Still Being Random

Oh, and another thing about New Year is that most people start to reflect on the Old Year.

I did that for all of 5 seconds today. I do most of the reflecting on a daily/weekly/monthly basis depending on my time but I seldom wait yearly to do it. Also, I try never to regret anything I have done. What's done is done, we learn from it and move on. Why sit and mope about it?

However, to be fair, there are some things I am thankful for.

I think that's about it. If by some chance I have not mentioned someone or something that I should have, then I apologise.

There are some people I have known in my life who have reminded me how ungrateful and worthless some so-called friends can be. To these people, I wish them good luck and I hope they get everything they deserve in life. I could curse them but I hear that those things come back to you three fold. They are truly in my past.

So I'll leave it as that. Now again, have a very merry and safe New Year. I'll see you all again next year. Haha!

It's that time of the year again. This is when everyone either gets excited or melancholy. The excited ones are planning, plotting and excitedly looking forward to a night of fun, laughter and debauchery. I hope they also plan where they're going to pass out safely.

The melancholic, either by choice or circumstances, stay home with close family and relatives for the night. The circumstances could be they are very good and have goody friends or they have no life. The choice would be they did not want to be out on the road where there is a very high chance of getting terrorised by wannabe-cool motorcyclists who think they are on the set of the movie Torque. Also, everyone in Kuching knows how horrible it is to be out and about town on New Year's Eve.

As for me, it's a bit of both. Circumstances-wise, I know of no party or debauchery to which I have been invited to. And even if I were invited, I still would choose not to go. I think I'm all partied out. I was introduced to the concept of parties, in the true sense of the word, while I was in the United States. This was way before September 11. I lived in a house with 7 other Americans. Therefore, as soon as Thursday evenings came by, we'd drive to the nearest party store and buy whatever alcohol we wanted. We lived in a big house, by students standards. A 7-room house was big especially since everyone else we knew were in dorms or apartments!

So we partied almost every weekend. And why Thursdays? Because we all arranged never to have classes on Mondays and Fridays. I kept this schedule the entire 3 years I was there. If we didn't party in the house, we walked down to the bar called Bourbon Street. Everyone wanted to get into Bourbon Street because you had to be 21 years old to get in. Hey! We were in university. This was a big deal!

Then there were Halloweens, fraternity parties, birthdays, Homecoming and just about any celebration anyone can think of. I have this funny feeling that the only celebrations that found us sober were Thanksgiving and Christmas! And there was a time when I got heartbroken and went drinking every night for a whole month. Got plastered every night in that month too. Once had this drink called Goldshlager. It was 87 proof schnapps with flakes of gold in the bottle. It was pretty lethal for schnapps! We played a drinking game using Uno cards and I had to stop after the 9th shot when my Uno cards became purple. I passed out to the sound of Rush's Bastille Day. I still have the CD somewhere.

So sometime after I came back here, I went to another party once. I was warned that these parties were always wild so I was expecting the worst. Then I realised these people didn't even begin to know the word 'wild'. The guests were 'children' between the ages of 18 to 24. It wasn't the age that mattered but the mentality. Their priority was to get laid not to have fun. Although for some people, it was one and the same.

So I gave up on parties in Kuching. The only drinks I had since being home were 13 shots of tequila while with some friends at one time and the lethal mixtures Shook concocts with Coke and Jack Daniels. Do not go near that man when he mixes! Most of all, make sure he doesn't hate you because he can kill with those things! Hey! I may be in love but I ain't blind!

So now, I pick and choose my parties. I figured I can be choosy or fussy. Besides, I would only go if Shook went so that I can avoid the "Where's Shook?" questions.

So everyone...happy New Year. Be safe. Despite all tragedies near and far, life still has to go on and we cope in any way we can.

I tried this quiz which I got from tarlia's LiveJournal. Maybe it's my current frame of mind and the fact that all I've had all day is a roti canai from a place Shook and I went to at Carpenter Street.

Those are the only reasons I can think of for this phenomenon.

How did I become Lord Voldemort?!!

I received a festival bonus this month and decided to splurge it on my car. After paying off all my bills, I went to a car accessory shop that my family frequents quite a bit.

I got my car a set of new tyres and a new steering wheel. My car has also been going around looking like a one-eyed Jack so I bought a new part for the front lamp. I also replaced the old CD player with a new one which doubles as a cassette deck. All in all, I spent quite a bit on my car today.

