Still Being Random

This Facebook is evil when it is placed in the wrong hands. And the wrong hands today were mine.

I think there is something in the air because I am alternating between all-out murder, slipping into depression and rolling on the floor laughing.

After the bouts of laughter last night, I triggered another one today by going crazy on Facebook. There is an application on the site where you can send virtual drinks to the friends in your network. Well, the application starts with rather sober drinks like fuzzy water, strawberry punch, light beer and so on. After sending 5 drinks to 5 friends, you get an upgrade to Jack and Coke. So, a moment of insanity took over and I sent 5 drinks. After doing so, I realised that if I send another 5 drinks, I'll get a Long Island Ice Tea. The temptation was very great except that Rin and I were laughing so hard that I almost couldn't control my mouse. Besides which, I had a meeting to run to. So, for now, everyone is safe from me.

It was fun though to live vicariously through your Facebook account.

And all this, is after the bout that was triggered yesterday about camouflaging certain toys, which carried to a conversation last night about said toy and its many reincarnations.

On the plus side, laughter lets you live longer. I rather have laughter than tears. And in the mood swing I'm going through with my current state of being, I need the laughter to distract me.

There are a few more but I can't seem to remember what they are right now. They'll come to me eventually. I probably have whatever else I don't mention here.

Sematan was as expected and, maybe, a little more.

As I expected, I didn't get much sleep. In fact, I daresay I only got 4 hours sleep overall.

But the students surprised me in many ways. When push came to shove, they showed incredible leadership qualities and teamwork. there were some bad apples in the barrel but this was a very small minority.

The best was those who bragged about not needing any sleep then got cranky when they had to do activities. Some skipped meals just so they could catch a few extra minutes of sleep. Little did they consider what they were doing to their teachers who had to stay up late to keep an eye on them and then organise the activities during the day!

Anyway, one of them gave me a really pretty shell. I was the only one who got it.

So the other teachers now think he loves me more than he loves them. To which my only response is 'I'm the one who treats him like a human being and not some dog.' But only in my thoughts. They'd get sulky if I ever said it to their faces.

But I did find two very interesting stepping stones. I would like them for my own garden because they're so cool!

I'm going off to Sematan Palm Beach Resort for three days and two nights with my students.

That's 31 teenagers to keep an eye on. I've got 4 other colleagues coming with me. Yet I still feel daunted by the prospect of it all.

I have a funny feeling I'll be cranky by the time I get back and incredibly sleepy on the weekend.

So, I'm not trying to be mean but, don't call me. I'll call you.

I just realised something totally horrifying!!

Apparently, I am missing a post dated 19th July and it had a comment on it! I don't even remember that post and definitely didn't see that comment. I don't even know why it's missing.

It's one of those moments that have me completely blown. I know I can be absent-minded but I never realised I'd gone this far.

At the same time, I'm tempted to roll on the floor laughing at my own stupidity. But 'just curious', if you're still reading this, I really, really apologise. It had nothing to do with your comment or anything. I just didn't realise the post is missing.

And this song sounds like my situation right now :D

Read Deathly Hallows. Very disappointed and very frustrated. I hope it's the very last book. I can't take anymore of this rubbish. Rin knows people who can write better versions. Rowlings should have paid her editor double instead of sacking him. Heck, I'm not even sure I can take any more movies after Order of the Phoenix. That was one other disappointment. It's good if you can relate to whiney brats and teenage angst.

Will be at Palm Beach Resort from Wednesday onwards. Not on vacation but working. Taking 31 teenagers for an excursion and I'm the only one who can see the potential danger in the area. Every other adult thinks it's a vacation and they deserve to sleep at night. Yeah, right!

Tooth aches and hopefully going to the dentist today. My mother can't believe I withstood the pain. I told her it was mind over matter. I'm used to disappointment and pain so moaning about it won't change anything.

Got a wonderful email from a very good friend in the US. She and her husband are planning to attend the wedding. I'm very excited now. I can't wait to see her.

This was supposed to be a quick one. Haha!

The school is having its official opening tomorrow. As a result, it's been a hectic few days for some and month for others. I'm one of the others while Rin's one of the some.

For the longest time, I thought the school had forgotten that Rin had gamely agreed to be a partial MC for the day. My boss was actually afraid Rin won't be able to do it since she'd only been here for a few weeks. But Rin's job is pretty easy. She only has to begin the show and the boss will take over after the speeches.

