Still Being Random

I write this in response to Mac's blog entry.

To be honest, I sympathise with Mac a lot. He is just one great guy caught in an unfair society full of indecisive people. I owe Mac a lot and for that, he will always be a special friend to me. The last thing I want to see is him being used or played with, even if he claims it is on his own free will.

Sometimes, I want to tell Mac how very much I understand where he is coming from. I once read this bit taken from the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. Although it is focused on children, I still believe we can apply this to our everyday lives even as adults.

Since we are now adults, we have control over who we are and what we become. We cannot spend the rest of our lives blaming our past. Although the habits above concerns where a child lives, I usually adapt it to the people I hang around with. I am an emphatic. I admit it. It is very easy for me to absorb other people's feelings and moods and I do it all the time. Yet, even while I am doing it, the words above come to mind and I try my very hardest not to hurt or offend my friends. I see their reactions and I know when to stop.

I have also learnt that if I want to dish it out, I sure as heck better take it in. If I want to criticise others, I am well prepared to have them criticise me. If I want to make fun of others, I am ready for them to make fun of me. But when I do something and then get mad at someone else for doing the same to me, that's when I start to take that very important step back to evaluate what I have become.

So my response to Mac is that - Mac, I care for you. You're one of the greatest guys I've ever met. I want only the best for you. So forgive me if I've done you wrong or if I happen to be fussy for your sake. I know you for who you are and I think it'll take a very special, selfless and considerate girl to deserve you. Until then, don't ever think you deserve second best just because the best has not yet come along.

Yikes!

Before I forget, I watched Young and Dangerous on TV3 tonight. I always did like this movie and the rest of the movies in the series. I'm not sure why although it might have a lot to do with my fascination for the Mafia and the Yakuza. So why shouldn't the Chinese triads be a part of that fascination?

Besides, this might be the Chinese blood in me (I use this as an excuse to love the colour red as well) but I find the young Ekin Cheng absolutely delish. Especially his hair. Mmmmm.....

Anyway, I'm now going to dig up the DVDs I bought of the entire series from Young and Dangerous to Born To Be King and watch them all over again.

The poor dear has conjunctivitis and diarrhea. On top of her fungal problem and lack of appetite.

I was half expecting the diarrhea because I know that kittens are susceptible to it if they are fed milk. But I thought her kitten formula would overcome this. Turns out I was wrong. I know very watered down milk is less likely to affect kittens but I was not sure about the formula. Well, we learn something everyday, I guess.

The poor dear went to the vet again today to get more medication. She must be sick of it by now. Honestly, I've never met such a sickly little thing before. Yet, looking at her, you'd hardly know she's sick seeing as how she prefers to chase the nylon string rather than the toy we bought for her.

Anyway, when I got to Shook's house this afternoon, I went to look in on Miss Norris just to see if she was okay. She was a bit more sedate. I attributed this to the antibiotics she was given. But I took her out of her cage and carried her to Shook's room where I figured she'd fall asleep anyway.

For the past few days, Miss Norris has this weird attraction for my hair. When we're lying down, she actually crawls into my hair (which really, really tickles and sends me into bouts of laughter!) before settling down in the crock of my neck to fall asleep. Then, if Shook moves, she'll lift her head and move to curl up near my arm. Then, minutes later, she would wake again to stretch out beside me to fall asleep again! Shook finds this hilarious. I find it incredibly loving and secure.

But today, Miss Norris couldn't get her afternoon nap. First, she had just settled down when Mac came by the house. So she woke up when Shook went to the door only to find that there was nobody at the gate. While he was out there, my phone rang with Mac saying he left because he had just realised Rin was not home. So Miss Norris was interrupted again! After that, she was about to fall asleep again when Shook stretched and she just had to find out why! Then, she had just settled again when I had to move because her whiskers were tickling my nose and her face was buried in my cheek. Also, she kept waking when Shook chuckled to see her sleep.

