Still Being Random

I went out for dinner with my family tonight at Holiday Inn. Apparently, there was a Family Day dinner there so there were some children running around. As impatient as my mother gets with undisciplined children, the ones tonight pushed even my buttons. It got so bad that we talked out loud of children who have parents who don't teach them manners. One boy (he had to be around 10 years old) had grabbed some marinated beef sausages and held it under the chocolate fondue fountain. He did this throughout the night using everything else except the prunes, grapes and honeydew that were there especially for the fondue. When talking loudly about them didn't work, I resorted to glaring at the uncouth mother. They were sitting at the table next to us so this was easy to do. It didn't help that the mother herself talked with her mouth full and stuffed food into her mouth. And you know how some bitches talk with their faces all screwed up and their eyes rolling and their mouths open wide? This one talked like that. I think she finally got the hint when I glared at her and even mimicked her hoping she'd see how ugly she looked. I think the final straw though is when I loudly commented about how anyone can expect schools to do a good job on their students when the parents practise such lousy behaviours. Only after they were done eating then the mother decided to scold her errant son. And even this was after my dad loudly said that children below the ages of 12 should be left at home, my mom said in western countries you'll never see children act like monkeys, I said that they shouldn't have been let out of their cages and my sisters called them uneducated and stupid.

Ah! A night out in Kuching, I tell you.

Speaking of a night out. While at Coffee Bean later, I saw a Malay guy who was dressed kinda like the neo-Nazis in Europe, with the jeans tucked inside his boots, wearing high top sneakers, sucking on a red lollipop that had a light within that he could activate to randomly blink. It was weird.

Also at Coffee Bean, we saw this Malay guy chase away a family from the sofas at the corner because his family wanted to sit there. We suspect he was supposed to reserve the area but the dumbass had walked away from it. And after he had done this, the woman (probably his mom) suddenly looked like she wanted to change her mind about sitting there. I tell you...if they hadn't sat there, I would have hailed the boy and told him how rude his whole family was. And he was rather curt when he chased the other family away too.

Shook and I are driving out of Kuching tomorrow. I need this time away from the city. I need the change in scenery. I hope I can get to relax a little.

Oh, I've been at work the past two days. That was exactly what I need to jumpstart my system again. I've been getting lethargic and lazy the past month. Once I was at work, despite not looking forward to it, I was eager to start teaching and working with my students. However, the first few days was just to get schedules worked out as well as to set up visual aids and getting lesson plans for the semester ready. And, of course, carrying heavy boxes full of books and stationery up four flights of stairs. And then there's the going down the same four flights to get more stuff. After a month of a lack of physical work, it's no wonder my back aches.

Anyway, it's raining. Good weather to sleep in so I'm going to do that in a bit.

My parents just got back from Europe and my mom got some ideas. Oh god!

Haha!

Jerome asked me tonight if I wanted to go watch Curse of the Golden Flower. Unfortunately, I had already watched it so I passed. However, after years and years of watching period Chinese movies and shows, I have never, ever seen costumes quite like the ones in this movie.

Picture courtesy of E! Online

Even after having been to China, I have never seen any evidence of such costumes. Just goes to show how movies can change anything.

Despite this, I found the movie rather normal. The plot was rather Shakespearen and the scenes were splashes of colour. It's just those bouncy things on people who I know don't have them bouncy things in any other movie.

In other news, I go back to work this Thursday. Part of me is so looking forward to it. Another part of me still wants that extra hour in bed in the mornings. But, I've been getting lazy and feeling bloated due to a lack of anything rigorous to do. So, going back to work will be the best thing that happens to me. Besides, I'll be getting a free 2 GB thumbdrive from school. Haha! Good reason as any to be back!

Merry Christmas to everyone!!!

This template is just temporary. The festive season and all.

I'll get back to my regular template after Boxing Day. Maybe.

Haha! Unless something else catches my eye.

Anyway, I'll be going to visit Dulcy tonight. Where I'll most probably see Nick, Jerome, and whoever who happens to be there at that time. I hope everyone will be there at that time.

And tomorrow, Shook and I will take a drive up to Damai for lunch with my beloved Aunty Mimi and my big brother, Kelvin. I even bought a present for Dexter but I forgot to pass it to Kelvin so I'll do that when I see him tomorrow.

PS: Zetty, if you're reading this. Thank you for the present. I love it!! I love the box it came in too ;)I figured it had to be your idea because I'm pretty sure Kelvin's hopeless at this. Haha!

I went crazy! Digitizing crazy.

When I was done with Forever...Friends, I ran around my room looking for more cassettes to digitize.

Last night, while lying on Shook's bed, I suddenly thought of my ultimate favourite vinyl record. Not many people will remember these big black round things that used to be our source of music but I still have a few of those, legacy of my parents.

One of my very, very favourite ones is an album by Richard Harris. Yes, good ole' Dumbledore himself, bless his soul. We have an album of his titled My Boy. The album is awesome. It's a narration of a man's idea of an ideal life. The album begins with him singing about his perfect woman to his marriage to her and, subsequently, to the birth of their son and eventually to their divorce.

It's a whole movie in one LP. The romantic in me found it beautiful. The cynic in me today finds it sappy at certain points.

And how do I know it's sappy? I'm listening to it right now. Apparently, I had transeferred the whole album to cassette at some point before going to KL to study. And, in my hunt, I found the cassette moments ago. So I now have Richard Harrus belting his heart out on my computer. The only thing, which I have no control over at this point, is the scratchy sounds of the record itself. But I can ignore the sound. Besides, the sound is rather nostalgic. I rather like it.

The album's older than I am. It's from 1971. Cool, huh?

After years and years of lamenting the fact that I can neither preserve my favourite songs that are on cassette nor play them without the fear of spoiling the tapes, I have finally gotten round to turning them into MP3s.

Thanks to Lifehacker for this page, I am, at this very moment of typing this post out, digitising some songs from a cassette that is, fortunately, still is good condition. Haha! To be honest, for the sake of the first experiment, I grabbed The Best of Village People. So I now have In The Navy, Go West, YMCA and Macho Man on MP3.

The sound quality of course depends on the cassette itself. But it's relatively clean and in stereo. There was a bit of tweaking and downloading of plug-ins.

But it works! I can now work on the one reason I started this. My Friends Forever cassette. It's the only Christian album I have. And it is one of my absolute favourites.

A very good friend of mine in London wrote about what I could only agree to be a pillow fight club. It looks like such great fun! Her boyfriend put up a video here. Apparently, it was organised through mobile clubbing. An interesting concept considering how we can't seem to live without our mobile phones nowadays.

Oh, D'Grill at Sarawak Plaza is renovating their place. The owner told me he was planning on moving the bar to the back and making better use of the front area. He's also going to add more things to the menu and redo the menu so that it looks better than it does now. He also wants to install broadband there so that he could play music from radio stations overseas over the Internet. I wonder if Global 6 would be interested? Ninja Bee, what say you?

Also, does anyone know if the renovations are done?

I bought a USB flash drive today. For no reason other than it's cute and I needed one for my portable applications.

They're not very sensible reasons I know. But it does help me in a lot of ways and besides, you can never have too many flash drives.

The one that I bought, though, is so cute and small. It's about the size of our Malaysian 50 cents coin. And, this is the fun part, it looks like a Lego and attaches like Lego pieces too.

I got the yellow one which is 1GB. There are, apparently, blue ones with a capacity of 512 MB and orange ones with 256 MB. I might buy one of each and attach them together for ease of carrying. I'm not so sure I'll buy enough to make a bracelet, though.

I downloaded this Heroes wallpaper.

I'm not bragging on anything but I just need someone to tell me it's not my imagination. Or if it is.

Take a closer look at the reflection in the water. See the Niki/Jessica reflection? Next to her is the policeman's.

Is it just me or does his reflection look really, really creepy? That, and the fact that they are the only ones with reflections.

