Still Being Random

I walked into my school staff room and peeked into the day book to see a notice from Red Bookstore. They need staff urgently.

All positions require filling immediately. Bumiputera candidates are encouraged to apply.

The contact person is Heidi Collins-Bugo. If anyone is seriously interested, let me know and I can pass along her number. Or you could probably just walk into the Red Bookstore at Pustaka Negeri and get an appointment.

Why am I helping out with this? Well, let's put it this way. If I didn't already have a job I'm happy with, I'd apply myself.

We're hoping to be the first few to watch the movie. And since I have to be there, being the organiser, I might as well just watch it then.

The tickets are RM40 each and we're showing it on July 12th. So now I'm a bit confused as to the release date for the movie here. The poster says 11th July but Star told us we're the first to show it. Haiyah! Whatever lah! I'll just watch it in all it's teenage angst and exploding glory.

Another thing that got me a bit confused is that when I googled 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix', I got a whole different image.

I had another post all ready but the students got all excited and I got curious. They ran out, laid down on the grass and started taking photos of the sky. Rin and I stood at the window, sort of laughing at their antics.

One student, Ning, came in and said there was a round rainbow in the sky. I've seen it before so I wasn't too bothered. But it was fun seeing everyone really excited about it and pointing up at the sky and taking photos.

I did a bit of research. Some people at school called it a corona and wiki calls it a halo. I'm almost sure there is a difference but I'm not sure which one we got. But here it is. Another teacher took a photo and I just snagged it. I won't dream of looking at the sun for any reason.

Shook just gave me the best news ever! I will so be floating on air tomorrow, despite now having 10 out of 10 teaching slots!

He's coming home! Yay! Yay! I'll be going to Bintulu on the 30th then two weeks later, he'll be home!!

Like I told some friends tonight, I do miss him. I get some time to myself when he's not around but I still miss him.

And the list of things I have to bring for him is getting longer by the day. It doesn't matter. My mom says that between the three of us going, we get a luggage capacity of 90 kilos, which none of us are planning to use so far.

Honestly, I wonder when Shah is going back to wherever he studies. I'm sorry. He might have mentioned it but when Shook is around, I tend not to pay too much attention to any guy, regardless of their sexual preferences.

I enjoy talking to Shah. We get into very diverse topics. Usually, the guys we know only seem to talk about robots, RPG, guns and comics. It gets tiring after a while. And I like those topics. Imagine what a girl who is not into all that would feel sitting with these guys. I now realise why some of the guys' girlfriends used to look so bored. Some of them once asked me how I could stand to spend time with these guys. My reply always was join them in the conversation or bring a book. I remember I once didn't bring a book but I had my iPod so I openly watched Supernatural. They didn't mind and neither did I. After all, I was there for Shook, not them.

But a lack of variety really does bore people. I'm not encouraging polygamy or infidelity or anything. I'm just saying that if you want to keep someone interested, you have to learn about what they like too. And you need to be diverse in your outlook.

Being narrow-minded even includes your interests. Heck, I love Shook but even we have different interests. I'll never catch him reading a romance book but he knows I like them. You won't catch me reading up on some artillery specs but I know I can depend on him for information. He respects my interests and I respect his. Imagine if we had so much in common that nothing is different between us in terms of interests. Can you imagine how boring our lives will get after 10 years? I'll shoot myself if I can only talk about a handful of topics all the time!!

And you know what annoys me a lot. When guys are homophobic! They turn into a joke in my eyes. Do they think gays have no feelings too? It's ridiculous! No matter what the religion or the society says, it's not for us to judge them. I highly doubt any of them woke up one day and said, "Today looks like a good day to be gay."

If we can judge gays then by all means, let's judge the fat, the ugly, the blacks, the whites, the short, the skinny, the smelly. Oh jeez! It was phobia that got so many people fighting against religion all those years ago. All those stories in the holy books, all show phobia and fear towards what they are not comfortable with. How then can we say we're different from the Romans who killed the Christians or the pagans who fought the Muslims?

You know, I shall laugh out loud, roll on the floor and point if ever any of these homophobes end up being gay themselves. I really will. I might even take out an ad in the papers.