So it's not so bad. In fact, I just need to run around keeping an eye on the supposed expert technicians who seem to know less than I do. Reminds me of someone I'd rather not name right now. Then I have to organise my students to g where they're supposed to and then be a tour guide for the VIPs.

But it is funny to see who is trying so hard to show off to the Chief Minister and who is trying not be too obvious in their involvements in the organisation of the function.

And the worst quote I've ever heard coming from someone - "I don't want to learn more because I'll be ask to do more." Sad...really, really sad.

There is a bio pic of Lucky Luciano in the works. I think it's awesome. I will definitely watch that when, and if, it gets out. It's about time Lucky gets his own pic. After all, Ben Siegel got his relatively artsy movie a long time ago. But the artsiness somehow fits the idea of Ben Siegel. His life was filled with his obsession for Hollywood and the arts. Heck, even Meyer got his movie. Now when will Hollywood do one for Frank Costello?

And if any of you are wondering why I feel this way about them, let me tell you that, not only was I rather obsessed with finding out everything about them, I even wrote my English term paper on them while in university. For which I got an A, mind you!

And I blame it all on this movie.

I only know one other person who is as nuts as I am about these guys. Leon. A friend I met through Mac. And even he is surprised a girl would find them attractive. Same reaction I get when I squee about Optimus Prime. So I like powerful men who face danger.

I'd worry if Shook had to face danger but I'm pretty sure he won't be stupid about it.

I keep getting update notifications on updates of Friendster pages I didn't even know I knew, much less linked to. Really odd! Especially when it's of people I don't really care for. But I'm too lazy to go explore or customise the settings.

Anyway, this is a quick one. I finally figured out how to reinstall my Haloscan. Something I've been holding off for the longest time. It required some experimentations because I wanted it to sit exactly where it's sitting now. And that took some tweaking and tuning and trial and error.

I'm not listening to anything because I'm on my way out to a meeting.

Someone or something actually posted a comment at my last post calling me a fat, ugly bitch. Not that I've ever denied being either one of that. But I deleted it because it really sullies my blog.

But I always wonder how people who have so much to say decide to say it anonymously. If you feel that you're so justified in your views, by all means, do it the correct way and let me know. Or at least, try to sound smarter than a mere 'you're a fat ugly bitch'.

It's not like I stole anyone from you. He most likely didn't want you to begin with. And if I choose to not acknowledge your existence then most likely you don't matter to me at all.

But at least have the guts to say it to my face instead of hiding behind the World Wide Web, yellow-bellied coward that you are!

And if turns out to be a bot, those things are dumb anyway! But I'm choosing not to dwell on people or things that have nothing better to do that swear at people anonymously. They're probably the same kind of people who act tough in heavily tinted cars and run away screaming like girls when confronted for real.

Just when I am about to complain to Shook about Shook, he easily turns it around on me.

Last night, I was making a bit of noise about not being able to contact him from today until Wednesday. Today I got a message on my voice mail telling me his new temporary number. And just after he called me earlier this evening, I got a message from Rin saying Shook gave her his alternate number and sent hugs and kisses to Yodie.

So, when I called him later, my first question was 'How come Yodie gets hugs and kisses and I don't?'

I wasn't angling for a fight or anything. I was just teasing him. But the answer got me all weak inside. He replied 'No need to tell you. Yours are a given and automatic.'

How on earth can a person stay annoyed with someone like that? I wasn't even asking for a compliment or anything like that. But what I did get really whammied me between the eyes.

After much delay and laziness on my part, I finally decided to go watch Transformers yesterday. I was half-tempted to wait for it on DVD but then I remembered that this is a Michael Bay movie. And Michael Bay movies requires at least one watching on the big screen. So, since my youngest sister expressed an interest in the movie as well, I grabbed her along and we went.

The movie is seriously for the fans. Only fans would notice the little hints and such throughout the movie. The one that jumped out at me first of all was the yellow Beetle next to the Bumblebee Camaro in the car dealership parking lot. Here is when I started grinning. Every fan knows Bumblebee is originally a yellow Beetle.

And, of course, I squeed when Optimus Prime came out. I can't help it. Some people might assume that I like trucks (or semis, as Americans say it) because of Prime. However, the truth is in reverse. I was only about 7 years old when my grandfather bought me a big metal truck from Singapore. The truck was green with a long trailer behind which I could unhinge and it even came with plastic cars. The cars have long since disappeared, thanks to various annoying cousins and uncles. But I still have the truck which I hope to restore one day. But, that truck spurred my love for trucks. So when I first watched Transformers on tv in the mid-1980s, I was hooked on Optimus Prime. It didn't help that he had such a deep voice which I still love.

