To understand my annoyance, you need to know the background. So, after reading this, you tell me if I'm justified or if someone is lying to me.

A few months ago, Shook called me talking constantly about this female instructor he met. So, despite my own misgivings I asked about her, why she's there. The normal things. He told me and after I told him my fears, he assured me that he thinks of her as nothing more than a little sister, who, in his own words, 'is actually little'. So I was fine.

Then on one occasion, I spoke to her on the phone. I really was being civil and nice. I mean, I would have said more than a few words if she actually allowed me to get a word in. She chattered to a point that I was pretty sure she would not notice even if I was no longer on the line. In fact, at one point, I was talking to my father and I could still hear her voice through the phone, talking. She didn't stop to even check if I was still there.

Then, on another another night, Shook, in his usual teasing way, told me he was out on a date with her. I was jealous, yes. But I called and he spoke to me. While he talked to me, she kept talking in the background and I could hear her. I mean, at this point, the impression I got of this girl was exactly what she showed. She was happy for his attention and acted like it was a chore for her to share it.

Now, as a wife, I was worried. I wasn't worried about me. But I was worried about Shook. I knew people would soon talk. Although he wouldn't care, I knew it would hurt me. I also knew that the other cadets respected him too much to ask him to his face. But, at the same time, I realised it was no better that they speculated behind his back.

So I tried to warn him. True to form, he ignored me. Then when he came home, I talked to him again. At this point, I had already planned that he cannot have me and her at the same time. If he wanted her as more than a friend, I would divorce him. But he assured me again that he didn't think of her in that way.

But, how was I supposed to feel reassured when she messaged him while he was home? For nothing more than notes but...do you get my point? No courtesy question like 'how's your wife? How's home?'. Nothing. Just a nice friendly sms as if to remind him she's there.

So I got suspicious, much to Shook's annoyance. So when I went to Bintulu, I planned to ask her how she felt about my husband. Unfortunately, the chance never arose. But we did go out for dinner together and I did ask him to ask her along since she always goes out with him and Alam for dinner.

I was neutral throughout dinner. I take questions like 'How did you manage to come out here today? Don't you work on Saturdays?' as normal because not many people quite understand how private schools operate. Throughout dinner, I was watching the dynamics between these three people. Not that I could contribute anything since all the conversation was controlled by her and the topic was only about people they knew. And before I could ask anything, she had taken the conversation to a different topic already. And I'm not in the habit of poking into topics that aren't mine to be concerned about.

Then when we sent her and Alam back to the hostel, I was actually sincere when I told her it was nice meeting her. Really, it was. Through watching them, I realised Shook really felt nothing more than friendship for her. My only misgiving happened at one point when the owner of the shop we had dinner at commented that I was Shook's wife and joked that she was not. At this point, I watched her and she decided to look busy with her bag and her phone. I didn't want to pass judgement on whether she looked happy or not,

Like I said, I never judge people sight unseen or without watching them properly first.

The two days I was there, Shook could not fly due to weather and feeling unwell. So I was not able to get a closure to my own feelings about the two of them. I wasn't able to ask her what she felt for him. I mean, I didn't even mind if she admitted she was falling for him. I did so why would I be arrogant enough to think nobody else might. In fact, I was thinking of warning her that however he behaves, he usually means well and to warn her to be careful not to misunderstand. I may sound like I was trying to be the Goody Two Shoes but I was not willing for someone to get innocently hurt by my own husband's friendly nature.

Then, the last time I met her, she behaved as if I wasn't even there. Shook took me to the common room of his hostel where they were watching The Golden Compass. She joked with him, realised I was there and didn't even say hi. So I figured she didn't want to talk to me and kept quiet. She only made comments during the show usually directed at him anyway. So I just kept quiet and watched the movie.

The thing is, I am not keen on loud noises. It annoys me. So when at one point she yelled in what was already an echoing room, I just responded automatically. I don't know whether she was offended or whether she felt contrite.