I feel this way because I've got many homosexual friends. All Americans. Well, a few here but homophobia is the norm here and not the exceptional. I had one homophobic housemate in the US. The moment he got propositioned by a gay one night and he felt flattered by it, I called him gay all week. Then he told me he felt hurt by it. My reply? "Now you know how other people feel."

With some people, you need to hurt them to be kind. Or they'll never learn.

But I still feel whee now! Shook's coming home!!!

I've half way decided that I'd like to get a MacBook. Or a Power Mac, whichever is more affordable for me. Or whichever has the specifications I need. My only concern was the word processor programme I might need.

I was trying to get a comparison chart of both of them but one article actually said, they're almost alike. Yet, even then the author recommended the Power Mac.

I just need to look at the prices now. And how much money I need to save for it.

But I like the looks of this MacBook. And it has black or white.

I want to sell my laptop. For RM2,000. I got it for RM4,000. I bought it because I wanted to play games on it when my desktop was really crap. But now that my desktop is good, I want to get rid of the laptop and get a new one. I'm not sure of the specifications specifically. What I can tell is that it's a 15 inch with 80 gigs of space and 512 mb RAM. I think. It has an AMD processor. But the graphics card is really good and I've only had the laptop for a year. Anyway, Dell no longer sells it but I found the specs here. And it's XP! So if anyone is interested or knows anyone who might be interested, let me know.

Another thing is that I know of 16 units of PC for sale. It has 1 Gb RAM, dual core processor and good motherboards. That's about all I know about it other than there's no keyboard, mouse or monitor. It's good for a back-up or even a main. Mouse is cheap and so are keyboards. The units costs RM1,200 each. Let me know also if anyone would like any of these.

And that is all I have to sell. Thank you.

ETA: My dad is going to take the laptop off me. My cousin, on his side, just asked for one so he's giving her mine. So, with that money, I can go looking. Depending on what I feel keen on, I'm either going to dip into my paycheck or into my ASN. Hee!

To those who are playing Evil Genius, The Evil Planet website is closing down.

It has been a wonderful resource site especially after the official game site went down.

So, if you think you might need anything else from there, go grab it soon. After that, it will be gone.

If it has come to this, I suppose there is an even greater likelihood that we will not be getting an Evil Genius sequel.

*sigh* So sad! This is the only game in the whole game-verse that I lament the losing of.

I suppose it is usually because Shook and I are hardly ever apart that we do not usually need to speak to each other on the phone very much or for very long. The longest phone conversation I used to have with him was all of ten minutes.

Last night, we talked for a good half an hour, which is an achievement for either of us. He was telling me all about the place he's in and I just asked questions. And, the best part is, before I could get bored talking on the phone, he was disturbed again by a coursemate. So we had to hang up.

The days where I can talk on the phone from dusk until dawn are long gone. My attention span has gone back to almost zero now so I usually get on and off the phone very quickly. While overseas, I remember I once stayed on the phone for close to nine hours.

I felt better after talking to Shook last night. I've been keeping myself busy and occupied just so that I won't miss him so much. While talking to him last night, my main concern was whether he was happy. He assured me he was because his coursemates were people he liked. It made everything else tolerable for him.

Then today, I happened across some pictures online of us at Wil's wedding and I got teary-eyed. Goodness knows why. But I just resolved not to go back to that site ever.

Other than that, I'll stay busy and work my way from one month to the next. End of this month, I'm going to visit him. Next month I'm not sure. I guess it depends on how things look when I go visit him this month.

Late last night, I was watching a movie on TV1. I couldn't sleep and this movie didn't help.

The first and only person I recognised was Arnold Vosloo. That was, quite honestly, enough to keep me watching. But my attention was captured by one of the priests in the movie.

The movie was about a train that was heading towards Lourdes. On board were priests and nuns and pilgrims on their way to see the Pope in Lourdes. Also on board, was Arnold Vosloo and his team of terrorists who were carrying a deadly virus. From first glance, I knew it was a B-grade movie. But what fascinated was the priest. Especially after he threw his first punch and did a roundhouse kick.

How often do you see a priest doing such an obviously violent act? Then, in the flashbacks, he was shown to be a soldier or a mercenary. It was hinted that he joined the Church after seeing too many deaths. A little like Rambo.