Finally, we all gave up on the nap. So Shook put her back in her cage and we went for dinner. Later, we rushed back home when Rin called Shook asking him to give MYN her eye drops. And I learnt how to pacify a kitten after giving her medication. She was not happy but she forgave us. Not that I thought she could hold a grudge against Shook for very long anyway.

But tonight, I found out that her love for Shook really is without boundaries. No matter what he does to her, she still turns to look for him and watch what he is doing. I'm still baffled by that. But then again, Killah!11! hissed at her today and Shook squirted water at him so maybe that's why. He's her Knight In Shining Armour!! Haha!!

Sometimes I forget certain things that I believe in. Then something happens and this helps me remember all over again.

It's good to be able to get two sides of the same story. It's the same as the 'walk a mile in someone else's shoes and then you'll learn more about them' concept. I try. I always try and some people do appreciate me for it.

To those guys who do, thank you very much. And thank you for being thankful that I am who I am. As for those who are silently, and some loudly, declaring they wish they could meet someone exactly like me to be theirs, too bad guys! There's only one of me and this has been proven over and over again ;)

You all better take care and be safe. If anything happens to any of you, I'm going to do a Willow and bring you back from whichever life you are at and torture you with this life again!

PS: Eric and me, we're cool now! As for Nick and me, we're cool too! Not bad for a 24-hours work, if I may say so myself.

Tonight, after dinner with my family, I went to Java Juice to meet up with Jerome. When I got there, Eric was there as well.

Well, like I told Eric, I have bursts of anger and rage but they never last long. I may be a fairly slow simmer but once I erupt, I get over it after a short while. Which is an accurate way of describing what I felt about Eric. I was angry at him for doing what he did despite the fact that I knew he went into the problem voluntarily and almost clinically. I was also upset with him for wasting my advice but at the end of the day, to paraphrase Shook , it's his life, he leads it. If he screws up, then it's his problem, not mine.

So we sat tonight and we talked about various people we know. Most of the conversation was used to clear a lot of issues between us and some mutual friends. I even found out some truths about some friends as well. I think I've become some sort of a Historian among these guys. They reveal things to me which they know I would not blab to anyone else and I keep this knowledge stored somewhere in my brain. Later, if the opportunity arises, I'll put the pieces of the puzzle together and get the timeline straightened out. So see? History is not just confined to the classroom. It works well in real life as well.

We also talked about power trips and, at one point, I have to admit, I take power trips once in a while. But I never take it to the extend that I might end up looking foolish, losing myself or, worst yet, losing my friends. We've decided that some people are difficult to give advice to, some people just think they're smarter, others refuse to admit they just might be wrong and some just prefer not to realise they're going in way over their heads. So I just told Eric that I'd do what I always do - sit back and wait for the fireworks.

PS: I was supposed to pass a note to Nick from Eric but I prefer not to. All I'm going to say is that I don't hold a grudge against stupidity but it's obvious Eric does. And as Eric's friend, good or bad, I accept him as he is, just like I accept all the other guys as they are. Heaven forbid that I try to break them apart or make them choose between me and their own friends whom they've known way longer than they've known me!

A female has captured my boyfriend's attention and I'm not sure whether to join them or ignore them. It doesn't help taht the female is an adorable thing and I'm not sure whether very many people can resist her sweet disposition and huge gooey eyes. Not to mention being amazed at her looking at my boyfriend with those same gooey eyes and following him everywhere.

It doesn't help that she lives with him! Unofficially, Rin and I dubbed her 'the hussy'. Officially, she's Miss Yodie Norris. I couldn't resist so here are some pictures.

Other than that, tonight, Mac, Rin, Gette and I went to watch the SONS choir's musical theatre, Trial By Jury. It was really good. The turn-out rather disappointed some people but then again, to be fair, I'm not so sure it was well advertised to begin with. I think it was spread mostly by word-of-mouth. But the show itself was really good. I have the funny feeling some members of the audience were not sure how to react because they didn't laugh at the funny bits. Not even when the defendant pouted at the end. Haha! Here's the picture.