While I was growing up, my father used to tell me many stories that were told to him by his mother. Some of her stories were folktales that were told to her. Others were from books that my father's family used to get. Books that were still in their original form and written in Jawi.

The one story that my father always spoke of was the legend of Puteri Santubong. The guy who wrote the song we hear nowadays took a lot of poetic liberties to it and changed the entire legend. The old people here all know the real story.

Besides, if you think about it, Santubong is a mountain. Sejinjang is a hill. As petty as the gods can be, why would a higher god lower themselves to fight with a minor god? But if you think of Santubong fighting Lesung, which is a mountain on its own in the Second Division, wouldn't that make more sense?

Anyway, I started a little of the legend here. That's the way I write. I'm influenced by romance and fantasy writers. So I describe in great detail. This is so that I won't have to bother filling in the details later when the action starts rolling. And also, I want to put a picture in people's head. That way, they can't come to me and say 'Oh, I had an idea what so-and-so looked like. Only later then I got the real picture from your description.'

I don't like that as a reader. So I don't do it when I write either.

I don't write very well. I talk better than I write.

Oh heck! Just read the story.

I went to Book Castle with Gette the other day and decided to pick up The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer. I've always been curious to read it but have never plucked up the courage to do so. Yet, on that day, I made a split second decision and picked it up once and for all.

I managed to read 10 pages within as many minutes and I am hooked. I can't seem to put it down. And I'm tempted to find the movie. It has Julian Sands in it. Granted, he's no hottie. But this is Julian Sands we're talking about. He made vampires romantic and magic tempting when Tom Cruise was still flying high and Irish.

But, the one fascinating thing about the whole thing is the lengths they went to in making it seem real. At first glance, one does wonder how true the story is. Until you get online and they reveal how fictitious it really is. They even created a website by 'Joyce Reardon' to publish the missing excerpts from the diary.

My family is leaving for Europe today so I'll be at home alone. Between this book and my very active imagination, I am so walking around with all the lights switched on!

Ironic, isn't it, the song I'm listening to?

Here she is doing her impression of a rug ;)

This was the one I wanted to use a stalker icon. But Shook keeps saying she wants to interface with the PC


Here she is doing her loyal hound pose

Today, the parental units come home!!! Yay!!!

You know how most of us actually do want our cake and to eat it too? Well, that's me. To be honest, my parents are my foundation. I cannot imagine my life without them. Never once did I wish them away, nor did I ever wish to move away from them. I can survive without them but only for short periods of time. When I went away to study, I love the independence, the 'freedom'. But that freedom is only sweet in the knowledge that I can always, always have somewhere to run to when I am down. And that shelter has always been my parents. I still cannot get over how they arranged for a ticket for me to come home while I was the US within 12 hours. And all because I was so depressed that I was crying like a baby on the phone. And I remember my mom hanging onto the phone because I was crying when I was alone in my room one Raya while I could hear the sounds of family in the background at home.

These are all things we never appreciate until we leave home. Until our parents are not in the next room to come to our aid. That's why I get angry at people when they wish for freedom from their parents. They don't seem to see how their parents suffer for them or bend backwards to help them. I always tell my sisters to appreciate our parents because, one day, they won't be around to shelter us anymore. And, by then, it could be too late to ask for forgiveness. Or to wish.

There was time when I had a back-up plan for a lot of things. There were two back-up plans which I knew I would not change. One was if I never get married, I'd move to the Mediterranean with a friend and enjoy life and the many men/boys in it. The other plan was if I was not married and my parents are no longer around. I long decided that I'd leave Malaysia. I didn't care where I'd go. I'd just go. Yes. That's how much I love my parents.

Thanks to them I've made the right decisions in my life. I listened to them, allthough at times I wanted to rebel. Now, I reflect on what I have and I've decided that all my decisions were the best for me. I'm happy, I'm secure and most of all, my conscience is clear. My parents brought me up well, despite them admitting that they did the best they could at that time. What 'evil' I have in me, I blame entirely on myself and not anyone else.

So...yay!! My parents are coming home today. But next week, they're going off again. They're taking my sisters to Europe for a holiday. I decided to stay back because next year, they're sending me and Shook to Europe for our honeymoon. So, from next week until the end of the year, I'm going to be an orphan. So, if I get depressed or edgy, blame it on the fact that I don't like being without my parents.

But, on the plus side, my big brother is coming home. Another yay!! He asked me what I want for Christmas and I still have no idea. Maybe I should just ask him to surprise me.

I think some people are just better at shoving responsibility onto other people than they are at taking on responsibilities themselves. This is not uncommon, really. But it gets really frustrating when said person acts very holier-than-thou about it and just keeps dishing out ideas and seems to refuse to take on a more active role in implementing the ideas.

Sad, really. You can only pity them for their lack of self-confidence or esteem.

On another note, I have so many photos that I've been meaning to post. I just need to resize some of them and do a few touch-ups. I'll do that later today.

This has got to be my weirdest holiday yet. It is a holiday but I can't seem to stop myself from running around. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that no matter how late I go to bed, I still wake up at 6.30 a.m. The only difference from normal days is that, instead of running around like a mad chicken, I get to lie in bed and read.

But all this will end in 2 weeks time. *sigh* Some holiday...

I found these trailers today:

A series of features for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. These same features can be downloaded individually from HPANA here.

Robotech: Shadow Chronicles

I came across this website today. Apparently, you can give to certain charities just by clicking on the advertisers' links. There's one especially for pets.

I admit I clicked those buttons a few times ;)

I'm not sure if it worked but I clicked.

I don't know about this. It does sort of sound like me yet not really...

I had almost forgotten!

Today is World's AIDS Day!

Here's a ribbon:

I was watching episode 6 of Supernatural Season 2. At the beginning of the episode, Sam, who is played by Jared Padalecki, and Dean, played by Jensen Ackles, had just stored some of their gear in the boot of their car.

Dean: Los Angeles, California.
Sam: What's in LA?
Dean: Young girl's been kidnapped by an evil cult.
Sam: Yeah? Girl got a name?
Dean: Katie Holmes
Sam: (laughs) It's funny. And for you...so bitchy.

And then in episode 7, the brothers are caught by the police and one of the detectives is played by Linda Blair. At the end of the episode, as they are walking away, Sam said "Nice lady" referring to Linda Blair's character Detective Ballard

Dean replies, "Yeah. For a cop."
Then Sam asks, "Does she look familiar to you?"
Dean answers, "No. Why?"
Sam nudges Dean playfully then asks, "Hey, are you hungry?"
Dean replies, "No."
To which Sam says, "For some reason, I could really go for some peasoup."

Which got me all cracked up because in the Exorcist, Linda Blair's 'puke' was made out of...peasoup. Hilarious if you know your horror movie trivia.

I still enjoy watching this show because, unlike a lot of other shows on the supernatural, they don't take themselves too seriously and a lot of the plot is based on either urban legends or real supernatural reportings. And the show has a cool soundtrack - mostly 70s and 80s rock. Even Dean's ringtone is Smoke On The Water by Deep Purple. I'm currently downloading the soundtrack from Season One. I can say this without worry because there is no official soundtrack and this download is from some guy who probably put the list together based on the songs in the show. I wanted to do this too but he beat me to it so I'm just going to grab his list.

Oh, and I discovered that when my mood is just right, I actually can listen to Paris Hilton's Nothing In This World. I know the video is kinda cute and she's really easy to listen to - no angst, no thumping or drumming. Just something light and easy. And the video is of a common plot so it's easy to watch too. But only if I'm in the right mood, like I was today.

Told you today had some funny moments.

Last night, I had another of those dreams that seem to continue from a previous dream. I remember the place where it takes place and even the people involved. But last night, there was an added element.

I was standing in front of what was my new house. I turned to Shook and said I was going to go explore the inside while he stood outside talking to my dad about the front yard. My mom followed me in. We walked around. There was the living room, the dining room and there was the games room which, amazingly, had a bar!