But at the end of the whole thing, I wasn't sure how she felt about Shook. She may like him as more than a friend and I guess I can fairly admit that I only decided this based on the fact that she didn't acknowledge me very much. I spoke to her when she spoke to me. I smiled when she said something funny. I asked Shook when I wasn't sure. If she felt I was being bitchy or judgemental, my only question is 'How?'.

When I spend time with my friends who are married or attached, I always make the effort to talk to their wives or girlfriends or fiancees when we meet. Even when I meet the guys alone, I ask about their partners and how they felt about us meeting. I've openly apologised or thanked the partners when I've spent time with their husbands or boyfriends or fiances.

I guess I expect too much that people would show the same courtesy or common sense where I am concerned, but don't you think it's common sense? Why make a wife feel unwelcomed unless she is unwelcomed? And why would a girl not want a guy's wife around unless she wanted the guy for herself? Am I not justified in my misgivings?

As for the recent swearing and anger, it's not at her because she's there. It's at her because she treats Shook like dirt now. With no reason or anything, she treats him like he's not worth her time. He thought of her as a friend. He felt that there could be potential for a good friendship. We were looking forward to a venture with her working with us. Then she turns around and avoids him except to ask for notes or to sms him about a tribunal she was involved in.

How is a wife supposed to feel when she knows a girl won't even say hi as a friend to her husband but messages him to tell when she's going back to Bintulu and how her tribunal went? Any normal female would think there was something clandestine going on. Won't you?

My trust in Shook has been tested to its limits these few months. And as attestment to my trust in him, I was even trying to my best to find out why this girl was avoiding him because he really regretted the loss of that friendship. It hurt him that he could reach out to be her friend and she treated him like that.

So my anger at her is not for anything other than that she has hurt him as a friend. For a week, I worked hard to get Alam to talk to her. To explain that if it was me she was concerned about, then at least tell my husband.

I even played with the possibility that he might have flirted with her and scared her off or even that they might have kissed in moments of drunken-ness and both felt guilty.

What I cannot take is that she hurt him as only a friend can. And if I did resort to calling her names she will not like if she knew, then it's due to a helplessness that I cannot overcome. I worked years to get Shook to trust people again. And now this girl waltzes in and unravels it within a few months. How am I supposed to feel? Do I just let her walk away like that?

I cannot, in all conscience, let this go. Even if Shook is too fed-up to care and even if he has done what he calls 'burn his bridges', I cannot let someone who has hurt him get away with it. I want her to understand what damage she has done. I want her to realise that her actions affect a lot of people not just her. I want her to learn and grow up so that she knows how to behave and not behave in the future. She may consider herself matured but, until she knows how to treat people well, her so-called maturity will always be questioned.

I now wish she would read my blog. I want her to know how her selfishness has affected other people. I want her to realise how her self-absorbed behaviour almost had me researching on divorce proceedings. I want her to know that, although I don't hate her, she has made me come very close to it through her inability to be more human in her thoughts and her actions.

We may not be perfect which is why we need divine guidance once in a while. But, at least, some of us know how to treat people with respect by talking to them.

So, honestly, whatever her transgressions or even his, I would have forgiven if they were honest and contrite. I like to believe Shook is honest with me. After all, he tells me everything that involves her. But, if she happens to feel that what I have been told is different from what actually happened, I would appreciate her telling me instead of treating my husband the way she has.

When she hurt him, she hurt me. The fact that this never occurred to her just shows her immaturity all over again. I asked Shook if she was sheltered as a child and he doesn't think so. So, therefore, why is she behaving the way she has? Why is she treating him like a boyfriend one minute and dogshit the next? In general, girls who behave this way do not impress me. To me, they either want only dick or cash.

Sp what's her story? And if she is so convinced that she is right, why then doesn't she tell the truth? Why is she hiding?

As far as I am concerned, if you have the truth on your side, nobody can dispute you. Neither can they judge you. So why would you behave with so much guilt? Unless, of course, you are guilty.