Still Being Random

I was watching episode 6 of Supernatural Season 2. At the beginning of the episode, Sam, who is played by Jared Padalecki, and Dean, played by Jensen Ackles, had just stored some of their gear in the boot of their car.

Dean: Los Angeles, California.
Sam: What's in LA?
Dean: Young girl's been kidnapped by an evil cult.
Sam: Yeah? Girl got a name?
Dean: Katie Holmes
Sam: (laughs) It's funny. And for you...so bitchy.

And then in episode 7, the brothers are caught by the police and one of the detectives is played by Linda Blair. At the end of the episode, as they are walking away, Sam said "Nice lady" referring to Linda Blair's character Detective Ballard

Dean replies, "Yeah. For a cop."
Then Sam asks, "Does she look familiar to you?"
Dean answers, "No. Why?"
Sam nudges Dean playfully then asks, "Hey, are you hungry?"
Dean replies, "No."
To which Sam says, "For some reason, I could really go for some peasoup."

Which got me all cracked up because in the Exorcist, Linda Blair's 'puke' was made out of...peasoup. Hilarious if you know your horror movie trivia.

I still enjoy watching this show because, unlike a lot of other shows on the supernatural, they don't take themselves too seriously and a lot of the plot is based on either urban legends or real supernatural reportings. And the show has a cool soundtrack - mostly 70s and 80s rock. Even Dean's ringtone is Smoke On The Water by Deep Purple. I'm currently downloading the soundtrack from Season One. I can say this without worry because there is no official soundtrack and this download is from some guy who probably put the list together based on the songs in the show. I wanted to do this too but he beat me to it so I'm just going to grab his list.

Oh, and I discovered that when my mood is just right, I actually can listen to Paris Hilton's Nothing In This World. I know the video is kinda cute and she's really easy to listen to - no angst, no thumping or drumming. Just something light and easy. And the video is of a common plot so it's easy to watch too. But only if I'm in the right mood, like I was today.

Told you today had some funny moments.

Last night, I had another of those dreams that seem to continue from a previous dream. I remember the place where it takes place and even the people involved. But last night, there was an added element.

I was standing in front of what was my new house. I turned to Shook and said I was going to go explore the inside while he stood outside talking to my dad about the front yard. My mom followed me in. We walked around. There was the living room, the dining room and there was the games room which, amazingly, had a bar!

I was looking out the window when I heard the chuckles of a child. I turned to one of the workers who gave me a funny look. It was a mixture of resignation and fear. I asked him if there was a child on site. He replied that there was no child but there was a ghost of one. And my mom seemed to be the only one who could see her.

Well, I went to look for my mom and I found her in a fully furnished room. It was nursery and she was talking to someone. I asked her who she was talking to and she said 'Your sister.'

Incredibly, I wasn't creeped out yet. I know I should really have two extra sisters in addition to the ones I already really have. But I was a bit miffed that it was my house and I can't see her. And just as I said that, a little girl faded into view. She was so sweet and cute and she was in love with her room.

I reached out to hug her but she vanished again because she heard Shook coming.

And I was just thinking of how I was going to break the news to him when I woke up.

It is a rather interesting dream. I might even be able to write it into a short story if I was so inclined to.

In other news, I want to go watch The Red Kebaya but it's only showing at Riverside cineplex. And then there's Cinta coming out on November 30th. I'm also interested in watching Deja Vu, that movie that Denzel Washington is in.

The title is a quote from Rin.

After an interesting evening out last night, I decided to reinstall my Zeus and Pharaoh games.

And it all began when Rin started talking about Sid Meier's Civ 2 and I mentioned a world building game I loved playing where you can click on the people and find out what is wrong with your world.

Then Ian added by saying he played that game and we began talking about how incredible it was.

And although we did talk about Clive Barker's Undying, we still managed to get back to Pharaoh and Zeus and Emperor.

And that, as they always say, was that.

