Still Being Random

I was going from link to link to link again when I came across this.

I'm not sure what to think about this but, upon knowing that it's from Japan, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

But I have to admit that it's quite innovative. Hey, if some guys like these kind of things, please, be my guest. But if Shook should want to get this, I'd warn him to think very carefully about it or he'll have problems with Yodie :D

Remember how I said that when my brain is relaxed I dream a lot? Well, it's an average of a dream remembered per day/night.

Last night, I dreamt that we had fully evolved to a paperless society. No cash, no newspapers, no books! No papers anywhere at all. (Never did get round to finding out what they had instead of toilet paper)

It seemed that Man had used almost all the trees to a dangerous point just to make more paper. (Yep, we didn't take recycling seriously. And no, I'm no tree hugger or an advocate of recycling!) But the fact remained in the dream that anyone found with paper in any form would be caught and sentenced or fined. The only people allowed to have contact with paper were the Archivists.

Anyway, in the dream, I think my family and I were the ultimate paper criminals. We had an underground library full of books. We kept our things in *gasp* cardboard boxes.

Well, one day, 'I' came across a book; a children's fantasy book about children who went through a cupboard and ended up in an alternate universe. (Yeah, I've been thinking about Narnia a lot) However, this book was written entirely in poem form, not in prose. And while reading the stanzas aloud, I came across one which transported me to an alternate universe where paper was still a part of society. The society was rather like ours today except they put a lot more importance on education and hygiene. The leaders of the communities were Wise People where each community had a massive building as a library. Paper, as in books and educational pieces, were treasured but shared with everyone. This society had a healthy blend of mysticism and technology. They understood the importance of technology but they also took care of the Old Ways. (It was like Lord Of The Rings meets Serenity)

The stanza I read continued to transport me and my family back and forth between universes. We moved all our books and other property to the other universe before finally moving ourselves, never to return to our own universe. The move took so long that a baby was born to the family but for the life of me, I don't know whose baby it was. She was so cute and chubby and so happy all the time. She had very light brown hair and reminded me of someone but I couldn't figure out who!

Well, on our last run, we were getting a little concerned because the Authorities were getting too close. Either someone suspected something or we were betrayed, we didn't know. But on that same run, we found out that all the copies of the children's fantasy book was already at the other universe. Except for my copy. I was opening up my box to find it when I heard a voice asking me what I was doing. When I looked up, a policeman (?) stood before me. He saw the book and lifted his weapon at me. I remember glancing at the page, looking for the stanza that would take me away yet wondering whether I'd have enough time to read it out.

When I began reading it, he told me to stop and warned me he'd take action. He took a shot at me as I was reading the last line in the stanza and everything went black.

Then I woke up!

Yodie is the most amazing, annoying, entertaining and mind-boggling feline I have ever seen in my entire life! And, believe you me, I've seen some!

I've volunteered to clean the zoo during Autumn while in the US and I've seen Timber Wolves and Ilamas and Camels and many strange behaving creatures. I had 2 cats while I was in the US as well. None of them, feline or otherwise, are as fascinating as Yodie.

But the best part is, I've got to know her very well the past three days and we've reached an understanding; me and that competition for Shook's affections.

Last week, I was angry at her. I was so pissed that I wanted to shake her and throw her out of my sight. The thing is Shook adores that feline and I knew doing what I wanted to do would only get him angry at me. So I showed Yodie who was boss. Small things, like closing the door and refusing to share my food with her until she got off the table and ignoring her when she tried to get all cuddly with me. And she knew I was angry. She was torn between playing with me and doing me real harm. Our final showdown was a staring match while Shook was busy surfing the Net. And I won!

Since Friday, Shook's parents have not been around. So that left Shook taking care of Yodie and responsible for buying her food. That also left Shook being Yodie's playmate and the one worrying whether Yodie was alone at home or not. So my own social life went zilch. {I can go out without Shook but then would a good girlfriend be that selfish? I have to be supportive, if nothing else. And goodness knows what he or anyone else might think if I left him at home and went out with other guys at night, even if they are our mutual friends!!}

So, we've been spending the whole weekend only out of the house for two hours at most and then the rest of the night keeping Yodie company. After our little spat last week, Yodie has became as close to being my faithful pup as she is to Shook. Granted she only obeys his commands and hand signals but some of that respect from her has extended itself to me. She shows extraordinary intelligence enough to understand when I tell her she won't get any food from me if she's on the table or when I tell her, I'm not in the kitchen to feed her. Now, she keeps as close an eye on me as she does Shook.