I have issues. Man, do I have issues!

One, Star Wars:Revenge of the Sith a.k.a Star Wars Episode III. How could something that grossed so much turn out to be so blah?! As Rin said, after watching Shook play LEGO Star Wars, I expected more from the movie itself. Now, we've decided that they should have turned the LEGO game into the movie instead. The fights were good, Obi-Wan was good although he dished out a lot of cheesy one-liners, the effects were great and the story basically filled in all the gaps and answered all possible Star Wars questions. But as Shook said in the car on the way home, it's like a French movie - full of cheese and w(h)ine. Then at dinner earlier, Rin helped me remember where the line 'Don't go where I cannot follow' originally came from - Frodo the Hobbit in Lord of The Rings. Nothing on this great Earth can get any cheesier than that line. However, if you want to read what a die-hard Star Wars fan has to say about it, go ask Mac.

Two, Malay movies. I watched Senario:Lang Buana because Shook really, really was keen on it. Generally, I don't watch Malay movies and I only went to this one because of him. It turned out that I was cheerfully proven wrong as I enjoyed the movie a lot. Unfortunately, the extra enthusiastic audience made the experience a little too annoying for me. So, with this movie, I figured I might have been a bit too harsh where Malay movies are concerned. So when all the hype came out about Sepet, I cheerfully and very optimistically went to watch it. Again, I came away very happy. So happy, in fact, that I went out and bought the original VCD the very next day. At this point, my opinion about Malay movies went up a few notches. Then I went with Rin and Shook to watch Sembilu 2005. This was a disaster. I can't even begin to explain how disastrous it was. Despite everyone raving about it and us making fun of it throughout the movie (and probably annoying some real fans), I walked away from it with a very awful taste in my mouth. This movie not only showed the underlying low self-esteem of the Malays but it also showed how racist some people can get. I truly expected more from Yusof Haslam but apparently this movie was very well received in West Malaysia. Throughout the movie, there was this blatant theme of how a Malay girl cannot have a relationship with a Chinese boy. There's even a line where the Chinese boy's parents actually told their son that they will get into trouble if he continues his relationship with the Malay girl. Other than the fact that this is very true in West Malaysia, as a person who comes from mixed parentage and a Sarawakian to boot, I find this theme very disturbing. My parents have friends who want to send their children here just so that they will not face such discrimination like this. I have friends who toyed with the idea of moving here because the guy is Malay and the girl is Chinese and they know their parents will not accept their relationship. I just find this movie very, very disturbing personally because I don't like to see what Malaysia is becoming. (For you folks in West Malaysia, yes, Sarawak is still in Malaysia the last time I checked our Geography and History books!) And it's also disturbing because my mother is Chinese-Portuguese and my dad is Malay-Arab. During James Brooke's time, I wouldn't be alive because my parents would have been on opposite sides unless they did a Romeo and Juliet thing. So, yes, Sembilu 2005 has, within an hour, destroyed all my faith in Malaysian movie makers. So don't question my stubborness about watching another Malay movie unless it is by Yasmin Ahmad!