I was looking out the window when I heard the chuckles of a child. I turned to one of the workers who gave me a funny look. It was a mixture of resignation and fear. I asked him if there was a child on site. He replied that there was no child but there was a ghost of one. And my mom seemed to be the only one who could see her.

Well, I went to look for my mom and I found her in a fully furnished room. It was nursery and she was talking to someone. I asked her who she was talking to and she said 'Your sister.'

Incredibly, I wasn't creeped out yet. I know I should really have two extra sisters in addition to the ones I already really have. But I was a bit miffed that it was my house and I can't see her. And just as I said that, a little girl faded into view. She was so sweet and cute and she was in love with her room.

I reached out to hug her but she vanished again because she heard Shook coming.

And I was just thinking of how I was going to break the news to him when I woke up.

It is a rather interesting dream. I might even be able to write it into a short story if I was so inclined to.

In other news, I want to go watch The Red Kebaya but it's only showing at Riverside cineplex. And then there's Cinta coming out on November 30th. I'm also interested in watching Deja Vu, that movie that Denzel Washington is in.

The title is a quote from Rin.

After an interesting evening out last night, I decided to reinstall my Zeus and Pharaoh games.

And it all began when Rin started talking about Sid Meier's Civ 2 and I mentioned a world building game I loved playing where you can click on the people and find out what is wrong with your world.

Then Ian added by saying he played that game and we began talking about how incredible it was.

And although we did talk about Clive Barker's Undying, we still managed to get back to Pharaoh and Zeus and Emperor.

And that, as they always say, was that.

Oh, and Mac, if you're reading this, the Supernatural episode this Sunday on TV3, is the one with Amy Acker in it....I think. Actually, I'm pretty sure it is :)

Over the years, people have used various medium to further their political, social and moral goals. The one most used is, of course, the media. In the 50s and 60s, if you noticed, Hollywood was a key player in their anti-Arab sentiments. Middle Easterns were always evil, barbaric and heartless. When 9/11 happened, I was a little worried that history would repeat itself.

However, Hollywood has surprised me by going along a whole different vein. It's as if they want to prove that they are not as shallow as they are seen to be. Then again, trying too hard to prove this somehow strengthens the image of such shallowness.

This time, Hollywood has turned to nature. The fight to save the whales, save the rainforest and save the penguins are still going very strong.

This afternoon, I went to watch Happy Feet. I was attracted to the music from the first time I saw the trailers. However, I felt that the cuteness was too...cute. In this age of anti-heros and angsty good guys, I didn't think I could take much sweetness.

Happy Feet was a fun, for-the-moment movie. I heartily enjoyed the soundtrack and I aim to go out and get it when it gets here. There was an underlying moralistic theme there but, if you concentrate hard enough, you might be able to miss it. However, if you're going to go looking for it, it will hit you in the face. Unlike Ferngully, Happy Feet masks the issues rather well.

Happy Feet centers around Mumbles, a sweet, optimistic, too-good-to-be-true penguin who enjoys dancing. Since his singing could cause an avalanche, he's safer dancing, trust me. His parents are the penguin versions of Elvis and Marilyn Monroe, as if the names Memphis and Norma Jean didn't give it away.

Of course, art imitates life. When you live in a close community, anything and everything you do needs to conform to the rules of society and you are constantly under the watchful eye of said community. Instead of conforming completely, Mumbles questioned the rules. He is like today's child stuck in yesterday's world.

The movie covers social problems of evangelists and conformity and members of society who seem to think only they are right to environmental problems of humans being Nature's worst enemy and its greatest saviour. All this serious issues are wrapped in a funny, loving and musical package.

I'm not sure if I'd go watch the movie again. But I definitely am going to go look for the soundtrack. It's too great to miss.

I know some people who would not like the story much but they cannot be able to resist the music.

Here is a website that gives advice on how to write great headlines. I figured some people might find it useful.

Also, LucasArt is hiring. I think some of our friends should consider this. Seriously. Why not?

I bought the VCD for Goodbye Boys yesterday. So my sisters and I were watching it last night.

I got interested in the movie after being teased by the Rexona advertisements on TV. I think the TV networks are planning on showing the movie on TV but I got impatient. Besides, there's the pesky ads and I just rather get the VCD.

The movie is pretty good. It's like watching Sepet with less comedy and love. Well, couldn't expect that with 8 boys, can we?

There are some loopholes in the plot and the storyline gets rather confusing at the end. But it is worth the watch.

And besides, it's a Scouts movie. Of course, I have to watch it.

If anyone wants to borrow the movie, let me know. I'll pass you the VCD.

Oh, I also got a super clear version of The Covenant. Hey, cheap thrill and, as Syuk said, the male version of The Craft. It's a different take on the witchcraft genre.

Sometimes, things just manage to frustrate me so much that it's safer for me to stay home than meet up with anyone.

I don't know why I feel that way, thinking about it makes me feel almost suicidal and I just want to destroy things.

I think, a few times it's helped me destroy relationships and friendships.
I really don't know why I feel this way.

And I think the walls are closing in on me again.

I just had dinner at one of the worst eating places I have ever been to in a while. Now, I do go to some pretty dingy places. But, regardless of what their kitchen really looks like, at least they have the sense to keep the customer areas clean.

The place I was at tonight doesn't even bother. There were actually baby cockroaches running around the tables! If the eating area is this unhygienic, I shudder to think of what the kitchen would look like. In fact, I actually stopped eating after three tables complained of sharing their tables with baby cockroaches. *shudder*

In other news, I just found this cool site through Lifehacker. It's so cool! Try it out.

And!! My holiday officially starts tomorrow but I'm still on unofficial duty until Monday. Apparently, I need to set up some holiday work for a particularly slow student who refuses to leave my History classes. I don't claim to be a good History teacher but maybe I'm the only one who treats him well. However, I caught him staring at me the other day and it's starting to creep me out.

In addition, despite the late night out on Tuesday, I'm still not sleepy. I actually have to force myself to sleep tonight. Tomorrow, I'm having lunch with my graduating students and then we're going to watch The Covenant. I promised them that before they leave me for good, I'll go watch at least one movie with them. So tomorrow, they're claiming that movie and I have to sit through it. It's a first for us all - their first movie with a teacher and my first movie with students. Although they're more like my children than my students, really.

I just got back from an impromptu shopping spree with Gette.

It was impromptu for me, at least. I only planned to accompany her to Aussino then have lunch. That's the reason why I didn't have much cash on me.

I've always been attracted to the things in Aussino but I've always resisted going in. I know exactly what would happen when I do step into that place. But today, I walked in because I was curious and Gette wanted to get new sheets.

To cut the long story short, I walked out with what they call the 100% cotton tee-sheets in heather grey. It was so soft that I could not resist it. I also got a clear shower curtain with colourful world maps on it. I'm a sucker for colour really - as long I'm not wearing it I'm fine!

Then we had lunch and wandered around some more. We popped into Popular and, as usual, the place was full of boxes. Sometimes I think that place is an accident waiting to happen. They've got boxes stacked everywhere. I have enough problems inserting myself anywhere, much less when I'm carrying a bag with me. Today, I had two bags. So I'm not surprised that I didn't stay very long.

On the way down we stopped in the game store where I bought Need For Speed: Carbon on PS2 for Shook. Haha! Cheaper than the PC version.

Then, Gette and I made the mistake of walking into Giordano. Let's just say we walked out with another bag. I bought a black jacket and a black blouse.

This was when I became reluctant to walk into anymore stores. If there was anything there worth buying, I didn't want to see it.

However, I found this to be good therapy. I've been so stressed that I can't sleep the past week. And when I do sleep, I crash. So much so that I slept at Shook's place for most of the evening yesterday. I woke up just enough to grab my stuff and get home, where I feel asleep again.

And tonight, I have an official function to attend. After that, I'm going to try Carbon out at Shook's.

Sometimes, when I think about my dreams, I wonder what they're trying to tell me.

Last night, I had two dreams going on simultaneously. I vaguely remember one but I definitely remember the other.

