and they know I'm watching them. And they know I will make my thoughts known to my parents. I'm not loud about it but I can be sharp. I know where it hurts them the most. I've used that knowledge before so I can use it again.

Most of all, I decide based on action, not words. Anybody can talk a bird down from the trees but nobody can hide what they really are.