My doctor tried to give me sick leave today. While thinking of the greater good, I refused to take the sick leave. While driving back to school, I wondered if I was wise to do so. Then I figured, who cares? Nobody cares so why should I? Nobody is going to thank me for not missing school despite the fact that I just made things easier for them. Nobody cares whether I'm sick. Some people might even wish I was dead so that they can get into my husband's pants.
Honestly, my state of mind is directly connected to my state of being. When I'm sick, I get depressed. When I get depressed, I almost wish to die.
I managed for the longest time to put such thoughts at bay. But, since being pregnant, I can't seem to avoid them. They literally overwhelm me.
Couple all this with the fact that I recently found out how ungrateful some people I once called 'friends' are and my mean streak just rises to the surface. In reality, it's just two less people I need to care about but it's really no loss to me. I just detest them now because they're both ungrateful and in such denial that they're willing to blame all their heartache on their friends rather than admit they are the ones who need help. Thhey probably think they're smarter than any of us anyway. Oh well, if they died tomorrow, I won't even take 2 seconds to lament their death. After all, they're dead to me today.
Today, I'm only going to stay at work then just go home. Even the thought of going for voice lesson holds no joy for me. So I am, by my own admittance, going to stay home and wallow in my own misery. Whether it's of my own making really is my own business. But, unlike other spineless twerps, I don't blame other people. I am very aware of where blame is to be directed.
Oh, one more thing, to set the record straight, I was never desperate to get married. I never hassled Shook for a marriage or a ring. Neither did I pout and sulk when he never mentioned it. And neither did I ever give him an ultimatum deadline for a marriage proposal. That's just demented. I actually fought the idea of being married until I finally realised he wanted it too. So, any fucknut who tries to indicate otherwise, can just go to Hell!
And another thing, twat, is that if you want to pick a fight with me, have the bloody balls to face me and say so. If you don't then go hide in your girlfriend's dirty cunt because that's probably why you have a problem with your dick to begin with. Fucking coward!
End of rant.
I'm going to shut up now.
Honestly, my state of mind is directly connected to my state of being. When I'm sick, I get depressed. When I get depressed, I almost wish to die.
I managed for the longest time to put such thoughts at bay. But, since being pregnant, I can't seem to avoid them. They literally overwhelm me.
Couple all this with the fact that I recently found out how ungrateful some people I once called 'friends' are and my mean streak just rises to the surface. In reality, it's just two less people I need to care about but it's really no loss to me. I just detest them now because they're both ungrateful and in such denial that they're willing to blame all their heartache on their friends rather than admit they are the ones who need help. Thhey probably think they're smarter than any of us anyway. Oh well, if they died tomorrow, I won't even take 2 seconds to lament their death. After all, they're dead to me today.
Today, I'm only going to stay at work then just go home. Even the thought of going for voice lesson holds no joy for me. So I am, by my own admittance, going to stay home and wallow in my own misery. Whether it's of my own making really is my own business. But, unlike other spineless twerps, I don't blame other people. I am very aware of where blame is to be directed.
Oh, one more thing, to set the record straight, I was never desperate to get married. I never hassled Shook for a marriage or a ring. Neither did I pout and sulk when he never mentioned it. And neither did I ever give him an ultimatum deadline for a marriage proposal. That's just demented. I actually fought the idea of being married until I finally realised he wanted it too. So, any fucknut who tries to indicate otherwise, can just go to Hell!
And another thing, twat, is that if you want to pick a fight with me, have the bloody balls to face me and say so. If you don't then go hide in your girlfriend's dirty cunt because that's probably why you have a problem with your dick to begin with. Fucking coward!
End of rant.
I'm going to shut up now.
9:36 am |
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rant
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