There comes a time when a person has to accept the fact that good intentions can blow up in their faces. So what can they do then?
I guess all they can do is walk away and wish those left behind the very best. When good intentions and a helping hand is taken as a reason to avoid someone or be curt with them or even get all out caustic with them or..heaven forbid..hate them, then it definitely is time to leave people to their own devises.
My personal take on this is that relying on any form of medication for survival is scary. I refuse to seek diagnosis because I don't want to rely on pills for my mental health. I'm already relying on pills for my physical health. It's terrifying to have to watch the temperature and emotional stability just so that one does not get an asthma attack. It's even more terrifying to forget your medication and then feel an attack coming on and knowing you're powerless to prevent it because you've lived half your life relying on those little white pills. It's scary slowly dying from loss of breath and gasping like a fish out of water. And yes, I understand panic attacks better than most people.
But I suppose, some people don't want to hear any views except their own. There are some who even when your views can be used to support theirs, they still refuse to hear it.
In light of such holier-than-thou attitudes, I am going to do what Jerome does - leave them to their own devises and hope for the best for them. I tried to take them as they are but it's difficult when you're sensitive to their emotional upheavals.
As for those other issues, I'll see where they take me. All this talk is depressing. I really can't take it anymore on top of what I already have to take on. It is difficult being the eldest child. We can't ignore what goes on in our family because we're not allowed to. The responsibility is entirely on our shoulders. And when I try to help ease Shook's burden, I get burnt as well because he gets irritated having to shoulder his responsibilities. So I'm taking on two households. Did I choose to? In a way, I did. But I love him. So I try.
It makes me re-think certain things again now.
So I'm going to try and hang on to my own joys and good feelings and since I'm being avoided, I suppose I don't have to face sour looks and low mood swings either. If things weren't so far gone in certain plans, I'd run...far away. Is this a mood swing? No. I have only so much strength for those I care for. When my care is being thrown back in my face...
Anyway, on a lighter note, I found some of my clothes that have gone missing. My sister took them and has apparently been wearing them, conveniently forgetting that hers are white and mine are blue.
I wish I could be as irresponsible and self-centred. If you've been the strong one for your mother and the responsible one for your father since you were 8 and you've been 'boycotted' by your father's family before you even understood why they hated you, you'd wish for irresponsibility and self-centredness too.
I guess all they can do is walk away and wish those left behind the very best. When good intentions and a helping hand is taken as a reason to avoid someone or be curt with them or even get all out caustic with them or..heaven forbid..hate them, then it definitely is time to leave people to their own devises.
My personal take on this is that relying on any form of medication for survival is scary. I refuse to seek diagnosis because I don't want to rely on pills for my mental health. I'm already relying on pills for my physical health. It's terrifying to have to watch the temperature and emotional stability just so that one does not get an asthma attack. It's even more terrifying to forget your medication and then feel an attack coming on and knowing you're powerless to prevent it because you've lived half your life relying on those little white pills. It's scary slowly dying from loss of breath and gasping like a fish out of water. And yes, I understand panic attacks better than most people.
But I suppose, some people don't want to hear any views except their own. There are some who even when your views can be used to support theirs, they still refuse to hear it.
In light of such holier-than-thou attitudes, I am going to do what Jerome does - leave them to their own devises and hope for the best for them. I tried to take them as they are but it's difficult when you're sensitive to their emotional upheavals.
As for those other issues, I'll see where they take me. All this talk is depressing. I really can't take it anymore on top of what I already have to take on. It is difficult being the eldest child. We can't ignore what goes on in our family because we're not allowed to. The responsibility is entirely on our shoulders. And when I try to help ease Shook's burden, I get burnt as well because he gets irritated having to shoulder his responsibilities. So I'm taking on two households. Did I choose to? In a way, I did. But I love him. So I try.
It makes me re-think certain things again now.
So I'm going to try and hang on to my own joys and good feelings and since I'm being avoided, I suppose I don't have to face sour looks and low mood swings either. If things weren't so far gone in certain plans, I'd run...far away. Is this a mood swing? No. I have only so much strength for those I care for. When my care is being thrown back in my face...
Anyway, on a lighter note, I found some of my clothes that have gone missing. My sister took them and has apparently been wearing them, conveniently forgetting that hers are white and mine are blue.
I wish I could be as irresponsible and self-centred. If you've been the strong one for your mother and the responsible one for your father since you were 8 and you've been 'boycotted' by your father's family before you even understood why they hated you, you'd wish for irresponsibility and self-centredness too.
8:29 am |
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