Oh, and Mac, if you're reading this, the Supernatural episode this Sunday on TV3, is the one with Amy Acker in it....I think. Actually, I'm pretty sure it is :)

Over the years, people have used various medium to further their political, social and moral goals. The one most used is, of course, the media. In the 50s and 60s, if you noticed, Hollywood was a key player in their anti-Arab sentiments. Middle Easterns were always evil, barbaric and heartless. When 9/11 happened, I was a little worried that history would repeat itself.

However, Hollywood has surprised me by going along a whole different vein. It's as if they want to prove that they are not as shallow as they are seen to be. Then again, trying too hard to prove this somehow strengthens the image of such shallowness.

This time, Hollywood has turned to nature. The fight to save the whales, save the rainforest and save the penguins are still going very strong.

This afternoon, I went to watch Happy Feet. I was attracted to the music from the first time I saw the trailers. However, I felt that the cuteness was too...cute. In this age of anti-heros and angsty good guys, I didn't think I could take much sweetness.

Happy Feet was a fun, for-the-moment movie. I heartily enjoyed the soundtrack and I aim to go out and get it when it gets here. There was an underlying moralistic theme there but, if you concentrate hard enough, you might be able to miss it. However, if you're going to go looking for it, it will hit you in the face. Unlike Ferngully, Happy Feet masks the issues rather well.

Happy Feet centers around Mumbles, a sweet, optimistic, too-good-to-be-true penguin who enjoys dancing. Since his singing could cause an avalanche, he's safer dancing, trust me. His parents are the penguin versions of Elvis and Marilyn Monroe, as if the names Memphis and Norma Jean didn't give it away.

Of course, art imitates life. When you live in a close community, anything and everything you do needs to conform to the rules of society and you are constantly under the watchful eye of said community. Instead of conforming completely, Mumbles questioned the rules. He is like today's child stuck in yesterday's world.

The movie covers social problems of evangelists and conformity and members of society who seem to think only they are right to environmental problems of humans being Nature's worst enemy and its greatest saviour. All this serious issues are wrapped in a funny, loving and musical package.

I'm not sure if I'd go watch the movie again. But I definitely am going to go look for the soundtrack. It's too great to miss.

I know some people who would not like the story much but they cannot be able to resist the music.

Here is a website that gives advice on how to write great headlines. I figured some people might find it useful.

Also, LucasArt is hiring. I think some of our friends should consider this. Seriously. Why not?

I bought the VCD for Goodbye Boys yesterday. So my sisters and I were watching it last night.

I got interested in the movie after being teased by the Rexona advertisements on TV. I think the TV networks are planning on showing the movie on TV but I got impatient. Besides, there's the pesky ads and I just rather get the VCD.

The movie is pretty good. It's like watching Sepet with less comedy and love. Well, couldn't expect that with 8 boys, can we?

There are some loopholes in the plot and the storyline gets rather confusing at the end. But it is worth the watch.

And besides, it's a Scouts movie. Of course, I have to watch it.

If anyone wants to borrow the movie, let me know. I'll pass you the VCD.

Oh, I also got a super clear version of The Covenant. Hey, cheap thrill and, as Syuk said, the male version of The Craft. It's a different take on the witchcraft genre.

Sometimes, things just manage to frustrate me so much that it's safer for me to stay home than meet up with anyone.

I don't know why I feel that way, thinking about it makes me feel almost suicidal and I just want to destroy things.

I think, a few times it's helped me destroy relationships and friendships.
I really don't know why I feel this way.

And I think the walls are closing in on me again.

I just had dinner at one of the worst eating places I have ever been to in a while. Now, I do go to some pretty dingy places. But, regardless of what their kitchen really looks like, at least they have the sense to keep the customer areas clean.

The place I was at tonight doesn't even bother. There were actually baby cockroaches running around the tables! If the eating area is this unhygienic, I shudder to think of what the kitchen would look like. In fact, I actually stopped eating after three tables complained of sharing their tables with baby cockroaches. *shudder*

In other news, I just found this cool site through Lifehacker. It's so cool! Try it out.

And!! My holiday officially starts tomorrow but I'm still on unofficial duty until Monday. Apparently, I need to set up some holiday work for a particularly slow student who refuses to leave my History classes. I don't claim to be a good History teacher but maybe I'm the only one who treats him well. However, I caught him staring at me the other day and it's starting to creep me out.