It may not seem like a big deal but she understands and listens when I tell her some things. Between us, we've established that the slot for Shook's love has been narrowed to only me and her and nobody else. And if another female comes on to Shook, Yodie has my blessings to tear her to shreds! Or fungi-fy her!

Yodie allows me to groom her with her comb but she shows an unusual fear for her comb. Tonight, I was waving the comb at the TV and when I turned back to Yodie with it, she flinched. She even almost bit me until I had to croon to her and gently comb her with it.

If there ever is a machine which lets me read that feline's mind, I will get it, I tell you!

Oh, she did the most incredible thing yesterday. She stood on hindlegs on the dining chair while staring into the kitchen. Then she ran into the kitchen and looked at the ceiling. While Shook and I were trying to figure out what she was looking at, she ran back to the chair and stood on hindlegs and stared into the kitchen again. What we later figured out is that, she had seen something from the dining room but lost sight of it when in the kitchen. So she went back to the dining room to double check where she last saw it. 'It' also turned out to be a dragonfly.

So, now Yodie's other nickname is 'Yodie, Dragon Hunter', in addition to 'Catface', 'Fluffy Lunatic', 'Yodiemus'.

I call her Fluffy Puppy. Tonight, I sang the words 'Yodie baby,' to her and her ears twitched at me! Tonight, too, she grabbed my wrist and for some unknown reason, pulled my hand down so that it covered her face. Then she baby-bit the palm of my hand.

That feline, who thinks she's a dog who thinks she's a cat, is a puzzle. But, at least, she stays when I tell her to stay and comes to me when I pat my thigh.

The sense of achievement? Very sinfully there in buckets and spades!

[I love that feline, but she is helping reinforce my idea that any children Shook and I will have will spend a lot of time in military school! I don't want him to lose sleep worrying whether his son or daughter is safe!]

I was just surfing around the Internet, following links to links to more links, and look what I came across! Very Malaysia Boleh! The costs are phenomenal and almost scary! But this article is dated 1999, if I'm not mistaken.

Because of that article, I decided to check on why the costs are so great. That's when I came across this interesting bit of news and now I'm wondering what went wrong. If steps are taken to cut down costs, why then do we still have the problem of piracy? Then I came across this article on the costs that go into an audio CD and the numbers are scary too.

While I was in the US, my American friends told me that when audio CDs first came out, they costs about USD45 per CD as well, very similar to our MYR45 per CD. But somehow, the Americans managed to cut their costs down to USD14 per CD. I'm not quite sure how they did it, but I think it had to do with the technology and the manufacturing costs of the CDs themselves. They actually came to an agreement which the singers, producers, manufacturers and the consumers could be happy with.

When I came home, I brought this matter up to my father. After years of fighting for it, he managed to get our government to agree that our local CDs should cost less than the imported CDs. The price of the local CDs came down to MYR22 per CD. Most producers got around this by introducing the 2-in-1 concept, leaving the CDs at the original price of MYR45 thereabouts.

So, regardless of what went wrong or who is to blame, my answer to this is simple. I'm human. That's my reason and that's my excuse. If you give me options, I'm not ashamed to admit that I will pick the cheaper one, leaving me with more money to buy other things. I will not think twice to pay for an orginal CD or DVD if it is something I really want. My Angel collection is all original. I just bought the original Moulin Rouge DVD. 99% of my music collection are original CDs. The 1% are copies I got off my friends.

What I won't do is justify my actions by saying I'm trying to fight the system. The system does not even know I exist! For that matter, what system?! How do we fight what we cannot even begin to comprehend?

So let's be honest. It's all a matter of finance. Give anyone the cheaper opinion and an idiot will go for it. We're all idiots if seen on the scale of things. Why deny it? I'm a sucker for a good bargain so I won't lie to you.

Besides, think about this: Where did the Malaysian pirates get the materials in the first place? Where did they copy the movies from? Where did those copies come from? It's all business, the effects of capitalism. Just because it bites you back in the butt is no excuse to blame one country.

With that in mind, I like this article.

I was talking to my father tonight about the issues in Parliament. I read the newspapers and I listen to the news and I also read the news online. Yet, when I see something written, I usually take it with a pinch of salt if I cannot clarify it. If I can clarify it, I will try to do so. What I don't do is take it as a fact just because it's in the news. Now why shouldn't we trust the news totally, you may wonder?