I remember that I had agreed to marry someone. Quite against my better judgement, I might add. It felt like a matchmaking thing where I never get to see the guy until the wedding day. So, because it was forced onto me, I was not enthusiatic at all about it. So I contributed nothing to the whole preparations.

But throughout the preparations, I remember going shopping with Shook's parents. I was even having a rather nice conversation with Shook's father where he was telling me how he and Aunty went shopping and were trying to buy me something. Apparently, it was a funny series of events but before he got to the punchline, my mind shoved me into the other dream.

And in the other dream, I was watching a guy go on a quest of some sort. I know he had a scroll in his hand and he kept referring to it to help him find his way. Then just as he got to his destination, I got sent back to my 'wedding' dream.

At this point, I was in a wedding outfit and heading towards a flat, where there was a function going on. I knew then that it was my wedding. My reluctance was so apparent that my parents kept looking at me. When I finally sat down, my groom appeared. At this point, I was already getting very upset. I kept thinking about Shook and I was about to cry. When I saw my groom, I nearly burst out crying. He was a big guy. He wasn't fat. He was just huge. Samoan huge. And I thought of Shook again and that's when I started crying. My father turned to me and said, very clearly, 'It's not too late to change your mind.'

That was all I needed to urge me to tell him I wanted Shook. 'I'm sure this guy is nice and all that, but I want Shook!' I remember wailing.

Just as he got up to break the news to everyone, the phone in my house rang and I woke up.

So, sometimes, I wonder if my dream are trying to reaffirm something or just trying to play with my mind.

It's Raya morning and I'm actually looking forward to the day.

Then again, I think I'm too drugged up to begin feeling angsty because as per the tradition of my home, our first day of Raya is spent visitng my father's relatives first thing in the morning. And that is rarely something I care to look forward to.

I will be spending most of today at Shook's house. Which means I hope I can catch a few minutes sleep to allow my drugs to kick in and save me from grumpiness.

Oh! I'm on drugs because I felt a little of my tonsillitis problem creeping up on me and went to the doctor yesterday to avoid a full blown down-and-out today. Suffice to say, as soon as he realised my lack of sleep was affecting my blood pressure, he decided to drug me. But at least, I'm not so doped to my ears that I'm groggy and my hands are shaking. Which is fine by me.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya. Have a good Eid Mubarak.

I can hear firecrackers here but it's not as painful as at Shook's house. If those kids go to his place today waiting for Raya money, I'm going to pretend Shook's parents aren't home. And I'll mix all the drinks and serve it to them. See how long they can wait while nursing a major tummyache. Oh, and of course, the toilets will be conveniently "spoilt". All of them! Hah!

I seriously doubt charitable and forgiving extends to leeches

I was reading some points recently. And people who know what I mean...will know what I mean.

As much as we set ourselves some lists to follow, don't you think after a while it gets, not only ridiculous, but it sets you up for a lot of disappointment?

I know we do a lot of things to keep ourselves happy. Sometimes we do it out of vengeance or anger. But when we create requirements, it really becomes an open door to a lot of setbacks. Even the best laid plans can go awry. We are only humans. We get blindsided no matter how well we plan. Trust me, I know. I work in a school!

Sometimes what we want, we don't get.

But when we expect too much, we miss all the good things that do happen to us because we're too busy reaching for the stars. Sometimes, it's better to set our sights at a more reasonable and logical level.

If we require too much, we'll never get anything. And at the end of the day, we're just looking at more despair and angst.

This isn't the movies or a novel. We don't get happy endings. We just try to survive. Expecting too much is a sure ingredient for disheartenment.

The stronger ones among us become jaded. The weak give up. I'm not sure which is worst.

It is official. The old man in the chair has spoken. (Actually he's really the Keeper of the Rulers' Seal, Engku Tan Sri Ibrahim Engku Ngah)

Hari Raya (or Eid Mubarak, as the rest of the world knows it) is on Tuesday, 24th October 2006.

For some reason, I felt that this was the easiest and fastest fasting month ever. I figured I only felt this way because I was too stressed to realise I was not eating or sleeping properly, and because I was so stressed, my body 'malfunctioned' a little and I was able to not miss a single day of fasting. So I just worked through the entire fasting month and, as long as I'm occupied, I rarely notice very much else, really.

I have discovered many things over my years of fasting. When I get a respite from fasting, I find it very difficult to get back into the routine again. This usually leads me to start fibbing left and right and then missing a few extra days that I could have done without. There was the three years I was in the US when I didn't fast at all. Then there was one year when I used an acute case of gastric to miss another whole month. But believe me, for those years that I missed fasting, I felt that Hari Raya was a chore more than a celebration. The feeling was just not there. The excitement was gone and I was angsty more than festive.

But when I did fast and did my best, not so much to be the model child and sibling, but to do my best within the confines of my family, I realised that I was enjoying the festival so much more. I took the good with joy and ignored the bad entirely. I was even able to smile at my father's hypocritical family and almost (almost!) forgive them their transgressions towards him.

(But I'm not that pious. I'm not strong or able enough to forgive those ungrateful, two-faced leeches. There was a time I was willing to give up my immortal soul just to see them perish before my eyes. Now, I find that they're not worth my immortal soul. But I still relish their hardship and despair. My sisters never once went through what I did. So, although I have more reason to hate those people, I show it or say it less than my sisters do. I keep in it and wait for the wheel of fate to take over.)

Anyway, I digressed. As I was saying, or about to say, I once knew someone who hated our religion. He hated it with such passion that he wanted to leave it and join another religion. Then I asked him to think carefully if it is the teachings he hated or the people who interpreted or practised them. When he finally answered me, he said he hated more how people used religion for their own selfish cause. To which I asked then, which is bad then? The religion or the people who mix it up so much with tradition that the original good teachings get all screwed up?

So, my point it, we need to be honest with ourselves about why we hate certain things. Is it because it really is bad or because it shows us for what we really are? There is a fine line between the two. Those of us who can survive this life are those who are prepared to accept we just might be wrong and that we can do something about it. But it really does start with us. Michael Jackson aside, maybe - just maybe - if we are prepared to change ourselves first before we change other people and if we could stop blaming others for our own faults, we could be happier people living lives we've always dreamed of.

Do I sound like I'm preaching? I hope not. I'm the last person who has the right to do so. I'm just sharing what I think based on years of experience with a multitude of people in my life.

Oh, and another thought. People, who never seem to have anything good to say about our goverment administration, should walk out from under their coconut shells and visit other "advanced" countries like Egypt and France. From my experience in Egypt 3 years ago and my parents' experience in Paris, Zurich and Geneva just a few days ago, Malaysia is still much, much better in terms of its society and its administration. Those countries are years ahead of us and they still screw things up.

How are we supposed to be perfect?

As a final note, I would like to wish everyone a happy holiday and, to my Muslim friends everywhere, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri or Happy Eid Mubarak. And if you're here, feel free to come visit me anytime on the second day. On the first day, I'll be at Shook's, as I have been doing for the past 5 years.

My Dell monitor arrived this morning!

I finally got my flat screen LCD monitor at a price I can accept. The current price is more than what I paid for it. This is waht I love about Dell - their online promotions.

Here's how it looks like on my desk.



The cat was totally unplanned but the grin fit the sentiment at that time ;)

I am starting to see a pattern to my dreaming habits.

Over the past few weeks, I thought my lack of dreams remembered is connected to my state of mental and physical exhaustion. But the past few days have proven me wrong.

My air-conditioner has just been serviced and it is very cold. Another factor for the coldness is the fact that the temperature setting is busted so it's at a constant temperature of 18 degrees Celsius.

But for the past couple of days, I have been having the weirdest dreams. On the first day after the air-con was serviced, I dreamt I was being helped by this gorgeous Marine. He showed up while I was being stalked by some killers and he helped me escape through what looked like downtown Saigon. Noticed that I used 'Saigon' which explains a whole lot about when this happened. But damn! He was gorgeous!