In addition, despite the late night out on Tuesday, I'm still not sleepy. I actually have to force myself to sleep tonight. Tomorrow, I'm having lunch with my graduating students and then we're going to watch The Covenant. I promised them that before they leave me for good, I'll go watch at least one movie with them. So tomorrow, they're claiming that movie and I have to sit through it. It's a first for us all - their first movie with a teacher and my first movie with students. Although they're more like my children than my students, really.

I just got back from an impromptu shopping spree with Gette.

It was impromptu for me, at least. I only planned to accompany her to Aussino then have lunch. That's the reason why I didn't have much cash on me.

I've always been attracted to the things in Aussino but I've always resisted going in. I know exactly what would happen when I do step into that place. But today, I walked in because I was curious and Gette wanted to get new sheets.

To cut the long story short, I walked out with what they call the 100% cotton tee-sheets in heather grey. It was so soft that I could not resist it. I also got a clear shower curtain with colourful world maps on it. I'm a sucker for colour really - as long I'm not wearing it I'm fine!

Then we had lunch and wandered around some more. We popped into Popular and, as usual, the place was full of boxes. Sometimes I think that place is an accident waiting to happen. They've got boxes stacked everywhere. I have enough problems inserting myself anywhere, much less when I'm carrying a bag with me. Today, I had two bags. So I'm not surprised that I didn't stay very long.

On the way down we stopped in the game store where I bought Need For Speed: Carbon on PS2 for Shook. Haha! Cheaper than the PC version.

Then, Gette and I made the mistake of walking into Giordano. Let's just say we walked out with another bag. I bought a black jacket and a black blouse.

This was when I became reluctant to walk into anymore stores. If there was anything there worth buying, I didn't want to see it.

However, I found this to be good therapy. I've been so stressed that I can't sleep the past week. And when I do sleep, I crash. So much so that I slept at Shook's place for most of the evening yesterday. I woke up just enough to grab my stuff and get home, where I feel asleep again.

And tonight, I have an official function to attend. After that, I'm going to try Carbon out at Shook's.

Sometimes, when I think about my dreams, I wonder what they're trying to tell me.

Last night, I had two dreams going on simultaneously. I vaguely remember one but I definitely remember the other.

I remember that I had agreed to marry someone. Quite against my better judgement, I might add. It felt like a matchmaking thing where I never get to see the guy until the wedding day. So, because it was forced onto me, I was not enthusiatic at all about it. So I contributed nothing to the whole preparations.

But throughout the preparations, I remember going shopping with Shook's parents. I was even having a rather nice conversation with Shook's father where he was telling me how he and Aunty went shopping and were trying to buy me something. Apparently, it was a funny series of events but before he got to the punchline, my mind shoved me into the other dream.

And in the other dream, I was watching a guy go on a quest of some sort. I know he had a scroll in his hand and he kept referring to it to help him find his way. Then just as he got to his destination, I got sent back to my 'wedding' dream.

At this point, I was in a wedding outfit and heading towards a flat, where there was a function going on. I knew then that it was my wedding. My reluctance was so apparent that my parents kept looking at me. When I finally sat down, my groom appeared. At this point, I was already getting very upset. I kept thinking about Shook and I was about to cry. When I saw my groom, I nearly burst out crying. He was a big guy. He wasn't fat. He was just huge. Samoan huge. And I thought of Shook again and that's when I started crying. My father turned to me and said, very clearly, 'It's not too late to change your mind.'

That was all I needed to urge me to tell him I wanted Shook. 'I'm sure this guy is nice and all that, but I want Shook!' I remember wailing.

Just as he got up to break the news to everyone, the phone in my house rang and I woke up.

So, sometimes, I wonder if my dream are trying to reaffirm something or just trying to play with my mind.

It's Raya morning and I'm actually looking forward to the day.

Then again, I think I'm too drugged up to begin feeling angsty because as per the tradition of my home, our first day of Raya is spent visitng my father's relatives first thing in the morning. And that is rarely something I care to look forward to.