For one, I lived in the US for 3 years. I have attended some Mass Communication classes and my roommate was taking Journalism. Between the two of us, we know not to fully trust the news. A lot of the news we hear are hyped up to create a frenzy of thoughts and opinions. Besides, TV stations want the ratings. Newspapers want to be sold. Would they be able to achieve this if they merely told the boring truth? Look at what happened after the 9/11 incident.

With this cynicism, I began to ask my father about all the bits of news that make Parliamentarians look like fools who only know how to play around and debate on trivial matters. My father had two things to say about it. One, was that, for everyday Parliamentary news report, most newspapers or TV stations would send the junior journalists. The senior journalists are sent only when they media expects something big to happen. Now, these junior journalists don't always understand what's going on. So, what they don't understand, they don't write it down. And since they understand the jokes and trivial arguments (and it is an excitement compared to the general slowness of the law-making process), those are the parts that reach our attention.

Two, the law-making process is very slow and very dull. It takes a lot to sit there in the Hall everyday listening to some people ramble on and on and on. Members of Parliament are also human beings. They can get bored listening to their own voices too. So sometimes, as my father puts it, they will ramble on for an hour or two and then, just to break the monotony, they crack a joke. Unfortunately for them, it's the joke that made the news and not the serious debate that went on just a few minutes before.

Generally, politicians do their jobs the best way they can. They are a few who are there just for the glory and the fortune of being there. There are others who bend over backwards to help their constituents and others. And there are some who boast about doing a lot but they don't actually do much more than sit in the Hall and watch.

As my father always says, if you want to know how much actually goes on in Parliament, read the Hansard, not the news.

I want this!

I've been eyeing this since last year but this year, I might actually order it.

I was driving home from Shook's place at 1.00 o'clock this morning and I decided to try something along the strip of road just near my house. With all the street lightings and the added inconvenience of the rain, I switched off my car lights.

Now, with all the street lights every few meters of each other, I realised that a person, even with crappy vision like mine, can see while driving with no headlights and in the rain. I emphasise the rain factor here because the rain can do hell to your vision when the light reflects off those tiny droplets of water on your windscreen! Sometimes, at just the right angle, the light plus rain plus physics can blind you momentarily.

So, with all these factors taken into consideration, why then on God's green Earth would our local car manufacturers need to put those horrendously bright lights on those terribly light vehicles we call the Proton Saga, Wira, Perdana, Kancil, Kenari and Kelisa?! It was not enough that they use the high watt bulbs on the small lights, they added similar wattage bulbs on the regular lights. Therefore, when the users switch them on, they blind you! And this is even before they get to the high beam! What were they thinking?!! Did these engineers or whoever they were not test these lights properly? Do they not drive themselves? Do they think everyone suffers from night blindness? What?!

And not to be outdone, in our usual low self-esteem way, some of the drivers who have regular lights, decide to change their light from the soft yellow bulbs to the bright, white fluorescent bulbs! They light up the road all by themselves! Who needs street lighting anymore when they're around?! And then...then you have the odd moron who decides to put fog lights on their 4-wheel drives! Where's the fog? You want fog? Go to England! Or Michigan in December! Go there! Kill them with your fog lights! I have rarely, if ever, heard of Kuching being shrouded in FOG!

Heck, even my puny Honda Prelude had fog lights when I got them. What did I do? I killed the fog lights! I live in the city. I would never bring my car back to my father's kampung because the journey there would kill my car! The bumps there and the uneven road would destroy my car to shreds. My car would no longer have a bottom because it would be broken beyond repair. Getting to the kampung will stop my heart beat because my heart will sink to my feet everytime the bottom hits and scraps the road or bump. In the city, nobody needs bring lights. We have more than enough. In certain kampungs, where you can't see 5 meters in front of you due to the lack of light, by all means, get a fog light if you need to.

But how many of those beautiful 4-wheel drives actually go off-road as they were meant to go anyway?

Think about it!

I want this particulate FlapArt. Anyone serious enough to consider joining me while I add this to my credit card? It might also cut down the costs of shipping and handling.

Yesterday, I was so frustrated and annoyed and generally easily irritated that I just felt like biting my arm off just to find something to do!

So today, to prevent the same feelings from arising, I decided to go watch Zathura. I also knew my youngest sister wanted to go watch it so I brought her along.