Since I figured she's going to be around for a while, I might as well treat her nice and spruce her up a bit. I've taken her to some rather unkind places where the roads are bumpy and dirty and I've banged the undercarriage on some very painful places in town.

At least, I'm being nice. I used to call Shook's car Christine! My car is the one which looks more like Christine than his.

A close friend of mine, who I once made the mistake of believing myself in love with, once told me that I was an idealistic realist. As contradictory as it sounds, it makes perfect sense.
I guess what he meant was that I was idealistic in my views about right and wrong and how people should be, especially friends, family and loved ones. He figured me for the sort who would expect to be treated as I treat others. In that sense, he's right.
But I am also a realist. I know people won't treat me with the same courtesy and respect I treat them. I know some people just cannot be trusted. I know that there's no point having friends especially when they can easily stab you in the back. And I definitely know that how I feel for someone may not always be reciprocated.
My biggest problem is that I am able to see both sides of a coin. And my sense of justice is incredibly strong, which is why I'd make an awful lawyer, which is why I quit my ambition to be one. On the plus side though, I can solve people's problems. I can rationalise any problem, which of course leads me to being unable to actually detest anyone for long periods of time. Well, any problem except my own.
Yet the crux of the matter is that, this realistic idealism has made me unbearably insecure. Goodness knows how much I don't like feeling this but it's there. Remember the meme I did yesterday? It had nothing about fear. Yet my one fear is that I allow this insecurity to overwhelm me to a point that I become paranoid. If this happens, I just know that I will suffocate anyone around me.
I could take the easy way out like some people do and blame it on things that have happened to me in the past. Let's see, I could blame it on sexual molestation, being jeered at, being made unfulfilled promises to, being lied to, the person I loved not later telling me he loved another and, of course, being blamed for something which I had no control over. But I am an adult and I'm not about to let my past control me. That's silly!
So what's my point? My point is that, I don't trust easily. Sometimes, not even when the truth is before my very eyes. I guess in my twisted mind, if I care and trust then I'll be opening myself up to more hurt.
And that close friend of mine? After all that had happened to us, he told me one last thing before we went back to our separate parts of the country. He told me that I had so much love to give that he was actually afraid he was not able to handle it. The cynical me thought that he was just trying to make me feel better....until a few other guys I met told me the same thing. Which I saw as a way for them to sweet talk me into going to bed with them. See?! I am cynical!!
*sigh* There's no point to this entry. I'm doing a Mac word vomit.
I think I'll stop now.

I've been sitting at this computer for nearly 6 hours. I've hardly noticed the time but for some reason, I had the urge to make my desktop look like a Mac desktop. This was rather easy to do since I have Style XP and I got the visual style from Theme XP.

Anyway, I was getting tired of going through web pages of styles so I decided to snag this meme from Shook, who took it from Mac, who took it from Kristie, who took it from....someone else.

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought: tyres for my car, ...do the presents for my aunt, cousin and boyfriend count as 1 or 3?

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink: water, soda, coffee, tea

Last Time You Cried? Why cry? Get even...

What's In Your CD Player? Footloose soundtrack (Feeling a bit nostalgic for the good old days)

What's Under Your Bed? a pull-out truckle bed (I thank Shook for the fact that I actually know this!)

What Time Did You Wake Up Today? 7.30 a.m. (It's Sunday so it's breakfast day for the whole family)

Current Hair? Tied in a ponytail

Current Clothes? Black cotton off-shoulder top, navy blue boot cut jeans

Current Desktop Picture? Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie from Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Current worry? I have a worry?

Current hate? I have to care first to hate...

Favorite Places To Be? With my boyfriend (Oh jeez! That was almost girly cheesy!)

Least Favorite Place? Any place where my two sisters are talking or shouting or singing or whatever loudly

If You Could Play An Instrument? I've tried piano and organ. Would love to try the cello (That bass...oooooh!)

Favorite Color(s)? Blue, black, red

How Tall Are You? 5'4"

Favorite expression? Cool!!