Yet I knew from the priest's moves that the actor wasn't forcing the kicks, he actually knew them. So, today, I did a bit of a search. Turns out he is one of the very first few people who are trying to put martial arts into German movies. And he has his own website. I thought he looked kinda cute but I think I'm influenced by his eyes. I'll explain in my next post about my actor tendencies.

As bad as the movie plot and dialogue and acting was, I liked this guy's fight moves. Almost cliche. But, on the bright side, he's a cliche in a world trying to be different. So he turns out to be a classic. Almost reminds me of Chuck Norris and Delta Force movies.

The worst cliche was the movie title: Death Train.

I'm back at work. Back to being surrounded by screeching children, giggling teenagers and sulky boys.

I really don't feel like being here and I'm definitely not ready to come back yet. Which is odd since I'm usually excited about being back at work.

*sigh*

I went out last night for dinner and we had a really good time. It gave me the laughter I needed.

And I managed to pinpoint why we enjoy Shah's company. He doesn't care whether he gets invited anywhere or not. If you call, he'll go. If he doesn't want to go, he'll say so. He's not desperate to go out and he doesn't badger people to go out. He's just fun. And if he has any hang-ups, it doesn't show and he doesn't whine about it. Which is good. Girls usually listen so much to their own whine, they really don't want to hear any more.

There's a difference between making people go out and inviting them out. There's also a difference between hanging out with friends and trying to push them into feeling guilty or feeling sorry for you. And that difference is what differentiates the young adults from the teenagers.

And that's all there is to it.

I'm actually feeling tired. I couldn't sleep last night and I just barely stopped myself from playing Evil Genius. If I hadn't, I wouldn't sleep at all.

I'm currently listening (eavesdropping) on my student telling her boyfriend about her holiday. Apparently, there's crying involved but she's trying to appear brave about it. Pride, I tell you. And I'm keeping half an eye on another student who looks like he's stalking his friends. He won't go and sit and talk with them but he keeps an eye on everything they do. He tries to gain approval but they think he's just a little on the weird side. I think he's trying too hard and, as a result, he becomes too odd for their comfort.

By the time I get my own children, I'd almost be a pro already. But I have to keep an eye on that Gripe Water and Farley's Rusk ;)

Some days it just hits you when you lest expect it.

I'm having one of those days. Nothing seems right and I have no idea what to do with myself. All the songs in my computer just isn't the song I want to listen to. There's no game I feel like playing, despite having so many to pick from. I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. There's nothing I'd like to watch on TV. Besides, TV just lost its appeal to me.

I don't even have the luxury of being depressed. I don't have the delusions of illness. I want to go out yet I don't.

I just feel blah.

Somehow, this feels more scary than the bouts of depression I used to get while I was in the US. I used to get major bouts of depression for absolutely no reason at all. I wake up fine, I go about my day. Then just as I'm about to go find food or go to class or just go shopping, it hits me right between the eyes. I start crying for no reason, the kitchen knife looks damn appealing and I have a good-bye note all written out in my head. Just like that. I could be laughing at a comedy on TV one minute and down in the dumps the next. No warning, no PMS, no known reason. So instead of yelping about it, I decided to see what triggered it. Later I found that nothing triggered it. I read up on depression until a point where I had almost convinced myself I did have depression and I stopped. Reading too much about it convinced me I did have it so I stopped. Then I just decided to keep a better eye on myself. I tried to see a pattern to my emotional upheaval. I've always been an emotional person so I figured maybe that's it. But I soon found that I had no known, consistent trigger. What made me happy one moment depressed me the next.

Eventually, I got angry with myself. Especially after the second time I deliberately cut myself to see how fast my blood would flow from different parts of my body. I knew then that I needed help. And I always hated the thought of the stigma of depression if I had taken medication. So I went to a counselor and talked things through and decided to join real life.