The movie just reinforces my opinion that one should NEVER read the book before going to watch the movie. Not only did I know what was going to happen before it did, I also got bored watching it!

The storyline is very similar to Jumanji except it's in space. {Duh! We all knew that}

The movie soundtrack was a bit off because it sounded like a tape that had been played way too many times. The introduction to the movie brought back memories of Lost In Space of the 1970s. I liked that bit. I also liked how the game was played. In Jumanji {and it is difficult not to compare the two movies} the instructions came from the reflecting glass in the middle of the game. In Zathura, it's the old-style card-popping-out-of-the-machine. Very, very old-style.

Overall, I preferred Jumanji because the story is better written. All the possible questions are answered. As an audience, you never quite know what was going to happen next. You're not even sure when the next threat will come along. You know it's there but what it was, was always a mystery.

In Zathura, the threats were apparent all the time. It's always the Zorgons. The two boys who played Danny and Walter (What an old name!) were superb as brothers who were too close in age and too caught up in their own pain to notice what was going on around them. I also felt the role of Lisa was not fully developed,as if she merely provided the female role bits.

There were a lot of questions left unanswered by the movie. Then again, I figured this was only a children's drama, anyway, so I shouldn't expect too much out of it. But I have to add that Tim Robbins was great as the father, although the only credit he got was as 'Dad' and Tim Robbins is just a great actor no matter where you put him anyway.

Some reviews said Zathura was better than Jumanji. I think otherwise.

But don't take my word for it. Go watch it yourself.

I took a nap this afternoon and because my mind is so relaxed, I did what was normal for me. I had a dream.

The dream started simple enough. The father was a doctor at the hospital, the mother was a housewife and there were 3 children; the oldest boy, the second girl and the youngest boy.

Daily life was normal until one day, the father brought a young male intern home to stay with them during his internship. He was good-looking (at least that's what the daughter of the family claimed) with hazel eyes and wind-blown brown hair. The daughter, being the typical teenager, watched him often and tried to act more matured to attract his attention. The intern (I think his name was Scott Hadely) was hardly ever home due to his schedule but when he was, he always helped around the house and watched football with the 2 boys.

Then, Aunt Letitia and Aunt Abby came to visit. For some reason, the murders started then. The nearby townspeople were murdered one by one. The children began suspecting their Aunt Abby. Despite her peititeness and her only concern seems to be her long blonde hair and her pretty looks, she did have the tendency to go out to town alone at night. Aunt Letitia was tall, black-haired and very New Age.

{The phone in my house rang once and dragged me awake, but when I lay back, the dream started again. The scene had changed}

There was panic in the household. The children had seen the murderer in the midst of a murder and had managed to convince their mother that Aunt Abby was the murderer. The bloody dress of the latest murder victim was found in the bathtub in Aunt Abby's bathroom.

The mother bundled everyone into Scott's 4-wheel drive and drove to town to tell the sheriff. The youngest boy looked into the back and saw a box. He yelled out, making everyone scream. He pointed to the box, which contained the oilskin and boots. THe oldest boy flipped the oilskin aside and there lay a bloody machete. The girl stated the obvious, "Scott's the murderer!"

They raced to the hospital, knowing their father was there with Scott. When they got there, they found out their father was in the middle of a surgery. They turned to go and came face to face with Scott. He smiled and the girl said,"Your hair's wet."

"I just had a shower," he replied.

"Your shoes are wet," the youngest boy said, looking down. They all looked at Scott's feet. Before Scott could get an answer out, they walked away.

{The blasted phone rang again. When I sank back to sleep, the scene had changed.}

The sheriff was grateful to the children for helping him catch Scott. Apparently, Scott had a multiple personality disorder and didn't know he was killing people. HIs other personality was responsible.

A car came up the driveway and it was Aunt Letitia. She was glad they had caught Scott and she came by to report that Aunt Abby got on her cruise safe and sound.

{Then I woke up fully and found out that I had been asleep for 2 hours!}

Narnia! Narnia! Narnia!

'Nuff said!

We shall go watch this show on the night of 8 December 2005. Who wants to join us?

The next day, I shall fly off to KL to shop and relax. I'd like to meet up with friends but there's never a guarantee they have time.

Maybe I'll see if Daphne can accompany me to One Utama. Hee! Hee!

Just last night I was telling Shook, Rin, Cass, Wee Na, Mac and Jerome about the road users in the Petra Jaya area and just this morning I was telling my parents of the same thing.