The second night, I dreamt I was battling some creatures from the dark. Monsters if I'm not mistaken. They can melt in and out of the shadows and are most powerful at night. In fact, light only cripples them. I was about to be told by a girl how to destroy them when my alarm woke me up.

And last night, I had a dream that has a recurring theme. I always seem to be dreaming about going back to university to study. Last night, I dreamt that I was back in university and it was my first day. (It's always my first day in my university dreams). A group of friends made up of various people from various aspects of my life took me to watch a parody of 'Lord of the Rings. I think it was called Lord of the Ring Boom or something equally dumb. People there were a lady from my Toastmasters, 2 of my students, Shook, Jerome and Nick. I know Art and Mac were going to join us later along with 2 more of my students. Thank god there was no Henrick!

Before we had to go to the movie, the Toastmaster lady was trying to talk me into driving her car. She said something about not being too confident. So I told her that I'll drive my own car, not hers. So her plan was to drive me to my dorm to get my car so that we could go to the mall later.

To my surprise, everyone piled into her 500 series BMW. I was about to get in when my alarm woke me up.

I remember, as we were walking out of the dorms to head to the parking lot, I was complaining to Nick about the weird subjects the university was forcing us to take. Even a grad student needed to take one particular undergraduate class. I think it was Life Skills. Which just boggles the mind. I remember looking at the paper and every subject had a 400 - 600 number attached but this one was 101. Really wacky!

The haze is starting to get to some people.

There is the usual illnesses and lethargy and tiredness and heaviness.

There are also some people who seem to think it is so easy to get cloud seeding going and that as soon as the deed is done, rain will fall! Sometimes I wonder about some people. On second thought, if the government works fast enough, I suppose it could work that way.

Then there are some people who seem to think that "While the haze is here, we might as well do some burning. Who's going to think we did it. Everyone will blame the dang Indonesians!"



I wonder if they realise they're contributing to the very thing that's making everyone sick?



But think about it. The Indonesians who are burning rely on that area they're burning to plant more crops which in turn will get them more money. They're in a poor country and any other means of clearing the land is too expensive. We pride ourselves in being better off yet we burn too.

They have no choice. We have a choice. And what do we do? We take the easy and dirt cheap way out because we're too lazy and stingy to do a bit more work!

Rant over on that matter.

Here's a photo I took while at the fun fair with Gette the other night. The ferris wheel doesn't actually go that fast but somehow my camera recorded it this way. It was so cool I decided to keep it.



It was my first ferris wheel ride and I loved it! I was rather scared at first but I got used to it. A couple more times and I would have stood up and leaned out the way Gette did. Haha!

I had the sudden urge to write something creative.

I know I've been 'creative' enough with my students' reports (all 35 of them) and I've been reading their exam papers (24 for History and 35 for Business Studies) and I've been staring at my Adobe Photoshop making the yearbook. And still teaching in addition to all that. (Just realised I teach 6 hours straight in a bad day and 5 hours straight on a good day). With all that, I thought I won't be able to wring anything out of my brain anymore.

Then I came across a story I have not thought about in close to 8 years. And when I read it, I realised that I wanted to read the rest of it. Problem is, I'm the author. And unless I write it, I don't get to read it.

So it looks like I've added another morsel to my plate.

I'm going to write that story to the end. I've discussed the basic plot with Gette and I told her the points at which I'm a bit stuck.

So maybe, once all the Raya chaos and school excitement is over, I can get round to working on my story.

And in the name of research I need to ask - what do guys not might wearing on them at all times? Girls have their necklaces and pendants. What's the guys' equivalent to it? Gette suggested a ring. I'd like to see if there are any conflicting ideas to it. If not, I'll use the ring.

I didn't get any bonus or anything yet but I figured it was time to pamper my car. Especially after all the hardship and grief she has gone through.

So this morning, I went out and got a new car audio player installed and a new car alarm system. What's the point in having a very nice audio player but the security system is crappy?

The player I bought plays DVD, CD, MP3 and MP4. It plays VCDs too but I don't have a screen for it yet so I don't see the point in that function. It also comes with a remote control and a nice, blinky (but not too ah bengish) LCD display. It hasn't got one of those well-known, overrated, expensive brands but it comes with a one-year warranty. I like it so far.

Since the player was so pretty and neat, I figured I better work on the car's security system as well. So I bought a new alarm system that comes with a shock and motion sensor. It also reminds me when I have not locked my car, locks the door when I press the brakes and locks down the car when I forget to lock it. I think it also kills the engine when the remote is not used to unlock the car. What I do know is that when the alarm goes berserk and the remote is not used to switch it off, it locks the doors and the engine will refuse to start. It's cool so far but I'm going back next month to get what the shop owner calls an immobiliser. So that's my Raya gift to myself. Haha!

Overall, I'm happy with what I got done today. At least I can go out tonight without overly worrying about my car. Yay! I can't imagine how people can go out and not care what happens to their vehicles.

I detest hypocrisy.

I detest it no end because I have been on the receiving end of it before.

But I detest it now not because it is being done to me but because it is there in my face.

While we are promoting unity and Malaysianess and all that, the stupid television networks dish out 'malaynised' english words because they're too bloody lazy to think beyond their next paycheck.

Tonight I heard the words 'Dengan kejadian itu, Abrahah telah mendapat mesejnya.' on TV3!

Mesej?! Where the hell did that come from?! What the fuck happened to 'pesanan' or 'pengajaran' or whatever word it is that could be used in this context?

Where the hell then is our "Melayu"ness if we keep taking english words for our own?

Stupid idiots who talk through their bloody corrupted noses!

Someone who considers herself my closest friend showed only too well how little she knows me by asking me something someone who knows me really well would know better than to ask.

She saw my Friendster picture and asked, 'Since when did you become a vampire?'

And I know her well enough to know that she was asking this in a sarcastic, thoughtless way.

So my reply was "I don't like putting photos of myself online because I may never know who might use it to come after me."

She said nothing else in rpely to that but the next time I logged into Friendster, I noticed she had changed her picture too.

Didn't it even occur to her before I said it?!

I was catching up on a few movies that I've been curious about.

One was Aquamarine. It's a nice summer flick about teenage best friends and a mermaid. I found it to be a very relaxing film. I didn't have to think about the plot and try to figure out the ending. I know how it would end. I just had to sit and enjoy the no-brainer show. But the mermaid bit was very enjoyable. And the popular guy that every girl in the show is after reminded me a lot of Zack throughout the whole movie. It's probably the way he talked.

I also watched An American Haunting. It's based on a true story. I've read the story before and it never ceases to scare me. The movie, though, doesn't quite catch the horror of the real thing, but it comes pretty close. One thing about western movie makers is that they try too hard to make the special effects special that it takes away the scare factor.

I finally managed to watch High School Musical. After constantly missing it on Astro, I decided to get the DVD just to see what all the noise was about. I can see now why the students at school are nuts about it. It's the modern, Disney version of Grease. And we all know what a sensation Grease is.

I also finally got round to watching Stormbreaker. It's a movie based on the book by Anthony Horowitz. This story is just one written around the time when it was cool to be a spy and even cooler to be a teenage spy. My students like the guy who plays Alex.

And how did I find so much time to watch movies? It's only possible because I ignored all my work that is piling up on my floor and decided only to answer certain phone calls. I was also home most of the time and, since it's fasting month, I don't have to go through the tedious regime of eating at certain hours. This exercise actually gives me more time to do what I want to do.

But my procrastination is over. I now have to get back to my work. Today may be my day off but I still have to work at home - yearbook and reports and grading, ahoy!!

Have you ever listened to a particularly 'emo' song and allowed it to affect your emotional state of mind?