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Talk To: Mark Dacascos when I met him while he was in KL to promote Only The Strong

Favorite Day(s)? Any off days

Where Would You Like To Go? Greece, Rome and Istanbul for the history, UK to visit my best friend Yati, Norway to visit my relatives, Michigan to find my university friends, Alaska just for the adventure of it all

Where do you want to live when you get married? Anywhere's fine

Favorite food? Fruits

Color of most clothes you own: Dark colours like black and blue

Number of pillows you sleep with? 3; one for my head, one to hug and one behind me

What do you wear when you go to sleep: Shirt and shorts, nightdress, night shirt

What were you doing 12AM last night: reading a book

How old will you be in 10 yrs: Oh jeez! My cousin told me tonight that it's not how old you are but how old you feel. With that in mind....25....

What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years: Coping...hopefully happily

Do you have braces? Nope....of any kind

Are you paranoid?! You mean, Mulder was wrong?!

Do you burn or tan? Tan

What is the brand of your wallet? Spec.-Ops. Brand - The Shook approved brand!

First piercing/tattoo? My ears

First enemy? I must have some since they keep telling tales about me but, for the life of me, I don't know who they are nor do I give a rat's ass about them. They can go hang....

Last person you yelled at? My sisters

Last crush? Hee...hee....when my youngest sister body-slammed me against the car door tonight

Last thing you ate? Tofu

The last time you had sex it was...? What? Sex? I'm a good girl *blink, blink* There's a bridge I can sell you though...

I think I'll go bother Shook now. He should be able to get me out of this whacked mood I'm in.

I went to visit my aunt at Christmas and, as usual, my cousin was exchanging stories with my father about politics and business. I was fascinated by the little bits of gossip they were sharing about various people they knew and certain faux pas being done. It was then that my cousin blurted out the words 'Public secret'.
Personally, I find the idea interesting. The mere thought that everyone seems to know the secrets that some people thought were very much private is not so much laughable but rather ironic. Well, the funny bit is these certain people seem convinced they can get away with the little bits of indiscretion. Sometimes I wonder if they actually realise that people know exactly what they are doing.

I finally got back to Kuching on Monday. We were not supposed to stay as long as we did but the stay was extended because my father got invited to appear on TV. The topic was about 'Perpaduan' or Unity.
As it turned out, there were four members of the panel. My father (Sarawak), YBM Raja Nazimuddin (UMNO MP), YB Teresa Kok (DAP MP) and another guy from the Persatuan Pelajar Melayu Semenanjung or something like that. I wasn't too impressed with him so I couldn't be bothered to remember him much. Maybe his name will come back to me later. Anyway, these people were supposed to discuss the integration of unity and sports and the effectiveness.
And how did it turn out? The show became a political party bashing session! The issue was raised but was not fully discussed. Instead the UMNO guy started bashing the DAP and it became a circus. The Persatuan Pelajar representative didn't speak but gave lectures all the way, probably trying to impress these Members of Parliament. All he did was show himself to be a bigot, as far as I am concerned.
Then my father got annoyed with them and decided he had had enough. So he declared that to know what unity really means and how effectively it works, people should come to Sarawak. We Sarawakians are the truly united people. We care not for race or religion. We sit where we want to sit, eat where we want to eat and, most of all, marry whoever we want to. Even our political parties here don't cater to only one particular ethnic group or race.
I agree, not just because he is my father but because it's the truth. Where else in Malaysia can you find a Muslim sitting in a Chinese restaurant drinking coffee or a Chinese speaking the local Malay dialect or an Iban conversing in perfect Hokkien? In Sarawak, we are more open-minded. We listen to and sing Christmas carols, we karaoke to the Chinese New Year songs and we enjoy Zainal Abidin. We respect other religions. We tolerate it when the mosque calls for prayers in a Chinese area, we make way for midnight mass in the church in the center of town on Christmas eve and we smile when the lion dance and the fireworks go off on Chinese New Year. We don't make a political or social big deal of it.
It's just how we live here in Sarawak. Which is why we live to ripe, old ages and we are happier.

I will be off to KL tomorrow morning. Will be there for a whole week. I intend to do some shopping although my entire being has never been too focused on shopping before. But the shopping I have in mind is more of books than anything else so I guess I shouldn't feel too guilty.
I'm also going to meet up with a friend I have not seen in almost 10 years. Not really sure how to feel about this event as I seem to have some rather awful luck in picking friends. I just recently saw 2 friends (ex-friends, by now!!) who took pains to go out of their way to avoid me. So wish them luck and all they bloody deserve! I can get nasty and write all their nasty secrets here. After all, they're nobody to me, right? Hmmm....I can think of some people who might probably support me in this. After all, everyone says blogging is therapeutic.
Let me think about this. In the meantime, I shall go off to KL and enjoy myself and I shall see just how awesome the Hotel Istana really is. If it's as good as everyone says it is, I'll take pictures.