Today, a mere half an hour ago, while I was driving to Shook's house, what do I see on the Satok bridge? An accident. Who were involved? Two motorcycles. Unfortunately, there was no bloodshed. Also, unfortunately, I can bet my bottom ringgit that every motorcyclist riding by was saying to himself 'Yalah nya! Sik pandei ngembak moto!' - roughly translated means 'Serves him right! Does not know how to ride a bike properly'

It's a classic case of 'It only happens to someone else'. I seriously doubt if they ever stopped to think that , if they were not careful, it just might happen to them too.

Besides enjoying driving fast, I have some slightly more practical reasons for driving at an average of 120 km per hour when driving home from Shook's house at night. For one, there is always the danger of a girl driving alone on a strip of road at the wee hours of the morning/night. You hear many horror stories on the news on how women driving alone at night get stopped and then either robbed or raped or murdered or all three.

My other reason is that I just want to get away from the stupid drivers who haunt the Petra Jaya roads at night. I've seen motorcyclists do a U-turn in the middle of the road and then come straight at me without thought for their own lives or mine. Once, a guy in a Kancil apparently got a bruised ego when I overtook him on my way home, because he spent the next few stop lights jumping the light just to get ahead of me. Unfortunately for him, I caught up with him before every next light!

Although my sister vehemently denies the easily bruised egos belong to Malay guys in general, I can only say that from my experience, they generally are Malay guys. Petra Jaya is not exactly heavily populated by Chinese or any other race. I don't see any other people feeling slighted when a girl shows them that she can do better. When I'm driving around the Petra Jaya area, I see the Malay young guys pretending to be Ah Bengs, modifying their cars despite not being to afford it hence they can only buy a Kancil, playing loud music enough to turn a bat batty and even pushing their car seats so low that they look like they're about to sleep instead of drive.

Worst of all, it is generally the Malay young boys who think they're smarter and more hip yet make fools of themselves. They do think very elaborately but, unfortunately, not in a very smart way. They prefer to blame others for their own shortcomings. Generally, I find this annoying, which is why I can't be with a Malay guy.

Point of information: Shook is Melanau. Despite what people may say about Melanaus being money-faced, at least they are prepared to work for a living. And generally, they're willing to start at the bottom.

The only Malay guy I can admire is my father, but he's not pure Malay. And he has his share of stupid relatives which sort of justifies why I cannot be with a Malay kampung guy. Am I being a racist? How can I be so when I am a Malay as well? Am I being a snob? If I was a snob, I'd be clan-ish like some of my relatives and only insist on going out with guys who are Syeds or Wans who can buy me branded things from Europe and the US.

Besides, I doubt if I can spend my whole life with a guy who is all lovey-dovey all the time and keeps asking me whether I've eaten or if I'm okay or wants to call me everyday and all day or calls me just to talk about nothing at all. Yeeuch!! I'm a romantic but I'm not clingy. Puh-leaze!!

In addition, I'm a huge tease. And I push whatever buttons I can until I find one that almost makes the guy explode. If I don't like how easily he gets upset, I say goodbye. Show me what Malay guy can take this. I know one guy who was at University with me in the US who gets easily angry with me when I tease him! So it's not the education.

Finally, I have to add that I do use the word 'generally' because that's what it is. A general opinion, not a specific opinion. There are some Malay guys who are matured enough to admit they don't know everything and have a sense of humour and are moderate enough for me to tolerate. I like guys who are not loud but not soft either. But those are far and few.

Although I don't generally like Malay guys, I don't write them off immediately as well. I don't say one race is better than another unlike some females I know who do! I give everyone a chance. When they screw up, I chalk it down to another experience.

I know when to be serious and when to have fun. And I like people who know the same, too.

So there ends my rant for today.

For the past week, I've been receiving text messages on my phone that are slowly starting to annoy me. Worst part is, it's someone I know but I can't tell her off because she's a senior to me in the organisation. She writes her messages with a fullstop after each word. It was cute at first but now I just want her to 'Stop.doing.it.because.it's.annoying.me!'

The PC fair is coming back to town. Usual place at Taman Kereta. It'll be on from 25th to 27th November. I'm looking forward to it because I need some stuff. I also just need to claim some money from my father. He does owe me some money.

I want to watch Superman Returns. I don't memorise his life story but I like him. He's a nice escape from reality, not angsty, not broody.