I'll be first to admit that this happens to me on a fairly usual basis. I let myself be affected by the songs I listen to when I'm particularly stressed out by my work. Like now. It has become so bad that I feel like I'm on a really severe mood swing. My iPod is programmed to shuffle the music. So when I go from Jewel to the Top Gun soundtrack to Jem and the Holograms to Bon Jovi to Melly Goeslaw to Jason Lo and then to Marc Anthony, believe me, it's a roller coaster ride. I literally go from wanting to declare undying, eternal love and devotion to Shook to wanting to jump around and up and down to recanting my undying love and then cuddling up to Shook.

If it so happens that I'm at school and plugged into my iPod while doing some work and having breakfast at the same time, let's just say any of my students who happen to walk into the classroom usually sees a variety of facial expressions on my face. But lovely as my students are, they put it down to my being stressed and just leave me be.

My students are a beautiful group of people. They've seen me go from stressed out irritability to laughing high back down to moody. And they know when to stay away. If only some adults would show the same intelligence.

About 6 more weeks to the end of term and I have papers to grade, a yearbook to complete and reports to finalise. Above that, my Toastmasters Club (in which some key members can't seem to grasp the fact that I'm about to shoot myself from stress!!) keep trying to heap more work on me. While they do what?! Putz around town doing nothing! Good thing is, I actually said 'NO!' the other night and derailed one particular key member. Hey! I've been doing a better job at promoting the club than he has! Putz!

Anyway, in about 4 weeks, it'll be Raya and about 2 weeks after that, my school is moving venue, in which we all have to up and move stuff over to the new building. Then, a week after that, I will be free! Free to pursue my own activities. Like play some PS2 games, learn how to work some new software (maybe some desktop publishing or web designing), bake some cakes I've been dying to try out or maybe cook something and maybe I'll allow Shook to get me started on some exercises. Or maybe I'll just let Yodie loose and chase her around the yard. We'll see.

Right now, all I'll be doing is work through my work hours, wait for the bell to go at 4.00 p.m., get home, freshen up, sit and watch some TV for awhile, then it's back to work again. If I'm not at Shook's, I'll be at my computer or my laptop trying to finish more work. If I am at Shook's, sometimes I bring my laptop with me and work anyway. So the next time I hear anyone complaining how tired they are from work that actually HAS a clock-out time, I'm going to not talk to them at all for the rest of the year! Putz!

Some time ago, I was intrigued by a new shampoo from Rejoice. It's called Fruity with the tagline of Smooth. If you watch the advertisement on TV, you're never quite sure what the shampoo is all about. At least for me. For all I know, it could be just some shampoo with a fruity scent.

The ad was also quite generic. It starts out with this girl whose mother is helping her with her silky smooth hair. Then the girl goes out and the parents look disappointed because she's forgotten their anniversary. When she gets them to the restaurant, she reveals to them that her surprise is for them on their anniversary. All the while, the focus is on her silky straight smooth hair.

This commercial is generic because every shampoo seems to be advertising silky, smooth, straight hair.

It was only after I bought the shampoo that I found out that it's for unruly/ flyaway hair. When I tried looking for it online, I found out that in China, the shampoo is called Rejoice Fruity Anti-Frizz Shampoo. Now why couldn't we have just used that name and not tried to be too creative about it? At the end of the day, we've achieved nothing more than a passing glance from consumers. What's wrong with advertising anti-frizz shampoo when everyone is advertising straightening shampoo? It makes it different so therefore worthy of attention.

I don't get it!

And, by the way, with my wavy, unruly hair that makes me look like everyday is a bad hair day, this Rejoice shampoo works quite well. My hair is actually manageable. It actually works better than Sunsilk, which I do admit is good but I get weirded out by the girls smiling at me in the bathroom. I actually turn the bottles around. Can a shampoo be any more feminist? And I don't use Dove because it makes my hair too oily which makes it heavy and flat.

So, I alternate now between the girly shampoo and the fruity one - one for its mildness and the other for the anti-frizz

Other than the fact that I've signed up with Vox (thanks to Gette!), I was randomly searching YouTube and found these two videos.

Actually, I knew of Torn from my students and I found out about the New Numa video while searching for Torn. But Torn is hilarious and it's awesome. The New Numa song is still catchy but more than just a videocam clip.

And while I'm at it, does anyone have a copy of Torn on mp3?

Sometimes, it's good to sleep with the devil. And if you can't do that, at least you should get engaged to the devil's advocate.

Shook has always been able to voice out what I am usually reluctant to say. This happens most of all when I'm frustrated with something but don't want to say it out because saying it would be admitting that it frustrates me. Considering that I find inconsiderate people especially frustrating, I usually find him saying a lot for me.

One of the things I have to admit though is that my need (yes, it's a need! I take part in activities like Toastmasters and in my alumni association to stop me from feeling depressed. It also puts me in touch with other human beings which I love doing)...my needs are starting to overwhelm me. Between my work (which has no clock-out hours), Shook, my own family and the people I have in my other activities, I'm starting to feel as if I'm doing everything on my own. Even when I am crying out for help, it's either everyone is deaf or they're pretending they don't care. Or maybe they're not pretending. Maybe they just don't care.

So I joined these associations to keep myself sane since I 'feed' off helping other people. But when I am being consumed by it all, I believe it's time to bail out.

At this moment, I've decided to leave these associations. I'm going to sit on my resignation letters until the school holidays. If I still feel frustrated by the lack of support from my committee members, I will send in the letters to both associations.

My priorities have changed. Other than my family, I now have to put Shook first. Guys like that. I don't blame them. I'd like it if someone put me first too.

To be put first above all, I have to put him first above all first. Maybe then he'll do the same for me.

So if you can't sleep with the devil, go find the devil's advocate. I'm going to marry one of them.

I don't normally use words like 'bastard' or 'son of a bitch' because it's hardly ever really the parents' fault if their offspring turns out to be a jackass or a slut. Besides, most people I hate have really nice, misunderstood (by them!) parents. There is one person (only one!) I know though who is a bigger fucker than his father but that's another story.

Anyway, one indication that I am in bitch mode is that I don't hold my punches and I just let whatever I feel and think slide off my tongue and hit the open air.

On Sunday, I walked into Shook's room and said one long, frustrated sentence. "I just got pointed at and scolded by a girl whose brother I hooted at to avoid splashing his brains on my windshield because he was playing in the middle of the road and she'll probably grow up to be the slut she came from anyway!"

And I think Shook's mom might have heard me. I didn't realise she was in the wet kitchen.

But, overall, that was one excellent rant! The sentence was a piece of work, if I may say so myself!

Ever since buying Azreen's birthday presents, I've been on this reckless spending spree. I know it's supposed to be therapeutic yet I don't feel any more rejuvenated than when I first started out.

My reasoning for this would be 1) I'm suffering from PMS, 2) it's that time of the year for work, 3) I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for a month now and 4) I'm feeling a major case of cabin fever and I need to leave the state.

The irony of one of those reasonings is that I hardly get to see anyone to feel the need to get away from them. I guess it's partly a depression from being cut off. The only friend I see on a regular basis now is Gette. Yet there is this fear that, as soon as I admit that, other people will suddenly want to see her as well.

Whacked reasoning, I know. But who ever said a down-in-the-dumps person is logical anyway?

The other thing I'll be now is bitchy. I'll be less tolerant, and more critical. I'll be like House, who is only fun to watch when you're not on the receiving end of a similar treatment.

On that note, have you ever noticed how so many people know so well how to dish it out but get all self-righteous when they are at the receiving end? Almost fascinating. Definitely laughable.

Anyway, I bought the original Serenity DVD as well as Night Watch. And I finished my entire Season 2 of House. Maybe I'll go get Numb3rs next.

I was about to sit down and watch TV this morning when a truly loud, pulled-out noise shattered the quiet of my neighbourhood. Immediately recognising the sound, I shouted - just for the sake of it! - and ran out to my balcony.

The sight that greeted me was one that I have always, always loved.



Fighter planes! Jets! Whatever you call them.

Four of them flying in formation. So close to the ground I felt that I could have reached out and touched them.

And they were awesome. I think they flew over the house at least 6 times.