I will be spending most of today at Shook's house. Which means I hope I can catch a few minutes sleep to allow my drugs to kick in and save me from grumpiness.

Oh! I'm on drugs because I felt a little of my tonsillitis problem creeping up on me and went to the doctor yesterday to avoid a full blown down-and-out today. Suffice to say, as soon as he realised my lack of sleep was affecting my blood pressure, he decided to drug me. But at least, I'm not so doped to my ears that I'm groggy and my hands are shaking. Which is fine by me.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya. Have a good Eid Mubarak.

I can hear firecrackers here but it's not as painful as at Shook's house. If those kids go to his place today waiting for Raya money, I'm going to pretend Shook's parents aren't home. And I'll mix all the drinks and serve it to them. See how long they can wait while nursing a major tummyache. Oh, and of course, the toilets will be conveniently "spoilt". All of them! Hah!

I seriously doubt charitable and forgiving extends to leeches

I was reading some points recently. And people who know what I mean...will know what I mean.

As much as we set ourselves some lists to follow, don't you think after a while it gets, not only ridiculous, but it sets you up for a lot of disappointment?

I know we do a lot of things to keep ourselves happy. Sometimes we do it out of vengeance or anger. But when we create requirements, it really becomes an open door to a lot of setbacks. Even the best laid plans can go awry. We are only humans. We get blindsided no matter how well we plan. Trust me, I know. I work in a school!

Sometimes what we want, we don't get.

But when we expect too much, we miss all the good things that do happen to us because we're too busy reaching for the stars. Sometimes, it's better to set our sights at a more reasonable and logical level.

If we require too much, we'll never get anything. And at the end of the day, we're just looking at more despair and angst.

This isn't the movies or a novel. We don't get happy endings. We just try to survive. Expecting too much is a sure ingredient for disheartenment.

The stronger ones among us become jaded. The weak give up. I'm not sure which is worst.

It is official. The old man in the chair has spoken. (Actually he's really the Keeper of the Rulers' Seal, Engku Tan Sri Ibrahim Engku Ngah)

Hari Raya (or Eid Mubarak, as the rest of the world knows it) is on Tuesday, 24th October 2006.

For some reason, I felt that this was the easiest and fastest fasting month ever. I figured I only felt this way because I was too stressed to realise I was not eating or sleeping properly, and because I was so stressed, my body 'malfunctioned' a little and I was able to not miss a single day of fasting. So I just worked through the entire fasting month and, as long as I'm occupied, I rarely notice very much else, really.

I have discovered many things over my years of fasting. When I get a respite from fasting, I find it very difficult to get back into the routine again. This usually leads me to start fibbing left and right and then missing a few extra days that I could have done without. There was the three years I was in the US when I didn't fast at all. Then there was one year when I used an acute case of gastric to miss another whole month. But believe me, for those years that I missed fasting, I felt that Hari Raya was a chore more than a celebration. The feeling was just not there. The excitement was gone and I was angsty more than festive.

But when I did fast and did my best, not so much to be the model child and sibling, but to do my best within the confines of my family, I realised that I was enjoying the festival so much more. I took the good with joy and ignored the bad entirely. I was even able to smile at my father's hypocritical family and almost (almost!) forgive them their transgressions towards him.

(But I'm not that pious. I'm not strong or able enough to forgive those ungrateful, two-faced leeches. There was a time I was willing to give up my immortal soul just to see them perish before my eyes. Now, I find that they're not worth my immortal soul. But I still relish their hardship and despair. My sisters never once went through what I did. So, although I have more reason to hate those people, I show it or say it less than my sisters do. I keep in it and wait for the wheel of fate to take over.)

Anyway, I digressed. As I was saying, or about to say, I once knew someone who hated our religion. He hated it with such passion that he wanted to leave it and join another religion. Then I asked him to think carefully if it is the teachings he hated or the people who interpreted or practised them. When he finally answered me, he said he hated more how people used religion for their own selfish cause. To which I asked then, which is bad then? The religion or the people who mix it up so much with tradition that the original good teachings get all screwed up?