If tall, dark,alien guys are not your type, there's always BloodRayne. Vampire not with a soul but with a vengeance. I'll get round to actually playing the game that's installed in my laptop but until then, I'm going to wait with bated breath.

I am in the midst of a very nasty move against someone. She has caused us pain, grief, humiliation and anger and I just want to get back at her by putting her exactly where she wants to be. But I'm also putting some people she does not like there with her. If this works, I shall go out with some friends I know and we shall celebrate until the cows come home! I will reveal my plans when I have the pieces exactly where I want them. Me? A back-stabbing bitch? You ain't seen nothing yet!

Sometimes, life can be so much fun when you have nothing to lose. And if you do have something to lose, make sure that the people that matter are in your corner.

On a last note, I feel like such the Angel fan. Almost fandom level except that I don't obsess or write fanfic or try to be like anyone from Angel. But what I did do is get members of my family to help me get the complete collection of the show's seasons and bought the soundtrack online. I have not gotten round to buying Angel merchandise online yet. Does not mean I haven't tried. At least, I'm prepared to admit some traits I picked up are from Angel, and not pretend they've always been my own.

That's all from my Saturday morning. I'm itching for a fight and I think I might just get it this afternoon. And if I don't, I shall plot a certain person's downfall, or at least, kill her with kindness so that whatever she does or says about me from that point on will only reflect on her.

Tonight, a whole lot of us will be going to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The show will be at 9.45 p.m. Kuching time.

So, Azreen and I were thinking of going to Denis's Place for dinner before that. Maybe at 7.30ish?

Anyone interested? You can meet us there.

Oh, this only goes out to those who are currently living in Kuching, thank you very much. So, very sorry, cousin Headliner dear. I love you but I can't do very much else unless you're home. ;)

I was clearing out my old documents from the computer when I found this! I can't even remember when I wrote it! Probably while thinking in the shower..haha!!

Anyone interested in watching Harry Potter this Thursday?

Yes, we've decided to be daring and actually watch it on a *gasp* weekday and *gasp again* as soon as it opens here!

So, if any of you would like to join us, let either Jerome or me know before Wednesday. So far that I know, Azreen, Jerome, Shook and I will be there.

As usual, terms and requirements apply.

My family is finally home from the US. And they bought me tons of stuff, as usual. And my dad bought a Donald Trump shirt and the awesome Donald Trump pink tie from Macy's!!

And...AND...much to my delight and squeeness, they even bought me Season 4 and 5 of Angel!!! Everything else got me happy but those two box sets got me hopping in circles like a bunny rabbit. Anyone who has ever wanted to see me really, really squee in fandom delight should have been there. I didn't expect them to really get it for me but they did and now I have the full collection of Angel Seasons 1 to 5!!! Yay!!!

Good things do come to those who wait and behave nicely for them. See? Karma does not always work in regard to comeuppance!

My dad even got Shook two T-shirts but I might not give both to him. I like the UNICEF shirt! Shook can have the Washington shirt with the emblem on it. Haha!

Now I have to go scan some Emma Watson pictures for him from a magazine Nuril bought. While I watch Angel Season 4. Squeee!!!! Hippity-hop!! Wheee!!!

When I wrote the previous entry, I was annoyed so I reacted without thinking too much about it.

For one, none of this is Gette's fault. If she hadn't brought in that certain friend, I would have mentioned his name eventually.

To be fair, if you've never met the guy who was told without our notification, you might be in awe of him. But those of us who do know him well, know not to think too highly of him because he's just annoying that way. He was the one who annoyed me by saying we should not talk about singing if we're not prepared to train well. And he wanted to hop on to our idea and our group because he wants to perform on stage with this acapella group whose name I can't remember right now. Something like Macapagal or something like that!! I was too annoyed to listen too much to him.

As for the friend, I'm in a committe with him and I've noticed some childish tendencies. I think his lack of social interactions have led him to be what he is today. The more I see how he behaves, the less I respect him. But he has made that choice.

I would like to sit with Gette and Rin about this and see what we want to do. I like the singing idea and I know Rin does too. Gette started it so it's her baby, really. We're just here to help her make it happen.

All I know now is that if Gette and Rin don't feel they want to confront this friend about this, I will stick to their decision. I will, however, want to know what to say when I get nagged by those guys about it. I see them rather often and I know they will ask. So reaction-wise, I have a choice of diplomatic passiveness or brutal honesty. But I am more than prepared to burn my bridges with them. Like I said, July.