I joined societies I thought I might like, made lots of friends, went travelling, went to any event I thought was interesting, even went to those that were only mildly interesting, did a lot of community service, went to watch a movie every week and just generally socialised. I had three different sets of friends; Malaysian and American. I did something almost every night. I even went for study groups at the library at midnight because that's when my vampire RPG group went. On weekends, I went to my friends' homes or went around the state or went to Chicago or Detroit. Even after an asthma attack once, I got up the next hour and ran in the street while waiting for a tornado to hit the town. I just refused to be depressed anymore. When I feel it coming up on me, I just went out and made sure I was never alone. My counselor felt it was a good thing to try out. She advised me against wallowing in it. For her, meds was the very last resort. When I told her I used to stand in the middle of the road to see if I'd get hit by a car, she thought I was nuts. I told her I wanted to die. Once, the car had to swerve away because I refused to move. This was in KL so there were no charges brought up against me, just a very loud honk. I was also one of those insane people who ran across a highway.

In a way, I was scared of suicide. I was depressed enough yet I knew I'd never do it, hence the cars. I was more scared of rotting in hell than suffering on earth. But if someone else kills me, I'll be murdered, not suicidal. A warped explanation but one I stayed with. I took a lot of risks back then. So many it scares me thinking about it now.

But this blahness I have now, this I-don't-care-about-anything-at-all really worries me. I rather be depressed than unfeeling.

I went out for dinner with Gette, Rin and Maggie tonight. It was my first time to Casa Davide.And I must admit it was a very good experience. Well, the fact that Gette was there for work might be a reason for the good experience but I will still say that the food is good and the dessert was awesome. Incredibly and migraine-inducingly sweet but great nonetheless!

Before I walked out the door, my mom expressed her (and my father's) concerns that I was going out too often since Shook left. He only left yesterday! They actually said they expected me to stay home more or not stay out too late. It was such an old-fashioned statement that I was actually stunned. Then it hit me. The only reason I was allowed to stay out late before was Shook! After I thought about it for a few seconds, I realised they might be afraid that Shook might accuse me of going out with other guys while he's not around. What they don't realise is that the only guys I would meet up with are guys who had no chance with me before Shook and I were dating which means they have less than a chance with me now. And besides, I'll most likely meet with these guys when Rin is there anyway. Who better than Shook's sister to make sure I don't stray? She has more right than anyone else to tell him if I do. Heck! I can't even acknowledge any other guy's cuteness even without feeling guilty!!

My parents, I tell ya!

But tomorrow, I'm staying home unless they take me out. And on Sunday, I'll join Gette and Rin and Maggie for dinner again. Girls only!! By the time school starts, I'll be more homely, if that's what my parents want. Except I have a meeting on Tuesday and Wednesday nights and singing on Thursday.

And I do tell Shook where I'm going anyway! I feel like wailing now. My parents...so old-fashioned and so paranoid. Yet, almost endearing. I need to see the bright side of this. If not, I'll be depressed.

I talked to Shook tonight and I told them this. Hah! I was all squee when I went out for supper with my parents, sisters and my cousins. And I had a blast playing with my niece. I'm now the designated babysitter. I think it's just my mom's way of making sure I stay home :D

Yesterday, I sent Shook off to the airport so he could start on his flight training. And since I could not get online last night, I only found that he had updated his blog today. Actually, I suspected he would update since he installed bloggar in his laptop yesterday. And, the flight he was supposed to be on got delayed from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. He also got charged for excess baggage and the stupid counter didn't have change. Won't it be logical to assume that if you want to charge people cash then you better have some cash lying around for change? AirAisa, I tell ya! And people wonder why I'm snobbish enough to insist on MAS despite its many flaws?

Right after the airport, I went to singing lessons. I was about half an hour late but I walked in to immediatley begin singing 'There You'll Be' from Faith Hill. This is one of her few songs that I absolutely love. So I didn't need to figure out the song or the lyrics but I did need to figure out the melody. Misato's got Gette and me doing a duet/melody thing and it's fun. Except I can't stand too near to Gette as I tend to follow her alto instead of keeping to my soprano. So I stand on the other side of the piano thereby giving Misato what she calls her stereo sound. When I was waiting for my turn to do the individual singing, I saw that Misato had the song sheet to the Prince of Egypt song by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston 'When You Believe'. I'm almost afraid she might ask us to do that song next.