Third, some people might be wondering why I've been a little anti-social and a wee bit judgemental of late. One is it's end of term so I'm stressed and exams are on. I teach 3 subjects at school; IGCSE History, IGCSE Business Studies and Humanities. The two IGCSE subjects have 2 papers each. So in all, I have to mark 102 essay answer papers and 8 short-answer papers. Besides which I will have 59 reports to write during this semester holiday. So my holiday will not be a holiday unless I take it really slowly. Some people just refuse to understand that a good teacher works 24-7 even during the holidays. When I take time out to be with friends, I do it to calm down and relax, not to be judged and criticised or to have my grammar checked. Yes, I'm a teacher. Yes, I am qualified to teach English as a Language. Yes, I speak English rather well. But if I have to keep up my hoity-toity English-checking self then I'm not relaxed. I will think like a teacher and check everyone's grammar like a teacher with all the rules and regulations and pronounciation and whatnots. So please, please stop saying things like 'Eeee...English teacher talk like that!'. If I don't deserve to relax then excuse me now while I go kill myself. Two (yes, there is a second part to this) I don't like being nagged into doing anything. If I don't want to call you to ask you to join us, it's probably because you annoy me, you get on my nerves, I'm stressed and I might actually use Shook's knife on you or I'll get up close and personal and go for your jugular, or I might even be trying to be nice and allow you some time with your not-so-near-to-Kuching girlfriend like I do with Art. When Cecelia is in town, I don't even sms Art much less telephone him to ask if he wants to join us for dinner. I leave them alone because I know Art rarely sees Cecelia and he might want some time alone with her. Friends do that for each other. We can be considerate if we feel you deserve it or want it. Friends do that even for me and Shook every Friday night unless we ask them to join us for dinner. That's what good friends do for their friends. If you keep calling us when your other half is around, then you might need to reconsider your relationship.

Fourth, my dad bought me a camera. It's a Sony Cybershot DSC-P200. The picture above was taken from the Sony website. So far, it works rather well. And from the ooohhhs and aahhhs I got when I showed it off last night, I think the guys thought it was good too. The reason I got this camera was because my dad likes Sony cameras. The shop we got it from also provides superb after-sale services. The real reason why I even got a camera is because my dad gave mine away to people from his constituency. Last night, Eric asked why my dad didn't just loan it to them. It's diffcult to explain to someone who is not involved in politics. And yes, for a Member of Parliament to loan things out is just not good. Not only will it might not come back (which means you might as well give it away anyway) but people will also talk about the loan. Most of us know how hard it is to live in a small kampung (village) where everyone knows what everyone else is doing and will judge you on it. Well, in my dad's case, imagine if the kampung area is widened by a few hundred more acres. That's what he has to deal with.

And this is one long post. So far, these are all the issues I have right now. They're not raving neither are they ranting. They're just..issues. Now, i need to go and relax for a while then go with my mom to the beads shop and then start marking History papers. I still have 2 piles waiting for me. Oh, and I also need to type out my minutes from the last AGM I was at. And I was in the papers again yesterday, which makes it 3rd or 4th this year. It's not so bad on its own but when someone recognises you from it, it's enough to make me want to hide my face somewhere. Haha!!

P.S.: I'm in a good mood today. Don't ruin it or I will get nasty! (Am I being childish? Well, how often do you see me childish anyway? So deal with it!)

A lot of times, the conversations that I have with Shook, Mac and Rin arise from our disdain of someone or our heartless laughter of people.

The other day, we were talking about people in general. Then the conversation went to some people we know, which sparked off the conversation about trophy girlfriends/wives/husbands. Well, more of trophy wives and girlfriends. We don't know anyone rich enough to have a trophy husband or boyfriend. Yet.

Anyway, Rin and I could not decide whether to pity or to jeer at guys who go out and find a girlfriend/wife just for the sake of it all. Well, you know how in secondary school, some people seem to have this thought in their heads that if they don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend then they're not cool or not part of the group? Or when they do have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, they need to show them off as if they were a prize to be won or something like that?

To me, personally, that's so juvenile. Children do that, hence the 'my daddy is bigger than your daddy.' In some people's case, it's 'I have a girlfriend/boyfriend. I'm cool/I'm one of you.' or 'I have a boyfriend/girlfriend. You don't have one.' Juvenile. That's all there is to it.

There is nothing wrong in being single. Hey, it beats being in a relationship that sucks, right? If I was still single, I'd stick to my plan of moving to another country to work. Actually, my plan was to move to Bali, buy a ranch with a pool, fill the ranch with cats and horses and have an affair with either the pool boy or some gorgeous toyboy over the weekend. I was not in it alone, though. A friend of mine, Yati, was supposed to join me.