And to be fair again, I would like to know why this friend blabbed to the other guy. What is he trying to prove? Does he need an endorsement, a pat on the back, congratulations, what?! I just want to know. Some people call it closure. Me, I just want to know what pushed a guy into inadvertently making me want to detest him.

I am not the most secure person I know. I have a rather low self-esteem and I still have to work on my ability to say 'No'. I also get plagued by feelings of insecurity on a rather regular basis. I admit that it's not as bad as I used to be but I still get the odd feeling of being stupider than stupid or lower than low. I still regularly classify myself as fat, stupid and ugly, though.

With that in mind, I seldom venture into new territory unless I know what I'm getting myself into or I'm doing it for fun and adventure.

For some time now, Gette has been throwing out ideas of a singing group. It sounded fascinating and fun so I emailed her to say that I'm willing to help. At this point, I was not set on singing because I have had no formal music lessons of any kind except for a few years on the organ, teaching myself piano and toying with the idea of teaching myself the guitar. I was very prepared, however, to assist them in their music selection and to listen to pitch and rhythm and all that jazz.

So, one night, we got together at my place and sat down to see what everyone had. Earlier, I had adviced Gette that we could start very small first and see if we want or can take it to the next level. The biggest ambition we had was to sing at friends' gatherings or at parties. We were thinking small first and figured if we're good enough, then we will think big as in professionally.

Then, Gette contacted a certain friend we all know. He came in with what I can only consider an attitude. Now, this is the same person who accused me of not having a life because I told him I spent my spare time playing computer games and blogging. Even when I explained that my spare time consisted of any time when I did not bring work home or am not involved in some meeting or organisation work. He still declared I have no life because I'm not in a thousand and one committees.

This person came in and said if we did not decide to bring this singing thing to a whole new level as in performing on stage professionally, he was not interested. In other words, he was not in it for the fun. Right at that moment, the fun walked out the door and the screwed-up feeling walked in. As far as I know, even professionals have to enjoy what they're doing. We, however it seemed, were not allowed that same luxury. Little did he consider that, we might not be able to coordinate our schedules and come together to sing very often.

Don't get me wrong! I would love it if this whole shebang became a huge sensation and we become household names. But at this point and where we are at, why plan so big when we don't even know how to answer the small questions? Why bring up such sensational possibilities when we don't even have a bloody starting point?! And why, above all that is holy, blab the idea to the whole frigging world when 1) it's not yours to blab and 2) we were not consulted on the blabbing and 3) it made us seem like the freaking-useless-blonde-bitches-who-didn't-contribute-their-best in case this whole thing falls apart? and also 4) why tell the one person who I care for the least yet he was still able to make me cry in public?

He went and told the one guy who managed to lose my respect by being the entire opposite of everything he ever told us to be!! And this guy is so cocky and all-knowing and self-righteous that he makes everyone feel small because he needs to feel big!! I don't care enough to hate him but I have never forgiven him.

So how do you think I feel when I'm interrogated duirng my Hari Raya open house when this person walks in and immediately asks me what my involvement in this whole thing is? It is not my place to answer those questions but did he understand this? No! He made me feel like an idiot! Did anyone stop to consider that we'd like to keep this to ourselves until we're more confident of ourselves? No! Did anyone even think that we girls don't need an ego boost which is why we've kept quiet about it? No!!

So, overall, yeah, I'm not pleased. In fact, I'm very upset. Enough to walk away? Hell yeah!! It's enough for me to seriously think about being a bloody frigging hypocrite until next July and then I'm quitting every gathering where I have to see those guys! I'm sick and tired of people blabbing away like women and then making me feel small. I'm sick and tired of being questioned for having some fun. And I'm sick and tired of not being able to enjoy my life without having to prove something to holier-than-thou beings that we share this planet with!

I am out of this singing thing! I don't bloody care if the group becomes the next Corrs or Boys 2 Men or 3 Tenors! I don't care if they sing for the King of Malaysia and Queen of England. I don't care if the Pope wants to listen to them. I am out!! If I'm not allowed to enjoy myself, bloody hell, I'll stick to my 'lifeless' life and become a nerd bum! Throw away my life on what I consider my priorities. And what's bloody, frigging ironic is that both the guys have preached on setting priorities straight if we want to achieve something.

Well, this is my priority so bugger off!!