By the time they did the third pass, I was outside armed with my camera. After I caught photos twice and a very, very short video once, I was already doing the insane dance. My sisters were laughing despite long knowing my love for these planes. Even my father came out to ask if I took a photo. Still doing the hoppity-hop, I grinned and told him yes. My sisters declared that the pilots could be reporting back to the tower that there is a crazy girl doing the raindance in her front yard while waving her hands in the air as they went pass. I didn't bother disputing that because 1) they're probably too busy getting their routine correct to notice and 2) they were near enough to see me.



Which is when my sisters asked if I want to join them to attend the Merdeka parade. My parents are invited so we get to go. After seeing those jets, heck yeah, I'm there!

So I had a wonderful morning except that out of everyone I messaged to tell this, nobody replied! So much for sharing the joy! Next time, I won't be bothered. Apparently I'm not cool enough to reply to.

Oh well, I had a great morning. I'm actually looking forward to Merdeka parade now.

You'd really think I'd know better by now!

I should have known!!

I made the mistake before and I went and did it again! Voluntarily!

When I was younger, there were 2 shows I never missed. I was willing to defy my parents - a great feat then! - just so that I could watch these 2 shows. So the memories of those shows stayed with me until today. They were the best, the greatest and nothing else could replace them in my mind.

So when I was told I could watch them again, I jumped at the chance. So a few months ago, Jerome passed me a few episodes of Saber Rider. Oh, the horror! The disappointment! I was horrified at how cheesey the whole show is! The music still rocks but the show, the voices, the characters! I should have stuck to my chidhood memories!

Then, 2 days ago, I bought Remington Steele on DVD. All I know is, the next time I want to recapture my chidhood, I'll think twice. Remington Steele is still enjoyable, luckily, but he seems a heck of a lot more stiff now. And Laura Holt....seems more frustrated by her lack of a sociel life than flirtatious. And the lack of emotions!!

Never mind....

Oh, and do watch The Triangle on Hallmark. It's actually rather good. Lou Diamiond Phillips is good...as usual. I loved ths scene when Flight 19 reappered over the horizon right in front of a commercial flight.

I never quite understood the Gundam craze although I do admit they have a certain appeal to them. However, I've never even been tempted to get them or to start on them because I've never been interested.

However, while shopping for Azreen's birthday gift last week, i came across one which really caught my eye. It had bits of yellow, blue and red and a white body. And it had the loveliest wings I had ever seen on a mecha/robot/ whatever the technical term for them is.

So, I was tempted. I held off on it only because I've never put one together before and I was not about to start on a hobby that I might lack the patience or attention span to complete.

Until last night. When I walked into the toy store and saw this:


and it was sitting on the shelf right below this:


So, I figured I'd buy the mini/micro gundam and it would be enough. As Shook and I were walking out of the toy store, he suddenly commented about me being too lazy to put together a Gundam which is why I bought the assembled micro version. Now, there's lazy and there's not wanting to be accused of being a bandwagon rider.

But when Shook challenges me, I know it's something worth looking into. So, me being me, I went back and bought the Wing Zero as well. I just don't know when I'm going to start working on it because, looming over my horizon, is my yearbook and reports and exams. So, the nearest possible time I could start on it, is in the middle of November.

In the meantime, I have the micro version to place next to my Raptor. Haha!

This looks like something that might interest photographers out there.

I just found it today as I'm not one to spend endless hours on the Net. Not that I have the time anyway. So if you've known this for ages and ages and ages and I'm only talking about it now, why didn't you share? Haha! :D

But the site looks really cool. And if I have time to make better sense of it, I really don't mind giving it a try.

For now, I'm just working on changing or adjusting my template.

Once, there was a man. He came to this country for reasons nobody but he would know. He wished to share his ideas and his knowledge so he joined at institution of education.

He met many people from all walks of life. Whether he realised that he had stepped into the melting pot of the east, nobody knows. Sometimes, others have wondered if even he knows.

He stayed and felt he was liked. Yet, there were some that detested him. Some were even afraid of him. And some were nice to him because he was exotic and they shared his ideas.

Like many before him, he brought his attitude, his ideals, his principles and his prejudice. He was convinced he was always right. He was sure others were wrong. He, and only he, saw the truth that others had long abandoned.

His principles clouded his mind. His prejudice clouded his logic. His attitude made others feel threatened. They thought him insane.

Then one day, an opinion was spoken of an event that was happening in a country near his homeland. He reacted without thought, without logic. He lashed out as only he has been able to. He felt he was defending the weak and the meek. He felt he was righteous. In doing so, he made a comment incredibly offensive and ridiculous that it only made others question not only his rationale but also his state of mind.

He said the land he lived in now was full of ignorance and full of people blind in their hatred for others.

For one who does not leave his residence except to share his knowledge, he seems so convinced that the little he sees is all there is to see. For one who has only been in the land he lives in now for less than a year, he seems so sure that he knows all there is to know about it.

We have met others who assumes like he does, who believes like he does and who passes judgement like he does.

Ad we wonder why our world is slowly destroying itself?

Shook calls this Yodie's Firefox pose. I just thought it was cute. Besides, I needed to photo to start off my account with Zoomr. And, they're giving away free pro accounts to bloggers. So...why not?

Thanks, Gette for the heads-up on this :)

I've had a certain bone to pick with a certain group of people. Unfortunately, I don't know them personally and neither have I had the time to blog about it.

So I will do what all bloggers do - rant online and vent to any unfortunate soul who happens to pass my way.

I shall begin by saying that I drive up to Shook's house everyday nowadays. To get there, I drive over the Satok bridge, along the stretch of road to the first roundabout, into the new Matang road and then into the small road to his area. And it is along this route that I always run into the most frustrating drivers ever in the history of the whole history!!

To cut all my stories short, let me tell of one particular incident.

Last week, I was driving home around midnight. Now, I'm a girl, driving alone at night, on a road which is usually full of insane drivers and motorcyclists. Not to mention, anyone could try and stop me along the way for many dubious, omnimous reasons. So my average driving speed at this hour? About 100 to 120 km. per hour.

Now, on that particular night, this one car decides to swerve from his lane into my lane. And he decides to tailgate me. I hate people tailgating me. I have this vision of me hitting my emergency brakes and the car behind ramming into my car. So, to get this guy off my behind, I began playing with my brakes. I didn't hit my brakes but I just tapped on them. He gets the message and slows down but shows his annoyance at me by abruptly swerving into the middle lane to overtake me. I was in a bit of a bitchy mood so I accelerated. I think I left him trailing behind me throughout the way because I could see him trying to catch up but he remained mostly in my rearview mirror. I wasn't even going very fast but I could hear his car vroom-vrooming to catch up. And he only caught up when I braked to turn into Green Road.

A few days after that, I met him and his car again. This time I was driving towards the stadium at 7 a.m. I recognise the car, the exaggerated noise and the attitude. He must have recognised me too because as soon as he came up behind me, he swerved to overtake me again. Now, it's 7 in the morning and I was timing my journey from my house to the stadium at that hour. And unlike some people, I have no self-esteem problem or penis envy. So I did what I always do. I braked! In the middle of the road. To a full stop.

And let him zoom by. Once he was at least two car lengths ahead, I began moving again. At my own pace. I had no problems with him. I don't have a penis, I don't want to have a penis, I don't suffer from penis envy and I don't have such a self-esteem problem that I need to compensate for it in any way!

I'll drive my car my way at my pace according to my mood. If that makes me a bitch or proud or snobbish, well, hell!

Anyway, I told Shook about all this at one point. And my rant to him was that a lot of people seem to think that a good engine is needed to drive a fast car. Or should I say it as a powerful engine is needed to get a car to go fast. I suppose this idea was propogated by movies like the Fast and Furious trilogies. So I can't blame impressionable kids who think that a fast car is all it takes to make you cool. Regardless of the fact that if you can't stay in control of your fast car or you don't even know your car well, you could end up in a very serious accident. Nothing matters as long as your car is fast and you can drive it fast.