After singing, we went and met up with Rin and Shah for dinner at Tomoe. We had such a good time laughing and talking that we had to get kicked out of the place. Then we adjourned to Scoops and got kicked out of there too. It was funny. But it was good to have a girls night out. Shah doesn't count as a guy because he talks his dressing style too seriously. He gives me a bad name. Haha! Besides, I enjoy spending time with Shah. He's hilarious and so honest. Also, he can talk about anything. Too many people I know can't seem to talk about very much. I have the advantage of having to know a lot because I need to understand my students, I need to know what Shook is talking about and I have my own interests. So put it altogether and you might be able to figure out why I sometimes glaze over when someone talks about only one topic all evening. That's why I love Shook. We could talk about everything and when I don't know about something, he'll explain it but then we move on to other topics too. The way to a man's heart might be through his stomach (not his gut as some cheap girls might think) but the way to a woman's heart is through her mind. So we don't care if you want us to be intelligent but we need to know you are.

This weekend is the last few days of my school break. I go back to the grindstone next week. I need a longer break.

Oh well, I'm trying out my bloggar software now to see if it'll screw up my template. If you see me suddenly change template then you'll know it did. Haha!

I don't have the chance to miss Shook just yet but I can feel his lack of presence. I would say it's an emptiness but it might sound like such a drama. But it's there.

While I was at Hopoh yesterday, I went to my regular pc software shop. I couldn't help overhearing this guy there talking really big and really loudly about how a few of the softwares they have don't work and were crappy.

Then my sister was asking about Photoshop CS3. So I told her I have it. He happened to overhear me and asked "It doesn't work, right?"

My reply was that I hadn't tried it yet. And he said "Don't bother. It won't work. I guarantee."

He was very uppity about it and very smug. So I just said if it doesn't work, I'll download it or wait awhile before trying a different copy. Then he said downloading takes too long. More than an hour. Real dumbass! was my next thought.

So I told him I download smart. I keep it overnight and when I wake up, it's done. To which he couldn't reply because he had hinted that waiting for it makes him sleepy.

Out of curiosity, I tried installing my Photoshop CS3. I had absolutely no problems with it. It's in my pc now and I'm using it to make a phone theme.

And if any of you know this asshole, tell him he knows nut!! I should have figured it out when he was raving about Vista. Any idiot knows Vista is not yet compatible with everything.

PS: He's a huge-sized guy. Probably even double Jerome's size. With a louder voice. And very holier-than-thou. You can't miss him.

In case you went to watch Pirates of the Caribbean and was not able to see the scene at the end of the credits, here it is from YouTube.

Gette told me about it. Opens a whole different plot idea for Pirate 4, doesn't it?

Victor from my Toastmasters Club made a comment the other night.

He said "Wow! This year is the first time we'll have a President getting married. Cool!"

I thought it was a funny comment. Then I realised something. I'm the President in 2 associations this year.

Haha! And I'll only get rid of my Alumni presidency after we organise the Harry Potter premiere.

I have heard many 'horror' stories about Telekom but never came across it myself until recently.

I have been having problems with my internet connection since that huge storm we had some weeks ago. After getting a new network card, I discovered that the line might be at fault too. So I reported that in.

Two days after it was repaired, the line was still wonky. So I inquired about it. Streamyx checked and called me at 10 p.m. (Wow! Just to show off that they're working very hard to solve my problem *dripping in sarcasm, if you happen to miss that one*) to tell me that it was my line at fault, so I'd have to call Telekom.

The next day, I called Telekom, who was able to check immediately. After pushing so many press-1-if-you-want-telephony-press-2-if-you-want-service buttons, I finally got to a human being. She then checked and told me that my connection is not working because my line has been suspended since 2005.

This was a gobsmacked moment. The reason I suspended that line is because I was sick and tired of getting calls at 4 a.m. from idiots claiming to have called the wrong number! And idiots who decide to only breathe into the phone and definitely telemarketing idiots who can't understand the word 'no'! And my line has been fine since 2005. I only got a problem 2 weeks ago!!

To which the technical assistant gave me the best answer this year! 'Oh. I don't know then. You have to go to TMPoint.'

Isn't the whole idea of a techie is so that you would know?! Then why on God's green earth are you at the technical support side if you know nuts?!

At this point, I gave up. Right now, my connection seems fine but I sure as hell will make sure someone knows about this. Someone at Telekom.

You know how people usually say 'The left hand does not know what the right hand is doing'? Well, with Telekom, its 'The thumb not knowing what the ring finger is doing'.

THAT'S how stupid I think they are!!