When I first heard that Optimus Prime will have lips in the 2007 movie, I was a bit bothered by it. Prime does not have lips and does not need lips. No matter what some people might say to justify it, he just does not look 'right' with lips.

I did notice some things in the movie that made me sit up and go 'Eh?'

One, was the fact that after more than a century of being frozen, how did Megatron get the specs to transform into a jet? The Transformers need to scan a vehicle or anything before they could take on the 'look'.

Two, I thought the deepest section of the ocean was the Marianas Trench. Or is that part of the Laurentian Abyss as well? I'm lost now.

There were others but I've forgotten what they are. However, I did get gleeful at the Armageddon references, the My Little Pony doll and the Furby truck. I thought it was just hilarious. It's like a cartoon network attack.

Oh, and of course, I cried. When Optimus told Sam that if he (Optimus) failed to stop Megatron, Sam was to shove the Cube deep within Optimus's chest so that he may sacrifice himself. I started sniffing then. I mean, really, I've watched Optimus die before in the cartoon. I was not prepared to watch him die again in live action. Although I got some spoilers on who died, I conveniently forgot so that I would not be affected when I watched the movie. However, while watching it, I kept wondering 'Who did Gette and Rin said die in this movie again?'.

And the fact that the movie started with Optimus Prime talking and ended with him talking is just a squee overload for me. But I do have to admit that I found his looking-out-into-the-sunset scene a bit cheesey. However, it is based on an 80s cartoon so I can forgive the cheesiness.

I'm not sure I'm willing to watch it on the big screen again but I will buy the DVD when it comes out. I've already got the game which I can now play since I've watched the movie. The guy who sold it to me said I would find the game easier if I watched the movie first. So, tonight, I will be Bumblebee trying to kill stupid Decepticon drones. Yay!

Oh, one thing about watching this movie. One woman in the audience actually fell asleep!! And the only girls who were there without guys were my sister and myself.

There is one thing I promised myself I will do before I get married. In fact, I sort of envision doing it a few days if not the day before my wedding.

I want to get my close girl friends together and burn everything I have that reminds me of the guys I used to like. The first thing I'll throw into the fire will be a bunch of letters I received from the first guy I thought I loved. Now that I think about it, not only was he using me, he never loved me. And I never loved him. I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with him. Because when he ended up with another girl, I wasn't heartbroken about it. I was more disappointed in him because he promised he'll tell me if he ever fell in love with another girl. I found out the hard way. I walked in on her sitting on his lap. And he is not the touchy-feely sort. So I knew something was up. I know I was disappointed in him more than heartbroken.

So, it is his letters that I will burn. And to start the fire, I'll use a certain burgundy shirt with garish dragons all over it. It can be found somewhere in Shook's closet right now. He knows I intend to burn it. Now I know when.

And to add some significance to it all, maybe I'll do this burning on November 5th. That's as good a date as any.

Then I'll delete a folder in my email account. It's full of emails I got from the second guy I thought I wanted. I think it was purely lust. He came along when I was ready to start dating and so I was using him to see if I was willing to do it. That's one more thing for me to get rid of.

I might have named this entry closure but I'm pretty sure it's more than that. I merely refuse to walk into this marriage with baggage from my past. And so, I refuse to allow Shook any baggage as well. I'm hoping that the more he jokes about his stupid exes, the lighter he'll feel. All I know is that I should thank them for being stupid enough to let him get away from them.

But from what I can understand, not only were they not the sharpest tools in the shed, they also needed a dictionary when they were listening to him. Yes, they were dumb. And I saw a picture of one of them. She's plain, not as busty as the guys believe she was and definitely nothing to talk about. She acted stupid, she sounds stupid and I can say she deserves every single bad thing that happens to her now.

Karma, baby! I am a firm believer in karma!

And I have a burning ritual to plan.

There are times when I've wondered if my job is worth it. I know I hardly ever bitch about it. That's because I generally love my work. Sometimes, it's the people that I need to deal with that makes it crappy.

But today, my work and energy that goes into it became all worth it. It was literally awesome. I am appreciated and it makes everything so much more meaningful.

I have single-handedly worked on the annual school yearbook or school magazine for the past 3 years. Some colleagues have said they'll help but when it came to the grunt work, they all conveniently disappeared saying they're busy. So, for 3 years, I've stayed quiet and I bore the burden alone. They complain and bitch about me behind my back about how grumpy and caustic I get when I'm working on it. Can you blame me? I lose sleep for the magazine! And I do everything and they still get the thanks as well.

