Still Being Random

I have a three-day weekend starting now!!!

I will make full use of it to finish my yearbook, run errands especially for my Toastmasters and shop around for shoes. I'm going shoe shopping while I still have money!

With Raya round the corner, I will probably go do my hair next Saturday to coincide with my students' prom night. Speaking of which, I'm already planning for my students' prom night next year. So if anyone has any idea, feel free to share with me. They need as much help as they can get. And if I get them organised early, they won't experience the angst the past-years' students did.

No parents, no screaming sisters who slam doors, no early wake-ups.

Ah...life is good, even in its chaos.

You know how young people tend to complain that they're not been given responsibilities or they're not allowed to make choices or they're not taken seriously?

Sometimes I want to tell them to sit down and think first about what you're doing. How have you shown yourself to be responsible? How have you returned the trust and love your parents have given you? How have you proven that you're old and matured enough to be allowed some degree of freedom?

My students complain all the time about not getting what they want. Yet, they have rarely given anything in return. They expect their teachers to be like robots; emotionless and only giving in to their demands. They never think that the teachers might just be hurt or disappointed in what they do too.

And when they ask me why the voting age in Malaysia is not 17 years of age, my only reply is 'You can't even organise yourselves properly. You want to organise the government?' It usually shuts them up.

But really! Think about it. How can you expect anyone to take you seriously when you act flighty or thoughtless?

I used to spend a lot of time outside. There was a time when I was hardly ever home. When I was home, I hid in my room. I emerged either to eat or to go out. So when my parents decided to do something, I got angry a lot because they didn't ask me. To which my reaction is, to stay out more.

See how vicious a cycle that is? How did I expect my parents to ask for my opinions when I was hardly ever around to be asked? They brought me up better than that. After 2 years of doing that, I realised where I had gone wrong. By then I had met Shook and I figured out staying at home was more fun than hanging out all the time. My mother, of course, agree. Even if I do end up hanging out at Shook's house, as far as my mom is concerned, it's still safer than some kaki limak somewhere where anything bad can happen.

Parents...they always presume the worst. I don't need to be a parent to figure that out. I'm responsible for both my sisters. Nobody needs to be a parent to know what it feels like if you have siblings to give you that feeling.

Remember I mentioned something about my family going to New York?

Well, I just found out that they won't be back until after Hari Raya!

So, unless Raya falls on the 4th or 5th, I'll be all alone here in Kuching for Hari Raya. But I'll still have my usual 2nd day open house because I've already promised my students. My mom suggested I spend first day at Shook's house. Not sure how he'll react to that idea.

This is quite the reversal to when I was in Michigan. I remember calling home on the 2nd day of Raya and crying my eyes out because I could hear all the noise in the background and I was feeling miserable and alone in my dorm room. And begging my mom not to hang up the phone because I was so homesick!

On the plus side, I'm not important enough (because I'm not filthy rich!) to merit a visit from my father's side of the family. So...yeah...good things happen in small doses all right!

We Malaysians are so well known for our tolerance that we seem like weaklings to a certain point.

I must say that I myself would much, much rather give in than pursue a fight unless the fight is about something which just insults my integrity or my principles. Then I see red and retaliate on instinct. But a lot of times, I still think of the person I'm angry with and then I choose whether to give in and walk away from the argument or tough it out and risk breaking their noses. Well, I did once lift up my housemate with one hand and throw him down the stairs because my principles didn't allow me to call him a bastard (in deference to his lovely mother) and calling him a jerk or an asshole was too mild for him.

Anyway, my point is, while some of us may be very considerate to other people's feelings and comfort, others, unfortunately, are not as kind.

Especially when it comes to religious matters.

I, for one, love the sound of bells ringing from the St. Thomas's Cathedral. I am calmed by the sound of the azan (the Muslim call for prayers). I am even fascinated by the sound of prayer bells being touched at an Indian temple and those tok-tok sounds from a Buddhist temple.

What I cannot understand, much to my dismay, is my slow simmer of anger at the temple behind my house karaoke-ing until wee hours of the night under the guise of religious occassions. If their purpose is to chase away the ghosts, then I think they have more than achieved their aims by way of their tuneless yowlings and drunken cheering.

I am most tolerant of religious sounds but tuneless singing is enough to test my patience.

Why do things go even more haywire on the very day your brain is unable to comprehend anything more than the most basic of information?

It's like trying to understand quantum physics at the moment when you've just finished absorbing the entire encyclopedia!

Aaarggh!!!

And on top of that, I was asked to write a speech for a school yearbook. I declined because at this point, I can only string two simple sentences together while barely making sense.

Ever had one of those days when you are so mentally and physically tired that you just want to lay down and sleep for an hour, at least, yet at the same time realise you still have lots more to do?

If you've read Shook's blog entry about how tiring it is to be a pilot, I guess I can only say, I can sympathise.

I'm having one of those days when things come at you from every direction and some even manage to blindside you.

Hey, don't knock it till you've been caught in it..

What do you do when the one you rely on to keep you sane and happy ends up hurting you?

Do you resolve there and then never to let them near you emotionally?

Or do you pretend they never hurt you because your pride is at stake?

Or do you pretend that you cannot be hurt? That you're resilient? That 'sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me'?

Or do you blame yourself for being open to being hurt?

What do you do?

No, this is not an angst-filled entry and neither is it a bitch and moan entry.

Quite on the contrary, really.

I just found out that my parents are taking my two sisters to New York next month. My father was asked by our Prime Minister to speak at the United Nations, making this his 3rd time being asked to be there to speak.