I just caught a small segment of the show on the Hallmark Channel and was surprised to see Tom Welling of Smallville fame. However, the one bit that caught my attention was what Amy, played by Amy Brenneman, said.
"He has a bookcase at his place. An empty bookcase! What adult has an empty bookcase?"
And she had such a look of pain on her face that I found the idea fascinatring.
However, being a bookworm myself, I have to agree with her. What adult can go through life not interested in reading or not owning any books?
Unfortunately, I know a few. The only books they read are textbooks. No books for casual reading. For shame!

I have been a huge fan of the musical since I first heard of it when I was in lower secondary. I can't remember exactly how I got to know about it. All I remember was that I went to the British Council just to borrow the soundtrack and made copies of every tape (there were 2!). Back then, a double deck stereo was a marvel much less a CD writer!
When my parents first listened to the soundtrack in the car, they both asked why I was listening to some mad music! My sister started crying because she was scared of the music. So it was evident then that I was the only one who could appreciate opera in my home.
The last time I saw this as a movie, it was the 1989 version starring Robert Englund. It was not too bad but really, really diverted away from the book by Gaston Leroux.
When I found out that Joel Schumacher was directing a 2004 version of the movie, I was excited. Then I calmed down because I didn't think that it would be shown here. Then, when I was at Star Cineplex, I saw the poster for Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom Of The Opera, I went insane right there and then! I decided that I was going to go watch that movie by hook or by crook.
I was with my boyfriend at that time, who reminded me of what Joel Schumacher did to Batman in Batman and Robin. This bummed me out for a while but I am still determined to go watch that movie.
All I need now is someone to go with. And even if I don't find anyone interested in it, I'd still go myself! Just to see if good ole' Joel does the musical justice, if for nothing else.
The movie is scheduled to be out on 22 December 2004. If I am not mistaken, Star has it listed down for 28 December. In the meantime, go check out the offical website. It has a match-the-lyrics game which is really interesting if you're a fan. However, if you're not a fan of Phantom, the website gives you an idea of what to expect in the movie itself. Other than that, I could always go dig up my soundtrack again and drive everyone in my home insane with all those high notes and soprano bits. And since it's rainy season, nobody can blame me for the rain! :)

I was playing around with the template for this blog when suddenly a major chunk at the bottom disappeared. I tried everything but nothing reappeared. So, being a novice at this and with no one to ask for help, I just took the easy way out and redid the entire blog. The only problem with that is that the old posts are now well and truly gone.

But I do still have them in my Word document so maybe I'll repost them later.

World AIDS Day falls on December 1 every year. This is the 17th year in which this day is observed.You can get more information by clicking on the button below or you can go to the Malaysian AIDS Council website to see what we Malaysians can do for this cause.

Alexander reached Kuching this week and I went to watch it last night with my boyfriend and some other friends. It was a rather good movie. Anyone who enjoys a lot of drama and blood and gore and scandal would enjoy the movie a lot. It showed Alexander as a rather lost boy who grew into a man who needed to live up to his father's image, while being constantly torn apart by his mother.

However, the one issue that kept popping up throughout the movie (no pun intended!) was Alexander's sexual preferences. I suppose, by modern standards, he would be considered a homosexual. By historical standards, he was very much following the norm. It was very much a usual thing for men in ancient times to 'prefer' male companionship. However, this discussion evaluates the issue far better than I ever could. It's a very interesting read. It also shows how worked up some people can get about the whole thing!

The movie itself, overall, was fairly accurate. I learnt how the names were pronounced and I know it would help a lot when I need to explain it to my students next year. The timeline of the movie was a little erratic since it kept jumping from one time to another. With this in mind, try not to watch it with someone who likes to make running commentaries throughout movies.

Personally, the movie felt long. It's actually almost 3 hours long. 173 minutes, to be exact. However, with censorship at work, it was probably shorter than that. The point is, the movie was a little tedious to watch. A friend mentioned that he felt like he was watching a documentary-drama rather than a movie. History buffs, drama buffs, Collin Farrel fans and people who like to see many beautiful people in one movie will enjoy this movie a lot.