My point is, if you're going to have a relationship, make sure it's all for the right reasons. If you're doing it to show off, for goodness sake, think of the other person's feelings for once. If it's for sex, go buy it if you're so desperate. If it's to fit in, my advice is it's never gonna work so you might as well forget it. Most people can detect a sucker or a suck-up a mile away.

And let's face it. We're not rich enough to afford a trophy boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. So we might as well do it the old fashion way and get a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife for love or the honest-to-goodness companionship. Let's be honest with ourselves for a few minutes, shall we?

This past week, I did something which I have not be doing for a very long time. I actually looked forward to doing something. I was actually excited about it too.

Now what was I excited about? I was very excited about going to watch Star Wars:Revenge of the Sith with my whole bunch of friends. From past experience, I know that when I get excited about something, there is a big chance I'd jinx it.

Well, true to form, I jinxed it. Yesterday, just as I was about to leave school, my Principal came up to me and apologised for moving the staff social we had planned for Tuesday afternoon to Sunday. I almost cried when I told her why I was reluctant to go and how this movie was my last chance to watch Star Wars with my friends.

Luckily for me, I've got an awesome boss. She might not understand the feeling of wanting to watch Star Wars but she understood very well the feeling of wanting to watch with friends. So she said she'd see the response from the other staff members before deciding. I went home that night and was in tears when I told Shook about it all. And being the awesome boyfriend that he is, he actually helped me play with the idea of watching Star Wars at another time instead.

Today, I went to work and saw that 99% of the staff members were willing to attend the Sunday social at the time given. So in my mind, I had already shifted gears to my back-up plan. Then my Principal dropped the bomb on me again! She actually laughed at me and said,"While you're watching Star Wars, you can think about us eating all the splendid food that you're missing."

I almost hugged her. She was actually letting me go from the social just to watch Star Wars!! But being the nice, responsible person that I am (and she is my boss, great though she may be) I told her that I'd try to make it to the social after the movie. And being nice as she is, she actually told me that she will start the social late just so that I can join them after the movie. And she even added that I may skip it altogether if I come out from the movie late.

Do I have an incredible boss or what?! No wonder I love my job. The workload may not be superb but the people make it tolerable.

I am surrounded by incredible, awesome, understanding people and I promise to try my best not to take them for granted or to treat them without thought for their feelings or opinion.

And in addition to all this, my parents will be taking us to KL where we will stay in KL proper from 3-4 June and then move to Putrajaya from 5-7 June. Shopping...yay! And I am going to go look for LEGO Star Wars!

But for tonight, I am going to attend my family's company dinner at Merdeka Palace. The place is a bit too hoity-toity for me but it's free food so what the hey...!

Remember the dinner I had with Shook, Mac and Rin? Well, it got me thinking.

Anyway, I told Rin about how some people we know have changed for the better over the five years that I've known them. Some others, though, just seem to be stuck in a rut. Sad thing is the rut is of their own making. Some of them know very well that they can't be anywhere other than where they are but they seem unwilling to make the best of it. And some others have been adviced by most of us but can't seem to figure out that we're trying to help them.

For instance, take Jerome. If you want to know what a die-hard fan of role playing games, Mech Warriors, Star Wars and computers look like, look at Jerome. That guy can sit with anyone for hours explaining in minute detail what the mech warrior is capable of doing. At the same time, Jerome doesn't take himself too seriously and he is very much aware of his own faults. And even if he is not, you only need to tell him nicely and he'll get the idea. Best part about Jerome is that he does listen and he does try to change for the better. He doesn't try too hard to fit in but he knows when to behave in what way. He acknowledges his own shortcomings and doesn't try to impose his presence on any of us. Jerome knows how to have fun. He doesn't force himself to show he's having fun. He just goes out and does it. And also, Jerome doesn't pretend to be someone he's not. He doesn't pretend to like us if he doesn't like us. He doesn't pretend to understand if he doesn't understand. he does the best thing possible. He asks.