Well, if you think about it properly, and we're not going too far here, just look at the trend for racing movies. From those ten-second races, movies have moved to drifting. A drag race requires a car with a powerful engine and a straight road. All the car needs is to be able to got from a stand still to 150 km per hour in maybe 8 or 10 seconds. The current trend is drifting which does not need a very powerful engine. Instead, a powerful engine would make it difficult to handle the car. Drifting has been around for years. Any and every known race track in the world has curves and loops, therefore requiring a good knowledge of drifting. Where is there a race track which is just a straight road? Unless it's a drag race course, of course.

Now, how many of us own very powerful cars anyway? So which driving fantasy is most likely to be useful - drag or drifting? Besides, anyone with a powerful car can drag. It takes a skilled driver to drift. Have we not learnt anything from the movies? Anyone can go fast but how many of us can drift?

And to add to it all, there are those people who own cars that can go fast but choose to drive it like an old grandmother. What is wrong with this world we live in?

I had a rant all started already when Siti:Tiada Rahsia (Live) came on the television. I have no links for it because in typical Malaysian style, there is no official weblink for the show!

Anyway, despite my own personal feelings for her, I'm actually watching the show.

And this is only because I just realised that Ally Iskandar is the host. And I only found out his name tonight. And I think he is so cute! Especially when he's wearing glasses.

For those of you who have no idea who he is, this is the only good link I found to a good site with him in it.

It's good to know that I do like Malaysian guys and I'm not so determined to not like them. I do know how to appreciate our own guys. And like everyone else in the world, we too have our share of good guys and assholes!

From what I heard, at 4 a.m. today, Sarawak Club caught fire. Apparently, between a gas leak and the fact that most of the Club is made of wood, the fire spread almost instantaneously and razed the building to the ground.

As of now, there is nothing left of this 130 year-old establishment except for the basketball court and the new parking structure. Oh, and the front porch. Looks almost funny if it wasn't so sad.

Another funny thing is, the first thing everyone said after they find out that the Club is gone is "Oh no! No more buttered prawns!"

My first thought was "Shoot! I should have borrowed those World War books!"

What everyone is wondering now, I'm sure, is 'What happens next?'

I was just told tonight that more cars got broken into along Jalan Song. This time, it was at the Friendship Park. Some ladies went to the area for line dancing classes and when they came out, some cars had the windows smashed. I don't know if anything was stolen.

So...yeah...no Jalan Song until the police decide to do something about this.

Let's get back to my original rant before I got sidetracked and decided to wish death and mayhem upon certain retarded individuals.

Shook and I bought Metal Gear Solid the other day. It was number 3, I think. Not too sure since I was never that impressed by Metal Gear Solid to begin with.

So yesterday, when I went to Shook's house, the first thing he asked was if I want to watch the longest cutscenes ever. Being of a curious nature, I naturally said yes. So he played the game for me.

Now, at the same time, I brought KFC for him and Yodie. So he lets the cutscenes play while I sat down, arranged myself, arranged the chicken for Yodie, organised her and the chicken so that the right stuff goes into the right end of her, feeds her a whole breast of chicken, watch her walk away then tried to get her back again to continue eating. Through all this...throughout the entire Yodie drama, the cutscene is playing. One cutscene.

The furthest Snake went was to hunt a snake in the bush. This means he is already in the midst of his mission. His top secret, stealth, we-shall-deny-all-knowledge-of-your-existence-should-you-get-caught mission. And what happens in the middle of his mission? His current boss decieds to brief him. About his equipment, his defenses, his mission. And then who else gets on the link but this female called Para Medic! And they go through what I can only call a long-distance sexual tension (not!) with lots of hints and double entendre. And to add to it all, his previous boss (a female) comes on the comlink and they go through this entire drama of why she left him, why he did what what he did, his idea of a soldier's duty, her idea of a soldier's duty. And they finish it off by saying it was good to hear each other's voices!

I was "What the...?!"

One thing I do know is that no matter what mission you get, the briefing is BEFORE you go out into the field. Any briefing done in the field is if the incident happens then and you need an update. Next, who has ever heard of having a heart-to-heart moment while in a mission?! Shouldn't that be for the debriefing? Or even the psychiatric counselling after a particularly hazardous mission? Or even later at the bar? Definitely not while you're in enemy territory!

Now, for as long as I can remember, everyone has always likened Splinter Cell to Metal Gear Solid. I am a fan of Splinter Cell. I like slow, stealthy games where I can take time to look around and hide in the shadows. Sam Fisher is my idol. So, naturally, I compared Sam Fisher to Snake. Now who did I find wanting? Well, duh! Sam leaves Snake so far in the dirt that Snake won't know what hit him!

If you play Splinter Cell, you get the training courses at the very beginning under the tutorial! The moves are precise, the briefing is straight to the point and business is business. Communication is short and no touchy-feely. In Metal Gear Solid, the mission is the tutorial and, in all honesty, it's like watching Desperate Housewives in camouflage.

Someone once said Metal Gear Solid should be made into a movie. I think they made it already and far better. I call it Commando. I know there are talks of making Splinter Cell into a movie. I say 'Go for it!'. They just need to make sure the guy they pick to play Sam Fisher is as impressive as Micheal Ironside.

However, to be fair, I have the feeling that people who like Metal Gear Solid probably don't like Splinter Cell and vise versa. It's sort of like how people who like playing Counterstrike will not enjoy Medal of Honour and how people who love Medal of Honour would find Counterstrike a little dumb in comparison. I think that sums up what I feel about Metal Gear Solid.

But hey! If you're Counterstrike kind of guy and think Metal Gear Solid is the greatest game ever made, go knock yourself out on it. I just think Sam Fisher makes sense and he knows what he's doing.

I wanted to rant about something but when I got home and checked my email, I read from a fellow Toastmaster that a few more cars got smashed into and had their stereos stolen.

This happened last night at the S.I.B. church near Iris Garden. When the people it happened to was reporting it to the police, they met another man who had his Pajero broken into the same way. He was at the Pizza Hut at Jalan Song. Do you think the police would do anything about it? Not if they have nothing to work on. My father and my fiancee always promote awareness. If there are suspicious characters around, make a point of looking at them. Let them know you see them. Take a photo of their car. So if anything happens, they can be the first suspect. Don't just park somewhere else and keep quiet!

Maybe we should just regard that as a high crime area and avoid it and just keep wishing these thieves would get themselves killed one day? Or just paralysed from the neck down? Or limbless? Or just plain suffering from an endless agony that would last them the rest of their 30 years of life. And killing them would be considered a crime so euthanasia is out of the question.

Do you think I thought about this? Oh yeah! I did. I detest feeling insecure about where I am or where I park or where I want to hang out. I hate having to worry about my own property wherever I am at.

In my current state of mind, I want these people to suffer. I want them alive. Not in jail, not in custody or anything. I want them alive, free but not mobile. I want them to watch while they are destroyed. Slowly. Due to their own work. And if their children hate them and their wives leave them and nobody would ever look at them with kindness ever again for the rest of their lives, I would sleep happy knowing that justice is served.

Forget Superman and all his crap! I'm a city dwelling human. I'm jaded, just like Batman. Which is why I'm not self-righteous. Which is why I Iove Superman, because I wish I could be like him. Unlike all those heroes, I want the criminals to suffer. I would watch them get caned 50 times for petty theft. I heard that 5 times is heart-wrenching enough. Well, 50 might make me smile. I could begin cheering by the time they get to 100. So what?! My car, my emotions, my security. The criminals better bloody pay me back in blood. I ask for no less.

And maybe their first born child to sell off to the slave market somewhere in Asia. Where they cut their limbs and make them beg for money which will not be used to feed them. Where they'll curse their fathers with their dying breath as they lay on some cold,wet floor, gangraped by 20 men.

Have I thought about this? Oh yeah! Will I do anything about it myself? Nope. I believe good things come to those who wait. Hell waits for those who steal and lie. Hell is more painful than I can ever imagine.