So, my point it, we need to be honest with ourselves about why we hate certain things. Is it because it really is bad or because it shows us for what we really are? There is a fine line between the two. Those of us who can survive this life are those who are prepared to accept we just might be wrong and that we can do something about it. But it really does start with us. Michael Jackson aside, maybe - just maybe - if we are prepared to change ourselves first before we change other people and if we could stop blaming others for our own faults, we could be happier people living lives we've always dreamed of.

Do I sound like I'm preaching? I hope not. I'm the last person who has the right to do so. I'm just sharing what I think based on years of experience with a multitude of people in my life.

Oh, and another thought. People, who never seem to have anything good to say about our goverment administration, should walk out from under their coconut shells and visit other "advanced" countries like Egypt and France. From my experience in Egypt 3 years ago and my parents' experience in Paris, Zurich and Geneva just a few days ago, Malaysia is still much, much better in terms of its society and its administration. Those countries are years ahead of us and they still screw things up.

How are we supposed to be perfect?

As a final note, I would like to wish everyone a happy holiday and, to my Muslim friends everywhere, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri or Happy Eid Mubarak. And if you're here, feel free to come visit me anytime on the second day. On the first day, I'll be at Shook's, as I have been doing for the past 5 years.

My Dell monitor arrived this morning!

I finally got my flat screen LCD monitor at a price I can accept. The current price is more than what I paid for it. This is waht I love about Dell - their online promotions.

Here's how it looks like on my desk.



The cat was totally unplanned but the grin fit the sentiment at that time ;)

I am starting to see a pattern to my dreaming habits.

Over the past few weeks, I thought my lack of dreams remembered is connected to my state of mental and physical exhaustion. But the past few days have proven me wrong.

My air-conditioner has just been serviced and it is very cold. Another factor for the coldness is the fact that the temperature setting is busted so it's at a constant temperature of 18 degrees Celsius.

But for the past couple of days, I have been having the weirdest dreams. On the first day after the air-con was serviced, I dreamt I was being helped by this gorgeous Marine. He showed up while I was being stalked by some killers and he helped me escape through what looked like downtown Saigon. Noticed that I used 'Saigon' which explains a whole lot about when this happened. But damn! He was gorgeous!

The second night, I dreamt I was battling some creatures from the dark. Monsters if I'm not mistaken. They can melt in and out of the shadows and are most powerful at night. In fact, light only cripples them. I was about to be told by a girl how to destroy them when my alarm woke me up.

And last night, I had a dream that has a recurring theme. I always seem to be dreaming about going back to university to study. Last night, I dreamt that I was back in university and it was my first day. (It's always my first day in my university dreams). A group of friends made up of various people from various aspects of my life took me to watch a parody of 'Lord of the Rings. I think it was called Lord of the Ring Boom or something equally dumb. People there were a lady from my Toastmasters, 2 of my students, Shook, Jerome and Nick. I know Art and Mac were going to join us later along with 2 more of my students. Thank god there was no Henrick!

Before we had to go to the movie, the Toastmaster lady was trying to talk me into driving her car. She said something about not being too confident. So I told her that I'll drive my own car, not hers. So her plan was to drive me to my dorm to get my car so that we could go to the mall later.

To my surprise, everyone piled into her 500 series BMW. I was about to get in when my alarm woke me up.

I remember, as we were walking out of the dorms to head to the parking lot, I was complaining to Nick about the weird subjects the university was forcing us to take. Even a grad student needed to take one particular undergraduate class. I think it was Life Skills. Which just boggles the mind. I remember looking at the paper and every subject had a 400 - 600 number attached but this one was 101. Really wacky!

The haze is starting to get to some people.

There is the usual illnesses and lethargy and tiredness and heaviness.

There are also some people who seem to think it is so easy to get cloud seeding going and that as soon as the deed is done, rain will fall! Sometimes I wonder about some people. On second thought, if the government works fast enough, I suppose it could work that way.

Then there are some people who seem to think that "While the haze is here, we might as well do some burning. Who's going to think we did it. Everyone will blame the dang Indonesians!"



I wonder if they realise they're contributing to the very thing that's making everyone sick?