So guess who gets the holidays?

My mom and sisters.

But guess who gets the vacation?

ME!!!

And when my mom told me they were all going, my first instinct was to yell out 'Yay! Party!'

And my mother didn't even blink.

So is that a yes or a no?

Yesterday was Sarawak's independence day from colonial rule.

Many people have blogged about it and many more have bitched about it.

Yet, how many have done anything about it?

I know many Sarawakians who are in position to make changes. Some, like my father, actually fought battles to keep that independence, so now he is making changes from the inside. Because of him, many rural areas now have better facilities than even the people in town. He is, even now, fighting to maintain his voice in Parliament and around the world. He speaks endlessly of improving things in Sarawak and righting the wrong that's be done to us.

But there are many more Sarawakians who boast and talk big but do very little. If we believe so much about what we say, why don't we do something about it? It does not have to be a big thing. We can start small. I usually insert a little of Sarawak's history whenever I'm teaching my students. They're all international students but they've learnt a lot about Sarawak through my classes. They've also learnt to be open-minded and not be scared to tell their side of the story. They're Indonesians and they used to be so scared to talk about the Konfrantasi. But now, we discuss it openly. I talk to the foreign teachers in my school about our history. My Australian colleague has a lot of admiration for our history and our Sarawakian warriors.

Where are the Sarawakians who can make the changes from where they are at? Why are they just talking and not doing? If we're scared of Goverment retaliation, who says what we do must be harsh or like a revolution? After all, Sarawak contributes millions, if not billions, to Malaysia's GDP and exports. Why don't we see that money? Maybe we should ask our Sarawak Ministers that question. But asking them will most definitely get us into trouble under ISA and all that.

Anyway, if we want people to know what Sarawak has contributed, maybe we should change our education system. We have many Sarawakians in power in the education sector. Why have they done nothing? Why do they keep quiet? They don't have to yell out their allegiance. They just have to say something and not just be the yes-men. We can stay polite and cultured but we can do that even while standing our ground.

Not all battles need to be won on the battlefield. Some just need to be won in our hearts and minds. And people wonder why History is so important.

This arrived in the mail for me yesterday. I'm excited but I still need to go to work before I can tinker with it.

Oh well, at least, something to look forward to when I get home...

I know some of us have this very difficult task of letting go of someone we love. This is especially true if it is the one we felt was our 'true love' or 'the One'.

Thing is the one we never believed to be our true love might just turn out to be 'the One'. Besides, the road to true love is paved with sharp stones, tsunamis and landslides. We just have to be flexible and go with the flow of things. We have to stop being so uptight and schedule our lives. Nothing ever works out the way we'd like it to at the pace and speed we'd like it to. So deal with it and move on! If you can't, then shove off! You just might end up boring the living daylights out of the rest of us!

For those of you, my dear friends, who can't seem able to take that little step to letting go of your past, read this. I've tried everything it's recommending. Which explains my one-month non-stop drinking binge. Which in turns explains why I don't need alcohol to have fun nowadays. Yodie is entertainment enough.

Besides, getting drunk to relax only means you're not quite ready to face reality yet.

I'm not being judgemental. I'm just stating reality the way I have gone through it....

I was watching an episode of Monk today at Shook's house. It was the episode where Monk's brother shows up for the first time and Monk reluctantly assists his brother with a problem. Well, there was one bit where Sharona was looking at a family picture and Monk, his brother and his parents were standing at least three feet apart from each other. Apparently, this was an unusual picture because normally, according to Monk, they would never come that close to each other.

Sometimes, it's scenes like these in shows that make you think. I realise that some shows you need to watch without thinking too much. Other shows, you need to watch with a little more thought because it's obvious they're trying to say something.

It took my mind back to incidents when I try to give advice to my friends or even my students. I've always been involved in counselling people although I never received training in any way. When i first began working in a school, I decided to take some courses in counselling. It was a relief to realise that I'd been doing the right thing all along. However, the one thing I always had to remember was never to impose my principles on the people I was helping out. What works for me might not work for them.

So as much as I wanted to help them with a working formula, I realise part of giving advice was to help them realise the potential within themselves to solve their own problems. I know that some people seem to consider a certain course of action to be very effective. My only problem with this is that it might work for you. But if you don't take time out to understand my situation, how would you know that the same method would be effective for me?

That's like telling me that, since ignoring your parents worked for you, it has to work for me with my parents as well.

Oh, and the other thing also is that, if you want me to show concern for you, then you had better start showing some degree of concern for me too. Don't be so selfish. Or as Will says it, "I'm selfish. Not prawn, not octopus, not fish but shellfish." Will was kinda 'happy' at that time.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want my boyfriend to fawn over me or anything. In fact, Shook is doing a very good job at being a great boyfriend. I consider him the awesomest of awesome boyfriends. He knows when to give and when to take. Above all, he knows when to show concern and when not to. He's a teenager's nightmare as a boyfriend, but for me, he's perfect; tainted armour and all. I love him more for his tainted armour.

Jerome led me to this website. I didn't think too much about it but for the sake of retro, I went to have a look.

As of the time of typing this, I have downloaded the intro videos for 21 Jump Street, Jem & the Holograms, Defenders of the Earth and Silverhawks!!!

Will I download more? Heck yeah!!!

I couldn't sleep and there's nothing on TV worth watching. So I did this test/quiz thingy. When I saw the results, I could safely say that it's nothing I'm too surprised about. I know myself well enough. And through it all, I know people well enough to not be surprised at most of the things they do.