And with Jerome, he is happy how he is and he doesn't try to be like Mac or Shook or anyone else. Jerome is Jerome. I wish more people I know could have his confidence to be themselves.

It's raining really splendidly right now. I can only describe it as beautiful because this is the kind of weather everyone could fall asleep in.

I just got back from a Toastmasters AGM. I may complain about the Club once in a while but overall, the Club has done me more good than harm. Well, I got voted to be Secretary so this means I need not always attend training meetings.

Well,when I got home, my mom had just realised that my cat, Mac, was in the house. Since we have a security alarm system in the house, it's guarantee that Mac will trigger it sometime tonight if he stays indoors. Yet, none of us have the heartlessness to shoo him out into the rain.

So what we all (even my dad!) did was we stood around Mac and waited for him to decide whether he wanted in or out or even just downstairs to the kitchen. Finally, I got tired of waiting and said, "Well, where do you want to go?"

Then, as if on cue, Mac walked up to my sister's door, turned and looked at us as if to say, "Well?"

It was hilarious. My mom had a good laugh and I just said, "As if you need to be invited!!" to which Mac just ignored me and strolled into the room.

On other fronts, my car gave me a scare today. I was at my school gate and pressed my brakes to stop when the car refused to respond. I had to press it to the floor to which all the car did was roll to a stop! I find it scary because my car always had superb control. I only ever needed to touch my foot to the brakes and it would stop. Today, it rolled a good few yards more before finally stopping. So I had to drive my dad's government-issued Perdana. When I got home from the meeting, my mom told me that my uncle, who takes care of his own nearly-antique cars and who used to work as a mechanic at various places like Hornbill Skyways (used to being the operative word here!!), came to take a look at my car and told her that something is wrong with one of my brake pads. So looks like I've got the Perdana for the next few days.

Other than that, exams are next week so I might be silent for a while. I still have 6 sets of papers to prepare. Then I'll need to mark them. *sigh* Good thing I love my job.

It's still raining so I'm going to post this and then go call Shook and then go to sleep.

A friend is having a soft opening for his new restaurant or bistro or pub or whatever it is tonight. He's called it The Crib.

I love giving people support in anything they do. It gives me greater pleasure when they achieve success.

However, it's when I support people and they abuse my support that I start to get pissy. When they ask for support and then refuse to accept it, that's when I start to get annoyed.

Anyway, before I start ranting, which I am prone to do when I'm either hassled or plain pissed off, I just wanted to say that I hope this friend of mine has priced his products at a reasonable price. I have seen and been to many shops that want to make money quick so they price their products at a really exorbitant price. Not only do they usually forget the fundamentals of business, they usually don't seem very sure of what exactly they are trying to sell. It's like selling Western food at RM15 a plate in an area where everyone is just barely surviving on their salary!

Even for someone like me who is working full time and earning quite a reasonable salary, I still have to think twice if I want to go to places like Coffee Bean or Roadhouse Grill or even Kenny Rogers to have dinner or to just hang out. It's worst for me when it's in the middle of the month or at the end of the month. However, give me good ole' Great Kitchen and I'll sit there until the people learn my name if I can! Why? Because it is cheap. Not affordable but cheap. Dirt cheap. With a mere RM10, I can get a meal and about 7 glasses of iced tea! Now how great a deal is that? And I can sit there until the cows come home if I want to!

So, I just hope my friend's place is not too high class or pricey that I need to think twice and dig up loose change to go there to sit down and hang out.

Anyone interested in going to watch Kingdom of Heaven this weekend? Ben asked last night and I figured it would be fun to go in a huge group again. Maybe we can do the usual...get the entire row of seats. We'll have to watch the evening movie if possible. I have a swimming meet to go to on Saturday morning but I will get Monday off.

Besides, I think Orlando Bloom looks way much better in this movie.

So let me know...