But think about it. The Indonesians who are burning rely on that area they're burning to plant more crops which in turn will get them more money. They're in a poor country and any other means of clearing the land is too expensive. We pride ourselves in being better off yet we burn too.

They have no choice. We have a choice. And what do we do? We take the easy and dirt cheap way out because we're too lazy and stingy to do a bit more work!

Rant over on that matter.

Here's a photo I took while at the fun fair with Gette the other night. The ferris wheel doesn't actually go that fast but somehow my camera recorded it this way. It was so cool I decided to keep it.



It was my first ferris wheel ride and I loved it! I was rather scared at first but I got used to it. A couple more times and I would have stood up and leaned out the way Gette did. Haha!

I had the sudden urge to write something creative.

I know I've been 'creative' enough with my students' reports (all 35 of them) and I've been reading their exam papers (24 for History and 35 for Business Studies) and I've been staring at my Adobe Photoshop making the yearbook. And still teaching in addition to all that. (Just realised I teach 6 hours straight in a bad day and 5 hours straight on a good day). With all that, I thought I won't be able to wring anything out of my brain anymore.

Then I came across a story I have not thought about in close to 8 years. And when I read it, I realised that I wanted to read the rest of it. Problem is, I'm the author. And unless I write it, I don't get to read it.

So it looks like I've added another morsel to my plate.

I'm going to write that story to the end. I've discussed the basic plot with Gette and I told her the points at which I'm a bit stuck.

So maybe, once all the Raya chaos and school excitement is over, I can get round to working on my story.

And in the name of research I need to ask - what do guys not might wearing on them at all times? Girls have their necklaces and pendants. What's the guys' equivalent to it? Gette suggested a ring. I'd like to see if there are any conflicting ideas to it. If not, I'll use the ring.

I didn't get any bonus or anything yet but I figured it was time to pamper my car. Especially after all the hardship and grief she has gone through.

So this morning, I went out and got a new car audio player installed and a new car alarm system. What's the point in having a very nice audio player but the security system is crappy?

The player I bought plays DVD, CD, MP3 and MP4. It plays VCDs too but I don't have a screen for it yet so I don't see the point in that function. It also comes with a remote control and a nice, blinky (but not too ah bengish) LCD display. It hasn't got one of those well-known, overrated, expensive brands but it comes with a one-year warranty. I like it so far.

Since the player was so pretty and neat, I figured I better work on the car's security system as well. So I bought a new alarm system that comes with a shock and motion sensor. It also reminds me when I have not locked my car, locks the door when I press the brakes and locks down the car when I forget to lock it. I think it also kills the engine when the remote is not used to unlock the car. What I do know is that when the alarm goes berserk and the remote is not used to switch it off, it locks the doors and the engine will refuse to start. It's cool so far but I'm going back next month to get what the shop owner calls an immobiliser. So that's my Raya gift to myself. Haha!

Overall, I'm happy with what I got done today. At least I can go out tonight without overly worrying about my car. Yay! I can't imagine how people can go out and not care what happens to their vehicles.

I detest hypocrisy.

I detest it no end because I have been on the receiving end of it before.

But I detest it now not because it is being done to me but because it is there in my face.

While we are promoting unity and Malaysianess and all that, the stupid television networks dish out 'malaynised' english words because they're too bloody lazy to think beyond their next paycheck.

Tonight I heard the words 'Dengan kejadian itu, Abrahah telah mendapat mesejnya.' on TV3!

Mesej?! Where the hell did that come from?! What the fuck happened to 'pesanan' or 'pengajaran' or whatever word it is that could be used in this context?

Where the hell then is our "Melayu"ness if we keep taking english words for our own?

Stupid idiots who talk through their bloody corrupted noses!

Someone who considers herself my closest friend showed only too well how little she knows me by asking me something someone who knows me really well would know better than to ask.

She saw my Friendster picture and asked, 'Since when did you become a vampire?'

And I know her well enough to know that she was asking this in a sarcastic, thoughtless way.

So my reply was "I don't like putting photos of myself online because I may never know who might use it to come after me."

She said nothing else in rpely to that but the next time I logged into Friendster, I noticed she had changed her picture too.

Didn't it even occur to her before I said it?!