However, the only things that kept me in my seat were the mere facts that I enjoy History and I have to teach teenagers about Alexander the Great next year. If they had watched this movie, I'd have a lot of explanations to do so I might as well be prepared!As far as epic movies go, I'd rather sit through Troy (inaccurate though it got in some areas) again or Gladiator (for the sheer joy of watching Russell Crowe and the soundtrack!) again. On a scale of 1-10, I'd personally give Alexander a 5.

It was an event so immense that it took place over an area as big as two huge residential compounds. From the outside, it looked like a huge carnival was going on. About 10 huge, white tents were used. There was no way any normal caterers could provide food for so many people so the organisers set up food stalls in different corners of the area. There was a pizza stall, a sate stall, some noodle stalls and even an ice kacang (shaved ice with corn, jellies and kidney beans mixed with syrup and sweetened milk) stall.

The VIPs had tables set up with flowers decorations and covered chairs. All these were right in front of the makeshift stage. Everyone else sat in plastic chairs placed in any available area or next to any friends or relatives. Then again, everyone was either a relative or a very close friend of the organising family. It was easy to tell who were the relatives and who were the friends, though. One thing about this clan is that most of them still retain a very strong hint of their Arabic features. Anyone who knew them as descendants of the Arabic clan knew how to differentiate them easily. Maybe it was the facial features or their height or even their body size. A lot of them still had very strong Arabic features on them.

The whole area was lit up, exactly as if a huge festival was going on. They were even giving away prizes as lucky draws and as a token of high achievement during the recent public exam.

They came from near and far. Some from next door, others from as far as Kuala Lumpur or Miri.

This was the first time such a thing had been attempted. It was an exciting yet confusing event. Everyone who had not seen their relatives in years, saw them tonight. They caught up on each others' lives. The need to make contact created a confusion. Everyone was talking at once and everyone wanted to be heard. Everyone had someone they just needed to talk to tonight.

The best thing about tonight was that, despite the minor screw-ups, despite the insane rush for food, despite the differences, everyone was family. And everyone was happy to be there.

(Love your children, discipline them; Love your wife, leave her)
Or something to that effect…

They were the epitome of a modern family. The wife was tall and beautiful and stylishly dressed in her caftan-style top and her well-cut slacks. The husband was equally tall, good-looking enough that any girl would have turned to have a second look. He was casually dressed in jeans and polo shirt. They each held the hand of a small boy. The husband was holding the older son, probably 8 or 9 years of age. The wife was holding the younger son who looked to be around 6 or 7.

They were crossing the short distance between a shopping complex to the nearby shop houses. The sons found the hustle and bustle of the night fascinating. They kept looking around in awe, curious about all they see and hear.

A car nearby honked loudly and the older boy turned to look. His steps slowed and he lingered for a fraction of a second, not noticing another car making its way slowly towards him and his family. He was jerked suddenly by his father and found himself safe at the pavement of the shop house.

The older boy turned to look at the car but his father’s angry voice caught his attention. He stiffened. “Kenak kau?” his father asked. What’s wrong with you?

“Sik mauk dengar kelaka bapak agik kah?” Don’t want to listen to me anymore, is that it?

The older boy held back but his father had a firm grip on his wrist. The father continued to scold him in harsh and sharp tones. The older boy tried to pull his hand away but his father became angrier. Before he knew it, he felt his father’s other hand smack him on the side of his head. His head jerked back.

The wife stopped short. She tried not to check if anyone was looking. Her younger son was pulling at her hand. He seemed terrified of his father. He strained at his mother’s grip, not willing to take a step nearer. He pulled harder and jerked visibly when his father happened to glance at him. At first, he refused to continue walking. Only his fear of his father’s anger was stronger than his instincts to run.

The father now had a grip on his older son’s arm. His body stiff with fury and his manner curt, he led his family to the nearby pizza restaurant. They sat in one of the booths. The two sons sat in their seats, trying to be as physically away from their father as possible while still being in the booth. Minutes later, the older son was made to sit next to his father but he shrank into the farthest corner possible….

Sometimes, we need to wonder: Where does discipline end and abuse begin?

Isn’t it amazing how some people who know the least tend to talk as if they know the most?

And a lot of times, they have no substantial evidence for whatever they believe, and try to make you believe, is true?

No wonder Gil Grissom of CSI once said “I love Mankind. It’s the people I can’t stand.”