Today, my new deputy Principal called me into his office. I thought I might have done something wrong or forgot to do something because he sounded so serious. As soon as I walked into his office, he made me sit down. I was so sure that I was done for then. Instead, he picked up the magazine and asked if it is true that I single-handedly worked on the magazine. I answered truthfully that I did. He then asked a whole lot of questions which I answered to the best of my knowledge. And when he asked why I did everything on my home computer insetad of at school where it should be done, I told him I always got the lousy computers that cannot carry the heavy load of desktop publishing.

That's when he just looked at me and said, "I'm in awe of you. I just cannot believe how one person can do this much work and not go crazy."

I just looked at him and said it was my job and I did it the best way I knew how. Then he admitted he's done that sort of work before and knew how much work it is. That's why he left it early in his career. He still couldn't believe I did it but he said this year he is going to help me. He also said he's going to help me get a better work computer so that I could work on the magazine at work. And he said he'll talk to our IT teacher to get some information on the software we have at school.

Later, at the staff meeting, he thanked me publicly for doing all that work. He started by asking if everyone knew what that magazine is and how much work goes into it. The way he said it was so funny that I giggled. Then he said that people who try to create a school magazine alone tend to giggle in public for no known reason and act really silly at times. At this point he pointed at me, making sure everyone knew who he was referring to. After basically telling everyone that he has an immense respect for me for doing what I did, he literally shamed everyone for letting me do everything on my own. He immediately announced that he volunteered to help me and anyone who does not volunteer will be volunteered by him.

Before the staff meeting, he told me in a whisper that the IT teacher told him that I never did any of the layout work. I just took everyone's work and pictures and ideas and sent it to the printing company to be put together. He was annoyed. I think that's why he made such a big deal of it at the meeting. I told the Kindergarten coordinator what the IT teacher said and she looked annoyed too. She said 'Just because they do nothing, they think nobody does anything either. I'd be fucking mad at her!'

I told her that I'm just keeping a lid on my anger because there was no point wasting it on a moron anyway.

One thing my deputy Principal, who is also my Secondary and A-Levels coordinator, said to me was 'There are two types of people in this world. Those who do and those who don't. You are one who does, so people just tend to make you keep doing. Those who don't, just sit and wait for things to happen.'

A worthy quote to take you through a good day, don't you think?

I just got back from Bintulu this morning. And yesterday, I spent all day with Shook. I landed at Bintulu airport at 8.30 a.m. By 9.00, I was in a limousine, that was supposed to be at my father's disposal, and headed to where Shook was staying.

I met his fellow cadets, who I have all invited to our wedding. They seem a very nice bunch, which is good. At least, he'll not get angry at them and get grumpy about being there. They really are kids. There is one of them who is really, really big and tall. And his big is not fat big, it's huge big. I can see him reaching to touch the ceiling if he stands. Fortunately, he never stood up around me because the first time he saw me, I was walking down from Shook's room to be introduced to them all and the second time, I walked in to bring them breakfast. They were very grateful and very sweet. They show a healthy respect for Shook because he worries about them. They're also grateful to me now because I brought them 8 horror movies to watch and I bought a tv tuner for Shook's laptop which means they get tv now.

Then I took Shook back to the hotel where he got online to catch up on all his missed websites. We watched tv for awhile then went for a walk to the nearby mall. Bintulu is really growing rapidly. The mall is not big but they have better products than we do. The hotel where we stayed had very good food and facilities. I'm more than happy to go back there for a holiday.

Shook had dinner with us at the ex-police function where I got a bit snarky because I was so tired. Luckily, he kept me entertained or else I would have pouted and grumbled.

We didn't do very much but we were together. And it was enough for that moment. Shook met a lot of key Bintulu people who now know who he is. The secretary of the ex-police association Bintulu branch asked me if I cried this morning because I was leaving Bintulu. I honestly told him I was just hanging on.

Now I'm feeling the creepings of depression setting in. It's not an outward thing but I can feel it. I just need one thing to trigger it and I know I'll be hit hard. I'm just barely stopping myself from crying. Worst thing is I know the cure. The cure is either Shook or listening to very depressing music until it pisses me off. And since I can't get Shook now, I'll do the music thing.

One day is not enough. I need more. I know I'll see him again in 12 days but it's only for that weekend. I'm dragging him to Harry Potter with me. At this rate, I think I'll be going to Bintulu every 3 months from next month on. Every school break I'm there! And I'm making him come home every break he has.

It's only been one month! 14 more to go...